ONLY THE DESTITUTE WALK

Elana creates a list of tips for "dating" in Mountain Town

2012-01-17T15:39:00.001-08:00

Questions to ask the person you are considering dating/Visual Observations to Make

1. Do you have a criminal hixtory? If yes, misdemeanor or felony?

2. Does he/she look clean? launder clothes? have any overpowering odors? i.e. halitosis?

3. Do you have an income? Is it through disability, a job, independently wealthy, unemployment benefits?

4. What are you diagnosis' both mental and physical?

5. What prescription meds are you on?

6. What substances if any do you abuse?

7. What is your sexual history? How many partners? When was the last time you were tested for stds?

8. Are you homeless or do you have an address?

LAST BUT NOT LEAST!

WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO FOR FUN?

"Quotes of the Day" and "Overheard" 12/6/11

2012-01-17T15:35:00.000-08:00

I heard one male diner in a restaurant say the following to his friend: "I have a 26 inch stick!"

On the same day , I got a massage at the massage school and the therapist said to me (female) "We DID the entire Australian Football Team today!" (my thoughts "sounds like a damn lucky day!)

And the saying I made up this day is: "Im wearing enough colors today to stop a rainbow in it's tracks!"

"Recession's ultimate price" by Cyndy Cole

2012-01-17T15:30:00.004-08:00

"Arizona Daily Sun" 12/4/11

Coconino County is likely to break it's own record for suicides.

Job losses, hopelessness, substance abuse and a lack of help are contributing to suicide rates greater then those during the great depression.

In Coconino County Alone:

35 suicides this year

from 2001 to 2011 there are 21 suicides a year

and in 2011 there were 81 suicide attempts in Coconino County

12/4/11

2012-01-17T15:30:00.003-08:00

12/4/11

2012-01-17T15:30:00.001-08:00

New York Times 12/31/11 by A. Baker/Joseph Goldstein

2012-01-17T15:25:00.000-08:00

"Criminal iffenses are left unrecorded to keep the city's crime rate down"

"More than 1/2 a dozen cops, detectives and commanders are pressured not to take written reports to keep crime stats low"

-----------------------------------------------

My comments:

I was the victim of over 1k crimes between 6/05 and 6/09 yet I can't recall more then once that a cop was willing to give me a report #. The situation was even worse when I moved to rural MD; since the cops made fun of my reports, I just stopped calling them. So even though this article is for new york, i'll bet it's true in every rural and urban area across the U.S.

Everlast - What Its Like

2012-01-13T15:05:00.000-08:00

It only took me 14 years to discover the name of this song, and the artist!

In the last 15 years, I have got to say this song moves me deeper then almost any other I've heard. Please listen closely to the lyrics, and/or watch the other video where they spell the lyrics out.

That last scene where the group is on the outside looking in on the happy family, is the scene that resonates most with me.

I hope to increase compassion by sharing this video!

"A Grueling struggle to remain bathed and keep clothes laundered"

2011-12-27T15:09:00.000-08:00

12/23/11

Remember I recently blogged about how Mountain town men are often filth, smell bad , don't shower, etc.? I was at the grocery store trying to buy a newspaper and the guy in front of me, who jacket was layered in at least one layer of dog fur leaned into the money order to fill it out. When he was was done the m.o. was covered in mud!

A walking "Linus" without the blanket!

The clerk handled it in a very compassionate way explaining that she couldn't accept it in that condition and would he like another one.

My first reaction was "Gross!" Then I quickly recalled that many of these guys can't afford a place to live, live in tents and likely have a very tough time finding showers or laundromats............

The U.S. is in pretty bad shape when I'm meeting more people who are homeless then are housed.

7/28/11 "Journal Entry from Mountain Mold Motel"

2011-12-27T14:47:00.000-08:00

A prior guest/guests of this fleabag motel where I spent 9 nights put the following bumper stickers on the frig. One says "Bankrupt America" and has the design and colors of Bank of America.

Another bumper sticker placed on the frig reads: "www.blancobasura.com" (i speak spanish do you?) It means in English "white trash"

You can only imagine what it was like to live at this motel and the sorts of other folks who might live here too!

I've been gone for a while

2011-12-23T13:04:00.000-08:00

Someone broke into my email, my new one, and then I couldn't get into my blog either. But I never stop writing. I've been busy going to specialists and waiting for results and such. If it weren't for the ice problem, it's been icy since dec. 1; I could walk to 2 of my docs, and my n.p. but the wind, cold ice make that prohibitive.

Anyhow, "they" thought I had cancer but when the biopsy results came back I'm negative for cancer. Believe it or not with all I've been thru I didn't even feel scared while I was waiting. In fact I had decided not to do chemo, just to pick up one of Barbara Ehrenreich's books "Bright Sided" where she argues against doing chemo!

I've received some 3 new diagnosis over the last 2 months. I am having big trouble with my lungs, as the 4 people below me smoke heavy and it's not just ciggies. So chronic bronch, sinus, pleurisy, and I even have to go sometimes 2x a month to get breathing treatments.

I've inherited my birthmother's lung sensitivities as she also has never smoked in her life but is tied to oxygen and she is relatively young.

So, I've been largely bedridden with different problems, including complications from a procedure I had to undergo. Nonetheless, I have still managed in the month of Dec. to get treated at a nice restaurant (by a woman of course, men here are more broke then I am), go see the movie Hugo, the play Nickel and Dimed, and the local Christmas parade.

I also sang for 1/2 hour with the city's "big deal" choir; and they loved my voice and asked me to audition. I told them I can't join because I go hoarse after 1/2 hour and that I have chronic llung disease. But that 1/2 hour was joyous indeed.

I have also had my apt. broken into and worse; but I cannot go into details electronically.

Oh by the way,

"Merry Fuckin' Ho"

Love,

Scrooge

"Cranky? Want PA Dutch Egg Nog?"

2011-12-02T16:52:00.000-08:00

Sadly, and shockingly, I discovered that my local grocery does not sell PA Dutch liqueur egg nog. The stuff turns me into a "crazed alcoholic" ;) ;) (just kidding) from the time it appears on east coast shelves before Thanksgiving until the time it just dissapears after New Years.

Why in the world sell a product that good, get us all addicted, and only have it avail on the shelf for 6 weeks! Heresy, I tell you!

I considered blogging on "The dumbing down of America" or my other theme "Rude Ass Society" but instead I'm blogging about this , which reall isn't all that unrelated when you consider how the rude ass society just encourages you all the more to take a swig of liquoric egg nog! (Plus the last 2 days have been hailing raining and snowing. I don't even have a bloody t.v.!

I need SOMETHING to do wouldn't you say?!

Queen - Bicycle Race

2011-11-22T16:50:00.000-08:00

Bicycling had always been one of my fave sports. But NOW! I've been hit by bicycles twice in the last 2 weeks! Today, I did make a police report. This town needs stricter bicycle laws. In the meantime, let's divert to queen.

Symptoms bizarre and often a mystery

2011-11-21T16:16:00.000-08:00

Two, maybe three times a year I'll get out of bed and initially my eyes feel awake not heavy. It will feel as if I could accomplish 6 to 8 hours worth of tasks. Not an hour and a half later, I'll be out and about and my eyes will get very heavy and all I can think about is how badly I need to sleep.

When possible, especially now that winter is setting in; I'll do one day home, one day out. I'm so so limited with the pain the weakness and the nerve damage.

One one of my happiest days in "Mountain Town" I was telling the driver who I hitched a ride with that the joy of the day was so big I had no words to describe it. It was in June, and I had discovered despite all of my serious illnesses that I still had the capacity to hula hoop damn well, and dance for long periods to the band.

The driver had also had lyme like me and when I told her how long it was before I got treated, she said "untreated lyme sometimes leads to Lou Gehrig's disease. I told her it didn't surprise me because I've had frequent symptoms over the last 6 years that make me feel like Stephen Hawking.

But my friend m.r. also knows alot , like an expert, about lyme, and had never mentioned Lou Gehrigs to me..........................

You would be surprised how many people out in society "look good" and are sick as dogs with various illnesses. Ya can't judge a book by it's cover!

Janis Joplin - Maybe [Excellent quality]

2011-11-19T16:28:00.000-08:00

Wow!

