Friday, June 28, 2013

"Sleep as much as possible"

 I stay in bed and sleep as much as possible because it is the only break from this excruciating body wide pain and crushing weakness.

I still have not received my medical marijuana card, but it's coming soon.

"Welcome to last weeks blog audience in:"

Just wanted to give a shout out to last weeks readers of my blog:


and Americans from all over the country!

Thursday, June 27, 2013

"fun anecdote from the senior center"

The pool room is always full at the senior center with groups of 8 men playing at a time.  I have never seen a woman play which I think is real weird and feels like i'm going back in time.

So, I said to one guy who was watching: "Where are the women?  I love to play pool!"

him-"a woman played pool here ONCE last year!"  "If you want to play just push ur way in!" he went on.

me-"Well, I wouldn't want to start a revolution!"

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

"Criminal Case"

For a variety of reasons, I cannot go into the details of the long list of violent crimes I was a victim of.  All I can really do out here is tell you which memoirs are so similar to my life, and I have done that in prior posts.

What I can also tell you is that the types of crimes I am a victim of, make my case fbi eligible.

The Candy Man - Sammy Davis, Jr.

"I'm eligible"

So, I've been in mountain town for 26 months and I got a lot of mixed messages.  Mostly that I do not qualify to participate in the "adult center" activities because I am too young.

But I just got the official scoop recently.  And that is: "It does not matter your age if you collect social security disability you can attend any event at all at the "adult center"

So, today I went over there and played scrabble with 2 ladies.  The one lady (and I am still giggling to myself over this) rolled her eyes when I told her I didn't need the scrabble dictionary!

She thought I was being a snob!  In reality I did not no such a book existed so I had never used one.

So I learned that if we used 1/2 the words in a scrabble dictionary no one would have a clue what we are saying!

As it stands, I have to frequently "dumb down" so people can understand me anyhow.

Scrabble was fun and one of the ladies called me "honey" and was very sweet.


I doubt I'll go for another lunch there I do not like the food.  I gotta laugh because Susan my blind friend asked me a lot of questions that I was un willing to answer at the public lunch  table.

There were all sorts of "political and religious" things happening yet one guy was afraid I MIGHT TALK politics or religion! (perhaps something different then Christianity?!)

So, despite the fact that you have to sing God bless America (political and religious), you have to "pledge allegiance to the flag"(very political)  before your meal,  THEY  are afraid that I will speak the unspeakable!  (A tad bit hypocritical)

I had no intention of speaking politics or religion anyhow so I said to Ralph* who was afraid I would:

"Don't you worry Ralph, I have all of the social graces!"

Monday, June 24, 2013

Happy Birthday (Funny Dancing)

perfect!  I LOVE THIS!

Best Birthday Song Ever (Must Watch)

Birthday - Twista

Luke - Its Your Birthday

now i'm ready 2 party!

50 Cent In Da Club Official Music Video With Lyrics

"Birthday's and new years day"

Nothing changes on birthdays or new years day.  So, the best bet is for me to keep expectations very low.  Lots went wrong this birthday weekend.  If I told u the details you'd think I was asking 4 pity.

So, all I will share for now is about today.  Despite the fact that I left at 11 a.m.  the bus did not get me to the adult center in time.  I missed lunch and I missed having everyone sing happy birthday 2 me. I had not eaten in 24 hours because the twelve dollars I put aside for the rest of the month, got gobbled up by some weird fees at my bank.  I have to go in person to resolve that tomorrow.

So, I wasted 2 hours on buses and never got to eat; however, a stranger on the bus gave me five dollars for my birthday so I got a good slice of pizza and a coke.

Beginning of July I will have one official b-day celebration my friend and I will go to a dinner theatre!  I have never been to one before.

Today I am wearing the prettiest shirt I own and asking people:  "Can you tell what's different today?!"

Then I tell them I'm 50 and they don't believe me.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

"You're just ASKING to go to jail"

I told my acquaintance about the mmj and she said she's been working on mmj political issues since 88.

She said that the feds have kept a list of everyone in CA who has a marijuana card and they are throwing people in jail, including her cousin.

It's really cruel.

