Ill b honest to a fault

If I had a choice between a life of homelessness and poverty or getting murdered painlessly I would have rather been shot in the back and killed in February 1994 then to have had to live this kind of life. You know I am honest to a fault

Life In 2000/10 jobs in one year

My life in the year January 2000

"Looking back at 9/2004"

Authors note

I am renting a room in donna's house.  Not even knowing that her daughter was the landlord, one day someone bashed on my bedroom door.  It was donna's daughter(whom I didn't know existed at all) who began screaming and yelling at me to get out by the end of the day.  I quietly told her that I didn't even know who she is or what's going on, and that I'm certain she can't throw me out the same day. (I was behind in the rent, so what else is new, and it turned out this woman expected me to also hang out with donna who I wasn't even remotely compatible with)  She took me to court, (hoping to sue me)

 Not thinking that I could even attend, I prepared the following letter for the courts.

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Your Honor,

I'm not present today in court to contest the claim but I do indeed owe 300 dollars and then some.  I'm here to present a statement regarding my situation and to ask for a 3 - 4 week extension due to my impossible trap.

Your honor I have been living in abject poverty for 11 years.  My annual earnings between 1993 and the present have been as low as $46.00 a year but average $4,000 a year.

I am in very poor health and have not always been well enough to work.  Although I collect Social Security Disability, they reduced my benefit for September down to $423.00 a month. My car alone costs me $400 to $500 a month due to frequent breakdowns.  I have to do everything in my power to keep the car, because it is my only hope or getting out of poverty.

I have been waiting 10.5 years for affordable housing as I was living in Baltimore prior to living in Indiana.  My name is supposed to come up on the Section 8 wait. list in December.

In the meantime, I applied at every single subsidized housing complex in Lafayette and have been turned down largely because I can't pass a credit check.  There is no housing in any state that a person earning $423.00 a month can afford.  Therefore I have had numerous, numerous, episodes of homelessness.

Due to my Lyme disease as well as the current employment situation in Lafayette I've been out of work for 19 months.  I am a client of vocational rehabilitation and have a job coach who says she will help me secure work.

Your Honor, I've done everything humanly possible to improve my situation.  Can you please give me until October 4th to exit the house?  It is my understanding that over and above the issue of money, it is Ms. B's hope to secure a live in companion for her mother.    There is an extra bedroom to which she could consider renting out while I try to find different accommodation.

Sincerely,

Elana R. Snyder

"Looking back at 4/18/2004"

I have no fixed address I am in Lafayette, Indiana.  I am attending my second or third songwriting class (they are free)

Here are the lyrics from my unfinished song.  I suspect you'll enjoy this even though I never did complete the song.

4/18/2004

The song is called:

TOO COLD TO SLEEP LAST N IGHT (completely non fiction account of my life)

Intro

 It was too cold to sleep last night

well that ain't nothin' new

the days I wake up rested, those are far too few

vs. 1

I don't know how much longer I can go on livin' this way

It's been 10 hears and it just ain't goin' away

between a rock and a hard place

they keep reminding me

the daily decisions of a girl in poverty

chorus:

IT'S A FULL TIME JOB I'M WORKIN' ROUND THE CLOCK

NO MATTER WHAT I DO YES I'M JUST REALLY STUCK

SHOULD I BUY SOME FOOD OR SHOULD I PAY SOME RENT

IMPOSSIBLE DECISIONS ARE ALL THAT I'VE BEEN SENT

verse 2

I'm under the gun

the sheriff's at my place

he's got an eviction notice

I can see it in his face

So now where will I go?

My friends don't seem to know

They just can't imagine

cuz they've got loot for show

chorus

IT'S A FULL TIME JOB

I'M WORKIN' ROUND THE CLOCK

NO MATTER WHAT I DO, SEEMS LIKE I'M JUST REALLY STUCK

SHOULD I BUY SOME FOOD

OR SHOULD I PAY SOME RENT?

IMPOSSIBLE DECISIONS ARE ALL THAT I'VE BEEN SENT

10/2/94 lafayette, indiana 1:40 a.m.

It's been an unbelievably stressful 2 weeks.  Been working my ass off and I'm still at subsistence level.  Today was real depressing because I wanted to go to the Feast of the Hunter's Moon but didn't have the $6.00 admission feel.

