I've been waiting, and aggressively trying to get a dental appt. for almost 6 years. The compliment I hear most is about my smile. But I've been worried sick about my advanced periodontitis. I saw an ad in a newspaper offering free consults. When I called the office they said in essence, "oh, we didn't mean for that to apply to u" So, I asked to speak to the manager. When I complained about false advertising she said: "When can u come in?!"
I had my appt. today. I was thrilled and surprised at how well the receptionists treated me. I am also thrilled to report that the dentist spent 1/2 hour with me. He said that he really is not very worried and that I am not going to lose any teeth! I was terrified! I told him that "People say EVERYTHING about themselves when they smile" He said, "That's a good point, I never really thought if it like that before"
Anyhow, a program of the welfare office is going to pay for my intial exam and x rays. This may sound so mundane to well to do people. But I went most of my life taking stellar care of my teeth, with regular appt. and braces.
I had been having a recurring nightmare for years that all of my teeth fall out. Hopefully I'll stop having that nightmare. Even though the social service office isn't promising they'll help with anything beyond the first appt, I am thrilled to have the "dental ball finally rolling!"
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
"When WE Interview THEM"
You know what they say about interviewing. We should be interviewing them. I periodically go through the yellow pages and just cold call the daycare centers to see if they are hiring for teacher's aide. Even though I'm qualified as teacher I prefer to not have the hassle of making lesson plans so I apply for aide positions.
So, this one center gave me permission a few days ago to come in any time during business hours. The director looks really sloppy. She brings me into her cluttered tiny office which is in complete disarray. She says something to the effect of : "As you can see, I IS in the middle of a housecleaning project!"
I doubt she'll have a clipboard in which I can fill out the appl. so I tell her don't worry I'll just lean on my notebook. She surprises me and pulls a clipboard out of a file cupboard. She then asks me to sit in the lobby to fill it out because there would be more room. "Never mind that box blocking the sofa" she says.
As I'm sitting there filling the appl. out, one of the aides is on the phone with a parent. She says something to this effect:
"Little Jack are sick, there are all kinds of funky colors showing up in his diaper and his fever is high. YOu'll have to pick him up!" (very professional way of communicating!)
I begin thinking about swine flu, and the increased risk of illness, in general, that the staff faces.
I'm surprised that the applications asks: "Make sure you include 3 personal, not employment references." I'm not prepared for this surprising request. When I go back to the director's office she conducts a 2 minute pre-interview of sorts. An aide comes in and just interrupts with her concern. The director looks at the aide briefly while the aide is talking , never addresses her concern, then looks back at me and keeps interviewing me as if the aide isn't even there. The aide is forced to stand in the door and wait for the "interview" to end so that she can finally get acknowledgement for her concern.
I get in the car and imagine the following scenario. I'm working in the center and I hear little Billy say the following: "I ain't never givin' my mother a present again"
I reply: "You aren't going to give you're mother any more presents?"
Billy-"Well, the director says "I ain't" all the time!"
I faced this challenge when nannying too. For example I didn't want my "kids" playing with guns. "Mommy says I can play with guns, why can't I when you are here?! my kids would ask me!
So, this one center gave me permission a few days ago to come in any time during business hours. The director looks really sloppy. She brings me into her cluttered tiny office which is in complete disarray. She says something to the effect of : "As you can see, I IS in the middle of a housecleaning project!"
I doubt she'll have a clipboard in which I can fill out the appl. so I tell her don't worry I'll just lean on my notebook. She surprises me and pulls a clipboard out of a file cupboard. She then asks me to sit in the lobby to fill it out because there would be more room. "Never mind that box blocking the sofa" she says.
As I'm sitting there filling the appl. out, one of the aides is on the phone with a parent. She says something to this effect:
"Little Jack are sick, there are all kinds of funky colors showing up in his diaper and his fever is high. YOu'll have to pick him up!" (very professional way of communicating!)
I begin thinking about swine flu, and the increased risk of illness, in general, that the staff faces.
I'm surprised that the applications asks: "Make sure you include 3 personal, not employment references." I'm not prepared for this surprising request. When I go back to the director's office she conducts a 2 minute pre-interview of sorts. An aide comes in and just interrupts with her concern. The director looks at the aide briefly while the aide is talking , never addresses her concern, then looks back at me and keeps interviewing me as if the aide isn't even there. The aide is forced to stand in the door and wait for the "interview" to end so that she can finally get acknowledgement for her concern.
