I get lots of opportunities to use my psychology, peace and conflict mediation skills on a regular basis. Here is an account of one of my most recent "opportunities."
I had a rental car on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. I had only been in the car for 6 blocks when a car was double parked and blocking York Road. Instead of risking fitting into a tiny space I completely stopped my car to make a point to the double parked car of what an idiot he was being. The man behind was furiously honking, furiously honking, he was also at a dead stop. In an act of intimidation the man behind me hits me intentionally to force me to move. I knew it was intentional because he had been at a dead stop. I'm forced at this point to get out of the car to assess the damage since it's a rental car. The man "plays dumb" says nothing to me, doesn't get out of the car to assess the damage, doesn't have a care in the world. I walked up to his driver's side and I quietly and calmly said: (but really upset on the inside)
"Can you please back up a little sir so I can assess the damage? "
He says nothing and refuses to move. " Sir, I'm sorry, but I need you to back up just enough so I can assess the damage as this is a rental car."
"I had to ask him one more time." He finally backs up, there are just a few scratches on my car, he doesn't seem to be concerned about his older model monte carlo.
The woman behind him is angrily honking because she is inconvenienced, so she gets out of her car and starts yelling at me while I am talking to him.
I ask him for his driver's license. " I'm so sorry to inconvenience you sir, if it were my car I wouldn't care, but Enterprise is going to make me come up with the details."
"Well, we can't just sit here and block traffic, we'll have to drive into the bank park lot" he finally says.
(I'm scared to be alone with him in a bank lot, but realize he might be right, that we have to move) As I drive to the bank lot I wonder if he'll try to get away.
He doesn't. I write down his license plate on a sheet of paper then hand it to him and ask him to add his d.l. #. "I'm not giving you this paper back til you give me your d.l." (He wasn't yelling, but he was trying to show me that he wasn't going to let me be in control. The whole time I thinking god I hope he doesn't shoot me or carjack me) I hand him my d.l. He writes everyting down painstakingly slow. I'm terrified he'll write my address down. Since he has absconded my paper, I had to take another piece of paper and re-write his license place # down, I'm "praying" he doesn't back up and run me over!
So he gets me the information and I keep talking in my "gentle gentle mother mary, I am not upset and I am not going to show him that I am scared" , voice.
We finally exchange all info. he says "I don't believe I hit you." "Well, you bumped me." I reply.
"Thank You for everything sir"
No reply........
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Chronic Pain
I've barely breathed a word about my health to anyone in the last 20 years. Really no one but me has any idea of what day to day life is like for me but me. I am 98% bedridden by pain and crushing fatigue. I can no longer sit for more then a few minutes. The key reasons for my spinal problems are the trauma my spine has incurred as a taxi, private auto and bus passenger. I can't even tell you how many times I've been whiplashed, thrown from my bus seat, fallen on the bus, you name it.
Well, the diagnosis is coccyxademia, low back pain, radiculopathy, neurongenic and claudication. What a mouthful! Some of these words probably mean the same thing. (written on a form but not explained, I'll google it) He said: "You did fall, didn't you?" It was hard for the Dr. to grasp that the traumas are a result of riding buses. I do remember falling into a metal bar between 2 bus seats in one of the incidents where the bus lunged forward. These kinds of falls are daily, as the drivers are so wreckless. They speed over potholes and slam on brakes at every bus stop. After you put your money in the fare slot, the drivers lunge/jerk forward before people can get to their seats. The taxi drivers have also whiplashed me lots of times.
Anyhow, the doc. recommends physical therapy, a donut (something to sit on) and aleve. If that doesn't work then they offer injections for pain. Something I've never been offered in my life even though I believe most Americans could never have withstood the kind of pain I've been dealing with for so many years without pain meds.
The ironic thing about physical therapy is that I'd have to ride the buses to get there. Over the winter. It's unlikely I'll do it. I'd definitely do it if I could drive there.
Still aggressively seeking a place to live. Still considering Berkeley and N.Y.C. where public transit is so good. Will keep you informed.
