Wednesday, September 30, 2015
I want to go on living even after I die. I hope to become a really good writer.
This is by Anne Frank she was talking about how she wants to live through her writings. You all know how much I can relate to this
Monday, September 28, 2015
I'd like to correct the most glaring error that the journalist made in interviewing me. He stated that I have lived in subsidized housing for 15 years. In fact at that point of the interview I had been cycling in and out of homelessness for 17 years and I had lived in subsidized housing for 6 years. So that was the situation in summer 2011 when he was interviewing me and I was homeless and apparently on that particular night staying at the Royal inn which I'm actually glad is now under new ownership and hopefully more ethical ownership
For some really cool and random reason I have been followed by the media for about 25 years. As always I had not sought out this interview but it was pretty much random with me being in the right place at the right time
Sunday, September 27, 2015
Please read letter to loved ones
This is not my blog this is a blog of one of the ladies in my support groups and even if I think I have more diseases I am no longer willing to go and get a diagnosis I do have all the symptoms of CRPS and I am 98 to 99% that reason please check out her blog it's really important stuff even the people who have known me for years and years don't seem to be hearing me or listening to me when it comes to my health after you read letter to loved ones you'll have a much better understanding of what I am living with
Saturday, September 26, 2015
I just learned about this gentleman named Dave who has created affordable housing online. I listened for about 15 minutes and the situation from my perspective is still really sad a waiting list will open up for only 4 to 5 days in a particular city or community and then it will have to close the list altogether. Because what happens in the fourth of five days is so many people fill out applications that it creates 18 months to 2 year long waiting list!
It reminds me of how bitter I am of what I have had to live through because of not being able to turn to family.
To this day I still have never met another American female who has had to go through anything near what I've had to go through. For example when I'm good and not use real names here linda is exactly my age and she's disabled and her father is the CEO of principles of Fairfax Virginia high schools. So I met Linda in 1996. Ever since then her father has put her up in a fancy two bedroom apartment in Fairfax. So while she was waiting on her disability she could live it up now she has the fancy apartment and the disability income and the enormous subsidy from her father. You would think that these situations would be unusual but they are not unusual.
Dennis Dennis as well as Linda they are both my age and they are both disabled they both have extremely wealthy parents Dennis parents bought him a big house in a suburb of Ohio very upscale suburb of Ohio so he as well as Linda go on fancy expensive vacations twice a year pay no rent no mortgage have basically like trust funds and they get their monthly check from disability.
While I had to go hungry and never know where I was going to sleep from night to night. Of course this means that my book would be in some regards more interesting then the people who never had to struggle a day in their lives despite waiting on disability to approve them
Marcos is 64 he also goes on expensive vacations twice a year he has inherited his mother's house and he has lived there his whole life he has never had to pay rent or mortgage and his whole life. His brother buys him cars on a regular basis so he is never had to have a car payment. His various relatives are dying off at a rapid rate and he's getting inheritance is left and right and he gets a comfortable check from the Department of disability
Would you be angry and bitter about this inequity? If you were the one that was having to suffer
Friday, September 18, 2015
Thursday, September 17, 2015
So as usual I cannot sleep I'm all out of my medication and for many many many years now I can't even sleep for 10 minutes without medicine it wouldn't matter if I'd been awake for 2 weeks I still wouldn't be able to sleep unless I had medicine
So I'm rereading my appointment calendar which basically serves as a second journal from winter 2000. I came across a page where I recorded an experience with a man who I had a date with. I began to think to myself this evening that what he was doing can't possibly be normal there must be a diagnosis
Everybody who I have ever met that has had this disorder has been African American and I can not explain that but as I wrote earlier its palilalia and it's where the person repeats the ends of all of your sentences. According to what I read on Wikipedia it is not more prevalent in African American so I don't really know why I've never seen it in a Caucasian person.
Have you ever met anyone who repeated the ends of all of your sentences instead of actually responding to what you say? so I learn something new this evening
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Super excited to see the two hour premiere of Hotel impossible. Every time I see this show I think about the fact that I am a huge critic when it has come to the years that I was forced to live in these run-down slum dangerous motels. After the first hour of the premiere which was a freaking nightmare and Anthony had to back out of helping the owner because she would not live up to her end of the deal, bed bugs, mold, water damage, killer bees and on and on and on. I was going to try to figure out a way to write to Anthony about the Flagstaff hotels that I have stayed in that were so dangerous. Just as I had this thought the second hour comes on and he's in Flagstaff which I had no idea was going to happen! He ended up renovating one of the slum motels that I lived in, even more exciting I'll have to pop by and take a look
I went to the new website to see whether people are any happier with the motel now that Anthony has renovated. But they're not they're still miserable they're miserable because they don't feel safe and they're miserable because the owner was a bastard to them the same thing happened to me when I stayed there but these two young people who inherited the motel seem really kind in fact I think I remember meeting them a few years ago they are the couple that was featured on tonight's episode. It's really a shame that people are giving the motel really horrible reviews despite the fact that Anthony did a renovation
Sunday, September 13, 2015
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Can what you think influence events. Generally speaking I don't believe in that sort of hocus pocus. But I have gone into numerous events and contests saying a mantra in my brain there going to pick me they're going to pick me they're going to pick me.
