Quote of the night

"I feel incomplete because I've never met my dad"

"Hopes and dreams, they let you down."

Shes from Lafayette

https://youtu.be/IDBBDreK1FE

Looking back at 2/9/2005

Perrin Street
Lafayette, Indiana

moved in on 2/4/05

Laura lent me her car since mine is broken down.  Nobody has ever lent there car to me thus far in my life.  Just for the one night.  I was in good spirits even though I was in a tiny and toxic efficiency in a 100 year old home.  (turns out no heat in winter just air conditioning and we can't control it.

The night Laura lent me her car, I touched the turn signal to go left and the entire thing fell off.  Next morning when I showed up at the new place with a car full of belongings it had just snowed a few feet.  There were no warning signs prohibiting people from parkoing anywere on the street whatsoever.

In the a.m. when I came out to unload the car, (after having been up all night because of no heat) the police were towing the car away!  )  They claimed I was illegally parked.  I knew I could prove in court that they illegally towed me but now, I have court fees, towing fees, repair fees for my own car rent and food and my disability check is about 300 month.

So Laura is pissed, even though I took multiple photos  of the road proving I had not broken a law.

Now I have no way of completing my move.  I had to hitchhike back to the old place.  Ever tried to move all your stuff alone with no car?

2/9/05

Laura refused to accept reimbursement but won't hang out with me anymore either.  Woek up every 90 min. last night due to the migraine and being so cold.  The air in my apt. is so toxic.  Is the pilot light out on the stove?  No.  Perhaps the oven pilot is out? No.

2/10/05

After a huge ordeal I qualify for something called Care a Van.  I'm trying to get my car back, send out resumes, get Laura reimbursed, get to the grocerty store.  Not even my storm windows will open.  Struggle from sunrise to sundown. 

Here is my letter to Aaron (at this point I do not know that he inherited millions of dollars, he works a minimum wage job)    Dear Aaron,

My mechanic wants $300 for my first repair payment which he says is due on 2/18.  II'm desperately trying to get my car back so I can increase my chances at gaining employment.  If you cover $250 by 2/18 I'll pay you back a minimum of 25 dollars per month until I am paid in full.

Thank you for your consideration in this matter

E. Snyder

2/12/05

My apt. is making me very ill.  I wheeze and have chest pain and cough constantly.  It's much filthier then I originally noticed.  (Very unethical to landlords to rent out places that have not been professionally cleaned but this is all I can afford)

The high kitchen cupboards are covered with animal fur and dust.  The venetian blinds are dirty filthy.  The walls and ceilings are covered with dust dirt and spider webs.

The stove and cupboareds/counter feel greasy to the touch.

The only way to get the kitchen windown open I am forced to move the entire stove and counters out of the way.  In the meantime try not to get splintered opening the wood windows.  There are loose paint chips in all of the window sills.  I just spent 24 hours with migraine and vomiting.  What's causing this? the house? the neighbor's smoking then spraying deodorizer?  the fur and dirt?

Now when I cough, it aggravates my chest pain.  I can breathe better when I'm not at home.  I needed coffee but had to walk the 2 miles as baby steps because Lafayette is covered in sheets of ice.  I'm very weak.  My eyes are tearing and burning as I make this recording

Do I need to "go homeless" in order to afford to repair the car?  I hope not.

The 6 a.m. church bell is ringing so the air conditioning shut off and a tiny bit of heat just came on.  Maybe I can get a few minutes sleep.

"Utne REader Sept.Oct 1994 version"

Article is entitled:

"Finding the soul of your city"

(at the time I was residing in Lafayette Indiana and wrote out the answers to the article's questionnaire)

What feels like the center of the neighborhood in West Lafayette?

-the benches right outside of Garcia's restaurant

Lafayette?

-downtown Main and 6th street

Melbourne, Australia?

Swanston and Bourke (lots of street artists)

-What are West Lafayette boundaries?

Columbia bridge

Harrison bridge

w.l. Klondike school

and highway 52

Where can u find water in West Lafayette? Wabash River

is it still or flowing?

-unsure, sometimes flowing

Melbourne?

the Yarra River, flowing

What and when are Lafayette's festivals?

-The taste of Tippecanoe

-The strawberry festival
-the Melbourne Cultural Arts Festival
-the Fringe Arts Festival

"The 2 things I mourn the most"

The 2 things I mourn the most are my marriage that broke up in 94, and the relationships I had while living in Lafayette, Indiana.  (None were from Purdue however)

Last weekend I reviewed my journals from June 1994 and realized that even though I was living basically a street like life; I had built up amazing relationships and was also dating 2 terrific guys.  I moved to Baltimore thinking that in a big city I'd have a better shot at getting out of poverty.  But due to the crime and hatefulness I destroyed my life by moving there.  (I actually lived in Indiana on 3 separate occasions)

5/18/95

It's been a real trip.  I've been staying at Matt's place since January but I have to be out next month.  It's been really rough on weekdays and amazing on weekends.  It helps that the weather has been pefect. 