AZ republic

2011-11-19T16:12:00.000-08:00

8/2011

article entitled

"Boom Times for Pawnshops" (san fran)

"Just a few blocks from where sunny tourists ride cable cars past colorful shops, life turns gray. Chris needs $ for groceries"

(I can't find the rest of the article, having a hard time concentrating in this noisy library) Anywho, I've used pawn shops myself for survival money. Specifically I recall using the one in Hampden, MD on 36th st. I recall selling my precious 45 record collection for food money as well in 03/04.

"The Arizona Republic"

2011-11-19T16:09:00.000-08:00

"Letter of thanks by Passon"

This article chronicles Constance' letter of thanks to Elvis Costello on how his music is helping her get through Desert Storm.

Elvis ended up turning the letter into a song! Eventually her story was made into a 21 minute documentary!

(I find this exciting since it so closely parallels my own dreams)

NYT/early august article

2011-11-19T16:03:00.000-08:00

The article was entitled:

A THRIVING GROWTH AREA IN A WEAK ECONOMY;HAIR

Capitol Heights, MD

(Here is a clip from this article that I enjoyed, reminding me of my last trip to Lanham about 10 years ago)

"In low slung suburban strip malls, nestled among fast food restaurants and auto supply stores, hair salons are sprouting like mushrooms."

"A bad attitude with a good haircut can fool you sometimes."

(My visual for this article is the many African American families in Baltimore City who would sit on their urban porches "doing" each others hair! on a hot humid summer day.)

"healing thoughts for Gabby Giffords"

2011-11-15T16:42:00.000-08:00

I was also in a very violent situation on the day that Gabby was shot and watched the t.v. coverage from a hotel since I had no safe place to stay that day. I have been reading as many articles as possible on her recovery. If i had a t.v. I'd have watched her first interview with Diane Sawyer. I'm very eager to see it on t.v. I realize that I oft see things from a very diff. perspective then others. How lucky she was to have had such a joyful 15 year best friendship with Ian* (is that his name?) I'm amazed that friendships like that even exist.

Black Sabbath - Iron Man - Live In Paris (Remastered) 1970

2011-11-15T16:40:00.000-08:00

hopefully they won't remove this video. also dedicated to all children who survived school bullying.

Iron Man - Black Sabbath

2011-11-15T16:20:00.000-08:00

This song is dedicated to every American kid who has ever been bullied in grade school or in senior high school. Please listen carefully to the words. It's not hard for me to understand why some of those children come back to their schools to get vengeance in some form or another for all of the abuse.

One more reason to not attend my 30th reunion. The effects of school bullying sometimes last a lifetime.

The Who Teenage Wasteland

2011-11-03T19:40:00.000-07:00

High school reunions are for the ones who made it, the ones who have something to show for.

Have fun at your 30th reunion Randallstown High, I won't be there. This one's for you!"

Alice Cooper - Schools Out

2011-11-03T19:28:00.000-07:00

"Good Luck Class of 81 Randallstown HIgh School"

I hear our reunion in on 11/5. You won't catch me there!

Mama Cass, Mary Travers & Joni Mitchell - I Shall Be Released

2011-11-01T17:23:00.000-07:00

Posting some light stuff because my sleep deprivation is so severe I can barely keep my eyes open to write my usual deep stuff. mama cass lived in Baltimore.

Hair - Black boys + White boys

2011-10-15T15:10:00.000-07:00

These harmonies are as tasty as oreo cookies! (Many of you know I performed in the college version of Hair in 1989)

"The Many Uses of an Umbrella"

2011-10-15T13:39:00.000-07:00

Today my umbrella's primary use is as a cane. I have many days where I am very weak. One of the hallmarks of fibromyalgia is exercise intolerance and "they" recommend you not exercise more then a few min a day when you have this condition. But there are many days where I have no choice but to walk a minimum of 2 miles since I no longer have a car. I am swerving like a drunk today when I walk. I have heard this complaint from other girls with fm (fibromyalgia) my umbrella is a little too short to use as a proper cane, and some recommend I just buy a walking stick.

I can recall seeing advertisements for the "jazzy" power wheelchair and wishing I had one, but at the same time knowing that in "Mountain Town" it'd be practically useless since in many places there are either no sidewalks, or torn up sidewalks with no curb cuts.

Just because you see a person with fm dance a little on one day, doesn't mean they are faking it the next. Our abilities varie with the day, month, season, etc.

Motel Families: The Invisible Homeless

2011-10-08T16:10:00.000-07:00

I hope to enlighten my readers in posting these videos, and I also hope to increase compassion for these singles and families.

HBO Documentary Films Homeless The Motel Kids of Orange County (Trailer)...

2011-10-08T16:03:00.000-07:00

Gutwrenching.................

Preschool in Motels

2011-10-08T15:56:00.000-07:00

Although I had some awareness of long term homeless in motels (as I did it myself between 09 and 11) I didn't fully become aware of the severity of the situation until I moved here to Mountain Town" 6 months ago today.

When I was living at the "Dye Inn" from June 3 to July 20; one of the tenants as well as a cop told me that I was the ONLY person livingthere who had no criminal hx.

Ohio Players "Love Rollercoaster"

2011-10-05T18:58:00.000-07:00

"My life is like a roller coaster baby baby....75 was the year my parents lost their house and we downgraded to an apt.............i was rockin out to the ohio players and had "fire" on 45.

"Psychic Phenomena"

2011-10-01T13:48:00.000-07:00

As I told you, I have endured a series of hate crimes and violent acts then went on daily for 6 years with few breaks. Those included many death threats. In 95 I asked Rick* my psychic acquaintance from high school if I was going to be murdered. He hesitated for a moment and he said "are u sure u want to know the answer" I said "yes"

He replied "You won't be murdered but what will happen is the following......."

(I can't fill that in for you but his prediction did come true.

About 2 months ago I was on the bus and I said to this random woman "Oh Hi Leilani"

She replied "How did you know my name?"

"I said "It's on the pin which is attached to your work uniform" She showed me that there was no nametage on her work uniform. We were both incredulous. I said "Well, you have a clear purse, let's lookat both sides, your name has got to be somewhere"

She examined everything she owned. She said "I 100% do not have my name anywhere!" Isaid quietly "I am clairvoyant but this aspect of my gift has never shown before today"

------------------------------------------------

I've heard that's it common to inherit these abilities, but since I don't know most of my bio family, I don't know who I could have inherited from!

New York Times 9/25/11

2011-09-26T15:11:00.000-07:00

The article is entitled "Greeks fear collapse of welfare state"

Quote of the Day

"Ferigou said "No one warned us. I have no hope and I'm only 50." "I can't get into my mind that my life is such a mess. It's a joke."

Rolling Stones - Shattered - Live '81 Seattle

2011-09-14T15:58:00.000-07:00

In 2007, I published a blog piece entitled, "to live in town you must be tough" I think to live in any American town while in crushing poverty, whether urban or rural YOU MUST BE TOUGH!

"Seventeen, the magic #"

2011-09-14T15:36:00.000-07:00

I've been cycling in and out of homelessness for 17.75 years. Here is the headline of today's newspaper entitled "The Arizona Republic"

The article/heading is entitled "Poverty Rate Hits 17 yr. high"

(I often take notes when I read the newspaper, here are some excerpts from the article that are particular meaningful and synchronistic to my own experience.)

"behind today's grim statistics are real people who are finding it harder then ever to keep a roof over their head, feed their families, get the health care they need and give their kids a chance at a better life."

The # of 25 to 34 year olds who have been forced to double up with other families and relatives, has increased 25% since 2007.

Since 2006 Maricopa County, AZ Department of Economic Services saw a 59% increase in folks with college degrees (INCLUDING FOLKS HOLDING A PHD) who are asking for economic help of all sorts including food stamps.

Nick Gilder - Hot Child In The City

2011-09-09T14:55:00.000-07:00

Another fave back in the day, remember this one?

SUPER BAD / JAMES BROWN

2011-09-09T14:41:00.000-07:00

"Good God!"

"USA Today Survey on Americans and drug use"

2011-09-09T13:42:00.000-07:00

Today's article states that almost 1 out 10 Americans between 18 and 25 admit to using illegal drugs on a regular basis. Meth use is down, according to the article and pot use is up. I know medical marijuana just became legal in my state.