Worked at Ward* Industries and met some really interesting folks.  They employees have hard personalities and hard lives.  One woman had most of her mouth missing and looked miserable.  Amanda is 4 foot tall 220 lbs and gave me a ride home.  Has a very big mouth.  Says her husband never helps with the kids in the past but "too bad he has to stay at home with them now"

In the car, Amanda and Kelly saw the woman with her mouth missing walking home.  Amanda said "pretend you don't see her"

(I wanted to ask "why, what's wrong with her?"  but I was dependent on a ride myself")

The work at the factory was very hard.  By my second day they were yelling at me to go faster.

On my first day there I was standing at a belt all day putting game boards in a box.

The 2nd day I had to put puzzles and games in boxes to be shipped.

Very physically demanding, I only lasted 2 days.

Also worked for a printing press  printing off 32,000 junk mail brochurs.

The next week I was at Eli Lilly cleaning, however everything was already immaculate.  I had to either pretend to work or sit in a break rooms and listen to Chuck*  talk about how dumb blondes are!  He said that all you women are good for is housework!

He played country music all the time, and looked the part of a backwoods hick.  He point blank asked me:

"do you listen to nigger music?"  I said what's that?  He said "Led Zeppelin would be nigger music!"

I said "YOu know I really don't appreciate the term at all!"

"Spring 94, back in the unites states, lafayette, indiana"

5/1994

Introduction/author's note

Arrived back in Lafayette on 5/10/94.  For one or 2 nights I stayed with my friend Carol.  I was homeless for a long time, lack of a fixed address.  By 5/11/94 I had to go to the food stamp office.

Within 2 weeks I landed a job as a telemarketer (no car so virtually nothing in the way of social work jobs)

5/21/94 (original entry)

Don't feel as lonely as I did in St. Kilda.  I think my loneliness there was enhanced by the fact that I was in such a touristy area, completely alone and penniless.  This week I saw a live concert, had lunch with my old friend Ali; but many of my old friends I can't find.

One of my social work professors as well as my boss a the social work internship in 92/93 have been pretty chilly with me.  Had a reunion with Geoff and Josette from Guru Java coffeehouse (at the Methodist church)

Margarita stood me up, I waited all evening for her.

Got hired at dial America and hit 17 sales in 5 hours.  Came to 8 dollars an hour. My throat was hurting real bad. yet the supervisor said I had more sales then anyone else working that day!  5 hours is way too long for a sales shift.  I've had it after 2.5!

5/24/94                                       12:20 a.m.

Been crying non stop knowing that I am still homeless.  Feels like everyone has deserted me.  Ali hasn't gotten back to me, even though we had plans.

This morning was my first day working clerical at the Purdue Vet Clinic.

I really hate it which is motivating to find a social work job.

5/25

I moved for the 5h time since I've been here in Lafayette, and it's only been 16 days!  Now I've moved into Mallory's house and I feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable here.

(author's note 1/28/14 it brings me great joy to share this as one of my great passions is to get the story out.  On the other hand, I am not going to share too much because I know I can make real money by writing a book.)

"20 years in and out of homeless/myth: poor people are lazy"

1/94 was when I first experienced homelessness .  That happened in Melbourne, AUS.  So, because there is nothing real interesting to share with you about what is happening currently (mostly homebound by illness)

I'd like to flashback to:

93 and 94 in Aus.

I took off from work the entire month of Aug/93 to get accustomed to Australia.  Then on sept. 1, 1993 I started working full time 40 hours a week, to see if I could get hired in  foreign country doing social work.

