Grateful yet helpless

The severe round-the-clock banging has started back up again around 3 weeks ago. Needless to say even if I do try to go to bed at a normal hour it doesn't matter because somebody's going to slam a door and wake me up. The last time I asked for help from the rental office she also was unable to determine where the banging was coming from. I could ask for a transfer as I have done in the past, but its all pot luck I could end up in an apartment complex even worse than the one I'm in. The only answer is to live in a home a house of your choosing and your neighborhood but you know that is not going to happen for me

enjoying the support

No


4 0 Years I was completely alone with this issue. I am thrilled to have discovered this organization yesterday I read all about the noisy dozen awards.

Www.Noisefree.org

The director of the organization always gets back to me within 48 hours whenever I send him an email about anything that is on my mind regarding the way noise pollution is affecting my life. You will be surprised at how much you will learn by going to this website, this is some considered to be a problem that is causing extremely severe health problems in Americans.

small miracles

so. I, that's really revolting'm in my favorite restaurant and for the first hour the music was nice and low but just as I logged on to my blog; an employeeturned it up really loud.

 It turns out that the the way they do things is as they get more customers they are required to turn the stereo to a higher volume. If only I knew in advance that they were going to do this I would know when I can and cannot come to the restaurant.

So when I asked themanager if he could turn it down and explain the policy :-(

 I can always put earplugs in but I hate putting them damn things in my ears.I wish this Santa Claus would have bought me some Bose noise cancelling headphones! But no such luck

 after taking 4 sleeping pills last night I slept from 4 a.m. To 4 p.m.. I don't have a migraine, nausia, or severe stomach pain like most days.

mentally and emotionally I feel pretty good. But it's amazing the restaurant sounds like a tuberculosis ward, everybody is hacking up a Lungthe  Revoltingto listen to.

if I could afford to buy a house thenI might start sleeping normally, if I could sleep like a normal person it's possible that my entire view of life would change for the better and I would actually enjoy waking up in the morning.

But as far as apartment living is concerned you already know that it's not going to matter how many times I move unless I could afford to live in a place with sound proofing I am never going to sleep like a normal person.I truly do not mind living in small spaces, but an extra room would help so I could have an office and a place for a computer etc.

So for today I feel okay but God knows what tomorrow will bring...

symptoms symptoms and more symptoms

so I'm going to say this is been going on for 7 or 8 years nowchronic severe stomach and rib pain semicolon nearly everything I eat makes me feel sick sometimes violently so. Until I can find out a way to do the endoscopy and colonoscopy the only answer is to just eat as little as possible. Even if I eat nothing at all there's a chronic stomach rib and pelvic pain that just never goes away. I'm guessing that this is under the umbrella of fibromyalgia or Lyme disease but maybe not.

Here's a symptom that I rarely talk about but it is very annoying. My internal thermostat is broken. Right now it's about 30 degrees out and I've got the front door open because I was burning up but in a few minutes I'll be freezing cold and I will need to turn the heat back on this is one of the reasons why I can't sleep through the night.

One of the reasons why I spent nearly two decades dreaming of living in Southern California was because then I wouldn't have to worry about not being able to afford to pay my heating bill and air conditioning bill but mostly I wouldn't have to deal as much with my broken internal thermostat.

It's it looks like many of the people in my apartment building must be away for the holidays although I can't sleep through the night the last couple of days have been very restful I'm taking a lot of naps etcetera at least that part is a release from being so tired all the time.

The last 48 hours there has been very little banging, the two women that lives next door are awake all night long at one point they had more than 10 animals and they only have a one bedroom apartment they both have screaming loud voices and that is just a regular normal conversation they don't know how to close a door it always has to be slammed.

If you lived in an apartment you would love having me above you you couldn't find someone more considerate I have always tiptoed around for my neighbors in all the years that I've lived in apartments I'm even afraid to play the radio for fear that I will disturb someone if I drop something which is very rare that I worry that I have to strip someone boy that's a lot of stress!