I met with Rick* on May 7th and we went to Ross Hills Park.  It was his initiation and I hope it wasn't the last, we had a real soul connection.  I think I'm in love, I didn't want the time to end.  He walked with me arm and arm which was a wonderful surprise since we aren't "going steady"  A day from heaven.

I'm only getting sporadic work however.  Pretty scary not knowing how you'll make your rent.  Last week I was sick with migraine and asthma.

I'm ready for adventure.  I'm ready to leave Indiana.

Went over to the Rosens to hang out with the kids I babysit for.  I can't remember the last time I laid down in the grass and went rolling down the hill! 

Saturday I went to hear Dean* sing in the Lafayette Chamber Singers concert.  I was completely blown away.  The concert was called Songs of Love.

Sunday , Mother's day I went to the Unitarian church for choir rehearsal but I can't make a long term commitment since I have no fixed address. 

Anna T. a little girl there that I bonded with gave me a potted flower in recognition of my being a special adult in her life.  Really brought a tear to my eye.  We promised to stay in touch after I leave Indiana.

Then I ran into Carson.  We talked about the meaning of life and agreed that in many ways life feels very empty.  For him, it's empty because he doesn't have a g/f.  I told him for me it's because I have no family at all.  He walked me where I needed to get to and he pointed out what happened to my broken down car.

We held hands and sang songs and I wished I was near the Yarra River in Melbourne.  We acted like little kids and could not stop laughing.

"Looking back at 4/18/2004"

I have no fixed address I am in Lafayette, Indiana.  I am attending my second or third songwriting class (they are free)

Here are the lyrics from my unfinished song.  I suspect you'll enjoy this even though I never did complete the song.

4/18/2004

The song is called:

TOO COLD TO SLEEP LAST N IGHT (completely non fiction account of my life)

Intro

 It was too cold to sleep last night

well that ain't nothin' new

the days I wake up rested, those are far too few

vs. 1

I don't know how much longer I can go on livin' this way

It's been 10 hears and it just ain't goin' away

between a rock and a hard place

they keep reminding me

the daily decisions of a girl in poverty

chorus:

IT'S A FULL TIME JOB I'M WORKIN' ROUND THE CLOCK

NO MATTER WHAT I DO YES I'M JUST REALLY STUCK

SHOULD I BUY SOME FOOD OR SHOULD I PAY SOME RENT

IMPOSSIBLE DECISIONS ARE ALL THAT I'VE BEEN SENT

verse 2

I'm under the gun

the sheriff's at my place

he's got an eviction notice

I can see it in his face

So now where will I go?

My friends don't seem to know

They just can't imagine

cuz they've got loot for show

chorus

IT'S A FULL TIME JOB

I'M WORKIN' ROUND THE CLOCK

NO MATTER WHAT I DO, SEEMS LIKE I'M JUST REALLY STUCK

SHOULD I BUY SOME FOOD

OR SHOULD I PAY SOME RENT?

IMPOSSIBLE DECISIONS ARE ALL THAT I'VE BEEN SENT

"Spring 94, back in the unites states, lafayette, indiana"

5/1994

Introduction/author's note

Arrived back in Lafayette on 5/10/94.  For one or 2 nights I stayed with my friend Carol.  I was homeless for a long time, lack of a fixed address.  By 5/11/94 I had to go to the food stamp office.

Within 2 weeks I landed a job as a telemarketer (no car so virtually nothing in the way of social work jobs)

5/21/94 (original entry)

Don't feel as lonely as I did in St. Kilda.  I think my loneliness there was enhanced by the fact that I was in such a touristy area, completely alone and penniless.  This week I saw a live concert, had lunch with my old friend Ali; but many of my old friends I can't find.

One of my social work professors as well as my boss a the social work internship in 92/93 have been pretty chilly with me.  Had a reunion with Geoff and Josette from Guru Java coffeehouse (at the Methodist church)

Margarita stood me up, I waited all evening for her.

Got hired at dial America and hit 17 sales in 5 hours.  Came to 8 dollars an hour. My throat was hurting real bad. yet the supervisor said I had more sales then anyone else working that day!  5 hours is way too long for a sales shift.  I've had it after 2.5!

5/24/94                                       12:20 a.m.

Been crying non stop knowing that I am still homeless.  Feels like everyone has deserted me.  Ali hasn't gotten back to me, even though we had plans.

This morning was my first day working clerical at the Purdue Vet Clinic.

I really hate it which is motivating to find a social work job.

5/25

I moved for the 5h time since I've been here in Lafayette, and it's only been 16 days!  Now I've moved into Mallory's house and I feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable here.

(author's note 1/28/14 it brings me great joy to share this as one of my great passions is to get the story out.  On the other hand, I am not going to share too much because I know I can make real money by writing a book.)

"NPR/Daycare hell"

I haven't heard the show daycare hell yet, but i can't wait.

I have worked in anywhere from one to two dozen daycare settings.  Out of those, there were only 2 that i would put my own child in.  The Young School in Columbia Maryland and The Waldorf School in Baltimore City.

I witnessed verbal emotional and physical abuse and neglect at most centers.

I used to make up a list for parents of daycare centersz to avoid!

Can't wait to hear what npr has to say!