"THE ETERNAL WAIT FOR A LANDLINE"

o.K. FOLKS.

I placed my order for a landline 21 days ago. I sent the money order, the utility bill and the application form 12 days ago. I pick up my phone daily to see if there is a dialtone yet. I call ATT every few days to see what's the latest.

Let me tell you about how I'm surviving with no phone. I made a few extra bucks in June which allowed me to put some time on my trac phone. I spent about 120 dollars on my trac, and I've spent about 15 dollars at pay phones. You ask: "Elana, I didn't know there were anymore working pay phones in the U.S.!"

Well, let me tell you I've got the real scoop on pay phones. My eye is now trained, every where I go to ask for and look for pay phones. The on in front of the Wal-Mart has a dialtone and costs .50 for 15 minutes then it hangs up one you. That's just for local calls. The pay phone in the back of the Wal Mart (indoors!) has a bench next to it. That's a victory. Or so I thought. I picked up the handpiece and there was no dial tone. I went to the outside phone in front of the Wal Mart to call the 1800 # to order repair on the indoor phone. After 3 tries, I finally reached an operator who said "Oh, hasn't that phone been pulled out yet? They were supposed to have pulled that out! I'll get on that!"

The receptionist for a chiropractor said that the closest pay phone is probably at the gas station. I would discover a week later that there is a pay phone right out in front of the chiro office that she didn't know existed. It's green with decay, and the bees burrowed holes in the plastic part that says "phone" It's filthy dirty gross. I also check to see if it has a incoming # written on it, so that maybe in theory I can call my friend long distance, pull up my lawn chair and have him call me back. So complicated. The incoming # is written in invisible ink just like at the outdoor walmart phone. I try to read it anyway. Thus far I haven't actually used that phone.

I can't stand for real long periods so yesterday I drove the 13 miles to my bank, so I can use their free sit down phone. But I"m paranoid, I fear someone will come over and ask me to leave. The jcc has a free phone on park heights ave but even though no body else uses it, 3 people gave me dirty looks for using it and one came over and asked me to wrap it up.

My neighbor claims I can use his phone, but I think he might be jealous that I call my male friend, so now he acts punitive about it "I better make it fast" so I don't use his phone anymore.

att

I called them yesterday and 2 days before that. Yesterday I spent about 45 min. on the phone and it was a complete waste. Both Amanda and Annie said it would be at least another 3 week wait. I asked for their supervisors and they went away, put me on hold and didn't come back forever. The one who did finally come back said she can't find a supervisor. I said, well I'll need the email address for the manager and the president. I don't have that she says. I tell her: YOur company has a service called lifeline whereyou pretend to care about people who live alone or are sick, and you're making me wait 6 weeks or more?

"So, sorry maam, I know exactly how you feel" (they're trained to say this) but they don't do shit.

I hung up on her, and I am currently exactly nowhere.

I could complain to the better business bureau?
call legal aide?
go with another company?

I'M SO DAMN TIRED OF THESE BATTLES!

"A Name for my new home"

You recall that my last apt. complex I referred to as "La Pew" Well, I've been "busting butt!" to try to come up with a catchy name for my current complex. It sits on 5 wooded acres, with 7 bldgs. There are many beautiful pine trees.

I thought about the neighbor who stole my rx. and my other 80 year old male neighbor whose twisted idea of fun is that

"Mildred wears a colostomy bag" and Zelda wears skirts with no slips.

Keeping this in mind, I'd like to announce the name of my new apts. complex......................

TWISTED PINES!

"What I'm Reading"

Remember "A Child Called It?" by David Pelzer? I was afraid to read it when it came out, and still haven't but did check it out of the library today. Yesterday, in less than 24 hours I read Dave's brother Richard's memoir entitled: "A BROTHER'S JOURNEY"

Even though my adoptive parents did not deprive me of food, clothing, baths, and did not give me severe beatings, I felt a strong kinship with Richard. Richard's mother's mental illness and general style of parenting was extremely similar to my own mother. For example Mrs. Pelzer would give Richard a difficult chore to do without clear instructions. After he completed the chore with perfection she might say "You stupid bastard you did it all wrong, go do it again" R. described his mother as using Nazi like techniques so similar to Helen's technique. I remember being a few minutes late coming home from a friend's house as a 9 year old and my mother walking down the street to come and get me......................

"MARCH YOUNG LADY WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU I TOLD YOU YOU NEEDED TO BE HOME BY 8 P.M. YOU ARE IN HUGE TROUBLE WHEN WE GET BACK TO THE HOUSE!"

Richard wondered whether his brother david (who lived next to the washing machine in the basement) had any positive memories of his parents at all. I have zero positive memories of Helen. Like Mrs. Pelzer, Helen played Mrs. Cleaver while out in public, but in the house the general attitude was: "Leave me the hell alone, can't you see I'm watching t.v.?!"

I could go on and on about feelings I had as a child that were similar to Richard. In R's book he does something that I've done thruout my journals for 20 years. He says stuff like:

And when I got "home"

Mother's idea of "family" is:

I usually put home and family in quotes in my journals. I can't wait to read "A Child Called It"

Although "A Brother's Journey" was a great read, there was one huge dissapointment at the end of the book. He doesn't tell you what happened in his life after the age of 15, and whether he ever got to see his 2 brothers again, nor does he mention the outcome of his relationship with his mother...................................................

"I Miss My Music C.D.'s"

A few months after moving into La Pew, in '05/'06 I had to put all of my c.d.'s in storage. That was the saddest thing for me to part with. But I knew it was too risky keeping "valuables" like that in the apt. Most of my c.d's are unsigned artists who at some point I got to meet face to face.