In my next life I want to be a homeowner! Without living in a house in without distance between my neighbors and away from dog barking they're just really is no chance of happiness at all.

I've done a very good job of ignoring the holidays until unfortunately my ex sent an email from Italy he is very happily married he owns oneBelgium.

I know that there is a multitude of reasons why my quality of life is so low so low but I believe in my heart of hearts then I made one decision in my life that destroyed everything Permanently and that with the fact that I left my ex...

I really should send him a special request telling him of all the times of year please don't wish me a happy holiday!

I'm sure there are other singles out there who feel the same way that I do regarding their ex who is happily married. I'm very unusual because I tell everybody what an amazing human being he is and he really does deserve to be happy if only I had the relationship ship skills to have been the person to make that happen for him for the long haul. Merry Christmas? Bah humbug

noise pollution and the cancer question

Th e issue with the pain levels is extremely serious.  Even with sitting less than 5 minutes is excruciating lower back and tailbone pain.  dressing and undressing  R unbearable pain, Not to mention the body wide nerve joint and muscle pain even trying to roll over in bed.

Having kept a symptom and health diary for more than 20 years has been an invaluable tool to say the least.

This allows me to watch how various issues have progressed over the years and whether or not a medication works or not.

The only way that I can possibly qualify for palliative care is  I'm going to have to go ahead and get the biopsy in both breasts .
 tomorrow I will schedule the biopsy and you'll be the first to know what the results are.

Upon extensive research on the subject of palliative care I discovered that I probably qualify for it even though even if I did not have cancer, because of how low my quality of life is and because of the ridiculously high pain levels.

My doctor did not even flinch an Eyewhen I told her that I would rather accept the potentialdeath sentence then go through chemo and radiation. even though I had told her in the past I went on to reitterate that my overall quality of life over the last 21 years has Ben completely unacceptable!

Many of the secretaries in her office as well as the Medical assistants Seem like complete idiots butmy nurse practitioner is very thorough very intelligent most issues I keep to myself but she interviewed me very thoroughly the other day and she is very compassionate!

On the subject of noise pollution

Here it is 2:30 in the morning and I cannot sleep part of it is that I need my sleep medication changed and a big part of it is that the floor and my furniture is shaking because apparently one of my neighbors is up and about I'm having a difficult time narrowing it down and figuring out who could be making all this noise so looks like I'm going to have to leave yet another polite letter tomorrow.

Believe you be I have dreamt of owning a house for almost 20 years and it's a real shame that I'm going to be stuck living like this for god knows how lon

a long ass list of ailments

I have suspected for some 10 to 15 years that I have hyper Acusis sounds that don't even phase other people are painful to my ears. 4 years I have been looking for an affordable way to purchase Bose noise cancelling headphones but I am unable to find them for under $300. If I had a credit card I could pay it off a little bit of the time. Most of the cars and mountain town or souped up engines and motorcycles and there's a lot of sirens and dog barking. Not to mention the fact that nearly everybody uses a screaming voice just to talk to a person or talk on a cell phone. Today was unbearable there was a woman in the doctor's office waiting room talking on a free phone and screaming into it I asked her please not the screen and the receptionist told me that I had no right to ask the woman not to scream you can imagine how much that pissed me off but there just is no where to run in a noisy society like this one. If you go to Google and put in the word hyperacusis the very first article that popped up with by a young man I think his last name was Emilio and the very first sentence of the article with the description of the way he decided to commit suicide because of his inability to tolerate sounds in his ears apparently the medical community community is only as a very beginning of understanding this disease

is mountain town really a healthy city?

in  many ways mountain town seems like a healthy city.  However, if mountain town is such a healthy city then why is it that within 60 seconds of my leaving the house I hear men hacking that deep disgusting smokers hack?

Even inside of my apartment I frequently have to close the windows because of the men who are outside and hacking.

