looking back at February the 9th 2004

at the time I was earning about $500 a month from Social Security income. I had managed to find a place to live for 3 months where I could barter off for rent this would theoretically mean that I would have money to get my car back on the road. But no such luck

The following is a direct account from my journal 11 years ago... "I just received a letter from Social Security disability this is unbelievable abuse. The letter states that they will be reducing my March check by $230 then they state they will be reducing my money even further by taking another $100 off the total. My understanding is that if they're going to reduce me to 230 and then reduce me again by a hundred then I'll be earning $130 a month.they are putting me in a situation where I will not be able to pay the full rent to my landlord any longer...

I can't believe I survived it all

onApril 7, 2011 I made my escape.the perpetrator victimized me for 14 months straight. There was a seven month. Where are the perp did not know where I had escaped to. But in January 2010 he discovered that I had escaped to a rural apartment complex in Maryland. There's so much I want to tell you about the torture that I endured all the way back from June 2005 through April 2013 with a 7 month break that I just mentioned to you where he was unable to find where I had escaped to. In December 2010 it was perfectly clear that I if I did not escape the rural section 8 apartment then I would be murdered after 4 months of careful planning and secret planning I escaped 2a southwest women shelter. It cost me $600 to make my escape however all of the violent crimes Easley cost me 15 to 20 thousand dollars in losses and damages. The most dangerous time for a female victim is the day she attempts to flee. I knew that I was at very high risk of being murdered that night. Obviously that didn't happen. I am so so proud of everything that I've accomplished. Having no idea whether or not I would have a home in the southwest I still got on that plane and flew more than 2,000 miles into a complete unknown. Even with all the suffering that I go through including the PTSD I have achieved something that is nearly impossible I now have a beautiful apartment a smartphone a flat screen TV and I live in a town that is more healthy than any place I have ever lived before. Every morning I count my blessings and look at my beautiful apartment and realize that my survival was against tremendous odds. I have only been safe for 18 months because my first two years in the southwest I was still terrorized with multiple break ins and vandalism in my home. It doesn't make much sense so the perpetrator would follow me more than 2,000 miles to continue to terrorize me. But the crimes that have occurred in the southwest are extremely similar to the crime that I endured in Maryland. One of the only differences is that the person who's been terrorizing me here has never shot at me whereas in Maryland I was shot at on a fairly regular basis. I read a book that Whoopi Goldberg wrote where she said the women who are trapped in violent situations that the stuff and the belongings do not matter she said you need to escape no matter what. So here I am. My greatest fear is not death but that the journals will not get published but thrown away upon my death. So just like a family with children might make a will I have been working at trying to find a person or persons or museum that will keep my writings and make sure that my story gets told no matter how long I live because it's not safe for me to speak of the details through the blog because the perpetrators are still out there and have not been locked up. I hope this gives female survivors the strength to make their escape no matter what.

"My new acquaintance tells me something very meaningful"

When I was describing my current living situation yesterday to my new acquaintance he responded with a comment that felt profound and meaningful.

He said "YOU SOUND VERY STABLE!"

He was referring to my current apt. and having a steady monthly income.  The reason it felt so profound is that this really is the first time since 93 that my situation would appear stable to anyone.
I feel so proud of this because it did take me 20 YEARS to find a safe affordable situation that is quiet enough that I can actually think and get some sleep.................................................

I will plan very carefully so as to seriously decrease any chances of becoming homeless in the future, as I can't stay in mountain town for the long haul, primarily because I can't take the long harsh winters.

"looking back at 5/13/2011"

Left the deplorable conditions of the homeless shelter on approx. 4/30/11. I bounced around in different environments trying to make it on my own with 700 month. I did not succeed. One of the environs I ended up in, oddly, has the acronym, b.s.. Here is the entry from my journal.

5/13/11

B.S. very dangerous! I arrive 7 p.m. ; it smells horrible. I become naucious.     It's dark inside, with cinder block walls; the lamps are from the 50's and don't provide any more light then a candle would.

There is bed bug excrement, bug body parts on everything. Human hair and a dead fly on the "clean" sheets. I smell the pillows, they smell disgusting.

I take off the pillow case, someone had set fire to it and it was encrusted with dead maggots! Brought it to the manager and asked for a new room.

The new room was just as bad. All pillows had blood and urine on them and all 3 chairs in the room were encased with scum and dismembered bugs!