Part 2 Looking back at 1/29/1996

6.25 an hour times 26 hours a week equals 164.50

164.5 a week times 4.5 weeks equals 740.25 monthly earnings

that equals 8775 a year which will still put me below the poverty line

but if I can work 40 hours a week then I will make 12k a year, if I pay 400 a month in rent then I will b paying 40% of my wages on housing, and "recommend" you never ever pay more then 25% of your monthly income in housing.

But if I am not able to find work beyond the part time job, I will be forced to pay 54% of my income in housing.

I was impressed with both folks who interviewed me.  I hope to only have to keep it 3 to 4 months becauase of my deep desire to get out of this deadly city

At the light rail stop I sa 2 teen boys.  Even though the one boy was standing next to a garbage can he threw his fast food cup into the river.  Not only is it against the law but it brakes my heart.

He went on to break another law in quick succession when he got on the light rail train without purchasing a ticket.  That can result in a uge fine.  Once he got on the train he told his friend that he has a disease called "clap"

Upon my arrival at the Woodberry light rail stop, I stopped by the Clipper Mill memorial.  (the clipper hill studio fire)  Numerous items had been left at the memorial earlier today. Flowers, cards and teddy bears.  Makes me a little bit sad.  Apparently today is one of the deceased firemen's birthday. 

"i was having a good morning"

but the last 2 computers here at the library have not worked and the new librarian is telling me that it's something with my card.  I've been here much longer then she has so I know she's wrong.  so at this point I have to leave in 10 minutes!  for an appointment that isn't for another 2 hours!  But it will take 2 buses.

So, birthday promos.  I called the ihop manager in advance to tell them I was coming for the 3rd year in a row for the free meal.  I asked him if I need to come the same exact day as birthday he said no.  I told him I would bring my driver's license.

When I got there, I asked the waitress "which things can you choose from the menu"  She said "Well, ihop doesn't do free meals on your birthday but I'll make an exception!"

(I don't want special treatment!)

Anyhow it's house of pancakes and the pancakes were so bad that I couldn't even eat them.

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Today, however, I went and did the free grand slam at denny's and the food was very good.

All I wanted for my birthday was to feel good enough to get out of bed, no headaches.  I feel pretty good.  I think I'll hold off on the karaoke since I slept so little.  For as much as i'd like to go dancing I can't even step up a curb without pain so I guess I'll have to forget that.

"The importance of getting a car, if u can"

Immediately before getting on the bus today I felt relaxed, a tad copasetic.  I slept well it was 78 degrees with some drizzle and I was "sunbathing" while waiting on the bus.

due to cold air conditioning on the bus I had a headache with in 5 minutes.  there are no shock absorbers which is so excruciating due to my back and tailbone pain.  The roads are torn up and the bus drivers speed it is very very painful.

Not to mention the fact that when they slam on brakes which is often it whiplashes you.

My mental and physical state before getting on bus versus after getting on bus, well there is not really a way to have a good day on public transit.

"carless"

So, quite honestly, the only way I could get safely from point a to point b is to change my shoes multiple times while outside.

the other day, there were a few blocks where i'd have to walk through high snow (need actual snow boots)  then other areas where I had to get across a flooded road (in 20 degree weather with no monsoon boots) and other areas where I have to walk on ice.  (I now own ice cleats)

I have already twisted my knee in this mess.  In order to move i'd need security depo, moving costs money and I'd have to pay much more in rent.  I can see no way out.

"Yes, I'm "alive"

I haven't so much as even been to the library since 11/2 when I came for a special event about Turkey. It was semi interesting however, the shindig focused on Turkish ruins and history whereas I am more interested in what real life is like for modern day Turks.  ;)

I wish I could tell u the biggest things that are going on, but it would be somewhat politically incorrect to share on social media.

I have been 2x to pain management and 1x to occupational therapy.  I have been largely homebound by pain weakness headaches and the vomiting that goes with it.

Nonetheless, something doesn't feel right about the pain management stuff.  The doc is highly intelligent but a little condescending.  As I told you, her husband who is her medical assistant supposedly comes into the room to "take notes"  however he constantly interrupts and talks about whatever comes to his mind!  It's particularly ironic because the actual doc does not want me to talk just to listen.

She is perm itting me to be on a small dose of oxycontin, but i'll tell you it does not make much of a difference.

She recommended some neck exercises and really has given me a boatload of homework.

You know for the most part I hate unsolicited advice, and with a n.p., an o.t., a p.t. and a pain management doc there are simply too many cooks in the kitchen and too many people telling me what to do!

It is also largely true that another big thing that makes it hard to leave the house is that nothing in society works, perhaps unless one is rich, so I pretty much know that my day is going to always be largely grueling.  The walking, waiting, transferring and riding buses is so emotionaly, mentally physically exhausting that there is no energy to do anything else.

"Today's bus shenanigans"

So, I walked to the bus stop and there were 2 men and one woman there.  Immediately, the one man reached out his hand for me to shake it which I would not do.  I would have been happy to fist bump but I was holding an umbrella.

It is extreme stress when men force themselves on women.  Many of the men from this ethnic group in Mountain Town (who ride buses) are perpetually drunk.

