"A Few Steps Up"

I've been meaning to tell you about this for quite a while. Mostly all I see around me is a society in extreme dysfunction. Mostly, it's tough to get anything accomplished , especially if I have to depend on others to do their part. But every once in a while stuff gets done the right way, and it's very gratifying.

This happened almost 2 years ago. I had been noting for quite a while that the staircase in Towson, made of wood, at 1 E. Joppa, did not look safe to me. It takes you from Barnes and Noble down to the bottom of the plaza to Trader Joes. I had always been afraid to take that staircase, uneven wood, holes, just made me nervous. I thought about the hundreds and hundreds of people who absentmindedly take that staircase each day.

I told the clerk at Barnes and Noble that I had a concern about it, and she forwarded my note to the manager, who apparently contacted the person in charge , the owner I guess. Within 2 weeks the staircase was roped off, new wood was ordered, and the staircase was rebuilt!

That's "my" staircase, and it makes me happy to think that I might have saved a life or at least a few limbs from being broken!

Small victory but victory nonetheless!

You Tube Music Videos/natural antidepressant

More of my faves. (there may be some redundancy here)

rapper's delight
"hot child in the city" by Nick Gilder, Sweeney Todd
"Fire" by the Ohio Players
and of course, again, "Dancing Machine" The Jackson 5
Led Zeppelin
KC and the Sunshine Band
Marvin Gaye
Phoebe Snow-"Poetry Man
Stevie Wonder
Aerosmith

"The Bachelor/London Calling" (abc.com)

My Notes! 3/24/08

Marshana was curious about where Matt stood on inter-racial dating. He replied: "It's different in the U.K." I would have loved to hear more about that subject. No doubt it's different, I've dated men from many, many, different countries. Matt said that he finds Marshana really beautiful and essentially that she shouldn't worry about the race thing.

Matt gave Ashlee a rose, because she sings and write songs. I think Ashlee is pretty cute, do you?

Some of the drama makes me giggle, like the guy who you can't see who says stuff like

"whose dream of marrying an English gentlemna will end tonight?!"

I believe that most men melt at the sound of a nice female singing voice. Apparently Matt is no exception, as 3 or 4 of the girls in this batch are singers!

Chelsea admits to being lonely. "I want someone who is smart an d can make me laugh"

Looks like Shayne didn't realize what she was getting herself into. She is not coping well with the pressure of all of the other female competition.

Carrie asks: Do you like my dress? (to matt) (I don't think I'd fish for a compliment like that)

Personally I really don't care for Shayne too much.

Matt hates the rose ceremony as much as mark did. (mark from last season) Rose ceremony is where the girls gradually get eliminated until Matt finds his "true love"

I do really like Matt though, and it's easy to see how all these girls could fall so hard for him. I was surprised that Marshana's overtly sexual dancing did not get her eliminated. He ended up giving her a rose anyway.

I'm shocked he gave Shayne a rose.

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3/31/08

So Holly and Matt are going to see a pre-screening of "Made of Honor" WOW. WHAT A DATE! That sure did look like fun, didn't it? red carpet, paparazzi, private showing. No wonder they thought they were in love. Holly appears very lucky right now. In fact they seem perfect for one another. It may however, have been foolish for them to write their I love you message in the cement!

The Rugby Game

Oyy that looks miserable. Beating each other up looks painful, especially without protective gear, however it's easy to see how the girls could really get into the beating up part of things given what they are competing for!

I was away from the t.v. during the post rugby party, and I'm not really sure why Matt gave Robin a rose, are you?

Boy there sure is alot of jealousy on this show. I'm sure the girls know before they ever join up they those kinds of feelings are going to surface. I sure couldn't go the media route with dating, could you?

Matt told Shayne he was intrigued about her parents. I can understand her discomfort. I'm always uncomfortable talking about my parents. Shane explained that she grew up in a dysfunctional home.

Matt said that it looks like she has about 400 shoes. She said yes, as long as she has a myriad of purses, shoes, watches and cool cars she'll be happy. He said: "So you're high maintenance?" She hesitated then said: "
YES!"

I think it's really childish for the women to interrupt each other's dates, like Robin did. She really started something, didn't she? I would fear falling into disfavor if I interuppted Matt while on a date. But Robin says: "You have to fight for what you want"

They all hate her.

So, are you enjoying this season of the Bachelor?

"Why I think most people are so selfish"

Because for example, and I have lots of examples of this one. I had been looking forward to this organization's event for weeks. I even reserved a spot. They are a non profit who pay lip service to the poor. So, weeks ago I let it be known that I needed a ride. The email was forwarded to about 200 people. No one called me to offer me a ride.

