Day 4 "house arrest"

Feels  like house arrest. Car in shop. Cant reach mechanic because his phone lines are down.  Or, did they take the phone off of the hook so they can get caught up on repairs they didn't get to do over holiday weekend? (i wonder)

My conundrum is, if I walk  N.W. route to the mechanic,  there is a good chance I'll get run over.  take the S,North route? there are some sidewalks. I'd have a larger distance to cover but it'd be slightly safer. Call a cab and have them take me to shop? Cab might not be willing to take a person just one mile. See, the carlessness adds such a grueling tone to one's day as you know from my blog posts that I wrote when I was carless.

Walk to cafe then hitch to shop? I never made it past the cafe. Couldn't work up courage to hitch up here. Did a little down in the city but up here ,well folks look at u like u have 3 heads if u ask for a ride as everyone up here has a vehicle, or so it seems. Even when i see folks walking there almost always 15 to 20 and male. Even that short distance that I completed felt miraculous because it literally took me 13 months to work up the courage to walk these country roads alongside vehicles, 4x4 hummers doing 80 mph and talking on cell phones.

It's 100 degrees and I see no humans actually outside. A mail truck drove by, and the ambo is passing me now. Ironically the ambo stops at the house I'm just a few steps from. I wave, for it is the same ambo crew that came to my house to get me yestrday.

The cafe i went to , well their a/c is down. By the time I completed my journey to the cafe I was lightheaded and having a hard time breathing. It hit me that even tho' I had not seen a weather forecast these are the sorts of conditions where they tell healthy and unhealthy alike to "stay indoors"

So, I spent a record 5 hours in the coffee shop finishing off a 700 page memoir that was a surprisingly easy read. Very compelling. "Stolen Innocence" Ironically, I had to pass the mormon church to get to the cafe and to get back home. Even on the walk home I see not one mortal outside. Not a single skateboarder at the skateboard park.

Nothing was resolved in the e.r. really. Blood work came back normal cept blood sugar being low. They thought it's because I've been skipping meals perhaps.

( A little sad I"m missing arts camp.)

But better schedule that mri as soon as I get car back. Im eager for answers. I have been researching brain tumor symptoms on internet, and fluid on brain symptoms on internet. I am determined to find somebody to help me do the living will paperwork. For, after my research I see that if I did have to go thru that sort of operation I might never be the same again in terms of memory, vision hearing, walking you name it...................

Considered renting a car today, but if they don't pick me up, it'll be a 25 dollar cab fare just to get to the rental car place. Or I could just take cabs from place to place to place. In the long run, say I were to make just 3 locals stops in a day via cab. At 10 bucks for each fare, I'd likely be laying out more money then with a rental car. And you have to sit outside for ong periods waiting for the cab. Internet confirms that there are cab companies even tho' I've never seen a cab out here.

But one mile is my absolute limit for concrete walking in this heat. It's killing my ankles and feet. No doubt it wouldn't be quite as hard if I had not gained all my weight back...................

Signing off for now

"Initially I wasn't alarmed"

But I read the order sheet some 3x. What?! Indeed I am being sent for an mri because of my blurred vision, trouble with balance, weakness, migraines and sometimes seizures. But what was written on the order really hit me today.

It was worded in such a way as to not alarm the patient. BUT! It said" we are sending you for this test to "rule out" a brain tumor, fluid on the brain, and mini strokes"

Brain cancer is most certainly not the way I'd want to go! My test is in 2 weeks. My tardive dyskinesia is very bad and embarassing. I'd like to go to arts/music camp, but the t.d. as well as the fact that I've pretty much lost my normal speaking and singing voice would prohibit my desire to sing at the festival.

The situation here at home would prevent me from taking any class which requires me to purchase materials. Classes (up to 2 weeks long) would serve as a temporary distraction which might be nice.

For now, my doc. is keeping me out of surgery (for one of the other issues I didn't mention in this post) and is trying me on two new meds for about a week.

fun, fun, fun

I'm reading "Stolen Innocence" a phenomenal biography of a woman who grew up in the church of latter day saints (the one that allows polygamy and encourages it.) She was forced to marry at 14 years old. It's a most wonderful book but it's over 600 pages long!

author's name is Elyssa Wall