"Initially I wasn't alarmed"

But I read the order sheet some 3x. What?! Indeed I am being sent for an mri because of my blurred vision, trouble with balance, weakness, migraines and sometimes seizures. But what was written on the order really hit me today.

It was worded in such a way as to not alarm the patient. BUT! It said" we are sending you for this test to "rule out" a brain tumor, fluid on the brain, and mini strokes"

Brain cancer is most certainly not the way I'd want to go! My test is in 2 weeks. My tardive dyskinesia is very bad and embarassing. I'd like to go to arts/music camp, but the t.d. as well as the fact that I've pretty much lost my normal speaking and singing voice would prohibit my desire to sing at the festival.

The situation here at home would prevent me from taking any class which requires me to purchase materials. Classes (up to 2 weeks long) would serve as a temporary distraction which might be nice.

For now, my doc. is keeping me out of surgery (for one of the other issues I didn't mention in this post) and is trying me on two new meds for about a week.

fun, fun, fun

I'm reading "Stolen Innocence" a phenomenal biography of a woman who grew up in the church of latter day saints (the one that allows polygamy and encourages it.) She was forced to marry at 14 years old. It's a most wonderful book but it's over 600 pages long!

author's name is Elyssa Wall

The last few days

so, sat. was census

sunday was the e.r.

sunday night, mon. and tues is the migraine.

and tues. day is Vocational Rehabilitation

Sunday I couldn't find the on call doctor's phone number (for my pcp)  so i called the emergency # for the neurologist.

I can tell most but not all of the symptoms here. I was so weak I couldn't walk without hanging onto walls and furniture. after getting a piece of cheese out of frig, I fell onto the frig. door. trouble breathing. plus i gave him a few more crazy symptoms.

Like feeling tingly. Like if you fall asleep you feel you probably won't wake up. So, he said if you don't have anyone who can stay at the apt. with you 24/7 then I want u in the e.r.

So they did the ekg and the blood tests and they said they couldn't find anything out of the ordinary.

Exit diagnosis? Vertigo. But I read the discharge sheet and there was some valuable information there like about ringing in the ears, and fast hearing loss (yes, i have that) and some other crazy stuff. Like the blurred vision.

But us folks with fibromyalgia "look healthy" So, nobody ever validates how sick we are. But I've kept a symptom diary for 15 years. I handed a 3 week symptom diary to my last doc. but he never took the time to read it.

I think this current Doctor is more thorough.

I think it helps if we aren't the only ones who see ourselves as sick. Doesn't everybody need to feel validated?

So, I just point blank asked a doc who I've had for 10 years. "Do you see me as seriously ill?"

He paused for a moment and he said "Yes, I do."

But I am probably more worried about getting my journals into the right hands, and more worried about publishing then longevity

. If the last 16 years of my life goes untold, that would be the real tragedy.