"looking back at 9/17/2004"

I ran into Tuesday.  She graduated in my dept with me in 93.  (from purdue) I told her that I am homeless.  She asked me if I would like to stay with her.  She has ALS/ I think it was, lou gehrigs disease.  She has no real use of her arms or legs.  Her mother took some drug during pregnancy and her limbs didn't develop.  ;(

Here is an entry from that period of my life

Day 3, HOMELESS homeless

Definition-Dwelling wherever there is shelter because you have zero money for rent.  I'm sleeping 2 to  hours a night, so I haven't been able to write as often.  But I remember boy do I remember what is was like to live with Tuesday.

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Tuesday had a Barbie Doll and I love lucy doll collection.  This gives me a great deal to think about.  The Barbie Dolls represent everything that she will never be in THIS life.

The American ideal for beauty.  Tall, blonde, thin, rich, good looking.  She has a b/f who she is monogamous with and who lives with her.  He has limbs that work.  It is so sad to me that she can not and never did play with those dolls.  Can't pet her cat Molly.  It brings me deep sadness to see what she goes through.  That's part of why I can't sleep.  I just laid there thinking:

she will never:

scratch her own itch
wipe herself
brush her hair
feed herself
take a walk
give a hug

Before moving in with Tuesday, I always resolved that I would never ever

Bathe an adult
diaper and adult
or toilet and adult

But it was such a great act of love that her and Hank let me stay in their very crowded and cluttered apt!  I would do the world for her.  I am letting hank train me on how he cares for her.  Initially I didn't care for him but now I've changed my mind.  How can I dislike someone who does what he does for her?  Shes the brain and he's the brawn she says! 

She actually seems to enjoy her life.  What an inspiration.

"My new acquaintance tells me something very meaningful"

When I was describing my current living situation yesterday to my new acquaintance he responded with a comment that felt profound and meaningful.

He said "YOU SOUND VERY STABLE!"

He was referring to my current apt. and having a steady monthly income.  The reason it felt so profound is that this really is the first time since 93 that my situation would appear stable to anyone.
I feel so proud of this because it did take me 20 YEARS to find a safe affordable situation that is quiet enough that I can actually think and get some sleep.................................................

I will plan very carefully so as to seriously decrease any chances of becoming homeless in the future, as I can't stay in mountain town for the long haul, primarily because I can't take the long harsh winters.

"Current housing as compared to the past 20 years"

Despite serious electrical issues for the first 7 months, extreme noise on certain days, and a huge ordeal to get anything fixed (I need new washer/dryer) if I compare my current situation to any of my situations between 2/94 and 4/2013 this is the best one.

This is the only place where  it's homey enough that if I need to stay home and rest or nap I can.  I just tried a different kind of pillow and did not wake up as many times in the night.  (currently I have 30 bucks to last 2 weeks) but next month, I will buy the $60 foam topper for the mattress as even though this mattress would be a good one for a healthy person, my leg muscles hurt a lot and I have to keep changing sides............................

So, I had forgotten that there is an actual name for one of my symptoms  (I googled it last night) chostochondritis.  It is commonly  seen in folks with fibromyalgia and is miserable because it never goes away.

It is severe chronic rib pain and tautness that sometimes makes it impossible to take a deep breath.

I'd say that maybe 3 days a week I'm very weak and don't go out at all due to not having a car.

Watched the latest episode of the little couple last night and jen described the symptoms she has with the inpatient and outpatient cancer treatments.  I have every single solitary one of them.  I will post the episode onto my blog.  No, I don't have cancer.......................................................

Something is coming up soon in my life that is very positive and will raise qol quite a bit.  Even after it happens I won't be able to tell you all what it is because of a handful of men who are reading my blog and who absolutely do not want the best for me.  That is all I can say for now.