"Dumbing down of America/trust nobody"

Remember the other day when the clinician entered the apt in backwards and I ended up paying the price for that?  Someone called me to tell me that I missed my apt!

I forgot to tell you about this other screw up.

Well due to my expecting nearly everyone to be incompetent, I did the following.  I walked in my rent, in person.  I told the receptionist that I was going to watch her while she date stamps it so that I don't get any late fines.

I also said to her (again because of my lack of trust) "now, where is the best place to put this rent for mary?"  "Should we put it in her mail slot or do you think it would be best to put it on her desk"

She said to me "Put it in her mail slot"

Four days later I get this voice mail ELANA WE NOTICED THAT YOU HAVEN'T PAID YOUR RENT THIS MONTH!

The long and short of it folks is this: they say that happy people are people who feel in control of their circumstances.  Need I say more?!

"broken society"

Even though I felt physically well enough to get up early I decided to stay in bed for a few more hours.  Dread.

You remember how I always used to blog about everything being broken?  Even though I haven't blogged about it as often it couldn't be more true.

For example, yesterday I had a phone appointment.  Even after I told the clinician months ago, about how appts. are not being entered properly into the computer she still screwed up.

Get this, she tells me a month ago; "Just because you've asked for a card to verify your appt. doesn't mean I am GOING TO ENTER IT PROPERLY into the system!

When the actual appt. came up yesterday I couldn't find her!  I called like 5 people in the clinic all to try to get to this one woman.  When they finally found her she said "Oh, i'm sorry, I put the appt. into the computer as being at 3:10 INSTEAD OF 1:30 b ecause I'm dyslexic!

I must consider leaving a clinician who can't even type an appointment into a computer properly!



Then I get this call from another clinic, whose records shoed that I missed an appt. that I ACTUALLY SHOWED UP TO!

you know how exhausting this stuff gets and it is why I EXPECT incompetent service wherever I go.

"A synopsis of 20 years"

It is still true that practically nothing works.  What if, for 24 hours a day, absolutely nothing worked:

i.e. the road is blocked off

you ran out of gas

you were in the check out line 20 minutes you had 3 items

you have no transportation to the food pantry

your car broke down you are supposed to be at the interview today

I could go on and on and on.  Those are hypothetical examples that I feel sum up my day to day life since 94.

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Here are actual examples from the last few months.

I was assigned a medical marijuana caregiver.  The caregiver is your "supplier" and he is a grower.  He stopped coming around after one month.  He doesn't answer calls.  That means 2 things:
I can't continue with the mmj due to having questions and concerns and no one to as

also it means he has been given license to grow FOR ME but is not giving me any product.

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I tried a new pain mgmt. place.  Now that I have made calls to try get a new caregiver I have been told that I must stop the marijuana immediately or the pain management doctor will lose his medical license.  He will test my blood to make sure I am complying.  So now what I have to do is, I've decided to try him for a couple of months, and if in the end I think I should go back to med. marijuana I will, however, I won't be permitted to until I use up all the pain pills and let him know.

This is so typical America, typical poverty.  The minute you get one ball rolling you have to drop it almost immediately.

What's even stranger is, even though the last pain mgmt. dr. saw me for free, when I was done with this new dr. the recep. told me I owe 145 dollars!  WHAT?!  She was seething angry that I didn't have the money nor did I understand the billing.

The dog barking problem next door was never addressed

mgmt. never did the repairs in my apt.

I called for emergency dental but nobody is answer the phone.

So, no, I am not "playing the victim" but I am trying to illustrate how every single thing is grueling.

today is mild and sunny so I feel a little better but I have stopped sleeping at night it appears my meds have stopped working.

the g.i. dr. cancelled my emergency appt. because I told him I won't have the 31 dollars for another week!  Most of the time I am exhausted by life and much of the time I don't have much desire to leave the place.

because I am carless I am regularly approached by street alcoholics and beggars....................................

"The dumbing down of America"

So you know that I have been blogging about how everything absolutely everything gets done wrong and/or is broken.

I went into a thrift shop and asked the clerk

e-"where are the ladies hats?"

clerk-(English is her FIRST language) "the scarves are on that wall"

elana-"but I asked about the hats?"

clerk_"like I told you, the scarves are over there!"

I give up, and look at where she is pointing and I see the hats.