Well, the diagnosis is coccyxademia, low back pain, radiculopathy, neurongenic and claudication. What a mouthful! Some of these words probably mean the same thing. (written on a form but not explained, I'll google it) He said: "You did fall, didn't you?" It was hard for the Dr. to grasp that the traumas are a result of riding buses. I do remember falling into a metal bar between 2 bus seats in one of the incidents where the bus lunged forward. These kinds of falls are daily, as the drivers are so wreckless. They speed over potholes and slam on brakes at every bus stop. After you put your money in the fare slot, the drivers lunge/jerk forward before people can get to their seats. The taxi drivers have also whiplashed me lots of times.
Anyhow, the doc. recommends physical therapy, a donut (something to sit on) and aleve. If that doesn't work then they offer injections for pain. Something I've never been offered in my life even though I believe most Americans could never have withstood the kind of pain I've been dealing with for so many years without pain meds.
The ironic thing about physical therapy is that I'd have to ride the buses to get there. Over the winter. It's unlikely I'll do it. I'd definitely do it if I could drive there.
Still aggressively seeking a place to live. Still considering Berkeley and N.Y.C. where public transit is so good. Will keep you informed.
"The war zone"
Arrived at the Spine Center an hour and twenty minutes early. (I'm always an early bird) My apt. was too cold to sleep last night. I'm exhausted. The heater in my apt. does not work. I fear that mice go into it and die. I've seen a mouse run into the lobby heater. The community businesses who clean vents said they don't know that they can clean my kind of heater. And the maintenance staff refuse to replace my heater. Plus with the thefts I don't want the maint. men in my home for any reason at this point. They scare me. (Based on past experience I could call city inspectors but it will get me nowhere. There are only so many hours a day that I can fight battles)
Last night residents got a notice under our door commanding us to come to the office between certain hours to fill out a form. They don't care if we have to work or are out of town, they punish us if we don't do what they say when they say. I start calculating where to hide my belongings and how to make my apt. look occupied while I'm in the community room filling out forms and away for the day at the spine center, etcetera.
Should I wear my ring and risk getting mugged?
Should I hide my ring in my apt. and hope maint. don't steal it?
Should I hid my i.d. in the house and risk it get stolen?
Should I carry my i.d. and risk getting mugged?
I go through these decisions every time I leave the house. All jewelry accumulated in my lifetime has been stolen except for one ring. I call it my lucky ring. I hope it does its job.
I won't put my bus pass around my neck or the maintenance men will know that my apt. is vacant. Hmm. How will I get out of the community room and out of the bldg. without them seeing me. I'll have to leave the c. room, (in basement) go to 3rd floor walk to the far north end of bldg. take stairs to 1st floor. This is the best way to not have them see me leave.
I leave the c. room. I walk to elevator, another woman walks to elevator, we wait for elevator. Maint. man comes up behind us. "Now that wasn't so hard was it?" He demands we pay attention to him. I don't. The woman said: "no, it wasn't" I refused to answer. But he has to be in control so he says "How are you Ms. S." I walk away from him completely ignoring him. I walk to the staircase. Should I walk up to 3rd floor? I'll wait a few minutes then I'll cross over to north bldg. and try to get out without them noticing. I'll have to walk to the drumcastle bus stop i never wait at this bus stop in front of my bldg. because then maint. will know that I left for the day.
I stand outside my bldg. to put my coat on and the bus gets caught at that red light at the stop that I told you is too dangerous for me to take (because maint. will see me leave.) Then again,I'd be a fool not to hop this bus, as there was no wait. I have a mile walk from the bus stop to the spine center and that's o.k. because the neighborhoods there are pretty safe.
The stress of having to see the burglars every day , well it's so high that I fear it will kill me. I have no words to describe the anger I feel for the 2 maint. men responsible for the thefts, the vandalism of my furniture and the burning of my photos...............................
The main reason I have not found another place to live yet is because of having no car. I'll keep trying. Staying at La Pew is not an option if I want a healthy and happy life.
Last night residents got a notice under our door commanding us to come to the office between certain hours to fill out a form. They don't care if we have to work or are out of town, they punish us if we don't do what they say when they say. I start calculating where to hide my belongings and how to make my apt. look occupied while I'm in the community room filling out forms and away for the day at the spine center, etcetera.
Should I wear my ring and risk getting mugged?
Should I hide my ring in my apt. and hope maint. don't steal it?
Should I hid my i.d. in the house and risk it get stolen?
