"Habitat for Humanity"

I applied for an "Habitat for Humanity". house when I was in Indiana.

  I didn't qualify, because my income was TOO LOW!. In March I made a similar inquiry in Baltimore.

. Leader said that the orientation (for interested prospective tenants) is in Sept. and that I would get an invite in the mail. By 9/7, I still hadn't received the formal invite, so I called h for h to find out when and where the orientation would be.

When she told me the location I was very worried. Very dangerous section of the city, would take 3 buses to get there and I have no $ for a taxi. So I called h for h to see if they could arrange a ride for me. The first woman I spoke to said no , so I asked to speak to her co-worker.

 She said "No one can give you a ride, it wouldn't be safe for us to help you because we dont know you!"

I replied, "Well it's too dangerous of a neighborhood for me to be on buses." She said: "But this is the neighborhood where the h for h houses will be built, on Chester street!."

I thought, this is so complicated and stressful and I know I don't want to buy in the city, so I won't go. On the 11 news that night, I heard the following: "Chester Street fire claims lives!"

"Practice Peace"

Anyone can practice peace no matter where they live. One very small way I practice peace is that I thank my bus drivers when I disembark.  Few riders thank the drivers. Even if the driver was hateful to me, or otherwise abusive, it is the rare, rare driver who can resist being thanked by a passenger. I also feel that this is a tiny way to break down the racial barriers in this city.  I get very very little joy out of life, but , I'm doing my damndest to live an ethical life and make a small difference in the lives of the people around me.

"My prison cell"

                                                                 THE POVERTY TRAP

  When I was applying for social security disability, an 8 year wait, I was told that I am not permitted to earn monies while waiting for the disability decision!   I completed my first disability application in 94 but didn't win until 02.

  The "prohibition" to earn monies; implies that applicants are supposed to live on the street, or have a rich relative care for them. (I know many people who are being cared for by their families financially)  For part of the time I was applying for disability I was collecting unemployment. The unemployment people have a rule that "you must make 2 job contacts a week to keep collecting unemployment"  The unemployment rule is  "you must look for work" and the SSA rule is "you are forbidden from seeking employment."

The only people I knew who were winning their disability cases were winning because their parents were paying for their apartments and totally supporting them. So the people who need disability monies the least, get it the fastest! Maddening!

I've been very despondent as a result. I awaken each morning with dread and fear. I'm in work mode nearly 24/7.

I still have some city fines to pay as well.   One was the "car abandonment" fee, (due to my 03 inability to pay for the car repair) and one is a 32 dollar parking ticket that has accrued to 800 dollars!  This is really unfair , yet there is no point in fighting because I'll never win.

  I could move out of state to escape the fines.  BUT  if I move out of state, and drop my apt. I''m at very high risk of yet another episode of homelessness.

Staying at my apt. could get me killed. If I install a deadbolt lock, management will break it, then send me a lease infraction.

  If I put all of my belongings in storage, keep paying the rent on my current subsidized apt. and go to a safe house, I'll be accused of welfare fraud, as you aren't allowed to have a second address!

  If I stay where I live, my belongings will continue to disappear and my life will still be at risk.

In 95, my one bedroom apt. in Hampden cost 400 dollars, that same apt. now costs 850, and wages are stagnant.  Poor people are imprisoned, and no matter how intelligent they might be they  face nearly impossible odds.

I know this piece may be a tad bit redundant, but so is poverty.

More than an acquaintance, less than a friend!

Yes, I need a new category. There are many people in my life who, when they bump into me in town, they embrace me with a hug, or in today's case, ask for a kiss on the cheek! These aren't people who I can call on if I need someone to talk to , or need a favor. They aren't even people who I do activities with, they are people who love me from a distance...... more than an acquaintance less than a friend.................

"My 'hood"

A week and a half ago I was on my evening walk. I was right across the street from my apt. when I saw a well dressed African American man about my age picking up trash. I told him: "I used to do that when I lived in Hampden."

Brad*   " Baltimoreans have no respect for their environment and litter openly"

E-.     "Are you a homeowner?"

. He pointed to the home he owns.

E-  "when I moved into the 'hood, I asked other Cedarcroft residents what the deal is with crime. That was 28 months ago.  Here's what I was told:  "The only crimes in Cedarcroft are opportunity crimes where folks leave valuables on their car seats."

I asked Brad if that neighbor was telling the truth. He laughed sarcastically and went on to say:  "I was broken into in the middle of February.   I came home from work to discover that my door had been completely REMOVED! and there  was snow on the ground!"

E-"How did the police handle it?"

B-"Oh don't get me started. I had to call the cops 8x before they came out. Meantime I was stuck outside in the snow for hours. The cops said that it took them a long time because they were on a shift change! I was furious!"

I told Brad that after dark in Cedarcroft  I can't see my feet below me, everyone is too cheap to keep their porch lights on. That sure doesn't make me feel safe!

B-The break ins happen during the day!

E-Do you feel scared in Baltimore?

B-"No, because I'm from the Bronx. My siblings and I were not even allowed to play outside without an adult!

E-Wow. How many home break ins have their been in the last year on your block?

B-"Ten, on my street alone"

E-What's the answer?

B-I had to spend alot of money for new windows and move my nephew in for added security!

I told Brad of my predicament and gave him my email and website address. A 43 year educated African American male who is afraid to live alone. If that doesn't illustrate how sick Baltimore is, I don't know what does!

"Day to day in section 8"

  If I stay in section 8, I could get murdered.

Before I retire each night I barricade my door with a box of approximately 100 lbs. of books.  I know it won't STOP  a break in, but perhaps it might slow one down.  The maintenance men are coming into my place, (unauthorized every time)  at least 2x a week.

My subsidy is 700 a month. If I break my lease I may never get a subsidy again. Torturous decisions. If I leave my apt. even for 1 night, management leaves threatening and abusive letters saying things like: "You didn't get such and such paper work in on time!"

  I'll use any resource necessary to get a normal life going.

"My Horoscope for 9/12"

"Your tribe is to be more scrupulous in your data gathering than the rest of the population! I suggest you regard yourself as a role model whose job it is to demonstrate the beauty of thinking deeply!"

(courtesy of Baltimore City Paper)