I went to Best Buy yesterday for help with my smartphone, and the clerk hacked and hacked and hacked for the entire 30 minutes!  What am I supposed to do? Demand that he find someone to help me who is not hacking?

ironically the public libraries here R significantly noisier then the local ER! I know this because I've been in the ER about 6 times since I've lived in mountain town.

Within 5 minutes of going into the public libraries you hear that high pitch squeal that babies and toddlers make and,the children will squeal like that for a half an hour or even longer because most parents  have no control over their children.

u already know I can't even concentrate on the smallest of tasks at the local library. I only know 1 other person who's An HSP like me (highly sensitive person. )  She wears Bose noise cancelling headphones on her ears, because sounds that don't even faze other people are painful to her ears. I know that's true for me regular sounds are very painful for my ears. It makes it tempting to not go out but that's not exactly an option!

"On the subject of sleep"

I was just beginning to get restorative sleep. Got 3 good nights in a row.  But as i said before the noise level in apts is usually excruciating and this building and its environs are no exception.  I got 2 new tenants in my bldg and the weird thing is even though these are one bedroom apts there are entire families living in them.  My neighbors are awake and screaming and slamming doors all hours of the day and night.  So, like many motels whether i'm in bed or in the chair, i can hear sometimes one to 3 huge bangs per minute where all the furniture vibrates every single time somebody bangs.

So, much to my chagrin, i was up all night for this reason and do not hold any hope that i can have a normal life in this complex or any other on the planet.  (I only know of one soundproofed complex in mountain town but it has no subsidized apts.)

My eyes are very heavy but there is no point in staying at home if it's going to be too noisy to nap or think.

"Generally speaking, apt. living sucks"

Facing massive challenges at the new place.  bOTH of the guys who live below me, smoke just under my window.  You know by now that just a small amt. of this allergen and I can't breathe , triggers migraines.

Dog next door squeals, barks crys for 12 hours a day so I can't sit in my living room at all.  I have tried to remedy this by reporting to management and talking to animals control but of course, nothing.

Very very stressful and it does not look like I will b able to change any of these problems.  There certainly is nowhere to run.

"barking dog ordinance"

So, i made a recording of the dog next door that barks/cries about 12 hours a day.  I cannot use my kitchen or living room because i can't stand the noise.

When i told the bldg. owner she said, "well, i don't understnad why nobody else complained but i can clearly hear on your recording how loud this is"

(why does it matter whether or not anyone else complained , i think to myself)

So, i know from past experience that this problem could go on indefinitely.  But i will just take life one hour at a time.

"Quality of Life on my mind"

 I've got 5 light bulbs burned out, and no cash.

  Techically,  .40 cash to last until  5/1.   25 dollars in food stamps for an  8 day period.

. If you had $3.00 in food stamps per day, what would you spend it on?

In regards to the need for light bulbs, they were giving out free cfl light bulbs at the earth day fair. I told her I had no $ to buy bulbs so she gave me two. My friend who works at the homeless shelter, scored me some sanitary napkins. I scored a free one serving bag of healthy cereal at the earth day fair, so that takes care of one meal.

At the spring fair, I went to the cooking demo, and scored 2 bowls of amazing salad that she made with the devices she was selling. I don't have any toilet paper, and you can't get that with food stamps but I do have washcloths. When the clothes get dirty, and i don't have bucks to go to laundromat, then I wash things out by hand with dish soap. That's what I did with my bra today, since it hadn't dried out by the time I was ready to leave the house, I just put it on wet. Brrr!

Landlord shut  off  our heat, and it will remain cold until June.    If it gets up to 70 outside, then the house stays at 95 degrees til about 10 or 11 at night. You might as well go to sleep in the buff.

 However, by 1 a.m. the bedroom is down to , upper 40's low 50's. I'm too cold to get back to sleep. Unless I drag the defective air mattress to the living room, and turn on the electric oven for heat and try to go back to sleep. I worry a little bit about fire, but I can't do without the heat. The oven is fumy, so my lungs get congested and my throat is chronically sore. In a few days it will be back down to the 20's at night, so I may have to keep the air mattress in the living room. At times the noise from the neighbors fighting, the stereos, the dogs, and the ice cream truck playing yankee doodle dandy over and over for 2 or more hours is quite maddening. I hope to buy a white noise machine in May.