Should I carry my i.d. and risk getting mugged?
I go through these decisions every time I leave the house. All jewelry accumulated in my lifetime has been stolen except for one ring. I call it my lucky ring. I hope it does its job.
I won't put my bus pass around my neck or the maintenance men will know that my apt. is vacant. Hmm. How will I get out of the community room and out of the bldg. without them seeing me. I'll have to leave the c. room, (in basement) go to 3rd floor walk to the far north end of bldg. take stairs to 1st floor. This is the best way to not have them see me leave.
I leave the c. room. I walk to elevator, another woman walks to elevator, we wait for elevator. Maint. man comes up behind us. "Now that wasn't so hard was it?" He demands we pay attention to him. I don't. The woman said: "no, it wasn't" I refused to answer. But he has to be in control so he says "How are you Ms. S." I walk away from him completely ignoring him. I walk to the staircase. Should I walk up to 3rd floor? I'll wait a few minutes then I'll cross over to north bldg. and try to get out without them noticing. I'll have to walk to the drumcastle bus stop i never wait at this bus stop in front of my bldg. because then maint. will know that I left for the day.
I stand outside my bldg. to put my coat on and the bus gets caught at that red light at the stop that I told you is too dangerous for me to take (because maint. will see me leave.) Then again,I'd be a fool not to hop this bus, as there was no wait. I have a mile walk from the bus stop to the spine center and that's o.k. because the neighborhoods there are pretty safe.
The stress of having to see the burglars every day , well it's so high that I fear it will kill me. I have no words to describe the anger I feel for the 2 maint. men responsible for the thefts, the vandalism of my furniture and the burning of my photos...............................
The main reason I have not found another place to live yet is because of having no car. I'll keep trying. Staying at La Pew is not an option if I want a healthy and happy life.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
"Are you lesbian!"
I was out on a walk a few weeks ago when I saw a very masculine woman getting out of her "Mrs. Tool" truck. (She runs her own business as a repairwoman) I thought, "I know that woman!" I went over to her and said, "I know you! We met about 10 years ago in Charles Village! Your name is Tracy and your wife is Phyliss."
"Yes! she smiled. " Well, Phyliss and I aren't together anymore, but you have the right person! Who are you?"
"I'm Elana, and we must have met at a party or something but you're very memorable! "
"Hi Elana! Are you a lesbian?"
"No, (I smiled) Why did you think I was a lesbian?
Is it the caribeener key chain hanging from the belt loop of my jeans?! You certainly aren't the first person to guess incorrectly that I am gay!"
"No, it's not the keychain, Tracy* replied.....................it's........................well (Tracy drew an air outline of my figure) and that you aren't wearing any makeup!"
"Well, I'm straight, but I'm not narrow!" I exclaimed.
"I live right here in this house, and I'd like to be your friend. Won't you please come by any time?"
"Thank you!" I said. "It's a deal!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Author's Note
Years ago, Katie asked me if I was gay. I told her no. She said, " I was certain that you are because you are never with men. And, you have such a sexual, sensual, flowy way of being! I thought, surely Elana's a lesbian!"
(When someone tells you that you have a sexual, sensual, flowy way of being I can assure you, you will never forget it!"
"Yes! she smiled. " Well, Phyliss and I aren't together anymore, but you have the right person! Who are you?"
"I'm Elana, and we must have met at a party or something but you're very memorable! "
"Hi Elana! Are you a lesbian?"
"No, (I smiled) Why did you think I was a lesbian?
Is it the caribeener key chain hanging from the belt loop of my jeans?! You certainly aren't the first person to guess incorrectly that I am gay!"
"No, it's not the keychain, Tracy* replied.....................it's........................well (Tracy drew an air outline of my figure) and that you aren't wearing any makeup!"
"Well, I'm straight, but I'm not narrow!" I exclaimed.
"I live right here in this house, and I'd like to be your friend. Won't you please come by any time?"
"Thank you!" I said. "It's a deal!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Author's Note
Years ago, Katie asked me if I was gay. I told her no. She said, " I was certain that you are because you are never with men. And, you have such a sexual, sensual, flowy way of being! I thought, surely Elana's a lesbian!"
(When someone tells you that you have a sexual, sensual, flowy way of being I can assure you, you will never forget it!"