I told her that I'm already in prison.  Imprisoned by a body that is wracked with pain and doesn't work like it is supposed to anyhow.

"Not fit for a dog"

So, now that I have my own place, I have more days and hours where I'm homebound with these devastating illnesses.

I mean there just is no explaining how inhumane this level of suffering is.  My hands and feet don't work, I can barely stay awake, I can't even stand up in the morning because my feet don't work, have to hang on to walls.

Lifting ur head of the pillow or rolling over in bed are massive feats because of excruciating bone, nerve, joint, muscle pain that never ever leaves....................................

I stayed in all day yesterday, and the only reason I left the house today is because there is no food in the house and I can't really grocery shop with no car.

Brutal with a capital B.

Justin Bieber and Usher remix of Happy Birthday's song


The BEATLES "Birthday" song

"Birthday Promotions"

So, as per usual I was nearly out of money all together by mid month.  So, I have been trying to figure out how to drag out the birthday promotions at restaurants out for 4 days!

I started today.  I called Denny's on Elm and they said I can only come in ON MY ACTUAL BIRTHDAY.  I have no food in house so i'm motivated to figure this out.

I call the other Dennys and asked if I could come in today as opposed to Monday.  They said yes.

But when I went in the waitress said that the only way I could get the free meal is if I buy a drink.  I told her that she's wrong and she should double check.

I called my balance and I have enough to buy a coffee.  The waitress accidentally gives me the coffee for free.

It was the grand slam and it was very good.

I just printed out the birthday coupon for baskin robbins............

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

"Somebody call 911!"

So dear friends.  YOu already know what kind of life I have.  Far out and unexplainable.  Unfortunately my brand new Dr. moved off the bus line.  So,today whilst I was walking back from the dr. I discovered a dollar store.

I walk in there, and i'm not in there 2 minutes when an employee yelled out:


A customer fainted after donating blood.  Thank goodness he was conscious so when the employee who was on the phone with the paramedics yelled out:


me-"YES" I yelled out.

Synchronistically, regarding our area's shortage of blood there have been drives all over the place.  I told someone recently that; "I'll share just about everything, but not blood"


So, there was a fire engine and a bunch of paramedics and they asked him if he wants to go to e.r.  Hopefully he said no.  I have collapsed/fainted tons of times in the last 20 years and I suspected that he will not need emergency attention.

When I exited the store, I saw a plasma center.  It brought me back to summer 94 when I was living in a building with very poor folks and I had a room in that rooming house that could only contain a single bed.  Nearly everyone in my bldg. had needle marks all over their arms, as giving plasma was the only money making opportunity many of them had.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Cher - Half Breed

Jeannie C. Riley - Harper Valley P.T.A.

David Bowie - Let's Dance

wow, this whole thing was filmed in Australia?!

Gary Numan - Cars

when this song came out, I never could have imagined that in the future, many americans would have no other option BUT to live in their cars!

"Don't go breakin' my heart"/amazing heather*

Yesterday, a 17 year old girl on the bus asked me how my day has been.  She told me that she was in foster care but was adopted out at age 8.  She was adopted into a home where her father molested her.  He has been a detective for 30 years, however, was just sentenced to 20 years in prison for molesting her.  :(

She seems strong and amazing.  A shout out to my fellow survivor, Heather.

Walking Home

this is so important that I am posting it again.  I can't watch it without tearing up.  It brings back so many bad memories of Baltimore.  And oh yes, the bottle crashing.  I was walking in fells point Baltimore when someone tried to hit me over the head with a glass bottle that was thrown at me from a 3rd fl. apartment.

"How did THAT happen?"

I was editing and labeling my old posts from years ago, and for some odd reason one of them re-posted.  The one from winter 2010 entitled life in hell. 

"The senior center"

I had previously been told that I am not permitted to join in the two dollar lunches because I am too young.  But now I know the truth.  And that is, if you are on s.s. disability no matter ur age you are permitted to attend the lunches.

So I'm just about out of cash for the month so I did not pay the suggested donation of two dollars today.  But, the front desk woman tried to guilt me about the fact that I didn't have from now on I will only go if I do have the $2.00.

Food kind of similar to what you would get at the soup kitchen and you are allowed to go for seconds.