She comes over and says:

"Oh, I was thinking a scarf is a hat!"

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today I asked the waitress if she could: "pop by my table when she gets a chance"

she replied: "we're all out!"

me-"what do you mean your all out?!"

her-"we're all out of POT PIE!"

me-"but I asked if you could "pop by!"

"When receptionists don't know "which end is up"

It is terribly common for receptionist's to not even know how to spell the name of the person they work for!  Pitiful!

today i called the mayor's office and asked for the spelling of the mayor's name.  I knew the recept was spelling it wrong because it was pronounced smith*  but she spelled it jones*  When i called her on it, she said "you just aren't LISTENING carefully enough now do you want me to help you or don't you?"

These front end people seem dumber then rocks and it seems like a sure thing that nothing else at the given agnecy is going to work either.

"Even the "complaint" department is broken"

So, I have been waiting 5 years to get into a pain managment clinic and everything that can go wrong has gone wrong.  I did get into one a year ago, and the whole operation was a sham, and not one single employee understood English.

 3 months ago i was referred to dr. joan* the pain management specialist in mountain town*

In the eleven weeks that have passed the office continuously lost my paperwork.  They assured me that the health van* will get me there since the doctor moved to los angelos*  One is only required to let the health van know one week in advance that you need a ride.

When i did that today i was referred to 3 different workers.  I am finally told "oh, the health van doesn't service l.a.!*

At this point a librarian has the nerve to come over and tell me to be quiet!  I said, you know the fact that you are reprimanding me is incredibly hypocritical.  I am in a quiet corner away from people and it's the most logical time to make a call.  Plus, the tb coughing in here is deafening , as well as the basic level of noise most of the time!  I know that you didn't make the rules but I do think this is incredible hypocrisy!  (At this point, I fill out a complaint form about her complaint, and give it to the manager, who i have a very good relationship with!)

I called the pain mgmt. clinic and told them I don't even know who to file the complaint with that all of my hard work was for naught.  The secretary said: "If it happened to me i wouldn't know where to file the complaint to either!"

So, back to square one!

"Practically nobody can be trusted"

I told agency a that i was going to be applying for the disability van.  They said"come into our agency and we'll help you with application"

My first thought was, well i dont need help, but o.k.

So, the agency didn't tell me that they had their own form that they were going to fill out also.

So, I get called into the bus company to review my appl.  Should I be surpirsed?  She says:  "Everything your doctor filled out contradicts what you filled out!"

I looked at it wondering what she meant by "doctor"  Turns out a clinician who doesn't know me or my circumstances filled it out, i could not believe what she said.  She got every single thing wrong regarding my physical health!

Certainly not the first time i felt pissed with this agency for their screw ups.  I looked at the answers she gave and thought:  how could she possibly fill that out without asking me first!  She  just made crap up!

The person who does the approvals, said "it's not your fault that this app. was filled out wrong.  Now, "i'm not supposed to do this" (that's always a fun phrase ehh?)  "but i am going to approve you for 12 weeks while we get this worked out, because i know you are telling the truth about your disase.................................

more stories later

"Everything is broken/ you mean you had a lobotomy too?"

Nobody's brain is working.  Every single ttransaction , cashier, med. asst. whatever, EVERYBODY says: my brain isn't working, i'm not here today.

I've been waiting 4 years to get into a pain specialist. I finally got referred to one (even though my only primary care physician is on paper only)  so I called.  I was told that she just moved out of Mountain Town.

I found out that I might be able to get my insurance to pay for transporation.  I asked 3 professionals today for the # but 3 gave me the wrong #.

When I finally did get the #, the insurance lady who was very nasty said, "you can't get a ride without pre-auth."  "How do I do that?"  So this went on and on and finally I called the specialist.  I had faxed my medical info 8 days ago.  They told me they lost it.

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There are some local politics I'd like to get involved in.  Then I was told to show up at city hall and just go to "the meeting"  I said to the girl on the bus "what room?"  she replied "there is only one room in the building!"  (there are likely 200)  I asked what time?  "Show up any time on Thursday" 

"What is the meeting called?"  I asked.  She said just "the meeting"

when i got there today none of the employees had any idea what I was talking about.

Life is just a wild goose chase where nobody knows anyting and nearly every action I take is wasted because the entire society is fu#$%@!