And the majority of time it ends up working even if the statistical chances of them choosing me were very very low, extremely low
Tonight I was at a writer's class and there was 3 times where various people would put their name put their hand in the hat and pull out a sheet of paper with a subject idea on it.
One of those people selected to put their hand in the hat and pulled out a sheet of paper was me. There was a one in 35 chance that I would be picking my own sheet of paper and that's exactly what happened
Then someone else was selected after we had all put our subject ideas in the Hat, that person selected my subject.
So there were three opportunities to select subjects and about a 3% chance each time that mine would be selected and two out of three times my subject was selected. So people ended up writing stories about something that I ended up choosing
Last year I went into a very very large room many many people and I said in my head they're going to pick me to win the t-shirts are going to pick me to win the t-shirt. They put their name they put their hand in the Hat and pulled out my name and I won the t-shirt. When I first started this blog and 2007 I wrote a piece about having told the event attendees that I was going to win, I told them in advance that I was going to win. I did end up winning I won something that I didn't realize it had a very high cash value so when I sold it I didn't make very much money but I won two tickets to opening game for the Orioles had I known that it was worth a lot more money I could have sold it for a lot more money. But the point is I don't really know why I AM so lucky at the Select events but so very unlucky in pretty much every other area of my life
The teacher tonight said to me you must have some kind of special energy going on for this to be happening to you?!
If you know anything about this topic I would love to hear your input
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
Connie if you read this I want you to know that I absolutely do understand your situation. I did not see my father for the two years prior to his death due due to big time abuse. I had not seen him since 1990 he died in 92 no one in my family offered to help me with plane fare to go to the funeral and I didn't have the plane fare but the truth was I didn't want to go anyhow.
I also didn't see mommy dearest since 1990 apparently she died in 2011 I didn't even find out until 2013 I also did not shed a tear due to abuse
Saturday, September 5, 2015
Watched the first 20 minutes or so of Ghost Adventures. Once I realized that serial killer herb Baumeister was in Indiana I had to google for more information. It turns out that one of his victims was from Lafayette Indiana Manuel Resendez I think it was and he was 31 when he was murdered I was actually in Lafayette when I was 31 so I tried to pull up a image of Manuel but I can't find one on the Internet. herb would find his victims at the oldest gay bar in the state of Indiana. Ironically I did a Google search to find out what it was called and it ended up pulling up another bar which I have been to called the Knickerbocker in Lafayette Indiana which is the oldest bar in Indiana not its not a gay bar but it is the oldest bar in Indiana it turns out. This was quite a fascinating case in which Baumeister was never brought to justice because he committed suicide when he realized that he was being hunted by the police
In the four and a half years that I have lived here, it seems the bulk of people that I meet don't shower, don't launder their clothes and their hands are looking muddy like they haven't washed them in 6 months.
But what's worse is that it seems like everybody I meet that wants to shake my hand or hug me looks like this
I've never lived anywhere in my life where there are so many people who never learned how to practice good hygiene
Needless to say I don't hug and I have learned the graceful art of the fist bump :-)
Friday, September 4, 2015
Thursday, September 3, 2015
I dreamt about living in San Diego for 20 years. Now, I really do think the town I'm in is where I belong the problem is I enjoy walking for exercise all year round outdoors and I can't do that here. In about 6 weeks there will be snow and ice and I won't be able to do my evening walks anymore. I've been walking every other night about two to two and a half miles that's significant given my disabilities.
It occurred to me that it wouldn't be as expensive for me to move to southern Arizona and I had mold that around for a couple of years. But I have come to the following conclusion when you look at the fact that any city in America can have a brown out and anytime and that translates to no air conditioning when it's 120 degrees outside, that could literally kill me. I spent more than one summer in Baltimore at risk of dying everyday because my apartment would get to be about 130 degrees and I was losing so much water for my body that I was profusely profusely sweating and at great risk of dying. But I did not have the financial means to buy a room air conditioner for my top floor Baltimore City apartment.
I may not love snow and I may not love to be cold but I can't take the chance of moving to a climate where I could die if there is a brown out, so I am satisfied to stay put!
I'd say 90% of what I watch is true crime. I really truly feel like I can relate better to violent crime victims then I can to nearly anyone else in our society so this allows me to quote unquote meet the victims whether they are alive or not. In cases where they are still alive if they have a blog or some other way for me to communicate with them then I do especially when their situations are extremely similar to my own.
I know that my way of processing information and seeing the world is so different from pretty much everybody. That holds true for a lot of subjects. For example today I was watching the story of Suzette and her last name escaping me at the moment but she was a triplet and she was murdered at the age of 18. She had a very happy family life and a wonderful social life with her friends and siblings. I think to myself, hmmm what's better? To live 18 years and be happy and then get murdered? Or to live 80 years with a family that is not happy or no family at all and have had a miserable life? What do you think? I guess I think it would be better to just live the 18 years and have experienced a loving family and a rich happy social life
Unless you're wealthy there is nowhere to run. I have tolerated a four-month construction project in my neighborhood I told you 60 hours a week of jackhammers and reverse beep beep beep beep. It's a real shame when you have to stay out of your home because you can't bear the noise, but when you try to find a place to hang out where you can stand the noise you come up empty. The project is due to go on for another 4 months so it looks like I'm mostly only going to be able to stay here to sleep and that's about it. If you have trouble with the noise and our modern day society please do comment on my post. Thank you