Monday, June 17, 2013

please see the post from 11/3/2010

"walking home"

"Life in Hell"

It's 1:45 p.m. on Sunday. I've been trapped/barricaded in my apt. for 46 hours by waist high snow. Will I be trapped here until April when it all melts? I have no phone service.

"Synchronicity and mmj (medical marijuana)"

I expect to have my mmj card by the end of this week.  yesterday's mountain town feature was all about our town's new developments.

One dispensary opened last week, and had lines out the door.

A second dispensary is opening this week.  I'm relieved that both owners have been in close communication with local police.

I am relieved that the police will not randomly hand out dwi tickets to anyone who drives while on the mmj program but will only stop drivers who are driving suspiciously or erratically.

I am pleased to announce that:


Saturday, June 15, 2013

Elena - Trailer

Deep Purple - Lalena

heard this song for the first time, one month ago. Then, 2 weeks ago I met a woman named lalena whose parents named her after this song!

"more then 200 symptoms"

There are probably more then 200 symptoms that go along with lyme, fibromyalgia and arthritis as well as neuropathy.

My hands don't work right and hurt badly all the time.  As a result, between the pain and extreme weakness I have not brushed my hair since February.  It has dreaded and I always wear it up in a scrunchy.

Soon I will go to the "beauty school" and let them spend 4 hours trying to get it undreaded, or they may just cut it all off.

Friday, June 14, 2013

"Amazing Dani"

Recently at karaoke I met an amazing survivor named Dani.  She is a stunningly beautiful (every man in the club was after her) 24 y.o. survivor.

Between the ages of 3 and 10 she lived outdoors, homeless.  Her mother had committed suicide and her father was in prison for meth.

She has held 2 to 5 jobs since she was 9 years old.  This amazing young woman danced and sang with great abandon and has figured out a way to enjoy life, despite the fact that she believes:

"my generation is completely screwed"

(meaning her generation)

She works full time as a social worker and that is just one of her jobs.

What a gift to meet Dani!

"Friendly Mountain Town"

Because this is a very friendly community and I'm naturally outgoing, the connections are exciting.

 , I have given out my phone number  20 to 90x a month every month since I moved here. One of the reasons Mountain Town is so friendly (some posit) is because everybody is a transplant not truly being able to claim it as their own, 'cept the Native Americans.

  We are a combination of artists, transients, tourist and college students. In the moments and/or hours in which I'm making new connections, my life feels rich.

This time when my imitrex was ready I actually had all the co pay funds..  A woman let me go ahead of her when she heard my name called. After I got my medicine, I picked up $5.60 worth of  groceries, then  got in line.

  A woman said, "you go ahead of me" She then laughed and said "Hey, I was already nice to you once today, I can't afford to be nice to you again!" I laughed and I said, you go ahead I don't need to go first. I told her that I was in my 3rd day of a migraine. She said "I can't believe you are still standing up!" "You know" she went on "3 days with a migraine?! I'd like to buy your groceries!"

"I accept!" I said. It just might have been the first thing to make me smile in days! (In my experience, these kindnesses almost never happened in Baltimore) For as low as my qol is, I don't think life would be any better anywhere else, as long as I'm in poverty.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

I'm Confused!

In the last 2 weeks when I checked sitemeter it stated that my only readers have been google headquarters and someone in Canada.  Prior to that I had readers from nearly every country.  If you have a blog and you understand this please leave me a comment thank you.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

"Feel more rested then usual today"

Today was attempt 3 at completing the state application for the medical marijuana card.  (mmj)  And I succeeded!  So, that really was the only critical thing that needed to be completed today and I will probably get it just in time for


I will be 50 on 6/24!

PAT BENATAR - Hell Is for Children (live 1980)

there is not a day that goes by that I don't witness child abuse in one form or another and question to myself whether or not it is appropriate for me to get involved.

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Peter Gabriel - In Your Eyes / Live HQ Lyrics

For years I have been hearing that one line "I'm so tired of working so hard for my survival" in my head!

"I'm sleeping!"

So, last night I got about 7 hours sleep, the night before that about 7 or 8 woke up once.  Yesterday even though I slept I didn't really feel like I had, and my eyes were heavy all day.  So far today I'm pretty awake, but it's only 1:30 p.m.

