Princess leah fellow survivor

https://youtu.be/Q2SGugTh9ls

the abject poverty And violent crime experiences

Poverty gives you so few choices, makes you feel like you have no control over your life.

 Even if I did have the gas money to leave my small town, it would be a huge risk because I do not have the means to buy Triple A coverage or anything comparable. Additionally my auto insurance even though I pay $50 a month its virtually of no use because can't afford the $250 deductible.

So many grueling decisions to make ever since spring 1994 when I fell into this mess.

 .

Last week I ran into the leader of a hobby group that I am "loosely affiliated with".This was the first time I got a real essence of his personality and he turns out to be a really wonderful person.

Here's the dilemma. He point blank  invited me to show up at the Christmas dinner in a restaurant tomorrow, which will be our normal meeting date.

 I am NOT considered to be a formal member yet.

 Only paying dues members are allowed to go to  the restaurant, but if the leader point blank tells you that you are welcome then  you want to go but  you know that the others who show up are going to wonder why you're there because they know that you're not a formal member

Additionally , ( like dozens and dozens and dozens of other times over the course of the last two decades )I will have to watch everyone else eat because I can not afford to eat out !

I think if I were in the other member's shoes,  it would look really strange for me to be at that meeting and not eat a single thing when it is supposed to be a Christmas celebration . The other members are complete strangers to me except that their faces will look familiar, as is largely true because this is such a small town.

 The leader gave me the option of showing up a few minutes early because he wants to help me with a particular task. I personally don't think I'd mind all that much watching other people eat this time, I'll just eat peanut butter or something before I leave the house and that way I feel satiated. But as you can see the majority of issues that I face each day are not things that I can discuss with anyone else they things I need to figure out for myself (just like nearly every other predicament I have found myself in since 1994)

 My neighbor offered me a free computer and made a very specific offer( about 4 months ago. )When someone offers you something for free you can't exactly ask them to put it in writing!

Apparently his shop is non-profit and he does many things for the poor. He asked me to tell him exactly what I want in terms of laptop,  desktop what size that sort of thing. We discuss the details to the point where I even asked what the value of the computer would be because he said that he would be refurbishing it for me.

 I can't tell you how many thousands of times  men say that they're going to do this or that and they mean it with all their heart in the moment they say it,  and then they don't follow through. In this particular case this is a really nice guy, but he's getting up there in years so when I called his business to discuss the details today he didn't even remember having made me any sort of free offer whatsoever!

 This puts me in a very awkward situation because that means I would have to repeat to him every single detail that he previously promised! 

More drama today. A few months back I was forced to order a landline from Suddenlink because s.l. could not make up their mind what my cell phone bill was going to be each month; So I had to get a backup landline just in case sprint disconnected my cell phoneunexpectedly!

It did not sit right with me but Suddenlink told me that I would have to put all of the accounts in my name if I get a landline. Normally the account is in the name of the landlord because cable is free at my complex so getting a landline means I'd have a higher price but  a bulk price.

The long and the short of it is that I cancelled the landline after about 8 weeks. Well Suddenlink has no record of that so every month they've continued to bill me and are now threatening me with collections ( they told me that when I call to try to get my TV repaired.) They told me that they were not going to discuss the problems with my cable until I address the whole thing with the landline.

Poverty sure does complicate one's life!   Do you know anyone that's got a life like this?

-_______

From about 9:30 p.m. to 1 in the morning I watched back to back true crime (a common practice with me)

Most people watch this stuff because its educational or fascinating but in my particular case every single episode I end up having an enormous amount in common with the victim based on my own experiences with violent crime.

For example Shannon Starbuck someone was coming into her home and installing security malware on her computer so that they could know exactly what she was doing at all times. He also would do stuff like unscrew all the lightbulbs ,  my stalker did that to me  in Arizona but he would actually remove the light bulbs .  Now of course the end result and Shannon's case was that she got murdered , do to help from Lauren  I was able to escape that end  but many things along the way I do have in common with Shannon and the other victims I'm going to mention tonight that's what my stalker did to me in md. My stalker as well as Shannon's stalker vandalized her automobile in a very serious way

The next episode was about a woman who ended up with all the same symptoms that I have currently and or have had in the past because someone was trying to murder her viafood poisoning. The men who were doing the home invasions in Baltimore City would  contaminate my toothbrush and toothpaste . When I moved out to Laurel Maryland any food that I left in my home  would be  poisoned . That went on nearly every day for  about 13 months . So I basically knew that I could not drink or eat anything  that had been in my Carroll County home . I had to closely check the toothpaste  I had the high toothbrushes toothpaste  I had to check shampoos and lotions because  the man who was doing the home invasions had put some sort of a burning liquid in my  lotion which landed me in the hospital .

Even though  the violent crimes in my own life  lasted  8  about 8 years  please  were never interested in helping me I had to figure out how to get away myself . I did not completely  get to safety until maybe about 8 months

my stalker / stalkers also poisoned any food that I kept in my home therefore I could not keep any food in my home and I instinctively knew that it was far too dangerous for me to eat anything because for example I could see human fecal matter all over my food not to mention my clothes and all other sorts of belongings that I had in my home. My first boyfriend Steve a professional photographer, was kind enough to drive down from Pennsylvania right before I made my escape and we photographed everything in the home that had been destroyed one way or the other by fire by urine by feces we have it all documented now on film

Fear thy neighbor, I was a little bit  luckier than paulacarr because he attempted poisonings did not killme.

Since I already knew that this person was likely trying to kill me and that was one of the methods that he was using

I finally got out of md.in April 2011 and flu 2200 miles to Arizona to check myself into a women shelter.