I get in the car and imagine the following scenario. I'm working in the center and I hear little Billy say the following: "I ain't never givin' my mother a present again"
I reply: "You aren't going to give you're mother any more presents?"
Billy-"Well, the director says "I ain't" all the time!"
I faced this challenge when nannying too. For example I didn't want my "kids" playing with guns. "Mommy says I can play with guns, why can't I when you are here?! my kids would ask me!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
"The Carroll County Difference"
I am sleeping through the night for the first time in 35 years. In the last 35 year period, I sleep anywhere from zero to 4 hours a night; and I've been known to be awake for weeks. (no, I'm not bipolar) But things like no heat in most of the places I lived, no airconditioning in apts that were averaging 120 degrees (city rowhouses) in the summer, noise pollution and the constant fear at La Pew that someone would kick the door down meant that I don't sleep.
But now I know in my heart that no one is going to kick that door down once I go to sleep. I can run into a 7-11 and leave my purse on the seat and nobody is going to smash my car window to get it. I can walk thru my apt. parking lot after dark without worrying about getting raped or robbed. I have a wonderful intelligent kind nurse practitioner who really listens to me. I have an auto mechanic who does occasional minor repairs for free because he knows I'm struggling. A small non profit is helping me with food and auto expenses. A program of the carroll county welfare office helps with occasional car repairs and such if they see you have a proactive personality.
Customers in grocery stores ALWAYS asks me if I'd like to go in front of them in line since I have so few items.
I can't say I'm happy in part because I don't make enough money to have a normal life, but I'm grateful every day for these small things that are making a world of difference for me.
But now I know in my heart that no one is going to kick that door down once I go to sleep. I can run into a 7-11 and leave my purse on the seat and nobody is going to smash my car window to get it. I can walk thru my apt. parking lot after dark without worrying about getting raped or robbed. I have a wonderful intelligent kind nurse practitioner who really listens to me. I have an auto mechanic who does occasional minor repairs for free because he knows I'm struggling. A small non profit is helping me with food and auto expenses. A program of the carroll county welfare office helps with occasional car repairs and such if they see you have a proactive personality.
Customers in grocery stores ALWAYS asks me if I'd like to go in front of them in line since I have so few items.
I can't say I'm happy in part because I don't make enough money to have a normal life, but I'm grateful every day for these small things that are making a world of difference for me.
"Careful what you reveal on a blog"
Yes, I do know this golden rule. I can assure you, I never ever post anything without giving alot of thought to who is reading this blog and the long term implications of heavy self revelation. I only share about 5% of my life on this website for that reason.
Fibromyalgia is absolutely devastating. I've had it for at least 22 years. The official diagnosis came in 97 but I knew something was very wrong in 87 and I diagnosed myself with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. My throat is sore all of the time. I feel pins and needles in my extremities all of the time, my limbs fall asleep on a regular basis, and my joints hurt. What motivates me to get out of bed at all is-movement is very important and can distract you from the pain. It's just too excruciating to stay in bed, although the thought is tempting. My current nurse practitioner here in c.county doesn't know what to do about that. I'm in excruciating pain that never goes away. Mornings are the most devastating. The med. I'm on doesn't seem to do anything to help yet I take it religiously just in case it is helping.
I really don't know why it has never occurred to any of my Doctors to refer me to a pain clinic. When I described the pain to one of my acqaintances whose overly educated in this area he suggested that I'm probably supposed to be on the duralgesic patches which he described as "1,000 times stronger than morphine!"
Turns out there is a pain clinic here in Carroll County and I"m trying to get an appointment there. Some mornings it takes me over an hour to roll over in bed (because of temporary paralysis) and always over an hour to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. I use the wall for balance on my way to the bathroom.
There are only 3 things that I can think of that would take a pain patient's mind off of the pain. Massage, warm swimming pools or bathtubs, and the third is "well you know!"
As you can see, I've been writing for almost 3 years publicly. I'm sort of at the point where, I'm getting so practiced at this, and over time I feel less and less embarassed to reveal publicly. I also feel that the more truth I tell about my life (in my book) the greater the chance I have of selling alot of copies and getting out of poverty.................................................
Fibromyalgia is absolutely devastating. I've had it for at least 22 years. The official diagnosis came in 97 but I knew something was very wrong in 87 and I diagnosed myself with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. My throat is sore all of the time. I feel pins and needles in my extremities all of the time, my limbs fall asleep on a regular basis, and my joints hurt. What motivates me to get out of bed at all is-movement is very important and can distract you from the pain. It's just too excruciating to stay in bed, although the thought is tempting. My current nurse practitioner here in c.county doesn't know what to do about that. I'm in excruciating pain that never goes away. Mornings are the most devastating. The med. I'm on doesn't seem to do anything to help yet I take it religiously just in case it is helping.