"Towson University"
11/20/07
Perhaps you heard about the threat of violence made to Towson University yesterday. The threat was announced in the local news on Sunday night and applied to a specific building on the following day. After hearing the news broadcast I wondered why they didn't issue any advice to the students for the day. The 25k university population were left to fend for themselves.
Although the threat was specific to a certain building, I do not trust police officers or FBi or anyone else for that matter to keep me safe and hopefully you don't either.
One student, afraid to miss her classes in that bldg. chose to attend. In the middle of a quiz she broke down crying and had to leave out of fear for her life. I thought about what I deal with daily in my bldg. and in Baltimore. The knowing that I'm not safe in my home or on the streets is enough to make anyone cry.
I don't know about you, but I'm glad I stayed off campus yesterday. I'm pleased to say that the "terrorist" did not follow through on his/her threats and no one was hurt.
Perhaps you heard about the threat of violence made to Towson University yesterday. The threat was announced in the local news on Sunday night and applied to a specific building on the following day. After hearing the news broadcast I wondered why they didn't issue any advice to the students for the day. The 25k university population were left to fend for themselves.
Although the threat was specific to a certain building, I do not trust police officers or FBi or anyone else for that matter to keep me safe and hopefully you don't either.
One student, afraid to miss her classes in that bldg. chose to attend. In the middle of a quiz she broke down crying and had to leave out of fear for her life. I thought about what I deal with daily in my bldg. and in Baltimore. The knowing that I'm not safe in my home or on the streets is enough to make anyone cry.
I don't know about you, but I'm glad I stayed off campus yesterday. I'm pleased to say that the "terrorist" did not follow through on his/her threats and no one was hurt.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
"MY AGGRESSIVE HOUSING SEARCH"
My search for a better and normal life is still 24/7. I had a bit of an epiphany at the end of August regarding the dating chatline. The one that I mentioned in an earlier post.
The Social Security Administration awards anywhere from 200 to 700 a month if you are on disability and then rules:
"Go live on this. Don't break any rules, and don't accept any other jobs."
When I first won disability my friend Dan warned me: "Elana, don't work for at least 2 years or you might lose your benefits. Don't take any chances" I had been working for a Waldorf inspired preschool and my boss wanted me to continue, but it was too risky for me to work. This "no work" rule, did to some degree , contribute to my 2001 through 2005 episodes of homelessness.
Anyhow, you know from a previous post that I talk on a telephone chatline. Many of the guys know that I'm looking for a barter situation of some sort or another and that I
"Gotta get outta section 8 before I become another statistic."
Backtrack. In December 2004, got notification that my name came to the top of the list for an Indiana subsidized apt. I was due to be out of town for a meeting the authorities wanted me to attend. I asked them if I should cancel the trip. They said "No, we will have your apt. for you when you get back" When I got back they said they gave my apt. away!
In May, 2005 I got notification that my name came up on the wait list of a private section 8 complex in Baltimore. I didn't qualify for any subsidized housing in Indiana but one. I had applied at 10 of them, but was denied at all of them due to bad credit. I had no money to get back to the East Coast to take the apt. and was desperate to accept the apt., convinced that this was my ticket to a better life; up and out of poverty.
What am I going to do? I had been talking to Johnny on the chatline for months. He lives in Baltimore and hates to travel. I told him of my predicament. He's pretty socially progressive and knew I was desperate. He essentially flew 750 miles for a virtual stranger! He was kind enough to help me pay for the drive back to Baltimore. If it wasn't for him, I'd still be in Indiana and without a subsidy.
Hmmm. There are certainly more men willing to help "Damsels in Distress" then there are women. So, why not tell the guys on the chatline of my predicament? I've gotten some very colorful offers indeed. Mostly, men like the fantasy of living with a woman, but don't usually follow through. I'm trying to get enough money together to rent a car for a day so I can go look at a room for barter in PA; one of the guys from the chatline. (who doesn't do computers) I'd have to clean the house and keep this guys mother company (who lives with him. He'll share his car with me so I can job hunt. He's a definite hillbilly with a shotgun and a mother who doesn't believe in electric washing machines. At my request, he says he'll keep the shotgun locked up, so I'll feel safer. Many domestic shootings happen in a way that gun owners never anticipated, in part because of unlocked guns. (see maha.org that stands for Marylanders Against Handgun Abuse)
The fact that this guy is willing to share his car is the "carrot on the end of the stick" here. You know the prime reason my circumstances are so dismal is because I have no reliable car.