Why Is Society Being Dumbed Down? www.mercola.com

 I find most people so exhausting to interact with, and I always wonder, what the HELL is going on?    Please go back and read some of my customer service blogs for example and you'll see why most all human interaction is absolutely exhausting for me.

Today, I needed just a little bit of food to hold me over until I could get to the restaurant. I was at one of those 24 hour stores with a subway in it. I don't like alot of heavily processed junk food and that wasn't really what I wanted. I asked the Subway clerk if I could buy just 2 slices of cheese?

The girl wrapped up ONE SLICE OF CHEESE!

I said I need two slices of cheese! She took one slice of cheese cut it in half then tried to charge for for 2. I said, I'm sorry, but in the REAL world that is ONE slice of cheese! She said: "You know? Your right!"

About a year ago, I was considering eating at The Olive Grove in Pikesville; so I called and asked:

"What is the average price of a meal" 

"What chu mean average?"  she asked.

"You don't know what AVERAGE MEANS?!"  I said.

She said: "Chu mean da highest?" or "da lowest?"

I thought "there is no way I'm eating there!"  I hope I've sparked your curiousity too on "The dumbing down of America" and got you thinking about your own day to day interactions with store clerks and the like!

THE LAST FEW DAYS

I wanted to rent a car because I wanted to see "Linda" in Owings Mills, her 2 year old, and twin newborn boys.

I call Lemon's rent a car (yes, the same one you read about in an earlier blog) 24 hours in advance to attempt to make a reservation. Unfortunately, I think that same woman answered that I told you about a few months ago.

HER-"Hello, Lemon's rent a car"

ME-"I need to rent a car tomorrow, the smallest that you have."

HER-"You'll need a driver's license, proof of insurance, and a major credit card."

ME-"I don't have insurance, because I don't have a car."

HER-"You'll have to purchase our insurance"

ME-"Yes, I know" "Please have someone pick me up at 10 after noon"

HER-"What you mean 10 after noon?"

ME-"I need to be picked up at 10 after noon?"

HER-"At night? 10 at night?"

ME-"12:10" pick me up at 12:10"

HER-"I don't know what chu talkin' bout."

ME-"I NEED TO BE PICKED UP AT 10 MINUTES AFTER 12!!!!"

HER-"O.K., we'll call you before he leaves"

ME-"Don't bother, I don't have a cell, I'll just be downstairs."

HER-"What?"

ME-I don't have a cell phone so there is no point in you calling me!"

HER-I'M SUGGESTIN' THAT YOU DON'T GO DOWNSTAIRS UNTIL WE CALL."

ME-(I'll just have to agree with her to get this call over with) I agree to her demands.

I spend the next 24 hours worrying that no-one will show to pick me up since this incompetent moron doesn't speak or understand English despite being American.

12:10  rolls around and I have to call back to make sure they are really going to pick me up. They did, and on time. The man who picked me up, Malcolm, was nice, professional and a safe driver remarkably enough. For 24 hours my life normalizes and I dream of what it would be like to own a safe car. I think about how much would change. For example, it's 100 degrees and I'm in an air conditioned car as opposed to having to stay at home since I can't handle the mid-day heat. The trip to Linda's would have been 2-3 hours one way by public transit. So much changes with a car. I visit Linda in her gorgeous home, with her wonderful husband, hold one of her newborns, and dream of a normal life. She's so deeply connected that either friends or family visit her every day! I can't even imagine that kind of support. In the 6 hours I'm there, there is ZERO noise pollution. It's like a mini- vacation! Boy,24 hours sure does go by fast.

My other friend, Lucy ,was kind enough to pay off my MVA "uninsured fines" that I accrued mostly while I was homeless in '03. $1,345.00. And that's just the uninsured fines. There are also fines from the city and impound fines. I call it the "POVERTY PENALTY" Barbara Ehrenreich talks about it in her book: "Nickel and Dimed." but I coined the phrase!

I recently learned of a program called "FLEX CAR" where you can rent by the hour. To get to the car though, I'd still have to take a bus, then walk to Hopkins and then the same thing on the return trip. Lucy is trying to get me one step closer to being able to purchase a car.