If one lives in federal housing it is stated in the lease they are not allowed to use or possess any illegal drugs, however, I'm not sure where that leaves folks who have a legal medical marijuana card.

I'm always grateful to see fibromyalgia get more publicity. The only person surveyed in the article who had the courage to use her first andlast name is using pot for pain and daily nausea. I personally am is excruc. pain 85% of the day, and I also am nauceous every day like the girl in the article. I do not yet have the med. marijuana card in part because you have to pay a hefty sum for it, it is not covered by Medicare.

Fast car -Tracy Chapman

2011-09-08T15:03:00.000-07:00

"leave tonight or live and die this way"

Obviously this song has very special personal meaning to me........................

"Addendum-Part 2 Universe"

2011-09-08T14:50:00.000-07:00

The girl that did win first place on Sunday, is lead singer of a local band, I don't really think she should have been allowed in the contest at all but that's not for me to say. Anywho, she will also be on American Idol at some point, but I don't know the date nor do I have a t.v. yet!

"Trust the Universe to Provide?"

2011-09-08T14:42:00.001-07:00

For the most part, trusting the universe to provide you what you need has not worked for me. But I really, really, really, wanted a shot at the $500 for first place in the singing contest a week ago.

The "universe" part of the equation comes in here. I had no cab fare to get home and the buses aren't running after 9:15 on weekdays. So, I told the various patrons that I was trusting the universe to get me the money to get home! One guy said that the priviledge of having seen me dance, earned me my cab fare home and went on to say: "How much do you need?!"

The news ad was wrong, and I didn't get a shot at the 500, because qualifiers ended the prior week. But 5 days later there was another singing contest at another locale for 200$. I consider it work to have to go and wait around for me turn and all that. The one on Sunday, again I had been out from 8:30 a.m. and had to hang around downtown til 2 a.m. to get the shot at the money. I did not place. I sang "Car Wash" which the crowd loved (apparently my dancing is what gets them going) and it was pure joy. When I see people hooping and hollering or up on the dance floor when I'm performing I feel like I'm doing what "god" intended for me life.

I will keep showing up on the practice nights and hopefully get better and better.............

Ohio Players- Skin Tight

2011-09-03T16:23:00.000-07:00

TLC - Waterfalls

2011-09-03T16:02:00.000-07:00

Music makes us think back to where we were when the song came out. I was homeless in the liberty heights area of baltimore city. to get off the streets, I took a nearly round the clock live in job working in a group home for the developmentally disabled.

Dire Straits - Sultans Of Swing (Alchemy Live)

2011-09-03T15:37:00.000-07:00

Pink Floyd - Another Brick In The Wall(Live)

2011-09-03T15:29:00.000-07:00

Reminds me of the gym teacher in middle school who bullied the kids who weren't athletic, and the social studies teacher in 6th grade who threw desks across the room when she got angry. Love to see pink floyd in concert.

"Facebook Hackers"

2011-09-03T15:13:00.000-07:00

When someone attempts to hack into your account, you get a message from the fb administrator that goes something like this: "someone in memphis tennessee attempted to break into your account at 3:02 p.m. on feb. 9th"

I received about 3 of these messages in the last year. Last November I was forced to stop using fb because the hacker had changed my passcode so many times I couldn't get in any longer.

Recently he succeeded in breaking in, and posted false info on my interests. I still can't sign in, but I can see that he hacked in. yes, i do know who it is and this cyberstalking is the least of the crimes i've been subjected to in the last 6 years....................

"Shattered Dreams, Desperate Souls" part 2 of entry

2011-09-02T16:28:00.000-07:00

I created in my mind, based on my social work and therapy training as well as my 18 yrs of cycling in and out of homeless, how I wanted to help this young Navaho man get his feet on the ground and save his marriage. I shared with him the basics of what I feel confident I can do for him, but that I will only help/guide as much as he gives me permission to.

He has a hx. of serious suicide attempts, but when I told him the plan I had he was on board and excited. Sadly before we could get the plan underway, he was thrown in jail for public drunkenness and loitering. (loitering, i.e. he is homeless) I never saw him again.

The second man is near my age and suffering with critical depression but in denial about it. I told him I knew I could help, but only if he gave me permission. He did not....................

I'm very confident in the skills I've learned and it would be wonderful to put them into use. But I'm still seriously ill and cannot even consider seeking work for at least 2 months, and then it could only be part time.

Perhaps I've gone a bit off topic? As Jay-z said in "empire state of mind" the video I posted he said

"only half of you will make it" He just might be right about that.......

"Shattered Dreams/Desperate Souls"

2011-09-02T16:13:00.000-07:00

Small towns sure do highlight the good and bad and all the details of what folks go thru it seems.

Never in my life have I met so many people who are either currently homeless, who have been homeless, or who are bordering on it. It's good on the one hand to know that by no means am I the only one who has been through so much, but it is also sad every day it never gets any less sad to see so much desperation.

Of course it's a combination of factors which are contributing. In some cases alcohol, or meth (meth mouth, i heard of this when i moved here, many have it) or other rx drug use. But of course as you hear me say over and over again, the lack of jobs that pay a living wage, the lack of affordable housing. In this town seems I know so few who are employed.

The men here are glaringly low functioning. I mean from my p.o.v. they haven't been thru 2% of what I've been thru, yet they can't keep showered, keep their clothes laundered, hang on to their teeth and it seems most have lost hope for a normal life. This goes just as much for the whites as it does for the Native Americans.

I created in my mind a volunteer job, where I was going to help 2 of these men get back on their feet

Curtis Mayfield - Diamond in the Back

2011-09-01T15:29:00.000-07:00

You tube is such an educational tool! I knew this was one of my fave songs when it came out but i didn't know who did it until i researched it today. enjoy.

Sesame Street - J Friends (1971)

2011-09-01T14:38:00.000-07:00

I ALSO do not live on sesame street, but i'll always be one of their biggest fans. you?

Mister Rogers' Neighborhood Introduction Theme Song

2011-09-01T14:31:00.000-07:00

I'm a human jukebox of sorts. because whatever topic I'm thinking about or hearing about or reading about reminds me of a song. The horrific battles I deal with regarding the neighbors I've had in most of the 'hoods I've lived in the past decade, always remind me that THIS IS NOT MR ROGERS NEIGHBORHOOD!

"Empire State of Mind" Jay-Z | Alicia Keys [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

2011-08-31T14:36:00.000-07:00

This video, song sends shivers up my spine. I really like Alicia and her bio.................

Baby Got Back video clip original Big Buts

2011-08-31T13:45:00.000-07:00

8/29/11

Last night, went for the last night of qualifying for the semi finals in the karaoke singing contest. News ad was wrong, contest was closed. Nonetheless, it was a great night, the dancing even more fun then the singing. The guy that won the 500, bought shots for people (not me cuz i was late) and said "now i gotta do baby got back" I yelled "let's do it tonight!"

The crowd laughed and said DO WHAT TONIGHT?! Synchronistically about an hour later someone chose baby got back for their karaoke song, and about 5 of us got up and did our best moves. that was the highlight of the night for me-the dancing.

(I sang "Midnight at the Oasis" and "crazy" by patsy cline, which went very well too!) personally i think larger women should have been chosen for the "butts" video, you?

8/29/11 "Just one day"

2011-08-30T15:56:00.000-07:00

Muslces in arms, legs very weak. Hands and fingers also very weak, tough to hold a pen today. My bedroom has been filling up with cigarette smoke and gas. It really doesn't matter how many times I move, I end up with heavy indoor toxins. Unless you're rich and buy your own freestanding house way out in the country there just is no way around it. Noise pollution and air pollution are a big part of life for the poor.

My roomie discovered that the source of the gas coming into my bedroom is the 70's chevy van that the neighbor backs into the parking lots thus against my bedroom window. Neighbor admits bad gas leak but doesn't care that he is poisoning me so refuses to move it. I will settle this and he's not going to like how either.

Dogs barking all night, and the other neighbor started his construction job in the yard at 4:30 a.m. Sleeping 2 hours a night if I'm lucky. After more then 18 yrs of living with similar conditions one will react in one of 2 ways: a. give up and just accept it or wake up with the following thought as i did today b. THis neighbor with the van is going to be very sorry that he fucked with me!