I really don't know why it has never occurred to any of my Doctors to refer me to a pain clinic. When I described the pain to one of my acqaintances whose overly educated in this area he suggested that I'm probably supposed to be on the duralgesic patches which he described as "1,000 times stronger than morphine!"
Turns out there is a pain clinic here in Carroll County and I"m trying to get an appointment there. Some mornings it takes me over an hour to roll over in bed (because of temporary paralysis) and always over an hour to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. I use the wall for balance on my way to the bathroom.
There are only 3 things that I can think of that would take a pain patient's mind off of the pain. Massage, warm swimming pools or bathtubs, and the third is "well you know!"
As you can see, I've been writing for almost 3 years publicly. I'm sort of at the point where, I'm getting so practiced at this, and over time I feel less and less embarassed to reveal publicly. I also feel that the more truth I tell about my life (in my book) the greater the chance I have of selling alot of copies and getting out of poverty.................................................
Thursday, October 15, 2009
"I recommend the flu shot"
I've always been afraid to get one but discovered today that it is absolutely painless. Earlier in the day I overheard a woman in a cafe talk about how her baby has the swine flu. My nurse practitioner said that she's seeing lots and lots of bad flu cases at St. Joes Hospital.
Please don't take any chances. Even if you have no history of becoming ill, most docs are recommending it this year!
Please don't take any chances. Even if you have no history of becoming ill, most docs are recommending it this year!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
1/8/05 part 2 entry continued
Sat in the lot for a few minutes and someone offered to push it into a space for me. I tried to start it back up and I got it into a space. Ity was in the red and smoking. My lungs feel heavy and my throat sore from breathing in these fumes.
I do my shopping come back out but I don't want to go home. You feel stranded when you're at home without a safe or working car, so I'd rather not be there. I pray that the car will make it to Panera (all of the anti freeze leaked out when I had it running in the parking lot at the aptearlier)
I got the car to South and 3rd street, I was proceeding North. The gage went into the red and I have to stop the car again and put on the flashers. I'll have to sit and wait 20 minutes in the car before trying again to go to panera. An officer asked me to pull it into the bank lot but instead I drive it, smoking, to Wendy's since they usually have an abundance of parking spaces. Hopefully they won't tow it.
Went into Wendy's and asked the manager if I could leave it overnight; I might not be able to get it home safely. She said that I could. Even at this high cost, I could not stand being stuck in that apt.
I proceeded to sit in Borders eating my grocery store pizza and worrying wondering, if I should try to drive the car home? Should I "hitchike?" Should I chance breaking down on S. $th street the route I would have to take to get home?
The village pantry girl at the 4th street store told me that there are alot of shootings and stabbings on 4th street. If I break dwon there, where should I tow the car to?
Will I be able to walk on s. 4th street without falling on the ice? getting hit by a car? or getting stabbed?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
In Baltimore one is a little less likely to get stabbed on a snowy night since even the "bad guys" don't like to be out in this weather.
I do my shopping come back out but I don't want to go home. You feel stranded when you're at home without a safe or working car, so I'd rather not be there. I pray that the car will make it to Panera (all of the anti freeze leaked out when I had it running in the parking lot at the aptearlier)
I got the car to South and 3rd street, I was proceeding North. The gage went into the red and I have to stop the car again and put on the flashers. I'll have to sit and wait 20 minutes in the car before trying again to go to panera. An officer asked me to pull it into the bank lot but instead I drive it, smoking, to Wendy's since they usually have an abundance of parking spaces. Hopefully they won't tow it.
Went into Wendy's and asked the manager if I could leave it overnight; I might not be able to get it home safely. She said that I could. Even at this high cost, I could not stand being stuck in that apt.
I proceeded to sit in Borders eating my grocery store pizza and worrying wondering, if I should try to drive the car home? Should I "hitchike?" Should I chance breaking down on S. $th street the route I would have to take to get home?
The village pantry girl at the 4th street store told me that there are alot of shootings and stabbings on 4th street. If I break dwon there, where should I tow the car to?
Will I be able to walk on s. 4th street without falling on the ice? getting hit by a car? or getting stabbed?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
In Baltimore one is a little less likely to get stabbed on a snowy night since even the "bad guys" don't like to be out in this weather.