Here is where I applied: (strictly sharing where I applied for swrk jobs:

1. government job, crisis accommodation worker, relief
2. upper yarra and lilydale emergency accommodation program/ uniting church of Australia
3. trained early childhood worker/hawthorn early childhood centers
4.youthworker at carlton Collingwood fitzrooy district health service
5.  family worker at st luke's family care of marybourough
6. catchment youth refuge/young homeless peer educator/facilitator
7. city of northcote
8.broadmeadows youth housing project/ youth housing worker (locum)
9. student homelessness project worker
10. Williamstown tenants assoc./community development worker (tenant worker)
11. North west foster care/social worker c1.1
12. Courtney youth services
13. social security admin. social worker
14. Zelda's place collective
15.community placement worker
16.hanover welfare services
17. women's worker at sacred heart mission
18. big brothers big sisters of Melbourne social worker
19.williamstown youth housing group
20.collingwood family support worker
21. city of nunawading/youth project worker
22. telephone crisis worker/ government
23. werribee city council/young women's programme worker
24.doncaster youth resource center/youth housing tenancy admin.
25. city of Berwick/youth worker
26. Sutherland residential care worker
27. city of preston project officer human services
28. hope street refuge inc./support/ outreach worker
29. royal children's hospital/social worker grade 1
30. family support services/ manager food bank
31. interchange inner urban coordinator
32. Wesley youth services/ child case worker

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Even though I had not yet been given my permission to work, I wwnated to see if I could score some interviews in the meantime.  Many of these orgs. were considerate enough to respond and some even said I was put on the shortlist.  in the end I got no interviews and shortly thereafter (1/94) fell in homelessness and was no longer able to keep up interviewing for professional positions.

"Mountain Town Shelter Closes"

About a week ago one of our shelters closed.  There were 40 beds for men and about 15 for women.  I do not know where the women ended up but I heard that most of the men are back in the woods living in a tent.  The rest are living up to 8 per motel room, until (Brad told me) management finds out and kicks everybody out.

"Conditions at current subsidized apt."

So, there are a myriad of rules.  The only way the landlord would offer a subsidized apt. to me is if i agreee to be randomly drug tested!  I have no history of drug use.  they will also be testing me for alcohol.

Now, they claim that they will not enter without 24 to 48 hour notice.  But if they want to come to my apt.  at any time, i am forced to let them in.

This is degrading.  But i just researched the internet and it said that "if you agreed to it in the lease, they can do whatever they want"

So, the only reason i agree to live as if i were on probation is because it beats being on the streets.  I feel like my soul is owned, i feel like a slave, a prisoner.

"Delicioso!"

Whenever a meal at the soup kitchen is real good or exceptional, i tell the servers and sometimes even tell the chef.  I might say "perfecto"  or put my fingers to my lips and do the kiss insignia to express my pleasure.

Today was one of those days.  I called out hello to Jeanie* one of the diners.  A man repled:  "Hey, don't call me Jeanie!"

me-"What do you want me to call you then?!"

him_"Just don't call me late for dinner!"

me (i don't know him btw) "I KNEW you were going to say that!

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There were actually 2 diners who i was talking with, neither were at my table.  One was from New Mexico, and  the other livesin the woods, Rod.

So, rod tells me that John, and he points at him is the "nicest most politest guy you will ever meet"

I repled "creative 2, he just put orange candiesin his vegetable soup"

Rod said "Hey John, I think she has a thing for you!"

me-"I can sure u if i like a boy i will be sure to let him know, i will not need an advocate because i am a world class....(and then i whispered) FLIRT!"

Rod_"Oh you are are you?"

(author's note-i think that most of us here have miserable miserable lives, but the kidding lightens the load, if only for a bit)

He starts asking folks trivia questions.  I follow up with some of my own.

me-"What is the most touristed town on route 66?"

diner-"Kingman?"

me-"No it's Mountain Town!"

me_What is the 2nd largest county in the u.s.

diner_"Well, the first is San Bernadino........But i don't know the second!"

me-Our's i said.  although we have a rural landmass with few people it is still huge.  (the first i think is l.a.)

The diner asked me what brought me to Mountain Town.  I said, well i can't say here in front ofa group.  All i can tell you is that i sent the story to a true crime writer.

I said you know they call this poverty with a view.  But, i call it homelessness with a view.

he said that although he lives in the woods he does not consider himself homeless.  I said I'm fairly sure that most homeless people are not experiencing this as happy or joyful like you do.  He said "The earth is my home"

"Hey, haveyou seen that book about surviving the government?"

"No"  I replied. 