I've come to the sad conclusion that the "peaceful conflict mediation" way rarely works with fellow urban apt. dwellers in the average poor neighborhood!

Ran into Linda* at the bus stop. She was in the bunk bed above me for almost a month at the so called Christian shelter. She's my age with Down's but insists she has no disabilities.

She theoretically has no income but has been staying at the "ex-con" inn for 8 weeks. It costs 450 a month. I asked her how she is paying for it. She said her mother and the church. She said that her mother refused to help unless she cuts off ties with the "so called fiance in prison" Linda refused, so the mother gave in and helped anyway. Linda showed me a pic. of the convict and said she is moving to CA in Dec. and they are going to live happily ever after. She said she'd be "bedding" the guy in the motel room next door if it weren't for her promise to the convict. Linda looks alot like Shrek's wife.

So, somehow, Linda finds money to send to the guy in prison. When she bumps into me she monologues me and doesn't care what I or anyone thinks about her choices. When she told me that her mother gave her the ultimatum, I said I agreed with it, but Linda just rolled right over what I said and kept talking.

Thus is the life in this small mountain town, where most are unemployed, underemployed or homeless, unless they happen to be tourists on their way to the big sites............................

"Nickel and Dimed" (revised version 2011)

2011-08-23T15:08:00.000-07:00

I'm afraid I do not know how to cut and paste but m.r. sent me Ehrenreich's comments on how the nickel and dimed book of '01 really changed societal thinking on many levels, about the poor. Please check it out and comment, you will not regret it!

"Protecting oneself from the elements"

2011-08-18T14:37:00.001-07:00

This is truly a challenge in this bizarre climate I live in! Many people come to this state because they are under the impression that the entire state is warm, but this is a huge fallacy!

Some come to this town claiming that they love the 4 seasons. What a joke! 4 seasons?! There are 3 seasons! Wind, sun, and monsoon!

For as long as I can remember I have been the "poster child for sun protection!" I can remember, Bill and I were at a nude optional hippie fest in Australia where we were living. It was January 94, and I can still visualize this photograph of me. I've got the floppy hat, sunglasses, a long green t shirt, and a long beige skirt with my birkenstocks!

Here in this town and state I have started something new. (Well, new for me) I actually carry an umbrella all the time. This time of year we'll have for example, all in one day, 2 hours of pouring rain, then blistering hot sun for 2 hours, then more rain with the sun shining.

The parasol, keeps me from getting burned (skin cancer a big problem here), and generally keeps me a little cooler. I'm told that in parts of Florida it is very common for people to carry an umbrella as sun protection.

Additionally I have to wear a wide brimmmed hat, foundation with spf15, long sleeves, long pants, and to top it all off, if it's before 5 p.m., RUN FOR THE NEAREST SHADY SPOT!

I can't stress enough how dangerous the sun is here. With the altitude and the thin air one just can't be too careful. It's ironic how so many of us chase the sun, seek that "perfect" climate, just to find that once we get there we have to run from it!

Soul Train Line Dance to Glady's Knight & The Pips.MP4

2011-08-15T15:50:00.000-07:00

"Daddy could swear!"

Homeless at B.S. motel/part2

2011-08-15T15:29:00.000-07:00

I was so nauceous I had to walk the 1.5 blocks to the Walgreens and buy a scented candle and lighter. I try to then walk back to b.s. but my night vision is poor, I have to cross a busy highway and I pray I don't get hit. I feel like I should "watch my back" this is my first time out after dark since leaving MD.

Even after 2.5 hours of "Glade Hawaiin the smell disgusts me. I hope I'll be able to get some sleep despite it all. The "clean" towles are yellowed and smell bad. Even the toilet has excrement on it. there is human feces on the wall, and there are no motel refunds for any reason.

I try to cheer myself up by watching a Frank Sinatra musical on t.v. and it helps a tenny bit. Someone is calling my cell but since I have no minutes I can't answer the phone. Some support and conversation would have been nice.

I pay a strung out fellow tenant to help me with my cell phone, she's nice but can't figure out my phone. She recommends me to move to a larger city where she feels there are more options for the poor and homeless.

"looking back at 5/13/2011"

2011-08-15T15:18:00.000-07:00

Left the deplorable conditions of the homeless shelter on approx. 4/30/11. I bounced around in different environments trying to make it on my own with just a dis. income. I did not succeed. One of the environs I ended up in, oddly, has the acronym, b.s. Here is the entry from my journal.

5/13/11

B.S. very dangerous! I arrive 7 p.m. ; it smells horrible. I become nauceious. It's dark inside, with cinder block walls; the lamps are from the 50's and don't provide any more light then a candle would.

There is bed bug excrement, bug body parts on everything. Human hair and a dead fly on the "clean" sheets. I smell the pillows, they smell disgusting.

I take off the pillow case, somone had set fire to it and it was encrusted with dead maggots! Brought it to the manager and asked for a new room.

The new room was just as bad. All pillows had blood, urine on them and all 3 chairs in the room were encased with scum and dismembered bugs!

I was so nauceous I had to walk 1.5blocks

the sugar hill gang rapper's delight

2011-08-08T18:02:00.000-07:00

"Wish there were some good dance clubs in this town!"

Ice Cube - It Was A Good Day (HD)

2011-08-08T17:52:00.000-07:00

check out "vh1 behind the music" on cable

50 Cent - Candy Shop ft. Olivia

2011-08-08T17:42:00.000-07:00

"now that' hot!"

Stevie Wonder - Living for the City

2011-08-08T17:38:00.000-07:00

"you've got to see this one!"

Stevie Wonder-Living for the City

2011-08-08T17:36:00.000-07:00

"Who else is feelin' Stevie?"

50 Cent - In Da Club

2011-08-08T17:28:00.000-07:00

"What I've been jammin' to since my birthday"

"POP AND LOCK"

2011-08-08T17:25:00.000-07:00

"What I'm watching, listening to"

Grandmaster Flash The Message HQ

2011-08-08T17:16:00.000-07:00

the story of my life since 1/94

On 7/20/11

2011-08-06T17:17:00.000-07:00

Some time between 10 p.m. on 7/19 and noon 7/20 I fell unconscious at the dye inn. I don't know who found me Weds. morning I presume it was the landlord. I woke up around 3 in the afternoon on 7/21 in the i.c.u. and the nurse told me where I was and that I had been revived and essentially i guess brought back to life.

I was in the hospital all together for 7 days, and as you know I was also evicted the morning I "died"

So, the hospital said that they may just discharge me to the streets,, and I told them that would be a very very bad idea. So, there were a couple of people who did care and managed to get me a voucher for 7 nights in another roach motel. During that 7 day period I fought my way back into subsidized housing, I've been in there 2 days. I have a kind roomie who I've met once.

Still racked with serious illness and excruciating bodywide muscle, nerve, joint and arthritis pain mostly 24/7. Fibromyalgia and post lyme are devastating. This is NOT an acceptable quality of life.

Overview and Update

2011-07-18T14:33:00.001-07:00

7/18/11

Monday afternoon

Here's a tad bit of an overview of the last 3.5 months in this small mountain town. I really like an awful lot about this town despite my inhumane and deplorable life conditions. I've easily had 15 addresses if not more.

Shelter A didn't let me back after i got out of the hospital because they said "you don't sleep well communally" While i was in hosp. about 300 dollars worth of my belongings dissapeared from this so called Christian Shelter.

Shelter B only let me stay 3 days saying that "you aren't in enough danger to warrant staying in our shelter"

Subsidized Housing Community "Hippo-krits" said they are unlikely to approve me because "you are in so much danger on a day to day level that your presence here will jeapordize the other tenants"

Since 6/1 I've been in Dye-Inn motel. Squalor and danger. My roomate is a psychopath and my room has been violated, broken into daily. My monthly rate was 300, but the owners just changed over to a weekly rate of 175 a week. So with less then 24 hours notice they evicted me last night and told me i have to be out today.

I went thru in my head all of the theoretical options and can come up with none that are healthy or viable.

