NPR featured book "Operation Family Secrets"

Yesterday I heard NPR for the first time since fleeing MD. I had forgotten how listening to NPR deeply enriched my life!

NPR were interviewing Frank the author of the book o.f.s. It was a very painful interview for me to listen to. In many cases when memoirs move me to tears it's because of parallels I have to the author's life.

FRank was forced to serve the mob, and raised by the mob. He explains that in different parts of the u.s. there are different names; for example mafia in one part is mob in another.

One of the things that moved me to tears was listening to him describe some of the crimes the mob would perform when someone didn't pay back their "juice loan" One crime was identical to one of the thousands I was victim to since June 2005. In my case I was the victim of a long series of hate crimes.....which I wish I could tell you about but my case hasn't gone to court yet so I can't.

But, the crime he described, one of the ones I've xperienced is, the criminal came into my home and put a dead rat on my living room floor.........

This is a fascinating and educational memoir describing a world most of us can't even imagine.

"This is an actual 9-1-1 call"

Like I said the first thing I did was scream when I witnessed what appeared to be an attempted vehicular homicide 3 weeks ago. I yelled for my psycho roomate to call the police since he was closest to the phone. He laughed but didn't make the call.

"911, do you need police, fire or ambulance"

elana-"POLICE, HURRY!"

911-"calm down maam, what is your emergency"

elana-Hurry! There was just an attempted vehicular homicide at the motel I'm in!"

911-"Are there any weapons?"

elana-"Please, please come now!!! Yes, the weapon is the truck."

911-"what color is the truck"

elana-"red, it's here it's right outside the bedroom window, hurry, he just crashed into the bldg when he tried to kill my neighbor!"

911-"so there's property damage too? maam we have them on the way right now"

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(What led me to look out the window in the first place was a verbal fight that I heard escalating in the park. lot between 2 males. Additionally, another fight, verbal broke out between 2 women at the same time. "BITCH? BITCH? WHO YOU CALLIN BITCH, BITCH?!"

The male with the red truck had that oh so familiar look of fury in his eyes, the look of murderous rage that I grew so accustomed to seeing in Baltimore as road rage is so common where I lived for so long. The male threw the gears into drive, then slammed it into reverse presumably to hit and kill his opponent.

From the angle of my "bedroom" window-all I could see was him. The next day I learned that the male who was not in the vehicle had pulled a gun on the guy with the truck!

I wish I could tell you that my life is calming down but the day to day is still toxic and I do not feel safe for a # of reasons..............As long as Americans are forced to live on a dis. income, with housing costs so high they will continue to be homeless, or living in squalor and danger as I have spent a great deal of the last 17.5 years.....................

Oddly, there were no arrests. In the 5 weeks I've been staying at "dye-inn" every day is filled with drama, the cops visit this roach motel multiple times a day.

"overview of 4/7/11 thru 6/27/11

1 homeless shelter between 4/8 and 4/11

2 homeless shelters in town 2 between 4/11 and 5/31

approximately 12 motel rooms

shelter 3 asked me to leave after i had been there 72 hours. their reason? you aren't in enough danger to warrant staying at this particular shelter. they put me literally on the street on friday of mem day weekend. there i am on a major highway with a suitcase and a backpack not knowing if i'll be on a park bench while i watch everyone going away for the long weekend!

pedro, who i met at the bus stop told me that if i have absolutely nowhere to go i can stay with him at sleaze motel. that's what i ended up having to do. altho' pedro was covered with tatoos, i knew in my heart that he would never hurt me. that DID turn out to be true. it made him very happy to be able to help a damsel in distress.

it was a living hell tho because i had to share his bed. the heater only stayed on for one hour at a time and he had to keep getting up to light the pilot light. i had no towel but he said he was afraid to ask motel owner to get me one. so i used baby wipes instead of shwering, but he leant me the money to buy the baby wipes! on my last day there, i naughtily asked the housekeeper for a clean towel. the walls are gray the place is filthy and smells like mold. the people next door are blaring the hyper loud stereos, and pedro has bruxism, restless leg syndrome and is literally bounding out of bed at night.