"Well, you know i can't stand Obama, he said.  "Obama is in the mafia"

(in social work school we learned the technique of using I messages)

Me-"I'm not really 2 comfortable sharing my viewson Obama!"

him_"I respect that"

Me-"Well it was nice meeting you and u have a good day"

him-"It was great meeting u too"

"The concept of full disclosure"

I have heard that the young ones, perhaps 30 and under or so, are very into full disclosure on social media.  For as much as I'd like to do that i just don't find it to be appropriate.

I have already told you that my life is like a cross between The Glass Castle and My Stolen Life.

That being said  what i can tell you is that i am violently ill, and just not getting the care I need.  Life conditons are deplorable and inhumane.

Yes, there is occasional joy and it comes under the backdrop of living in a body that is wracked with excruciating bone, joint tendon and muscle pain.  Chronic migraines, violentlly ill stomach.  That's just a tiny bit of the story.

I guess it doesn't really matter that much that I only have one dollar a day in food stamps because I am on a semi fast anyhow since i am so sick.

Sure is ironic that my uncle made a billion dollars, wouldn't you say?

"Customer Dis-service/retail hell"

Today has been full of incidences that i am sure u will enjoy hearing about.  Because of time constraints i will put just one today.

Manager at "convenience store" came up to me this a.m. when i was having my coffee he said:

"can you do me a favor"

"yes" i said

"every time you come in here you leave things behind"

(i always throw out my trash!)

me-"are u sure it's me"

him-"yes!"  "It's not a big deal or anything but you leave a sugar pack or something like that"

(being a good little doobie i pull my social work skills out of my hat)

me-"and every little bit helps!"

him-"yes!  thank you"

(the workers at this store treat folks from the shelter differently, and they know i used to stay at the shelter, nonetheless, i feel i have earned their respect!)

I tell this anecdote to the barista at starbucks who is absolutely lovely.  I tell her that "if starbuckschased down every customer who ever left something on the table, starbucs would have zero customers!  She laughed and thought the whole thing was ludicrous!

"Adventures in Hitchiking"

On the 14th, I met K.  She is a 40 something African American woman who just returned from a marathon trip to California to check on her sick sister.

The sister just had stroke.  Lives with the boyfriend.  The boyfriend has run off and left her bedridden and unfed for 3 days.  The b/f is on the street selling her percocet.

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I also met 23 year old, S.  When i told her where i was going she "took me off guard" and asked:  "Do you live at the homeless shelter?"  i said no but i used to.

She stayed there for "not very long"  I asked What does that mean?  She said one month.  She said she can't verbalize how horrible it was.  i said, well i can.  I was robbed blind there.  Horrid.

She stayed for a few months in a tent with her baby, until she could get into shelter.  She work full time for a nationally known cleaning company.  Her partner was so abusive, that her boss let her live in the custodian office for a month.

She is still struggling, and when she dropped me off i could tell she desperately needed the conversation.  I told her we would get together for coffee.

"The latest with the housing situation"

So.  AFter i lost my last place on 8/19, i was homeless for 14 weeks.  In that time i had 12 moves.  Two of those addresses were at the mental hospital for lack of shelter.

From 12/1 to 2/3 of this year; i was living alone in a 2br but with no access to the second bedroom.  The agreement when you are in transitional housing is that you have to live with a room mate.  It is a living hell because she is so sick.

I mean I will be the first to admit, that you could put Miss Manners in ther with me and it wouldn't matter because I can handle 2 things at this stage in my life:

living alone
or
living with a significant other

So, agency x told me in november that by about 3/1 i can have my own place again in an eficiency apt.  It would be subsidized.

However when I told them yesterday yes, i am ready to start that process they said/implied:

"Well, unless you move out of where you are and into a tent; you basically are no longer eligible for your own place!"

Dear REaders, you know that this is why i  write.  Well, certainly it is one of  the themes of my blog and and my future memoir.  Uncovering what life is like for the poor, and how tough it is to find and maintain safe affordable housing.

"Children's Book" on life in victorian england

i did not know what life was like in victorian england for the poor before signing out this children's book.  a few years back an english professor told me that my writings on my own experiences with modern day poverty and homelessness made dicken's description of england look like a "walk in the park!"

I did not know until today that Dickens was considered a social critic like ehrenreich is in current times.  I consider myself a social critic.

Consider the so called "children's" section of the library even for adult subjects, it is an amazing way to learn!

