"911 what's your emergency?"

First I'll do the best I can to describe to you what I was feeling even though I know it is tough if not impossible to grasp.  Certainly the medical staff had no idea what I was talking about

Immediately after taking my sleep medicine on Friday night, I became extremely dizzy.  The room started spinning.  It is terrifying to live alone when you're chronically ill but even worse when you are sick upon sic.

I don't know what to do but to keep the cell phone close.  I text 2 friends to let them know I'm very sick and I'm not sure what's wrong.

Then I called the on call doctor at my doctor's office but the call didn't go through.

I tried to walk to the living room chair very slowly.

The body wide pain is even more excruciating then usual and I'm having the sensation that if I fall asleep I either will die in my sleep (that part is o.k.) or the thing that really worries me is that I will fall asleep but wake up paralyzed.  I have had similar sensations as a side effect from Elavil, however with the Elavil I felt and heard a metal sound in my head and my heart raced so fast I thought it would kill me.

I think the saddest part of this story is how I was treated by both the paramedics and the hospital staff.  I told the 911 dispatcher to make absolutely sure that my "purse" goes with me to the hospital.  I can say one or two words but I really can't speak in sentences.  I am so sedated that I can't keep my eyes open.

When the paramedics arrived (I couldn't tell you what they looked like) I pointed to the "purse"  My main concern was that if I were going to die in a damn hospital my journals need to be in the purse, not home because I have not considered myself to have a safe place to live in many years.

The paramedic picks up my purse then puts it back down and decides to leave it at the house even though I insisted.

The paramedics are rude and seems to be mad.  They keep yeling at me to keep my eyes open which I can't.  They keep insisting I tell them the exact date I was last transported in an ambo. which I could not do.

They said "IF YOU DON'T WALK DOWN THESE STEPS YOU ARE GOING TO GET HURT!"

(3 flights of steps that a stretcher can't be carried on)  When they insisted I walk, I grabbed the banister and they said DON'T DO THAT

When I got into the ambulance I was crying from the pain of the electric bp cuff.  The paramedic (a bastard really) kept pinching my arm and holding the pinch as hard as he could.   He said:

"STOP COMPLAINING IT'S JUST A BLOOD PRESSURE CUFF" (yEAH and he doesn't have lyme and fibromyalgia)   Anytime I did not provide an articulate answer he held a pinch to my left arm.  I said please that'x excruciating please don't pinch me. 

He said "Well, then you need to cooperate"

He wondered why I was "crying" and I told him the bp cuffe was excruciating.  I kept complaining about what felt like convulsions and electricity in my body.  He said that my bp is very high.  (well I don't know what you want me to do about that it is normally low/normal)

When we got to the hospital, I was put in what appeared to be some sort of overflow room.  I rarely saw any hospital staff.  I told the nurse I needed to go to the bathroom but I can't walk their by myself.

She said "WALK BY YOURSELF OR DON'T GO"

She also said "You either go by yourself or I'm not going to triage you
"
I "collapsed" in a chair and never made it to the toilet.  She kept good on her threat and "punished" me by not triaging me for at least another 2 hours.  I was in the overflow room until 4 a.m.  When the doc saw me he said he has no idea what the matter is, gave me a med.

Sends nurse into the room.  She hands me a stack of papers while I am supine.  I asked her if she could put it with my coat, and she initially refused looking at me like: "How dare you tell me what to do with the paperwork"

I was asked if I had money for a cab.  I said well for one thing I insisted they bring my purse but they elected to ignore me so no I do not have money.  She looked at me like:

She was going to keep me in the hospital indefinitely since I have no ride home.  After 2 hours they called me an ambulance and I was home by 7:30 a.m.  I have a significant bruise on my arm from the guy who kept pinching me.

The hospital here in mountain town have a horrible reputation and I have been told repeatedly whatever you do don't EVER HAVE SURGERY AT MOUNTAIN TOWN HOSPITAL YOU WILL REGRET IT.

"Vertigo"

I have been awake for goodness knows how many days.  Last night, I could feel my body spinning very fast in circles around the room.  Anytime I opened my eyes, I could see the room spinning.  No, I did not drink and nothing is different with my meds.  It is very scary.

I considered calling 911 but I have been hospitalized many times for vertigo and they can never do anything about it.  I haven't had a case of vertigo this severe in a long time.  I remember even as a child seeing my bedroom spin in circles.

So I tried to reschedule the 2nd extermination but they could not do it.  It's a lot of work on my part, and I didn't want to have to be out on busses with electrical storms and dizziness.  But no choice because I am required to be out while they "exterminate"

The last few days

so, sat. was census

sunday was the e.r.

sunday night, mon. and tues is the migraine.

and tues. day is Vocational Rehabilitation

Sunday I couldn't find the on call doctor's phone number (for my pcp)  so i called the emergency # for the neurologist.

I can tell most but not all of the symptoms here. I was so weak I couldn't walk without hanging onto walls and furniture. after getting a piece of cheese out of frig, I fell onto the frig. door. trouble breathing. plus i gave him a few more crazy symptoms.

Like feeling tingly. Like if you fall asleep you feel you probably won't wake up. So, he said if you don't have anyone who can stay at the apt. with you 24/7 then I want u in the e.r.

So they did the ekg and the blood tests and they said they couldn't find anything out of the ordinary.

Exit diagnosis? Vertigo. But I read the discharge sheet and there was some valuable information there like about ringing in the ears, and fast hearing loss (yes, i have that) and some other crazy stuff. Like the blurred vision.

But us folks with fibromyalgia "look healthy" So, nobody ever validates how sick we are. But I've kept a symptom diary for 15 years. I handed a 3 week symptom diary to my last doc. but he never took the time to read it.

I think this current Doctor is more thorough.

I think it helps if we aren't the only ones who see ourselves as sick. Doesn't everybody need to feel validated?

So, I just point blank asked a doc who I've had for 10 years. "Do you see me as seriously ill?"

He paused for a moment and he said "Yes, I do."

But I am probably more worried about getting my journals into the right hands, and more worried about publishing then longevity

. If the last 16 years of my life goes untold, that would be the real tragedy.