boy was i shocked when he admitted that he cant' read a word. he'd walk around with his shirt off and i asked him about his tatoos. i told him i saw "locked up raw" and that tats often symbolize affil. with gang. he said "yes i was, in my old life" i noticed that he was mbating real loud in the shwer so that i could hear him-this made me think about locked up raw where the guys mbate everytime a woman walks by.

so, when the time was right, i said "have you ever been in prison?"

pedro-"yes"

me-"for how long?" (rememeber i'm a journalist so people tend to be very honest with me, i think they sense that i'm not there to judge)

pedro-"i was in prison for ten years"

me-"did u ever kill anyone?"

pedro-"i would never take a life"

me-y were you there?

pedro-"assault"

so anywho, pedro's doc told him that if he doesn't get his arm operated on he'll lose it. but his full time restaurant job doesn't provide health insurance. when he got his mail from dept. of social services, i asked him if he'd like me to read it to him.

he was touched that i wanted to do that so affectionately gave me a quick rub on the arm, as i read that "pedro makes too much for food stamps and too much for health care"

I counseled him thru his various options so he can get his operation.

So, my 3rd day there he comes back from work, and he says "my psych. says i should tell u that i want to make love to u"

elana-"I knew that. You told me that as soon as u met me." (in body language and such)

pedro-"My pscy. says you owe me sex because you are staying with me. and my psych. also says that he's afraid that I'll rape you!"

elana-(omg what a life i have) "Well, y would he say that? You've never raped anyone!"

pedro-"i don't know!"

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While P. was at work, I reported the broken heater. The l.l. said he's not required to fix it, then he said, i noticed you hear alot how long will you be here. I said I'd only be here for the hol. weekend. (but i had no idea where i'd go)

So, on Tues. I got an offer to rent a cheap room at what has turned out to be a very dangerous motel and I have an abusive psychopathic roomate. I'm praying to be out in a few days. I consider myself still homeless even tho' I'm paying on a place.

last mon. night, the guy 2 doors down pulled a gun on neighbor 2. I was watching this out my bedroom window. Guy #two gets in his truck ragefully lunges it forward, goes into reverse and then it felt like he crased into my bldg as what appeared to be attempted vehicular homicide! I screamed for my roomie to call 911. He just laughed.

to be continued

HI! I am technically still alive!

6/16/11

The biggest aspects of my life, tragically over the last 18 years, are the very thing that I have not been able to put on the blog using my real name. ty for loving me and rooting for me. Between 6/05 and 6/11 I lived through a series of violent crimes that will shock both the nation and the world.

The reason I have not been able to blog about that aspect of life is because the criminals are not yet behind bars. In the last 6 years, and through serious long term disease, I have been "working" almost full time as a dtective. I have an enormous amount of evidence on one of the individuals, enough to lock him up for life.

I did not get the police support that I needed in maryland. On 4/6/11 I was forced to abandon my apt. , all belongings that had not yet been destroyed or stolen, as well as my vehicle which was still running.

I have been living homeless ever since in another state, and have since 4/7 had approximately 15 adddresses with another address change coming up soon. I have temporarily lost my section 8 certificate through no fault of my own.

As I said before, if i could tell you the whole truth of what my day to day life has been and is still like, using elana snyder, which is my real and given name; i have no doubt i'd have thousands of hits each day on this blog.

Needless to say, in addition to the fibromyalgia and post lyme disease goes a crippling despondency. But, at least in the last 2 days, I feel myself pulling out of it. My support system here in this town is much much and worlds better then it ever has been in my whole life. I live in a town which is open and friendly. too bad the climate sucks. I feel like I fit in better here then I did in Balto. since I have always been at heart, warm and friendly myself.

I certainly did not like what Baltimore and the 18 years of crushing poverty had turned me into. My desire to sing, and write, and get back into photography has returned.

Thank you for caring and ty for being there

Love,

Elana