"War Stories for Xmas Day at the Soup Kitchen"

As per usual I did nt celebrate xmas.  I am largely homebound by ice snow and then on xmas the bus didn't run.

I have 3 bananas to eat so i'll pretty much have to go to the soup kitchen.

They say this area is liberal but you would never know it at the soup kitchen.  Many times i meet angry diners who are all talking about how clse minded they are on various issues and really don't seem interested in hearing what anybody else has to say especially if the view is liberal.

Not 5 minutes into the really bad meal, a diner starts telling his story.  He is new to the soup kitchen, so I replied "That is what folks talk about here is their "war stories"

He asked me if I had read the local paper lately.  I said i don't read it every day.  He and his wife roll up their sleeves and show me stab wounds.  They went onto say that the article was in the paper. "Man stabs his roommates"

 The wife said that Mountain Town is an extremely dangerous place to live.  i said the whole society is, and there is nowhere to run.

I told her that in the AZ republic they said : "The most dangerous place an American woman could be is IN HER HOME!  That has been my experience as well.

The handsome man in his 40's chimed in.  Here is a paraphrase:  "Oh you think YOU have it bad?  See this bullet wound?  I was shot in the Aurora movie slaughter!

I joined in with some shocking stories of my own.  I could see a physical reaction that the wife was having because of the stress of the stories.

I proposed that the way we should all end our meal is with a rendition of White Christmas.  I began singing, everyone joined in and she cried because she was moved....................................

"More then shelter, feels like a home!"

Soon I'll get a roommate, but for right now, I have a beautiful home, with all new hardwood floors, nearly all new appliances and new furniture.  I'm sure the dynamic will change, but I really love it.

Keep your fingers crossed.  I have no idea how long it will take me , if ever, to feel safe again, but I guess I'd have to go a whole year with no break ins to feel safe.................I've come home twice to unlocked doors........but I have a wonderful landlord and advocate and a support system that is growing.........................

"Tomorrow after 5"

It's getting down into the teens at night.  At this point, it does not appear that I will have indoor shelter as of tomorrow night.

"One flew over the cuckoo's nest/i am technically alive"

So on 9/10; when an employee at "Motel Bed Bug" heard me telling a potential customer about the infestation I was told to leave immediately.  I had 5 hours to get packed up and get out.  I was forced to go to another motel that is run by a rat of a manager and owner who claims she likes to help the poor transition to a better life.  I know from past experience though that she has made lots of peoples lives even worse.

I called up a cab company and explained to the dispatcher my situation in great detail.  How many items I have that I'm disabled and need help and al that.  He assured me all is well.

When "Frank" the cabbie arrived I motioned for him to come to the second floor.  He shook his head no!  I had my stuff moved to the sidewalk.  He screamed up at me "If you think I'm helping you move those items you have another thing coming!"  The guy was scary and this process took a long time.  He kept the meter running AND he charged me a moving fee.  It ended up costing 60 dollars to move 2 shopping carts worth of things a mile and a half away.

When he found out the motel "bed bug" had bed bugs he said "Get your shit out of my van RIGHT NOW!"  A motel 6 employee told him that "they aren't actually bed bugs"  He agreed to take me to "rat inn"

On the way he said "you are so rude expecting this."  I told him that the dispatcher had agreed in advance blah blah.  This is a new cab company and i do plan to tell the manager about his performance.

Readers, I could write 10 pages for every day of my life; so I'll give  a little today and a little later.

In the 11 days i was at "rat inn" the owner praised me for being such a hard worker, then evicted me with no notice and threatened to "donate all of my belongings to a flea market!"

She said "well you'll just have to move to los angelos" today!  What?  This woman is crazy.  I knew in the back of my mind that if I found myself suddenly with no shelter, I would show up at the psychiatric hospital and tell them that "If I have to sleep on the street tonight, I am going to take my life"  After a 3 hour intake where they told me they weren't letting me stay there, they eventually felt like it would be a bad idea to not take me.

So, I slept 12 hours in 2 weeks.  What a book!  You will not believe what hapened there............................

They decided to wait and release me on my pay day, but I am still homeless with no promise of shelter after 10/6 at noon.

There is plenty more to come.