8/29/11 "Just one day"

Muscles  in arms, legs very weak.

  Hands and fingers also very weak, tough to hold a pen today.  It's like hundreds of bee stings in my hands and feet, 24 hours a day/ that's the nerve damage.

  My bedroom has been filling up with cigarette smoke and gas.

  It really doesn't matter how many times I move, I end up with heavy indoor toxins. Unless one has the means to purchase a  house way out in the country there just is no way around it. Noise pollution and air pollution are a HUGE  part of life for the poor.

My roomie discovered that the source of the gas coming into my bedroom is the 70's chevy van that the neighbor backs into the parking lot under my bedroom window. Neighbor admits bad gas leak but doesn't care that he is poisoning me so refuses to move it. I will settle this and he's not going to like how I settle it.

Dogs bark all night, and the other neighbor started his construction job in the yard at 4:30 a.m.  I am losing my mind. 

 Sleeping 2 hours a night if I'm lucky.

 After more then 18 yrs of living with similar conditions I can respond in 1 of 2 ways:

 a. give up and just accept the conditions or wake up and think:

 b. THis neighbor with the van is going to be very sorry that he fucked with me!

I've come to the sad conclusion that  "peaceful conflict mediation"  rarely works with fellow urban apt. dwellers in the average poor neighborhood!

Ran into Linda* at the bus stop. She was in the bunk bed above me for almost a month at the so called Christian shelter. She's my age with Down's but insists she has no disabilities.

She theoretically has no income but has been staying at the "ex-con" inn for 8 weeks. It costs 450 a month. I asked her how she is paying for it. She said her mother and the church. She said that her mother refused to help unless she cuts off ties with the "so called fiance in prison" Linda refused, so the mother gave in and helped anyway. Linda showed me a pic. of the convict and said she is moving to CA in Dec. and they are going to live happily ever after. She said she'd be "bedding" the guy in the motel room next door if it weren't for her promise to the convict. Linda looks alot like Shrek's wife.

So, somehow, Linda finds money to send to the guy in prison. When she bumps into me she monologues me and doesn't care what I or anyone thinks about her choices. When she told me that her mother gave her the ultimatum, I said I agreed with it, but Linda just rolled right over what I said and kept talking.

Thus is the life in this small mountain town, where most are unemployed, underemployed or homeless, unless they happen to be tourists on their way to the big sites............................

Rural apartment living

To say that I cannot STAND apartment living is the understatement of a lifetime. I feel most desperate to get out of here. 

 But I've lived in apartments for most of the last 35 years and they are ALL horrible.

I have heard that there are complexes that  have soundproofed walls and ceilings-but they must be few and far between because I've never lived in one.

There is round the clock banging here like there was at La Pew and I'm being blamed for it. My neighbors scream outside my bedroom window and this is after 1 a.m.!   Even with my windows closed if I'm on phone I cannot even hear the caller!

There is a thick, sick smell of cigarettes that seeps thru the eastern wall and southern wall of my apt. which means the smoke is coming from  2 separate apartments.

   I  burn incense or scented candles to get rid of the toxic odors.   The cooking smells make me sick to my stomach, nauseous, as they blend with stale cigarettes. I filled out my first application to get into Twisted Pines in 2002 most certain that it would raise my quality of life by leaps and bounds.

 I envisioned a sense of community and friendliness.

The last interaction I had with a neighbor was when she (don't know who she is) told me where I can and cannot park. She then said about herself: "You never know, I might be God for all you know!"

And of course there are the burglaries.

I was researching the possibility of living in Merida, Mex. but the forum participants explained to me that my disability check won't transfer to  Mexico so I would lose all of my benefits.

