life is mostly just one big to do list

there's a lot that I plan to share with you there's a lot that I need to catch you up on. Between the crushing fatigue of the fibromyalgia the nerve tendon and joint pain from the Lyme disease the daily migraines the severe back pain its all I can do to get out of bed and face my life. I haven't been functioning at a very high level, on the other hand given my body the way it is I get a relative high amount of things done.

I went to the Food Stamp office and I will blog about that another time it was a horrible experience with a five hour wait my clerk was very rude and grab the papers out of my hand! The next time I go back cuz they want me to come back I'm going to request another case worker I've got $1 a day to last for 2 weeks, I tried to go to the Food Center the rescue mission to eat but most of the time I can't stand the food so that's not really a good option.

I also had a consult with the breast surgeon and he was a real a****** and very disrespectful of me, some doctors resent it when you tell them that you have been studying up about your condition, they resent and educated woman. The bottom line is I still do not know if I have breast cancer or not and I am supposed to be meeting with another breast breast cancer console surgeon. All I can say is oYy vey!

attempted breast biopsy this morning

I finally went for the biopsy on both breasts this morning , butdue to the excruciating pain upon being touched theTechSaid that the pain is only going to get worse and do I want to proceed so I said no.

I figured the only option is to just accept the death sentence of cancer so that being said the first thing out of my mouth was oh well I guess I'll just have to accept the death sentence

She said well are you open to the possibility of going in for actual surgery where they put you to sleep and I said yes I'm open to that possibility. So a doctor came in and talked to me and I told her my views and about palliative care and for some reason that made her and the tech make a :-(  face.
apparently when you say that you are interested in palliative care they assume that that means that you definitely don't want to live.

But all that means is I don't want aggressive treatment and I refuse aggressive treatment such as chemo and stuff like that

So the surgeon is going to be calling me regarding having a consUlt  about impatient surgery and I will certainly keep you informed. I asked them if a woman ever had to refuse her biopsy because of excruciating pain? She said yes about 5 percent of women are unable to go through with the procedure

noise pollution and the cancer question

Th e issue with the pain levels is extremely serious.  Even with sitting less than 5 minutes is excruciating lower back and tailbone pain.  dressing and undressing  R unbearable pain, Not to mention the body wide nerve joint and muscle pain even trying to roll over in bed.

Having kept a symptom and health diary for more than 20 years has been an invaluable tool to say the least.

This allows me to watch how various issues have progressed over the years and whether or not a medication works or not.

The only way that I can possibly qualify for palliative care is  I'm going to have to go ahead and get the biopsy in both breasts .
 tomorrow I will schedule the biopsy and you'll be the first to know what the results are.

Upon extensive research on the subject of palliative care I discovered that I probably qualify for it even though even if I did not have cancer, because of how low my quality of life is and because of the ridiculously high pain levels.

My doctor did not even flinch an Eyewhen I told her that I would rather accept the potentialdeath sentence then go through chemo and radiation. even though I had told her in the past I went on to reitterate that my overall quality of life over the last 21 years has Ben completely unacceptable!

Many of the secretaries in her office as well as the Medical assistants Seem like complete idiots butmy nurse practitioner is very thorough very intelligent most issues I keep to myself but she interviewed me very thoroughly the other day and she is very compassionate!

On the subject of noise pollution

Here it is 2:30 in the morning and I cannot sleep part of it is that I need my sleep medication changed and a big part of it is that the floor and my furniture is shaking because apparently one of my neighbors is up and about I'm having a difficult time narrowing it down and figuring out who could be making all this noise so looks like I'm going to have to leave yet another polite letter tomorrow.

Believe you be I have dreamt of owning a house for almost 20 years and it's a real shame that I'm going to be stuck living like this for god knows how lon

"Cancer versus fibromyalgia"

Today i met a woman who went through a radical, double mastectomy.  She, like me, ate well was active and fit and still got sick.  When i told her what i go through with the fibromyalgia (fm) and lyme, she said: I'd rather have cancer then live the way you have to live!