I cannot explain this  but it is very real nonetheless . I continued to experience  violent crime after violent crime even here in Arizona  all the way up until 2 years ago .  I was still being stalked and I was still incurring daily home invasions, hotel invasions wherever it was that I was staying my things would be looted stolen destroyed

So for as long of a journal entry as this was, there is still so much more going on in my life, but you have a pretty good idea of what my life is like and how hard it would be for me to find anyone else who could relate! So as I have alluded to in the past I watch these true crime shows because it does give me people that I can relate to, and for the vics that are alive sometimes I'll seek out their email address and write to them and tell them about what we have in common!

Yes this blog entry was a mouthful indeed

new series on Investigation Discovery true crime channel called hate in America

this was very well done. The thing that surprised me the most was the enormous numbers of hate crimes against gays in Manhattan. One would not expect that in a large cultural cities such as New York City that this sort of thing would be happening. My hope in in future shows is that an issue that is never discussed in this country will be covered and that is the very real problem of black on white racism that I have referred to repeatedly on my blog.

www.investigationdiscovery.com/hate inamerica

I am watching a rerun of deadly devotion Cynthia Garcia

so this is the episode about the Hells Angels in the episode they state that the Hells Angels have 5 chapters in the state of Arizona. So I just googled it just to find out that the same street that I took a drive on yesterday has a Hells Angels clubhouse!

I did not know that until today I just know that that's the neighborhood I used to live in and I was broken into constantly. The Hells Angels have a very secret presence in this town because I had no idea that they were even here until I just googled them, Wow. I am purposely not going to put Hell's Angels in the search engine of this particular blog posting.

who the bleep did I marry

I jus

t watched an episode of who the bleep did I marry, Investigation Discovery Channel true crime. I know exactly how the Beth Miller felt! I would never say to anyone I know exactly how you feel. That's one of the things that we learned in social work school, & I hate it when other people tell me that they knew exactly what I'm going through because chances are that's bullshit.

But in this case I know exactly how that must have felt when she found out that her husband was a serial arsonist. As I told you back in autumn 2011 I have an acquaintance friend named Jim and we did maybe two or three things together and that was it. I knew the guy had problems but never in a million years could I have imagined that I would be picking up the newspaper in July 2011 and finding that he had been charged with 7 cOunts of arson!

I'm thinking about my friend David in New Jersey who worships the ground a woman walks on if she is attractive. Well there's plenty of handsome men in mountain town but the single man that I met on the buses the soup kitchen in the library the majority of them were crazy motherfuckers even if they were as good looking as a model!

This is one reason why I feel that it is critically important not to jump into bed with a person no matter how high your sex drive might be you do not know who this person is and you need to give it time to find out who they are! And this goes for men and women

beauty queen murders/brendaParsh

 Author's note about serial murders, it seems that it is not uncommon at all for serial murderers to choose women who look very similar or very beautiful.  I wonder why that is.  Perhaps for some reason or other these men have gone their whole lives being rejected by beautiful or wealthy women.

Investigation Discovery/Beauty Queen Murders

Brenda decided to try out for the Miss Watermelon Festival pageant in approximately 1968.  Despite having grown up in a small town, she was sophisticated and charismatic; wanted to move to the big city. 

She is very close to her mother Mary and won the Miss Watermelon contest.

In 1974 she graduates college she got her dream job immediately as a fashion buyer she has a boyfriend he wants to be an actorbut did not achieve the success that she did.

In 1977 in the summertime, her dad fell ill so she had no choice but to go back to her small town.  (Her situation reminds me that even if I did have the money to fly back to attend my own father's funeral I knew that if I did it would highly jeopardize my ability to graduate in May 1993 with a bachelors in social work.)

Tragically, Brenda and her mother are immediately ambushed by a killer in the family home.
The killer tied their hands behind their backs and they were shot point blank in the head/ execution style.

Obviously the boyfriend I think his name is Rick was the first suspect.  Police stated that he had an alibi but beings he was with his family the alibi was considered very weak.  Eventually however Rick was cleare

There was a rumor that a cop had been seen in the area about the time of the murders this was heavily investigated and it really looked as if a cop might have been the family's killer.  There were about 5 more murders in the region and they were all done in the similar way, the killer covered his tracks like an expert.   One of the victims was in her mid 60 s. Initially it appeared that the killer was choosing women who look similar to each other

A trucker name Rickets was investigated because he was traveling through the area at the time of the killings and he did have a criminal history but he was ruled out. Remember at this time in history you couldn't do DNA testing all you could do was check the perpetrator's blood type.

November 17th 1977 another female body is found she looks similar to Brenda well actually she was killed in the same way that Brenda and her mother were; the same kind of  gun.  The next victim is  Sheila Cole. Author's note I'm sure I would have been terrified if I were living in Girardot at the time of these killings!

And it must have been horrible to be afraid of the cops, I know what thats like and I know what it's like to have to interact with cops that are terrifying and seem to enjoy belittling you. The word is cops By approximately the fifth killing the  perpetrator cut his hand on the glass when he was breaking through the window;  allowing cops years later to test dna.

Suddenly the killing spree stopped and the cases went cold for 20 years! A new officer reviews the cases.  now a DNA profile  is compiled and they have a match with a perpetrator who has been arrested in Illinois named Timothy KrIjor.

K.  was arrested in Carbondale Illinois for an assault.  they made a link and discovered that he was indeed the one who had killed Brenda and Mary and the others in Missouri.

Author s note these true crime stories make me  think / wonder would it have been better if my life had been cut short at age 30 instead of having to suffer through poverty and homelessness for another two decades. But NO human in their right mind wants to be murdered!

Vicky Abernethy was the friend of Brenda's she has repeat dreams where she was asked to find the killer and not give up. It's too bad that they didn't catch Krijor until he was 63; I wonder what his early life was like and what turned him into a monster.