It is an absolute necessity for me to get out if I want any chance of getting healthier or happier but I am convinced that there is nowhere to run.

"Life in Twisted Pines*"

One of the women who helped me move in said on that same day: "Elana, are you going to be able to stand the noise here?"

  "No" I replied. She was referring  to the excruciating vehicle noise.  I did not know that the apt. sits on a virtual highway.

There is banging all hours of the day and night coming from one of the adjoining apts.   There are people just a few yards from my bedroom window who are there off and on between 6 a.m. and 1 a.m.  that  use screaming tones in "normal" conversation.  Couple that with those little dogs that have the high pitch squeal. This one cries/barks when the owners are out.

 3 residents told the manager that it's me making the noise. So the manager threatened me with lease violation and told the residents to call the police if they hear it again!

  I thought "Wow, the manager sure does get into gear for this shit!" But in gear over the burglaries and auto vandalism? fat chance.

It's not all that different from La Pew. It's rural hell instead of urban hell. I want the hell out, but I do not have the federal voucher that is the only way I can afford "Rent in America"

"Coping" with indoor and outdoor environments

This can't be healthy. Going from my 160 degree plus car, to a circa 50 degree café! in a flash.    One way that I try to lessen this unhealthy impact  is to eat outside. I've eaten 1 to 3 meals outside for the last 12 weeks.

I'm miserable inside most public places because I need to  a winter coat,  a scarf and hat... IN SUMMER!   The other problem with  indoor environments  is that they are often unbearably loud. 

Employees in virtually all restaurants cafes are cleaning when I'm in there. Whether they are windexing the glass, mopping, sweeping, whatever it is, I find it impossible to enjoy.   Many of the restaurants have outdoor tables, but at least 1/2 of the time;  muzak is being piped outside!

When I absolutely have to be indoors  I take my solar heated winter coat out of my car, put it on and go inside. Ironically the icy indoor environs cool off my coat very fast.............................

For me , living in a warm climate is an absolute necessity and I don't honestly know how I'll cope after about 10/15, when it's freezing outside and inside, and there are no public places to be enjoyed.

Google "over air conditioned public places" and you'll find that there are lots of people who are miserable like me with modern society.

"Noise Pollution/At the bookstore"

I'm at "home" and I'm attempting to talk on the phone. In the background there is the sound of an electric saw coming from the back yard and at the same time the woman in the apt. above me is hammering. Noise pollution has seriously affected my health and my sleep for most of my life.



It is not unusual for me to have to leave my apt. with the sole attempt of finding a quiet place elsewhere.

AT THE BOOKSTORE:

I've decided to buy this month's issue of "Baltimore"  "BEST PLACES TO LIVE."

  I love to read those kinds of listings as part of my quest to find the perfect place to live.

But first I walk up to the counter and ask the clerk: "Does this store carry "Measure of a Man?" by Sidney Poitier? Yes, she said, but we ran out.   Would you like me to call you when our next shipment comes in?

 Yes, I responded, "I've already read half of it, since Oprah recommended it. On another note,  did you know that  Baltimore magazine is rating the "best" places to live within Baltimore?  Baltimore isn't right for me and I am always looking for a better place to live!" I pick up the magazine and hand her my debit card.

CLERK-"Elana Snyder" she said out loud, reading the name off of my card.   Did you ever date a man with the last name of Duchane?"

ME-"Yes, for 6 years. We were engaged!"

CLERK-"Well, I was very close friends with his brother!"

The clerk and I chat for about a half hour.   It turns out that we first  met in the late 80's. We have fun catching up. She non-chalantly said: "Yes, you know that time we visited you and your boyfriend in Indiana, right?!

"You did?!" "Wow! I don't even remember that!"

I believe this familiarity is why so many never leave the place of their birth or rearing. One of my favorite sayings about life in Baltimore is this:

"You know what I love about Baltimore? That I know everybody. You know what I hate about Baltimore?! That I know everybody!"