Wish me luck. Looking for a place to live is costly , especially because I'm looking out of state. By the way, my friend Johnny, the one who transported me from Indiana to Maryland, in 2005; now has his own website:
www.marylandonmymind.com
The Social Security Administration awards anywhere from 200 to 700 a month if you are on disability and then rules:
"Go live on this. Don't break any rules, and don't accept any other jobs."
When I first won disability my friend Dan warned me: "Elana, don't work for at least 2 years or you might lose your benefits. Don't take any chances" I had been working for a Waldorf inspired preschool and my boss wanted me to continue, but it was too risky for me to work. This "no work" rule, did to some degree , contribute to my 2001 through 2005 episodes of homelessness.
Anyhow, you know from a previous post that I talk on a telephone chatline. Many of the guys know that I'm looking for a barter situation of some sort or another and that I
"Gotta get outta section 8 before I become another statistic."
Backtrack. In December 2004, got notification that my name came to the top of the list for an Indiana subsidized apt. I was due to be out of town for a meeting the authorities wanted me to attend. I asked them if I should cancel the trip. They said "No, we will have your apt. for you when you get back" When I got back they said they gave my apt. away!
In May, 2005 I got notification that my name came up on the wait list of a private section 8 complex in Baltimore. I didn't qualify for any subsidized housing in Indiana but one. I had applied at 10 of them, but was denied at all of them due to bad credit. I had no money to get back to the East Coast to take the apt. and was desperate to accept the apt., convinced that this was my ticket to a better life; up and out of poverty.
What am I going to do? I had been talking to Johnny on the chatline for months. He lives in Baltimore and hates to travel. I told him of my predicament. He's pretty socially progressive and knew I was desperate. He essentially flew 750 miles for a virtual stranger! He was kind enough to help me pay for the drive back to Baltimore. If it wasn't for him, I'd still be in Indiana and without a subsidy.
Hmmm. There are certainly more men willing to help "Damsels in Distress" then there are women. So, why not tell the guys on the chatline of my predicament? I've gotten some very colorful offers indeed. Mostly, men like the fantasy of living with a woman, but don't usually follow through. I'm trying to get enough money together to rent a car for a day so I can go look at a room for barter in PA; one of the guys from the chatline. (who doesn't do computers) I'd have to clean the house and keep this guys mother company (who lives with him. He'll share his car with me so I can job hunt. He's a definite hillbilly with a shotgun and a mother who doesn't believe in electric washing machines. At my request, he says he'll keep the shotgun locked up, so I'll feel safer. Many domestic shootings happen in a way that gun owners never anticipated, in part because of unlocked guns. (see maha.org that stands for Marylanders Against Handgun Abuse)
The fact that this guy is willing to share his car is the "carrot on the end of the stick" here. You know the prime reason my circumstances are so dismal is because I have no reliable car.
Wish me luck. Looking for a place to live is costly , especially because I'm looking out of state. By the way, my friend Johnny, the one who transported me from Indiana to Maryland, in 2005; now has his own website:
www.marylandonmymind.com
"RUDE ASS SOCIETY"
It is so draining to leave the house in Baltimore.
In fact on the news recently, Baltimore was voted as having the most rageful drivers in America. That's been my experience too both when I had a car, as well as observing how drivers treat peds. As I think I've told you before, a ped. is hit every 4 hours in Baltimore. That's one aspect of our rude ass society, and here's another:
"RUDE ASS SOCIETY/THE CURSE OF THE MOP AND BROOM"
I must have magnets throughout my body that only attract brooms, mops and dustpans in all restaurants and coffee shops! Today, I arrived at Bagel-O @ 5:05 p.m. I put my belongings down @ a good table, walk over to buy my coffee and when I return, there is a broom and dustpan propped up against my table. I stand there for about 4 minutes waiting to see if "broom man" will "sweep under my feet" (Some women wait to be swept off their feet while I get swept UNDER my feet on a daily basis!) Broom man doesn't return but I can't relax so I change tables.
