Observe me

If you or social security observed me for 72 hours it would b very clear how sick I am.


I'm only getting out 10 hours a week, roughly


I had considered taking my journals entries where I write down my symptoms for 24 hours and then just putting it here, but you'd feel sorry for me.  There are a couple of things that I can't tell you about because they are too embarrassing.


You know I used to have menometrorrhagia.  I had 6 week long periods.  Would b no surprise of that contributes to my devastating weakness.  For 16 years I have never stood for more then 10 minutes.  If I have to stand in line I find a chair then tell people where my place is in the line.


Most days I cant open my eyes fully until 1 in the afternoon due to my severe burning eye pain.  So I'll have to put my hand on my lids and open them a squint just so I can get to the toilet.  Like thurs for example. 


(If I sat in a chair leaning forward for more then 5 minutes my feet and legs fall asleep. this is daily)


Thurs. airway blocked off


woke up with my skull crushed


nausea


migraine


cant' walk


all day vomiting


this is with  the usual burning, stabbing, throbbing pain.


Since I got lyme disease my nerves have been damaged.  YOur whole body is on fire.  Your feet , legs, arms are wrapped in a very tight barbed wire, while an "invisible person" has taken scissors to your nerves and veins and is cutting your feet arms hands and legs.


I told the bus driver, a friend, when he asked me how I was a few weeks ago, that "someone has taken an electric singer sewing machine and has placed my hands and arms under the needle and is just randomly sewing me up without anesthesia!"


So, If I'm awake then I'm hurtin!

Good and bad

The total fee for my auto repairs with $240 and all they did was give me a new battery.

I told them that I would have to have them jump start my vehicle so I could take it home and let it sit for another few weeks until I can come up with another $60

The receptionist is extremely compassionate and told me that that would be ludicrous, in fact I have no doubt whatsoever that I'm probably the only customer ever to have offered to just take the car back home again for lack of money to repair it. So she gave me a 33% discount and that was enough to get the vehicle back on the road again even though it does still need about $500 worth of stuff done, the good news is is that I could do that a little bit at a time

The very bad news is that 3 years ago when I registered at Vocational Rehabilitation so that they could help me find part-time work which they never did Kama it triggered a social security disability medical review

The letter that they send for this review is scary and overwhelming. They come flat out and say that if they don't consider you to be a sick as you used to be then they will simply and suddenly cut off 100% of your financial support. I can't help but to wonder what percentage of Americans that has happened to and throwing people out of their homes and into the shelter

I have to fill out about 10 to 15 pages worth of questionnaire which of course I need to convince them that I'm very ill which I am but they are extremely detailed medical questions that require you to know exactly where all of your medical paperwork is and that you would need to have all the dates memorized for your procedures such as x-rays for example

The focus that would be required to fill out this paperwork by myself is more than I can muster especially when you consider the fact that there's such a high level anxiety realizing that they could literally cut you off in less than 30 days

I anticipate that all setup appointment with my physician who are really don't care for it too much and have her go through the paperwork with me. They aren't allowed to meet with you for more than 30 minutes and there's no way on Earth that we're going to get through that paperwork and a half an hour. Additionally Social Security needs me to have my doctor give me all of the records for the entire last year photocopy everything and then go over there in person and give it to the disability people, wow just what I need more stress and worry!