I had an instinct that a particular med would help me sleep, even though the med is not specifically assigned as a med that helps one sleep.  And it worked.  Does this mean the "good luck" will continue?  Only time will tell.

Friday, June 7, 2013

The Eagles- Hotel California- Lyrics- Fun Facts

Phil Collins - You'll be in my heart

Beautiful as always!

"Could you live on a food stamp allotment?"

When you move or your situation changes in any way you need to submit those changes to the food stamp office.

So, I just got my letter today indicating what my new monthly allotment will be.

$25.00!  That's right folks, $25.00

That's less then $1.00 a day!  How would you spend your .90 a day?!

"Spirit willing, body weak"

There is yet another event happening tonight that I would love to participate in but my body is fighting me every step of the way.

It's hot today, I'm having trouble breathing, trouble walking, extremely weak.  Between the sinus infection and allergies and menometrorrhagia as well as recent outpatient surgery I can barely function.

At least I was able to leave the house but I can't do much more then that unfortunately.

(You know I rarely share the health stuff because it is such a long long list of stuff that never goes away.  If you are awake, then you are most certainly suffering.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Country Roads - Osborne Brothers

The Human League - Don't You Want Me

"Man DISROBES on bus!"

So, Will sees me sitting in the back of the bus and unfortunately sits down next to me.  I can't help but to notice that his belt buckle is unbuckled, his button on his jeans is undone and HIS ZIPPER IS UNZIPPED!

I tell him that his zipper is unzipped and he says "thanks for telling me!"

I said, and your buckle is unbuckled!

He said, "Yup, just took a piss at the mall"

me-"behind a tree?"

(the trees are baby trees and you can't hide behind them!)

him-"yup!" "Plus, I don't want to wear these jeans today anyhow!"  He proceeds to completely take his jeans off, I instinctively look away despite his movie star good looks!

He doesn't seem to realize how inappropriate this behavior is!  The driver saw the whole thing and did nothing!


These vignettes make for great writing material but I'm telling you, this public transit thing, it's no kind of a life.

Twisted Sister - I Wanna Rock (Official Video)

Twisted Sister - We're Not Gonna Take It (Official Video)

I have always loved this song.  This video is extremely powerful, and sent me through some powerful emotions.  That first part, where the father is verbally abusing the son, is just what it was like with my adoptive family.  I dedicate this song to anyone or everyone who is sick of their circumstances, their society, or sick of whatever type of abuse they are a victim of:  DON'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

"Funky Smell"

When the landlord showed me the apt. for the first time, I was "knocked out" by a horrific smell that they didn't seem to notice. 

I said, "let's go ahead and leave the door open because something smells horrible."

It's been almost 6 weeks now and that odor is still there.  I complained that it has to be mold.  they say they can't find any.

I can't help but to wonder if this is contributing to my extreme malaise, inability to breathe through nose, severe headaches and sore throat.

But when your sick where are you supposed to find the time and energy to fight so many battles................................

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

"He loves Mountain Town"

I really don't recall in my 2 years here any of the poor residents telling me that they "love mountain town"

So when Kurt* told me today that he is on a mixture of

medical marijuana

(he is legally on all of these)


"Lesbian lip lock symbolic"

I was sitting on a busy corner bench speaking with a busker named Isaac who is only 23 years old, when I spotted a group of women all dressed up across the street.  Isaac said "It looks like high school prom!"

Then we both said at the same time "It's a wedding party!"

The bride and all the bridesmaids waited for a lull in the traffic, then ran out into the street and made a perfect line up facing the uncoming traffic.  Meanwhile the professional photographer snapped away then the group got back up on the sidewalk!

I said to Isaac, "I don't see a groom!"

The bride and the groom, crossed the street stood on a busy corner in front of a famous nightclub and engaged in a very long French kiss while the photographer snapped  away!  The bride and the groom were both women!

Normally, I'm not a fan of watching anybody make out in public.  But it didn't take me long to realize that that kiss was symbolic.