I think most people are selfish because nearly every meeting I schedule, the individual or organization doesn't show at all, is 1/2 hour late, 1 hour late, etc, or calls at the scheduled time to say they are running more than 45 min. late or are not going to show at all. MEAP asked the people in our bldg. to show up in the community room twice in one week. Neither time did they show.

When my mercury sable broke down on Lake Avenue 21 months ago, everyone was angry with me. People yelled, people looked angry, but no one stopped their car to check and see if I was safe. It was a while before an officer showed, but when one did, a neighbor came out and told me and the officer "how dangerous it is for my car to be there!" DUH. What an idiot. Apparently, she and everyone else thinks it was my choice to break down.

Because people tailgate and curse at people who drive near the speed limit, suggesting that we should break the law for them because it's inconvenient to follow the law. Because when I had my car I saw so much road rage. Because drivers are mostly angry at pedestrians for slowing them down. (I'm sure there are kinder societies than Baltimore out there)

Because most clerks act "put out" that they have to serve a customer at the register or otherwise.

I could write a book on why I think that most people are selfish.............................

I love Oprah's Big Give (more on that in a different blog) but most people don't give a x#$% damn about anybody but themselves.

The 20/20 t.v. documentary "Working Girls Speak"

It was absolutely amazing. After my partner and I broke up while living in Melbourne, Australia in 3/94, he dropped me off at a hostel that was alot like a homeless shelter. I learned within a week or so that the tourist district of St. Kilda is the same street as the red light district! I ended up staying/living on Grey Street for 9 more weeks. When my passport expired I was forced to return to the states.

One day I noticed a bunch of cameramen on Grey Street. I asked them what they were doing. They said they were filming Melbourne's first documentary on prostitution! Advocates for the prostitutes (The Prostitutes Collective of Victoria) would walk around giving everyone (not just prostitutes) a bag with condoms, and a free magazine (called "Working Girl/Working Boy") which I still have to this day. The PCV had all sorts of ways to try to keep the prostitutes safe. (hmmm, and they probably have a website by now.)

I was surprised that the doc. made me so emotional. (It took 20/20 two years to finish this documentary!) It opened in Las Vegas. I learned that Nevada is the only state in America with legalized brothels. I didn't really even know exactly what a brothel was! One of the brothels featured is called the "Bunny Ranch" The prostitutes must have a full physical and a weekly test for s.t.d.'s before they are allowed to work there.

There is a receptionist who has cameras in all the rooms. She times the "couples" ( after all the men pay in advance for a specific amount of time.) The girls say they are flexible with their pricing. One thing that really surprised me and Diane Sawyer was that two of the most popular things that the men "order" (just like on a menu) are the G.F.E. and "conversation!"

Many men pay hundreds if not thousands of dollars for the gfe or conversation. The gfe is the girlfriend experience. So all the prostitutes are required to do in the "gfe" is cuddle all night, talk, watch a football game with the man , etcetera! Confirmation that there are alot of lonely people out there I reckon, and confirmation that talking is a powerful way to connect with other humans.

One employee (prost.) at the ranch is a millionaire, (from her proceeds) and is building a beautiful mansion which she let 20/20 and the viewer tour.

Lest prostituting sound glamorous, 20/20 found that all the girls who have street prostituted (prostituted illegally) have been victims of violence as a result. They are not happy.

It's always blown my mind and very much angered me that when I look through the newspapers, the best paying jobs for women in our society always involve some sort of"carnal sacrifice. " Nude modeling, erotic massage, being an actress in porn flicks, for example.

Diane asked one prostitute what's worse, marrying for money or prostituting?

Another fascinating thing that the documentary reveals is that prostitutes come from every walk of life. One was highly educated and articulate with a degree in the arts. Her full time job in the arts isn't allowing her to meet all her expenses so she is selling her body as a side job. In her case she picks 2 to 3 clients who she maintains a very long term relationship with. For example an unhappily married man who pays her 3 million a year for her services!

They interviewed one woman my age, whose situation is closer to my own then any white woman I've ever met. She is 45 and has been steadily homeless for 14 years. She lives in an "abando" (abandoned house where man prostitutes live) So 20/20 toured a few of these. It reminded me of Jonathan Kozol's book: "Rachel and her children, homeless families in America"

The documentary was phenomenal but I wished it had expanded more on the interviews with the prostitutes who specifically said that they are only doing this kind of work because it's all they know that pays a living wage.