The busybodies in my bldg. are so nosy and judgemental that I go to great lengths to not give them any clues about my life at all. I can see it now. "You bought a car?!" "Where you buy it?" "How much it cost?" "How can you afford that?" "You workin'?" "Where you workin'at?" (If these were my friends I'd gladly answer the questions!)

So I decide to not use my personal parking space for the rental car. The other reasons I decide not to use the space are:

a. someone might tow it. (yup, even though it's assigned to me)
b. my space is next to the woods, and I don't feel safe especially after dark. I told management that and requested a new space. They wouldn't reassign.
c. whose to say the maintenance men or residents won't vandalize this car, they don't hesitate to steal from my apt.

So, I park it in Cedarcroft overnight. (Cedarcroft has virtually no crime and is across the street!)

I had to set the alarm clock to get the rental car back in time. I didn't get a chance to run any errands at all. Today, (and this is typical) anxiety set in almost the moment I left my building. Right outside my building (and this isn't the stressful thing) a woman of about 55 is hunched over on the "La Pew" bench, with headphones on, and curlers in, listening and singing gospel music badly. She doesn't see me.

Here's where the stress starts. Four steps away from my building the neighborhood beggar starts yelling at me from York Road. "Miss lady, how you doon?" I can't avoid him because he is at the top of the staircase where I need to be. "MISS LADY HOW YOU DOON?, he yells again. I think, "What other route is there for me to take?" None. I am forced to pass him.

When I get to the top of the staircase onto York Road, I see that he is completely blocking the sidewalk. There is too much traffic for me to walk in York Road. "YOU GOT 25 CENTS?" he asks. I ignore him. There is only a tiny grassy area for me to pass him. He regularly harasses me. "Well, god bless" he says after I've ignored him.

He knows damn well that the people in my building are as poor as he is. I'm 99% certain that he collects social security disability.  "YOU LUCKY YOU ON DISABILITY!" (and so are you!)

So, I've barely left the house and I'm filled with anxiety. I try to cross York Road. Even though the light is red, I wait for the speeding cars to come to a complete stop. That has made the driver mad, and many times makes the drivers mad, but I've seen enough cars run red lights that I'm not going to just "trust" that they will eventually stop.

I replace the gas, buy a coffee and drop my car off at Lemon's. I was really hoping I'd get Malcolm to drop me off at my place, but he was busy. So, DeShawn was assigned to take me home.

He takes a c.d. out of the c.d. player and puts it under the visor. We drive a 1/2 block and something falls on his head. I jumped. "What's that?" I exclaimed frightened. "That's the c.d. I guess I didn't put it in a safe place." I was mad because he is supposed to be a professional driver and he should know the importance of securing stuff so it doesn't go flying.

  He is speeding and tailgating a fuel truck!. Thank goodness my place is close.

  He starts questioning me. " What do you do?"

 " I'm an unemployed social worker"

  You married?

  kids?

  where did you grow up?

  I found this very stressful because I don't want to build a relationship with a man driving me one mile. He tells me where he grew up and what his degree is in. English he said. I asked him if he has ever used it. Yes, in the city schools. Of course he immediately talked of violence in the schools, of 10 teen boys who attacked him in the classroom. I said, "And if it's scary for you, a big black guy, you know it'd be terrifying for a white chick!" He was speechless! He dropped me off at my house and we bid farewell.

My attempt to rent a car

Last Friday, I walked over to Lemon's*  Rent A Car. I wanted to wait for the manager as I thought I'd probably get better service this way. At least that is what I've learned from past experience with customer service. But the manager was on the phone, so,  one of the female employees came over to "help" me.

ME-"I need a car for 24 hours. Which of your cars is the cheapest?

CLERK-"We ain't got none dat's da cheapest!"

ME-"What?"

CLERK-(appearing exasperated) she looks over to the manager to ask him a question but he is talking on the phone. "She want economy!" the clerk yelled to the manager.

ME-"Actually, that isn't what I said. I asked which cars are the cheapest.

CLERK-"We ain't got no cars"

ME- "You don't have any cars?" (at this point I am at my wits end)

CLERK-"You need to make a reservation"

ME-"That doesn't help me because I need a car today." I walk out totally exasperated.

(I try again a week later and I get a professional sounding clerk on the phone, and successfully rent the car for a day! This rental car center is closest to my home, and the cheapest in Baltimore. This is why I went back!)