Yesterday, for the first time in my whole life, I checked c.d's out of the library. I haven't had an opportunity to listen to all of them yet, but out of the ones I've gotten as taste of, I'll tell you here what I thought about them.

"The Wiz" (I've never actually seen this musical and was only familiar with a couple of tunes like "ease on down the road"

I didn't listen to the entire 2 c.d. package but out of the ones I heard there were a few I just loved and some that I wasn't so excited about. I just loved "lubricate me!" by the tin man!

"Rush" in Rio (I haven't listened to it yet, but they are one of my favorite groups out of the few hundred favorite groups that I have)

"Carly Simon" "Moonlight Serenade" (Haven't heard it yet, but carly's always been one of my faves)

"Steve Miller Band" "Young Hearts" (haven't heard it yet, but Miller band is one of my faves)

"India Arie" "Testimony Volume 1-Life and Relationship" Listened to the entire album. I had her a few of India's tunes on the radio and just fell in love with her. I feel she's a wonderful, wonderful role model especially for African American women. The sultry voice and the spiritual lyrics are filled with wisdom that is far beyond India's years. I don't know her actual age, but one of the songs she wrote at 29, she spoke of everything she's learned. Some of the ideas I recall from her songs were:

"I've learned to love myself and not wait for external validation"
"It don't cost nothing to smile, you don't have to pay to laugh"

She spoke of a blind man she met in Brazil who could see the light brighter than anyone she had ever met. He felt joy and peace with his life and was happiest when making music.

"ALABAMA" "16 bIGGEST HITS" This c.d. is remarkable. I'm very moved by ALABAMA'S music and always have been. I'd give this c.d. a 10 on a scale from 1-5, 5 being the highest!

"THE VERY BEST OF 60'S GOLD"

wow! Heaps of my faves from childhood.....................I also give this c.d. the thumbs up!

"Sing Along With Sam!"

What shall Elana do for her birthday?! Why, sing along with sam, of course. The advertisement here at the library stated that one needs to be AT LEAST 3 YEARS OLD! to attend! I think I'll pass for at least 3. Turns out that many newborns snuck in!

Sing along with Sam is a brief live music interactive show for kids. About 100 people showed up! That's one of the biggest turn outs I've ever seen for a library event anywhere.

"Good morning boys and girls." "I love to sing (he plays guitar too) but singing alone makes me feel lonely. I'd like to know if you'd help me out?!"

YEAH! the kids shouted.

"I didn't hear you! Can you say that louder?!"

YYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" The kids shouted in their loudest voices.

"I'm going to draw a picture, and I'd like you to tell me what it is!" He draws what looks like eyes, or maybe even women's breasts! I think it's best not to yell "WOMEN'S BREASTS!" A child yells EYES!

Sam keeps drawing. It's beginning to come together for us. I realize it's a bus. Oh, I think: the first song we're going to sing is "The wheels on the bus!"

IT'S A BUS!" a kid yells.

All together now!

the wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round the wheels on the bus go round and round all thru the town!

what else does a bus have? sam asks.

WIPERS! i shout.

YES WIPERS!

THE WIPERS ON THE BUS GO SWISH SWISH SWISH

SWISH SWISH SWISH

SWISH SWISH SWISH

THE WIPERS ON THE BUS GO

SWISH SWISH SWISH

ALL THROUGH THE TOWN

---------------------------------------------------------------------------\\

OLD MC DONALD HAD A FARM

EE EYE EE EYE OH

AND ON THAT FARM HE HAD A

COW

EE EYE EE EYE OH

WITH A MOO MOO HERE AND A ................................................

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL, SAM ASKED

A PLATYPUS

I said

I quickly realize that i don't know what sound a platypus makes, so that idea quickly gets filed away

well you get the idea

we also sang

bingo

the eensy weensy spider

head shoulders knees and toes

if you're happy and you know it

STOMP YOUR FEET!

"On Meeting Sharon"

Last Monday, I met a 64 year old woman named "Sharon" in a cafe that I thought might make a great friend. When she told me she was 64, I responded:

"I'm the inverse of 64, I'm, 46!

" She liked that. When I bumped into her the other day as well, she said, I was telling my friend that you are the inverse of my age, and I thought that was neat"

I replied: "Yup, and I'll be 46 on weds. june 24th!

SHARON---YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING! I'LL BE 64 ON WEDS. JUNE 24TH!

ELANA-"WELL, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BIRTHDAY GIRL!"

SHARON--"AND A HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"

"Michael Moore and I"

I often think about all the different modicums I could use to record my story. If I had the means I'd buy a computer and a video recorder and I'd make a video diary. I'd also buy one of those tiny little recording devices so I can talk into it through out the day, this having another option besides writing in my journal. I've often dreamt about just going thru each days with a video camera (like michael moore did, i think it was in "bowling for columbine") to document all the crazy unbelievable stuff I face each day. I remember how badly I wanted to take a video camera onto those baltimore buses, so you guys can see what it's like. But I knew that might get me shot, so i decided against it even if i did have the means.

Remember, when Moore was trying to track down some big wig, (perhaps I'm getting his different documentaries mixed up) and he video taped all this ridiculous stuff he had to go thru before he found the person. Remember he finally shows up at that star's door, some movie actor, and questions the man in his own home about his position on gun control. This is the only time I can recall seeing a documentary that so closely resembles my own day to day life. Battle after battle after battle. Gross incompetence on every level.

Tomorrow, or the next day, I'll give you the update on my stolen rx. and what I had to go thru to get it replaced!