Agency D was planning to fund a move in to a new place, but that will be a few days and I'll be on the street til that happens. Looks like I'm going to lose all of my belongings again. Today is cold andrainy. With no car and no money for a storage unit i risk that all of my belong. will be put on the curb. Despite the fact that it is illegal for landlords to evict with so little notice, they are going to do it anyway and there is no time or energy to fight it.......................

"This is an actual 9-1-1 call"

2011-07-06T15:51:00.000-07:00

Like I said the first thing I did was scream when I witnessed what appeared to be an attempted vehicular homicide 3 weeks ago. I yelled for my psycho roomate to call the police since he was closest to the phone. He laughed but didn't make the call.

"911, do you need police, fire or ambulance"

elana-"POLICE, HURRY!"

911-"calm down maam, what is your emergency"

elana-Hurry! There was just an attempted vehicular homicide at the motel I'm in!"

911-"Are there any weapons?"

elana-"Please, please come now!!! Yes, the weapon is the truck."

911-"what color is the truck"

elana-"red, it's here it's right outside the bedroom window, hurry, he just crashed into the bldg when he tried to kill my neighbor!"

911-"so there's property damage too? maam we have them on the way right now"

-------------------------------------------------

(What led me to look out the window in the first place was a verbal fight that I heard escalating in the park. lot between 2 males. Additionally, another fight, verbal broke out between 2 women at the same time. "BITCH? BITCH? WHO YOU CALLIN BITCH, BITCH?!"

The male with the red truck had that oh so familiar look of fury in his eyes, the look of murderous rage that I grew so accustomed to seeing in Baltimore as road rage is so common where I lived for so long. The male threw the gears into drive, then slammed it into reverse presumably to hit and kill his opponent.

From the angle of my "bedroom" window-all I could see was him. The next day I learned that the male who was not in the vehicle had pulled a gun on the guy with the truck!

I wish I could tell you that my life is calming down but the day to day is still toxic and I do not feel safe for a # of reasons..............As long as Americans are forced to live on a dis. income, with housing costs so high they will continue to be homeless, or living in squalor and danger as I have spent a great deal of the last 17.5 years.....................

Oddly, there were no arrests. In the 5 weeks I've been staying at "dye-inn" every day is filled with drama, the cops visit this roach motel multiple times a day.

"Standin' on the Corner"

2011-07-06T15:46:00.000-07:00

http://youtu.be/ScxHC1HDkcs

What are the chances?! My neighbor, and now friend, the person who has been the most supportive since i've been in this mountain town, is the very woman for which this infamous Eagles song was written. Specifically, my friend, C. is the woman for which this line was written "it's a girl my lord in a flatbed ford!" And she even still has the same flatbed ford in her ownership!

Now, I'll have a new ref. in my brain every time i hear this song on the radio in the futre! I thought you guys could use a little light fun trivia from me.

"Eat, Pray, Love" (the movie)

2011-06-27T18:49:00.000-07:00

Things that happened this year on and related to my birthday, reminded me so much of this movie. I believe this movie's main message, is that it's better to take risks in your life, then stagnate. In Julia's case, that meant leaving where she was living and traveling the world.

I'm hardly travelling the world, but what I did was scary and it was a big risk. But no matter how hard, I never regret having tried new things in my life.

So, Julia meets so many wonderful people along the way. I'd like to tie this into my birthday.

On the 23rd, I made a guy named Larry who had his van set up in a park lot. He has his wares that me makes, lying on a big blanket. There was a perfectly stenciled sign stating "Please see my wares, I'm trying to earn enough gas $ to get to my destination"

I told him that agency x, 3 blocks down will give him gas. He said, "no, i don't take charity but thank you anyhow. "

He told me of his wares and how he made them, then gave me 2 items and wished me a happy birthday.

Onmy b-day my g-friend had to cancel lunch at the last minute so I went to denny's alone. On the way to denny's there was guy walking there, to put in a job app. I told him I was going for the free birthday lunch. He stayed with me thru my meal.

On the bus back, I met a bi-lingual 5 year old, who I practiced my Spanish with. It was a real gift to meet her. We translated back into Spanish for her grand mama who doesn't know muxch english.

Then I sat in my fave coffee shop. I invited a family from Holland to join me. They had an 8 year old who could not stop dancing in her seat. I couldn't stop smiling she was such a joy, yet her parents were annoyed cuz she was being a kid. I told Anika that she is so much like me, when she hears the music she can't stp dancing. The father insisted on buying me a slice of blueberry pie for my bday.

Out front I made another new friend who just moved here from Seattle. We talked for about 45 min. I told him it was my b-day and told him y I moved here. Just as he left, he gave me 10 dollars and said "Have a happy b-day"

I told Anika "You know Anika, this is what makes life rich, this is the best part of life, the unplanned stuff where I get to meet people like you!"

She said "I just want you to have a very happy birthday!"

We gave each other a long hug before her family headed out for the rest of their trip!

"overview of 4/7/11 thru 6/27/11

2011-06-27T18:24:00.000-07:00

1 homeless shelter between 4/8 and 4/11

2 homeless shelters in town 2 between 4/11 and 5/31

approximately 12 motel rooms

shelter 3 asked me to leave after i had been there 72 hours. their reason? you aren't in enough danger to warrant staying at this particular shelter. they put me literally on the street on friday of mem day weekend. there i am on a major highway with a suitcase and a backpack not knowing if i'll be on a park bench while i watch everyone going away for the long weekend!

pedro, who i met at the bus stop told me that if i have absolutely nowhere to go i can stay with him at sleaze motel. that's what i ended up having to do. altho' pedro was covered with tatoos, i knew in my heart that he would never hurt me. that DID turn out to be true. it made him very happy to be able to help a damsel in distress.

it was a living hell tho because i had to share his bed. the heater only stayed on for one hour at a time and he had to keep getting up to light the pilot light. i had no towel but he said he was afraid to ask motel owner to get me one. so i used baby wipes instead of shwering, but he leant me the money to buy the baby wipes! on my last day there, i naughtily asked the housekeeper for a clean towel. the walls are gray the place is filthy and smells like mold. the people next door are blaring the hyper loud stereos, and pedro has bruxism, restless leg syndrome and is literally bounding out of bed at night.

boy was i shocked when he admitted that he cant' read a word. he'd walk around with his shirt off and i asked him about his tatoos. i told him i saw "locked up raw" and that tats often symbolize affil. with gang. he said "yes i was, in my old life" i noticed that he was mbating real loud in the shwer so that i could hear him-this made me think about locked up raw where the guys mbate everytime a woman walks by.

so, when the time was right, i said "have you ever been in prison?"

pedro-"yes"

me-"for how long?" (rememeber i'm a journalist so people tend to be very honest with me, i think they sense that i'm not there to judge)

pedro-"i was in prison for ten years"

me-"did u ever kill anyone?"

pedro-"i would never take a life"

me-y were you there?

pedro-"assault"

so anywho, pedro's doc told him that if he doesn't get his arm operated on he'll lose it. but his full time restaurant job doesn't provide health insurance. when he got his mail from dept. of social services, i asked him if he'd like me to read it to him.

he was touched that i wanted to do that so affectionately gave me a quick rub on the arm, as i read that "pedro makes too much for food stamps and too much for health care"

I counseled him thru his various options so he can get his operation.

So, my 3rd day there he comes back from work, and he says "my psych. says i should tell u that i want to make love to u"

elana-"I knew that. You told me that as soon as u met me." (in body language and such)

pedro-"My pscy. says you owe me sex because you are staying with me. and my psych. also says that he's afraid that I'll rape you!"

elana-(omg what a life i have) "Well, y would he say that? You've never raped anyone!"

pedro-"i don't know!"

--------------------------------------------

While P. was at work, I reported the broken heater. The l.l. said he's not required to fix it, then he said, i noticed you hear alot how long will you be here. I said I'd only be here for the hol. weekend. (but i had no idea where i'd go)

So, on Tues. I got an offer to rent a cheap room at what has turned out to be a very dangerous motel and I have an abusive psychopathic roomate. I'm praying to be out in a few days. I consider myself still homeless even tho' I'm paying on a place.

last mon. night, the guy 2 doors down pulled a gun on neighbor 2. I was watching this out my bedroom window. Guy #two gets in his truck ragefully lunges it forward, goes into reverse and then it felt like he crased into my bldg as what appeared to be attempted vehicular homicide! I screamed for my roomie to call 911. He just laughed.

to be continued

HI! I am technically still alive!