Broom man starts sweeping. Will he come sweep under my feet @ my new table? I wonder. He's scanning me right now...I remain braced to change tables suddenly.
Yesterday, I ate lunch @ Sun Yoo's deli. There are about 20 tables there and only 3 are occupied. The instant I sit down to wait for my salmon burger, the owner squeezes between my table and the empty table next to me. He turns so his ass is in my face. He bends over and starts chalking the day's specials on the portable chalkboard that he has laid on the table next to mine. He doesn't say: "Pardon me or I hope you don't mind if I...." or anything of the sort. He acts as though I'm invisible. Then it gets worse. He moves the chalkboard so it's half on my table and 1/2 on the table next to mine. He's facing me now (still like I'm invisible) bent over chalking and has essentially barricaded me in. His wife calls my number and initially, I can't get out to get my food!
He finally lets me out , I get my food and he goes back to "ass in my face" position! He is like this for 1/2 of my meal.
Sunday, @ Bagelo they start mopping and I had to leave because I can't handle the chemicals. I was talking with a fellow customer when the mopping began and I said: "I have to leave becuase the chemicals make me sick, do you want to go across the street to Marty's Pizza?" "Sure , he said."
We walk across the street to Marty's pizza and I choose a seat far away from the t.v. (T.V.'s in bars and restaurants are a serious pet peeve of mine, largely because they make it hard for me to hear whomever I'm with) I take 3 bites of my slice of pizza and an employee starts mopping. "Oh no" I said to my acquaintance. The owner yelled across the store to a customer in seriously broken English. (he's from Greece) I did not know what he said, or who he was talking to. My acquaintance said: "He wants us to go sit under the t.v. so he can mop!
I DON'T THINK SO.
In fact on the news recently, Baltimore was voted as having the most rageful drivers in America. That's been my experience too both when I had a car, as well as observing how drivers treat peds. As I think I've told you before, a ped. is hit every 4 hours in Baltimore. That's one aspect of our rude ass society, and here's another:
"RUDE ASS SOCIETY/THE CURSE OF THE MOP AND BROOM"
I must have magnets throughout my body that only attract brooms, mops and dustpans in all restaurants and coffee shops! Today, I arrived at Bagel-O @ 5:05 p.m. I put my belongings down @ a good table, walk over to buy my coffee and when I return, there is a broom and dustpan propped up against my table. I stand there for about 4 minutes waiting to see if "broom man" will "sweep under my feet" (Some women wait to be swept off their feet while I get swept UNDER my feet on a daily basis!) Broom man doesn't return but I can't relax so I change tables.
Broom man starts sweeping. Will he come sweep under my feet @ my new table? I wonder. He's scanning me right now...I remain braced to change tables suddenly.
Yesterday, I ate lunch @ Sun Yoo's deli. There are about 20 tables there and only 3 are occupied. The instant I sit down to wait for my salmon burger, the owner squeezes between my table and the empty table next to me. He turns so his ass is in my face. He bends over and starts chalking the day's specials on the portable chalkboard that he has laid on the table next to mine. He doesn't say: "Pardon me or I hope you don't mind if I...." or anything of the sort. He acts as though I'm invisible. Then it gets worse. He moves the chalkboard so it's half on my table and 1/2 on the table next to mine. He's facing me now (still like I'm invisible) bent over chalking and has essentially barricaded me in. His wife calls my number and initially, I can't get out to get my food!
He finally lets me out , I get my food and he goes back to "ass in my face" position! He is like this for 1/2 of my meal.
Sunday, @ Bagelo they start mopping and I had to leave because I can't handle the chemicals. I was talking with a fellow customer when the mopping began and I said: "I have to leave becuase the chemicals make me sick, do you want to go across the street to Marty's Pizza?" "Sure , he said."
We walk across the street to Marty's pizza and I choose a seat far away from the t.v. (T.V.'s in bars and restaurants are a serious pet peeve of mine, largely because they make it hard for me to hear whomever I'm with) I take 3 bites of my slice of pizza and an employee starts mopping. "Oh no" I said to my acquaintance. The owner yelled across the store to a customer in seriously broken English. (he's from Greece) I did not know what he said, or who he was talking to. My acquaintance said: "He wants us to go sit under the t.v. so he can mop!
I DON'T THINK SO.
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