I also saw a bit of myself in "Roxie" She has a bachelors in music so Diane asked her to sing. She chose a song that I just love to sing from Phantom of the Opera (Music of the Night) As soon as she got done that song she ran off "to work." The reason I see myself in her is because she has largely had to put the joyful things to the side in the name of survival. No one has seen Roxie after she appeared in the doc. 20/20 had a hard time finding many of the girls, (post documentary)

Did you see the special? Should prostitution be legalized? I was moved by the way it ended. Diane Sawyer read the famous biblical quote: (i paraphrase it here) "How can you judge the speck in your brother's eye when you have plank in your own?"

It's called "dressing street"

I didn't even know there was a name for what I've been doing for the last 13 years or so until a few days ago. I was reading the Baltimore Sun, specifically the Dan Rodricks column. The article was about a man who moved to Baltimore so he could rent a 2 bedroom apt. and take in a street couple for free.

Anyhow the man says that when he gets home from work he walks through the tent towns of Baltimore city to talk to and learn about the homeless and their stories. These tents are temporary shelters for the homeless people. When he mentioned that he changes when he gets home and "dresses street" before going out, I thought, "who knew it had a name!"

But when I found myself cycling in and out of homelessness in the deadly Baltimore region in summer of 95 and carless I quickly learned that it's important to look really plain, wear good walking shoes, no jewelry, and nothing that anyone else is going to want to steal. Sometimes it scares me to get complimented on something I'm wearing, (someone might want to steal it) This came true recently, as someone complimented my bus pass i.d. holder that I wear around my neck. I thought, "uh oh" And in December it was stolen right here in the library of the university! I have not replaced it. Carlessness is such a close kin to homelessness and is a strong motivator to "dress street" even though i am no longer technically homeless.

What a challenge it is to dress for the weather, dress for the muggers, and dress professionally if you have to go to work! When I see women dressed up, in flip flops, in high heels etcetera I always think how spoiled they are to not have to "dress street!"

"I'm Still Alive!"

and I've been busy "working." No, I haven't made any money yet, but as I indicated in October's Urbanite article, I spend 7 days a week, "working." I try everything from the mainstream to the "way outside the box" to try to get out of poverty. Some of what I try you'd approve of, and some you wouldn't. Like I know you'd approve of the fact that I am interviewing as a live in nanny. I had about 4 telephone interviews this month and 2 face to face interviews. As far as the nanny thing goes, there is only one parent that I like! She lives in Northern CA. It's a 56 hour a week position!

It's a big leap for a 44 year old to move in with strangers, but my quality of life is EXTREMELY low here so I have to keep trying stuff until hopefully I succeed at something.

An example of some of the out of the box stuff I try, would be, last week I answered an ad for "companion" for an elderly man. I knew it was a bit risky to approach it in the way I did, (I asked if there was a car I could share, otherwise I couldn't live in that safe area) but if you want a better life you have to take risks. I'm going to remain a bit "detached" as I describe the situation to you, until after I do or do not get the offer.

The man lives in a very safe section of Balto. County. He is 74, and uses a walker. I knew I couldn't take the job unless they had a car they could share with me. So I told them I was in need of a car to share and that I would share the expenses.

The t.v. is on literally 24 hours a day, just like it was in my parents home. He sleeps in the living room in front of the t.v. instead of going to bed. The master bedroom is gorgeous and big, but cold, the heat doesn't reach that room even though these condos are fairly new. I'd have to make sure that he eats brekkie everyday and I'd have to prepare a very simple dinner. I'd be allowed to work and use his car, which of course would hopefully become a tool to get re-employed. He keeps his door unlocked, and visitors just walk in on him so he doesn't have to go to the trouble of getting up to let them in! (I'm intentionally leaving my opinion out of this piece while I wait to hear back on whether or not I get the "offer.")

A maid comes once a week, the condo is immaculate. (I am very chemically sensitive, and use few chemicals in my own apt. For example there is a cleaner called "Simply Green" which smells really nice and does not bother my respiratory system.) His shower is off my master bedroom, there is no bathtub off my bedroom (I'm more of a bath person largely because I'm in chronic pain with this fibromyalgia and tailbone injury)

I'll let you know if they offer me the"position". In the meantime, as you can tell from my resource list a few months ago, I'm always trying something new, and I am not to proud to ask for financial help (even though I haven't gotten it!)

The university's spring break is over and the library is nooooiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssyyyy! I can't wait to live in a safe enough situation to own my own computer. Then I'll blog every day! And check the craigs list jobs openings more frequently. (Don't cha just love craig's list?)