2011-06-16T19:22:00.000-07:00

6/16/11

The biggest aspects of my life, tragically over the last 18 years, are the very thing that I have not been able to put on the blog using my real name. ty for loving me and rooting for me. Between 6/05 and 6/11 I lived through a series of violent crimes that will shock both the nation and the world.

The reason I have not been able to blog about that aspect of life is because the criminals are not yet behind bars. In the last 6 years, and through serious long term disease, I have been "working" almost full time as a dtective. I have an enormous amount of evidence on one of the individuals, enough to lock him up for life.

I did not get the police support that I needed in maryland. On 4/6/11 I was forced to abandon my apt. , all belongings that had not yet been destroyed or stolen, as well as my vehicle which was still running.

I have been living homeless ever since in another state, and have since 4/7 had approximately 15 adddresses with another address change coming up soon. I have temporarily lost my section 8 certificate through no fault of my own.

As I said before, if i could tell you the whole truth of what my day to day life has been and is still like, using elana snyder, which is my real and given name; i have no doubt i'd have thousands of hits each day on this blog.

Needless to say, in addition to the fibromyalgia and post lyme disease goes a crippling despondency. But, at least in the last 2 days, I feel myself pulling out of it. My support system here in this town is much much and worlds better then it ever has been in my whole life. I live in a town which is open and friendly. too bad the climate sucks. I feel like I fit in better here then I did in Balto. since I have always been at heart, warm and friendly myself.

I certainly did not like what Baltimore and the 18 years of crushing poverty had turned me into. My desire to sing, and write, and get back into photography has returned.

Thank you for caring and ty for being there

Love,

Elana

2011-04-03T22:44:00.001-07:00

2011-04-03T22:41:00.000-07:00

Journal entries of 10/14/05 and 10/15/05

2011-03-24T16:19:00.002-07:00

Again I only slept about 1.5 hours last night, got up had oatmeal then slep another 2 hours. Feel like a prisoner here at La Pew Housing. I feel exhausted. It's horrific being without a phone and I'm just going to HAVE to get out of the house. I'm penniless.

Walked over to Alaskan coffee with the free coffee coupon. Couldn't find it so the clerk found an extra one and rang it in. I haven't had anything to eat. The comfy chairs are arranged in a circle of 6, but no one will look at eacher other just like at Borders Timonium. (baltimore county)

With no money for gas, bus, or food I start the 2.8 mile trek/walk to the free phone at X bank in Towson. I hope to make job search, business AND social calls.

I finished 2 calls when the manager came over and told me I'd have to leave. I then proceeded to walk the 4 blocks to Trader Joes grocery because it's a good place to "hitchike" from. I need to hitchhike the 2 miles north to the free phone at x bank in Timonium.

On my first call, the manager asks me who I'm calling. I thought to myself "I don't have to tell her that" (p.s. I am an x bank account holder!) She asked me to leave.

I started the 2 mile very dangerous trek south on York road. I've got 2 choices. I can give up the job hunt all together, or go back to the x bank closet to my apt. and make th calls. That manager is less then thrilled with me using that phone as well. But with no phone usage I'll be nearly 100% shut off socially , and economically until my next disability check arrives in November. What a horrible way to live.

8 p.m. Ran into D.C. from my old theatre group "Gimme Shelter Productions" We talked in trader joes for about 25 minutes. He says he can't believe all of the horrible things I've lived thru. He says that because of my education and "spirit" it's very hard for him to understand why it won't get better for me. He then turned to the cashier and said "She's got an angelic singing voice by the way"

I tried to go to the library to do some creative writing but the library is closed.

10/15/05

I've arrived here at the welfare office at 8:10 a.m., one hour before my appt. time. I had just enough gas to get there and home. There were only 10 people in front of me in line, unlike on Tuesday, where there were roughly 150 people in the waiting room. There is a lovely woman sitting next to me named Wanda who is here helping her brother get food stamps. She said good morning to me the instant I sat down. I was "running" on about an hour sleep so I was ywawning violently. I really enjoyed her company until she tried to convert me!

When the caseworker called my name, all that happened was, the clerk flipped through some 60 applications, frustrated because she couldn't find mine.

I thought it's too bad we aren't allowed to photocopy our applications since welfare (dss) is such a disorganized mess. I asked the clerk if she wants me to help her find it. She said no. I attempted to diplomatically ask her why they don't alphabetize the applications? "The supervisor won't let us!" she replied. She stapled my appt. slip to my form, and then asked me to sit and wait for my name to be called again.

I went back to my seat for about another 20 minutes. Remarkably the caseworker I was assigned to was kind and professional. She said that I'd have to wait about 6 weeks before I'd receive any food stamps! I asked her/told her I needed a referaal slip for the food pantries.

She gave me only 1 slip, for only 1 food pantry where I was given mostly food that I can't eat or am allergic to. It was 2 days worth of food that I need to make last for 6 weeks!

Should I let my life waste away in abject poverty and an inability to find work? Or should I just bite the bullet and start applying for grants to get the Masters in Counseling?

When I left d.s.s. I went to get $3 worth of gas. That was enough gas to take my car and myself to trader Joels for 4 ounces of free coffee from the demo bar. Jerry the chiropracter happened to be at the bar too. He told me that he was at T.Joe's to do some much needed grocery shopping. I was silent. What could I say? "Oh, not me, I don't have any money to buy food?!" (of course not)

10/14/05 and 10/15/05

2011-03-24T16:19:00.001-07:00

"Dormant"

2011-03-10T17:11:00.000-08:00

I wonder how long a blog can stay dormant without being deleted. What I can tell you is that, believe you me, the fact that I have not said anything at all in a month, and nothing personal in ages, well that speaks volumes my friends. By no means have I lost my desire to write. Like I said in a prior posting, if I could tell you on this blog, what's going down, I'd get thousands of hits a day. I have n doubt whatsoever that this blog would get thousands of readers a day, if I could share with you what's happening. I am NOT enjoying my lack of voice.

my perception changed radically

2011-02-05T02:06:00.000-08:00

i DID love carroll county maryland in the late 70's and 80's. Used to go to Sportsman's Hall, Cascade Lake, used to come up here to visit my boyfriend between 88 and 90 he grew up in Manchester. Driving to and through Carroll County was a joy.

No more. Other then it's natural beauty, (which will remain no matter how sick the society becomes) by no means do i perceive it as a place of peace. I am sad to say this but , violent crime IS alive and well in Carroll County Maryland, regardless of whether or not it makes the papers.

I think one of the first signs that qol has dropped so much in c.c. is all of the road rage. I mean if everyone on the roads is behaving angrily and using their vehicles as weapons of assault-is it any wonder that violent crimes are up? I see a close correlation here.

Everyone is in a big ass 4 by 4 dodge frickin ram terminator-and feel that if you are driving less then 80 mph you basically don't deserve to live!

In the last 4 months, I've had experiences in c.c. where the male got out of their vehicle right in the middle of the road, and either approached or tried to approach my driver's window in a fit of rage about me doing the speed limit.

Last week, someone angrily passed me on Black Rock just to speed in front of me and head for the same destination as my own. As per usual behavior at J. Mart they flew through the lot. and then to the pump in front of me. I thought that interesting. Now i beeped to alart her to pull to the forwardmost pump so I can get gas too. I kept beeping and she refused to move her car forward. Finally, she flung open her car door and said "what is your problem bitch?" I said I just need you to move forward so I can get gas.

THIS IS AMERICA. She shouted. I will dow what I please when I please. If you want gas then pass me bitch. She continued to scream. I told her it's common sense that you move to the front pump. I had to wedge my way between her car and the car at the other pump to get in front of her-just so she could stand her ground of "why should I be kind to you"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another lesson I've learned since my first episode of homelessness in 94 is this: for every piece of "news" that mainstream media decides to publish in your local paper, there are hundreds and hundreds of things "they" would prefer to leave alone and not cover. Just keep that in mind when you read the newspaper. What are they leaving out? Are we hearing the truth?