Symbolic of the freedom we have in this country to show public affection to anyone without fear of arrest.  Perhaps this state has legal gay marriage now too (hopefully)  and they are celebrating the fact that they can engage in a marital union with whomever they love.

More power to them.

"Sick on top of sick"

I've been "away" for 4 days because I have been sick on top of sick.  Since the toe surgery, I've had 3 urgent care visits, one visit with my n.p., and have made maybe 4 calls to on call physicians.  On Sat. I looked at the toe in a public bathroom and (because of the lighting) it looked purple.

I called on call and she told me to go to the e.r. right away..

me-Well, I can't take the bus because it stops running in an hour.

her-Well that gives you an hour

me-no it doesn't, the next one won't come by for an hour (I feel really talked down to, she doesn't know the bus schedule)

me-I'll just hitchhike to the e.r. or call an ambulance.

her-can't your friend or family member take you

me-there is not anyone who can give me a ride

her-well I don't want you to hitchhike or take ambo. Just call a taxi and pay with your credit card!

me-I don't have a credit card, I can always go tomorrow

her-No, you need to go now

(I hung up)  Walked to the shop center and asked 2 persons if they were going my way.  The second one said they would, I told them I am ordered to the e.r.

I get to the urgent care and the dr. looks at the toe and says "looks fine to me!"

(my n.p. on the other hand says "things don't look good")

Get out of urgent care and ask 7 people before I find anyone who will give me a ride to the bus stop.

One woman said no and then went on to lecture me:

"It's 3/4 mile, there is no reason on earth why you can't walk that!"

(if it's so easy, I wonder, then why is she driving?)

She went on to say "When I was a child I walked that route everyday"  At this point her husband comes out and probably is thinking "Who is this weirdo I married?"


By Monday

I am naucious, too weak to get out of bed, violent sore throat, bad acid reflux bad headache, and stomach cramps on top of the usual health mess.  So, it didn't really matter that I had no food in the house because I was afraid to eat anything.

Tues  I left the house because I knew I needed to pay rent.  But I was back home after 3.5 hours

weds.  Still exhausted, but it turned out had no fever even though I was sweating a lot.

On 2 different antibiotics for the toe but it still hurts

Saturday, June 1, 2013

"Mountain Town Shelter Closes"

About a week ago one of our shelters closed.  There were 40 beds for men and about 15 for women.  I do not know where the women ended up but I heard that most of the men are back in the woods living in a tent.  The rest are living up to 8 per motel room, until (Brad told me) management finds out and kicks everybody out.

"Outpatient Surgery"

So, they removed my toenail a week ago and it still hurts really bad.  I had to call urgent care 2 more times and I called my n.p. 3x.  I saw my np yesterday and she said the toe does not look good so she is doubling the antibiotics.

I was only given enough painkillers to last 3 days. I was SHOCKED that Dr.'s here gave me painkillers for that, but not for the pain that I go through every day of my life with fibromyalgia and lyme. She said that if the redness spreads I need to go back to urgent care this weekend.  Then she wants to see me again on Monday.

What I learned on internet is that if you remove a toenail from a person who has diabetes, it can be dangerous.  I am pre diabetic.  I am worried that I'll lose a toe or worse, even though nobody has outright told me that would be a risk.

harry nilsson .. everybody's talking at me

there's a guy where everytime he sees me at the transfer center, he goes out of his way to come over and monologue me.  This last time he did that, I heard this song in my head.

"Wall Street Journal 5/29/13 Pedestrian Superhero"

I really enjoyed this article about the Mexican guy who dresses like a superhero and protects pedestrians from all sorts of evils.  If there are no white lines painted as a cross walk then he paints them.  If vehicles are parked on sidewalks he moves them.

It definitely makes me smile, but it is a very serious issue both there and in the U.S.    I only see it getting worse.

Now that people are texting and driving  1500 super rams, the "ram" ifications of a driver hitting a pedestrian are even worse then before.  The police don't care and are in fact a part of the problem.

Just this morning I was nearly hit by 2 vehicles who drove into the ped walkway even tho' I had the right of way.  I yelled as loud as I could because the one driver had his window up.

I said: HEY YOU WAIT, I HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY! He heard me and came to a sudden stop.  He had not even seen me.

The only answer is to buy a car.