I never told drs.

Most of my 3 to 4 dozen diagnoses are untreated, I've never told doctors, they don't ever acknowledge how seriously ill I am.

I.e. my throat is violently sore, my entire mouth tongue and throat are on burning fire, pins and needles, chronically since about 2000.

What if your whole body was in excruciating pain all the time? You're too weak to stand.

Who wants a life of running from doc. to doc. especially when you're in poverty? A complete waste.

Pain too severe to sleep

I'm going to start on another sleep medication tonight, I cannot tolerate how little sleep I'm getting at night because it's very much affects my ability to function during the day. The combination of no sleep and such severe pain means that after only 2 hours out and about my pain is so severe that I need to go back home and lay down. So for the most part maximum time out of the house is 4 to 5 hours

And when I am at home even if it seems like I slept okay on a given night after about 3 hours up my eyes get very very heavy and I need to try to take a nap

Combine this with the frequency of migraines and I'd be kidding myself too even think about going back to work part-time

"health update"

Having to take imitrex daily for the severe headaches.  Been very weak, very tired.  Bummer because if I want a decent qol I have to work part time.  However unless I took cash work, The Department of Education is going to garnish my wages regarding the student loans.

I read for over an hour today, stories on the internet horror stories about heaps of folks who are suicidal because the student loans have destroyed their lives.

If My disability check were "as high as!" 750, then the doe would b garnishing me!  Incredible how many disincentives there are to better one's situation.

The girl downstairs is chain smoking and turns out I have a lot of legal rights (as I do re her barking dog also) but thse battles will take a lot of time and most ly energy that I do not have.

Sadly, the doc will not increase my pain meds and they aren't giving me near enough to obliterate most of the pain.

"bye bye miss american pie"

from the chevy to the levee and this will be the day that I die.  After yet another "death scare" and what looked like yet another close call and things calmed down, I heard the American pie lyrics in my head.

I thought to myself on sat. morning that this not the way I want to die, and It is not safe for me to live alone.

First of all I awoke at about 6 a.m. unable to breathe.  The liquid came up to block off my airway.  I ran outside hoping that cool air would help.  I wheezed real loud for quite a while with very little air making it in.  For the next 3 hours my throat and mouth were burning a and you have that horrible taste and I was audibly wheezing very very loud due to the liquid in there.  Today I am still having a hard time breathing and started on advair but i'm not sure how to use it.

But the morning was a picnic compared to what was to come at 11 a.m.  I woke up freezing cold, like being naked in the snow.  My muscles were very taut, I was shaking violently, and my teeth were chattering so fast I could not have spoken if I wanted to.  I ran in to the bathroom, ran the hot shower and stayed iin there for the sauna effect.  It didn't work.

Even if I call 911 I can't speak so what good would it do.  I put on a coat and a hat and shoes and unlocked the door in case the ambulance crew needed to come in.

At about 12:30 I fell asleep, then woke up at 1:30.  My past experience with e.r.'s you know a little about because I have blogged about it.

On the one hand, I don't want to die in this manner, but on the other hand, the hospital will review me and tell me they have no idea what's going on.

When I woke up I felt like my fever was 103.  I was sweating and burning hot and weak from the ordeal.  I can't figure out how to use the thermometer I got from frys.

I have no money for a taxi, but if I call ambulance I wasted over 1k in resources, and getting home will be nearly impossible.

I thought it was related to a med. I'm on however my orthopedist told me today that she thinks that an infection is coming on and my body was trying to fight it.  She recommended I alert my primary are physician.

"Health Care Debaucle" 3/17/2004

Looking back at 3/17/2004.  I'm staying somewhere in Lafayette, Indiana.

Day 5 debilitating headache.  Feared carbon monoxide poisoning, yet again.

Couldn't go to Tippecanoe Clinic because the triage nurse who takes care of emergencies was so blatantly rude the last time.

Went to Arnett urgent care, they said they are not permitted to take me on because of the fact t hat I have the Medicare and the Medicaid.  They attempted to explain that they would see me if I am ONLY Medicare!

So, I'm forced to stuff up the emergency room.  I went to Ste. Elizabeth hospital and much to my amazement the Doctor is checking my blood pressure and temperature while at the same time a medical assistant is grilling me on how I'll pay for the visit!

I told her: Did it ever occur to you that making a patient discuss finances while having bp taken can actually RAISE the patient's blood pressure?

She said "I see here that you have Medicare, but you DO NOT have Medicaid!

(the welfare office told me my Medicaid already kicked in and is active!)

when I explained this to the m.a. she said: MAYBE OUR SYSTEM IS DOWN!

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I was then rolled into a room with multiple beds.  The doc closed the curtain so that I could put my gown on.  The curtain had blood stains on it!

I opened the curtain so as to alert them that I'm ready.  I see a clock and a crucifix directly in my line of sight while lying down.  How cheery!

A doc named Wesley tried to find veins in my left arm but had no luck.  Lots of painful sticking and fishing around.  He said "you have bad veins"

He brought in an i.v. bag and asked what it was for.  His response was anything but sensitive.  He said "we're giving you medicine, do you honestly mean to tell me you have never had an i.v.?

After the i.v. bag was only half full, they put an automatic bp cuff on me that he said would measure my bp every 15 minutes.  It seemed more like every 15 seconds though. 

A nurse came in to borrow my visitor chair sayin "Doesn't look like you'll be needing this will you?"

I asked about the results of my blood tests.  Interestingly, I was told that I do have elevated levels of carbon monoxide but not enough to concern them!  She said "it doesn't appear that you have been poisoned"

(my instinct is that I have)

"Health or not"

I was hoping to work part time but I've got severe rib and stomach pain that never leaves, daily severe headaches, and at least one day a month where I'll just vomit all day.

Still haven't seen the g.i. doc due to incompentence on the part of the support staff.  But I got yet another appt. which is in April, and I'm on the call list because I told them that this is urgent.

I'm glad I'm getting near my target weight however 50% of what's getting me there is chronic illness.