"Favorite Quotes"

2011-01-23T18:12:00.000-08:00

I was listening to an NPR show where they were discussing mistakes that government officials had made that deeply hurt citizens lives. For example the mistakes made during Katrina when it took Bush so long to get down there but even then all he did was fly over.

Another mistake was where this guy was put in solitary confinement for 9 months and it was later discoverd that he didn't commit the crime.

Anyhow, the quote, more or less was "A badge does not necessarily confer omniscience."

"Overheard"

2011-01-06T15:01:00.000-08:00

I used to compile these little diddys on a fairly regular basis. These are the things I overheard, all in one day, but in different shops.

Enjoy!

(I overheard this anecdote at Caribou Coffee in Baltimore County)

"My friend only lasted 1 year in Fells Point" She was mugged @ gunpoint at the 7-11.She kept her bicycle on the back porch and the chain was cut, then the bike was stolen. Her car was stolen from her house, driven to a field and then set on fire. She has now moved to Harford County"

------------------------------------------

Anecdote 2

Panera Bread

"And that's why I hate liberals"

-------------------------------------------

Anecdote 3

Carroll County Subway 4 males at table

"Yeah, but you can still get an erection!"

Please spare me the b.s.

2011-01-04T19:27:00.000-08:00

To Whom it may concern,

and the cashier at "ihop"

and the clerk at "starbox"

please spare me the bullshit and stop asking me how my holidays were. You do not know me and you do not give a cat's meow how my holiday's were. What you do care about is announcing how YOUR holiday's were, and that is what your true agenda is. Please can we now look forward instead of backwards? If you ask me this question again, i will respond, "what holiday?!"

update without any details

2011-01-01T19:24:00.000-08:00

For the time being I cannot transmit the details electronically, although I wish I could because then I'd actually make alot of money because I'd have thousands reading my blog daily, and I am NOT KIDDING you when I tell you that the details of this situation are so shocking and I wish I could transmit them, but I can't, at least, not at this point.

I am homeless again.

What Would You Do? - ABC News - Aiding the Fallen

2010-12-22T22:23:00.000-08:00

I've experienced this many many times in my life, sometimes it's me who fell, sometimes it's others.

Some of my most memorable experiences are on the baltimore buses where customers fall all the time. I've caught a couple of them before they hit the ground and a couple of times people fell ontop of me on the bus.

But there was one times where a very large man fell and was lying in the middle of the aisle of the #8 bus york road going north. I couldn't lift him and I alerted the driver. None of the other customers would look at him or speak to him nobody seemed to care that he was lying there not even the driver.

In this video, I'm so touched by this Linda woman. Love this show.

"Rare, rare events in the Baltimore region"

2010-12-22T20:06:00.000-08:00

You've certainly listened to me rant on topics such as these in the past. If I compare the # of times I've been in a cafe per year to the # of times that a stranger seemed interested in connecting or speaking with me, it would come to oh, 1 out of every 30 or 50 times there might be someone whose eyes are not 100% glued to their electronic appendage!

Yesterday I was at one of the cafes where the tables are 2 to 3 inches apart from each other. Remarkably, for the most part that does NOT make it more likely that someone would make eye contact with a person at a neighboring table. In many but not all cases if I'm alone that I'm extremely open to making a new acquaintance. But I note if they are with their device and don't want to connect then I most certainly respect that.

I assume that people who don't make eye contact don't want to speak to anyone-but maybe I'm wrong about that. They guy that was spaced just a few inches away from me never looked up from his Blackberry 'cept to return my smile when I sat down.

The carols were loud and oppressive and the speaker was right above my head. I needed a break from all the driving I'm forced to do especially now that I'm in Carroll County.

AFter I had been sitting for about 30 minutes I said "oh no" Some particularly painful song came on (similar to the Chipmunks singing Christmas Carols) and I responded out loud to that. They guy next to me laughed and said "It's really bad" He said it with an Israeli accent. It turned out that he is one of the few who despite the Blackberry addiction he loves to talk with new people.

He asked surprisingly intimate questions given that I am a stranger. I told him about having been homeless and he replied "See that guy right there?" "Yes, I said" He said "He's homeless

I studied the guys face and realized that he's the guy whose blog I read occasionally. I went over and introduced myself to him and he said "I was reading your blog earlier today!"

There's a definite upside to technology. That you can meet someone first online and then find out that your fan is sitting just a few seats down from you is incredibly neato...............................

"Chance encounter at the coffeeshop"

2010-12-12T18:28:00.000-08:00

Last September I was speaking with a woman in a cafe who is an occupational therapist. She was on her way to meet a patient who is also seeking a companion. I told her I might be interested in helping.

She took me to meet "Wanda" 62. Wanda was friendly but of course there was no time to talk one on one. She is the adoptive mother of 3 babies from India.

I tried to reach her to arrange a get together and it just never happened, I couldn't get through. I tried one more time yesterday.

She said she also did not grow up in Carroll County. She grew up in the same suburban neighborhood as my birthmother. They went to the same high school, and are about the same age. I said, I doubt you know her, but her name is unusual and this is her name. Wanda said Do I know her?! I grew up 2 doors down and played with her throughhout my childhood!

Wanda told me all sorts of things I didn't know. (I know nothing of birthmother's childhood or her siblings or my grandparents) She even gave me my grandfather's name which I didn't previously know. She said that many of my family members struggled with serious illnesses, in and out of hospitals. She said my grandmother was quite remiss in her parenting skills and let the girls run wild.

She told me all sorts of crazy stories which I can't post here, but I was thrilled to learn about. I don't even so much as have any photos. Non adoptees takes their heritage information for granted but for me it's a gift to know even a little about my grandmother's personality-I only got to meet her once during reunion in 89.

Her firstgift for me was a red tennis shoe keychain stuffed with a 5 dollar bill in it! I thought it was precious! I never saw her again, but I sure wish i did, as she passed a few years ago.

Wanda said that when people would call my grandmother's house, she would pick up the phone and say: "Ring ring, ring ring!" Every time! Sounds a bit quirky, I can't think of a SOUL who inherited that trait!

Yes

2010-12-08T22:37:00.001-08:00

I'm still here. I just can't transmit electronically what's going on. Glad my account is still here.

"Welcome New Readers"

2010-11-15T21:36:00.000-08:00

In Summer 09 shortly after moving to Carroll County, MD, I began to lose both my speaking AND singing voice. Needless to say I was terrified. I even started recording my voice on a mini recorder and I'd play it back and could not believe it was me. I feared I might have the same condition that NPR spokesperson Diane Rehm was diagnosed with "Spasmodic Dysphonia"

I really hadn't performed as a singer since 2001 primarily due to health and the cycling in and out of homelessness.

I wasn't quite sure that I'd ever be able to sing again.

With that in mind, my first boyfriend Steve came over and we made a rough, unrehearsed youtube video of me singing, just so we could have SOMETHING some type of recording giving the public some sort of indication of what vocal capacity might be left.

Here are those rough looking and rough sounding recordings. I look a tad bit like a martian who forgot to brush her hair. I'm not sure why these videos are so green!

Please enjoy.

www.youtube.com "elainasnyder1" "elainasnyder2"

www.thebaltimoresun.com

2010-11-10T18:13:00.000-08:00

please go there:

and

"vote now for maryland's most outstanding blogs"

deadline to cast your vote is 11/12/10

please check out my friend johnnie's blog:

"maryland on my mind"

Why Is Society Being Dumbed Down? www.mercola.com

2010-11-09T22:00:00.000-08:00

I heard the phrase a few years back didn't really know what it meant. It just occured to me today to google it. You know that I find most people so exhausting to interact with, and I always wonder, what the HELL is going on? The seed has been planted for me, and I plan to research this. Please go back and read some of my customer service blogs for example and you'll see why most all human interaction is absolutely exhausting for me.

Today, I needed just a little something to hold me over until I could get to the restaurant. I was at one of those 24 hour stores with a subway in it. I don't like alot of heavily processed junk food and that wasn't really what I wanted. I asked the Subways clerk if I could buy just 2 slices of cheese, that of course was a huge ordeal.

The girl wrapped up ONE SLICE OF CHEESE!

I said I need two slices of cheese! She took one slice of cheese cut it in half then tried to charge for for 2. I said, I'm sorry, but in the REAL world that is ONE slice of cheese! She said: "You know? Your right!"