"Another glimpse of my future book"
1/8/05
Author's note
I'm crashing at Gary's apt. in Lafayette, Indiana. We dated for a few weeks then he decided to reconcile with his ex. Nevertheless, he is in the psych. hospital now where I had to bring him a few weeks ago for a nervous breakdown. While there in December he made an unsuccessful suicide attempt. He'll let me stay at this apt. theoretically until I get my housing voucher. Instead, I vacated on 2/1/05.
-------------------------------------------------------
Originally I heard that it would not snow today and that it would be warm. I'm still without a working car and it's making me crazy.
Yesterday, I had the car towed from Woodruff's back to home since I can't afford the repairs. So I only got to leave the house for 1.5 hours. I figure the buses aren't running today any way.
I woke up at 7 a.m., looked out the window, though about how hard it will be to get anywhere without a car. Thought about my limbs and how they just fall asleep whenever. Did Gary commit suicide? I think I"ll just go back to bed.
I awoke some time around 1:30 p.m. I have cereal but no milk. If I try to walk to the Village Pantry for milk my feet will get drenched. I called "Random Auto" and asked them if it is dangerous for me to drive a car that needs a new head gasket? I've got to get out of this place.
The mechanic replied: "It is dangerous to drive a car that needs a new head gasket because you will do more damage to the car" Well, I think, sounds like it probably won't "blow up" I need food so I have no choice but to get in this car and go. At about 2 p.m. I went downstairs to start the car. It took me almost 2 hours toget all of the ice off.
I borrowed a scraper and couldn't remove any of the ice with it. My neighbor sprayed de-ice on it and that didn't do the trick either. I let it run to see if having the defrost rear and front would help but that didn't do the trick either.
I walked upstairs to get a bucket of hot water to splash on it and that didn't help either. I let the car run for another 30 or 40 minutes. Saw a man in the parking lot (a real sweetheart) and asked him if he has a scraper I can borrow. He thought my right window had been smashed because after I rolled the right window down there was a very thick sheet of ice still in perfect placement that looked like another window was there! A windown that you can't see through! I smashed at that ice and I couldn't get rid of all of it ; so it looks like a smashed window! (I never experienced so much ice in MD) The neighbor chipped away at my ice for about 20 minutes. Somehow, I made it the 1.2 miles to Payless grocery store then stalled out in the parking lot.
Author's note
I'm crashing at Gary's apt. in Lafayette, Indiana. We dated for a few weeks then he decided to reconcile with his ex. Nevertheless, he is in the psych. hospital now where I had to bring him a few weeks ago for a nervous breakdown. While there in December he made an unsuccessful suicide attempt. He'll let me stay at this apt. theoretically until I get my housing voucher. Instead, I vacated on 2/1/05.
-------------------------------------------------------
Originally I heard that it would not snow today and that it would be warm. I'm still without a working car and it's making me crazy.
Yesterday, I had the car towed from Woodruff's back to home since I can't afford the repairs. So I only got to leave the house for 1.5 hours. I figure the buses aren't running today any way.
I woke up at 7 a.m., looked out the window, though about how hard it will be to get anywhere without a car. Thought about my limbs and how they just fall asleep whenever. Did Gary commit suicide? I think I"ll just go back to bed.
I awoke some time around 1:30 p.m. I have cereal but no milk. If I try to walk to the Village Pantry for milk my feet will get drenched. I called "Random Auto" and asked them if it is dangerous for me to drive a car that needs a new head gasket? I've got to get out of this place.
The mechanic replied: "It is dangerous to drive a car that needs a new head gasket because you will do more damage to the car" Well, I think, sounds like it probably won't "blow up" I need food so I have no choice but to get in this car and go. At about 2 p.m. I went downstairs to start the car. It took me almost 2 hours toget all of the ice off.
I borrowed a scraper and couldn't remove any of the ice with it. My neighbor sprayed de-ice on it and that didn't do the trick either. I let it run to see if having the defrost rear and front would help but that didn't do the trick either.
I walked upstairs to get a bucket of hot water to splash on it and that didn't help either. I let the car run for another 30 or 40 minutes. Saw a man in the parking lot (a real sweetheart) and asked him if he has a scraper I can borrow. He thought my right window had been smashed because after I rolled the right window down there was a very thick sheet of ice still in perfect placement that looked like another window was there! A windown that you can't see through! I smashed at that ice and I couldn't get rid of all of it ; so it looks like a smashed window! (I never experienced so much ice in MD) The neighbor chipped away at my ice for about 20 minutes. Somehow, I made it the 1.2 miles to Payless grocery store then stalled out in the parking lot.
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