Finally! But, this IS the rule, not the exception in the intelligence dept.

About a year ago, I was considering eating at The Olive Grove in Pikesville. I spoke with the woman who answerd the phone.

"What is the average price of a meal" I asked.

"What chu mean, "average" she asked.

"You don't know what AVERAGE MEANS?!" i said.

She said: "Chu mean da highest?" or "da lowest?"

I thought, Hmmmm, I think I'll have to find somewhere else to take my business to! I hope I've sparked your curiousity too on "The dumbing down of America" and got you thinking about your own day to day interactions with store clerks and the like!

Carole King & James Taylor - Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow

2010-11-07T02:11:00.000-08:00

WOW! Beautiful, both of them. They and their voices are aging so gracefully-don't you think?

Yesterday's Highlights

2010-11-06T15:32:00.000-07:00

So Manager told me that if I want my locks changed it would have to be done before 4 p.m. because locksmiths DON'T WORK AFTER 4 P.M. Excuse me but do I look like I was born yesterday? (Locksmith will charge landlord more after 4 p.m.)

So, I'm waiting on the locksmith to get me out of the apt that I'm trapped in. I've got the window open which I have to do anyway because the second hand smoke makes it impossible to breathe. I hear voices outside the window. Hellow Hellow I say I feel scared and I have to leave I have 3 appts. Nobody acknowledges me or comforts me in any way even tho' they know I'm trapped. In fact this is what I hear:

A male voice says: "So, how have you been?"

WTF I think? HOw have I been what the fuck? How have I been?

How long wil it take you to get me out of here I ask, I have 3 appts? And I need a key for later?

"Take out the window screen" He shouts at me. He's out there with the manager. I peruse the lving room window screen but the clips for the screen are under the double windows there is no human way possible for me to do this! I'd hav to just take a knife and slice the window screens out!

Why is he instructing me to do this?

He says nothing else to me and he and the manager are discussing what they think the door issues are instead of asking me when I'm the one who knows exactly what the vandal does to the door and the 2 locks! They are pretty much acting like I'm invisible. So I said let me show you what's going on with the door knob. I put my hand on the door knob to show how it's come complete loose. He yelled GET OUT OF MY WAY AND LET ME DO MY JOB!

I was so enraged that I forgot that I had put a pot on for coffee. I gathered up all my stuff and left for my days appts! I started my car. I have not slept for months. I can't find my wallet. I went back in and did not find the wallet, saw the pot of water boiling down to practically nothing (of course turned it off but said nothing) and thought about what it would have been like to spend the rest of the winter in the cold weather homeless shelter in Westminster MD. I am basically a Smoky the Bear like person who is anal about fire safety and NEVER EVER EVER EVER makes mistakes like this. As a child a rele. was staying with us who was drunk and fell asleep smoking and nearly burned our house down...............

So, I go to a Dr's appt. with a specialist who I have never been to before and my initial first few seconds intuition is this guy is bad news. Appts over and I'm reporting him and he's probably going to lose his license.

Go to wegmans.

Try to go home.

Dept. of Road works has closed off Fall road just after sundown. I literally know no other way home but to drive back into the city then west on northern parkway and north on reisterstown road.

I'm in literal terror over the detour sign and think to myself a detour to where? How can they possibly detour us if they don't know what our destination is? This is a losing battle because the roads are pitch black and rural with no street lights or street signs. This is a rare scenario where i find a rural store that is open. Other cars are pulling in and turning around. I speak to anyone who will speak to me. One man says "I'd help you but it would be going out of my way" (Oh dear lord and god forbid we go out of our way for a stranger) I spend a good 40 minutes tryiing to get directions from people) One elderly woman is also panicked and her nose is so high in the air she's got to have a terrible ache in the neck. Richer then the queen of England. Said she has no cell becuse she lent it to her son. I said I'd let you borrow my second cell but it isnot charged. And if you like we can create a caravan for safety............(she bows out)

The clerk sends me on a route that sounds like bad news and was. It was like mountain roads with switchbacks that looked like they were undiscovered. when i called 911 to say where i was he said are you sure it's in baltimore?!

me: "it's dover road going north, house # 123"

cop what road

me dover road

what road

dover road

what road again

dover road

can't you WRITE IT DOWN?

so your going west the cop asked? i'm looking it up on google

I come to the terrifying notion that if you needed a cop to come and get you after you've been shot you'd probably die waiting. Well he's dickin' me around so I stop the car get out, ask the woman behind me if i'm heading in right direction she says you are fairly close

I say, I'll pay you to take me there. she said you can follow me. I said to cop, some one is going to let me follow them

I said to woman thaink you because look i'm going to fall asleep behind whell if i don't get home soon

i get into car and start up engine and she has left me

So I keep driving and i dead end into some unmarked road. I study for houses that appear to have a light on. I eventually find a side road called arcadia, i remember there is an arcadia md that feeds into 30 i pray it's the right one.

Does DPW realize how deadly these detours can be? Shouldn't DPW be required to have men stationed all along the detour to be providing help and directions. This is

RIDICULOUS

trapped in my home again just like february

2010-11-05T11:33:00.000-07:00

I'm trapped in here again. That same vandal attempted to remove my doorknob. Instead, he was only able to render it null and void. As a result, i can't get out the door at all I am trapped inside. Rescue crew on their way.

Soul Train Old timers

2010-11-03T18:30:00.000-07:00

Walking Home

2010-11-03T17:02:00.000-07:00

In just 3 minutes this video describes a life time of experiences for me, but especially of the last 17 years when my partner and i broke up and i was in largely urban/suburban areas. For every person who argues that you should "get out of your car" and "take the bus" and one and on.

for every person who ever asked a women "yeah, but were you REALLY on the streets" Even if a woman is sheltered for the overnight, if she so much as walks without male acoompaniment AT ALL, she is treated as if she deserves NO RESPECT. She CAN NOT WIN. If she smiles, it is treated as a come on, if she ignores, shes BITCH.

So, in modern society, the frickin mega 350 4x4 titanium terminator as opposed to the metro, or the light rail or the subway protects a woman from this, from muggings, from rapes, from murder, from who knows what?

All of these things are realistic considerations for every woman whoREALLY KNOWS from experience,,,,,when she hears those,,,,,,who don't (and many are white males) say that we are should happily be gliding along on our bicycles to work in all sorts of weather and in all sorts of neighborhoods.

I'm sorry but

IN 2010

only the destitute walk

janis joplin interview

2010-11-02T19:50:00.000-07:00

Funny, it's always been my belief that the only people who go to high school reunions are the people who have something to show. She specifically says she's going to prove that she made it. (I've never seen her face til today) But I just did the math, and since she died at 27, she may have died before the 10th reunion even happened) anyhow , in this interview it appears the dope has really stolen quite a few of her brain cells!

Will Smith (Fresh Prince) & DJ Jazzy Jeff on Soul Train

2010-11-02T19:31:00.000-07:00

2 things comes to mind:
Did both him AND Jada Pinkett grow up in B-more

also

is he singing about Baltimore in this smooth song? I think this is a real nice presentation of this song that I have always enjoyed when it comes on the radio.

Barack Obama Dances on Soul Train.flv

2010-11-02T19:18:00.000-07:00

Damn shame it was so fuzzy as this has got to be top best dancing i've seen on a soul train line up. Next time I hope they invite me!

TV One Unsung: Minnie Riperton's Death

2010-11-02T19:05:00.000-07:00

wow! Who knew that funny girl from snl is minnie riperton's daughter? youtube is so educational!

The Mamas & Papas - Monday Monday (Hollywood Palace, 1966)

2010-11-01T14:20:00.000-07:00

wow, always one of my faves, never actually saw the video, or knew who was in the mamas and the papas. did not know mama cass was in mamas and the papas, did not know what mamas cass looked like, and did not know she grew up in baltimore.

i think she went to randallstown or pikesville high. both her and karen carpenter only made it to the early 30's.............of their lives. (she hated the moniker mama cass)

carpenters -We've Only Just Begun

2010-10-31T13:01:00.000-07:00

Attention fellow insomniacs/carpenter fans.....if you can't sleep, the next best thing is to relax via watching and listening to the late karen! I wonder if she had a boyfriend?