So unfortunately Daniel found it necessary to tell me his whole life story and how hard his life has been.

He, like many do, began to pull up his sleeve to show me and explain to me what each scar came from.

I said "I do not want to see your scars"

He said he grew up in foster care and is homeless and got all these scars in Afghanistan.  Of course, when I tried to tell him something about myself he seemed disinterested.

He said "here let me show you"

me-I just told you that I don't want to see your scars.  Because the truth is, the people whose lives have been the hardest HAVE NO SCARS!

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With him was a man I have seen millions of times who I get a vibe from, so I avoid.  He's about 350 lbs.

When we got to transfer center, I waited forever for him to disembark, so that he would not follow me.  I sat down at one of many many empty benches.  Big guy comes up behind me and says

"CAN I SIT ON YOUR BENCH WITH YOU, LOVE?"

me-"You may not"  (like I said there are a myriad of choices of places to sit)

So, he stands over me making no effort to sit at the other bench.  I am forced to move.

I find these interactions to be emotionally draining....................................................

"Surviving as a car-less American"

The pedestrian, auto, bicycle mix is often a very dangerous one.  And, there are regular close calls daily even if you are hyper aware and using good judgement.  Most of these interactions are unpleasant to say the least.

Today, however, I'm going to share a little snippet of my pedestrian day that will likely bring a smile to your face as it did mine.

I've come up with a variety of ways to try to keep myself in one piece.  And I have come up with many many uses for an umbrella !

It is not uncommon for Mountain town cyclists to completely make up their own rules of the road.  Most travel fast on sidewalks highly endangering pedestrians.

 Today, even though the cyclist was on the road/he was about ready to run the red which means he would have hit me in the ped. walkway.

I held out my closed umbrella, completely straight as if it were a gate that comes down when the trains come-which forced the cyclist to stop!  He smiled and said in a good natured way: "GREAT BLOCK!"

"Trapped"

Oddly, due to Mountain Town's extremely difficult and weird climate I frequently become homebound.  Sometimes only get out every other day, or only for a couple of hours a day since i'm unable to walk:

on ice

 in electrical storms

through snow banks

and the like!

  It really sucks to get trapped at home in the Spring and Summer months!

One would expect to get trapped at home every now and again in winter-but we have had 9 straight weeks of rain, flooding and electrical storms sometimes lasting 12 hours! (Mountain Town had the most extreme summer weather in the duration of record keeping)

It sucks-it's really tough.

There is a city I'm drawn to whose winters  are easy-however  if I move there I will lose my rental subsidy which puts me at risk for another episode of homelessness.  ;(

Quality of life is still extremely poor and I seriously doubt that it will improve enough for me to deem it "acceptable"

But, I'm betting those of you who know that I'm coming into my 20'th years of extreme poverty probably also doubt that things will get better for me.

"Overheard on the bus"

male turns to his friend and asks her:

"So what can a waitress pull in for tips at your restaurant"

her-"Depends on how pretty the girl is and how hot she dresses!"

"Man DISROBES on bus!"

So, Will sees me sitting in the back of the bus and unfortunately sits down next to me.  I can't help but to notice that his belt buckle is unbuckled, his button on his jeans is undone and HIS ZIPPER IS UNZIPPED!

I tell him that his zipper is unzipped and he says "thanks for telling me!"

I said, and your buckle is unbuckled!

He said, "Yup, just took a piss at the mall"

me-"behind a tree?"

(the trees are baby trees and you can't hide behind them!)

him-"yup!" "Plus, I don't want to wear these jeans today anyhow!"  He proceeds to completely take his jeans off, I instinctively look away despite his movie star good looks!

He doesn't seem to realize how inappropriate this behavior is!  The driver saw the whole thing and did nothing!

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These vignettes make for great writing material but I'm telling you, this public transit thing, it's no kind of a life.

"But i CAN'T block it out"

I had a Dr. tell me that he really gets it.  Not only am I already an hsp (highly sensitive person) but I'm also clairvoyant, so I simply cannot block it out.

He said life is particularly exhausting for people who are picking up everything!  Right now there is a little boy here in the library who is in my range of vision who is doing this head banging motion over and over.  There is a baby who is screaming in a very high pitched range.

On the bus today, a woman was "humming" in this high pitched squeal that sounded like a dying dog, at the same time a woman who looked like an indigineous Australia (koori perhaps) and is about 65; she was putting her finger way up into her nose for quite a while, then she took that same finger and started picking her lips.  aaaaaagggggggghhhhhhh

Yesterday while I was at the bus stop, a guy was standing leaning on a metal guardrail and overlooking a rocky cliff.  He purposely coughed that big smokers hack over and over again then he blew the spit balls down the hill.  Maybe every 2 seconds he blew another wad of spit. 

One of the things that worries me about men and all the spitting is that I'll get hit by it because of our high wind problem.

So in light of this posting, I will share 2 songs.

Against the wind
don't spit into the wind

"Can't you JUST TAKE THE BUS?!"

God forbid, you an American, should ever admit that you need help from another human being for ANYTHING!

It is very rare for me to ask for a ride.  But busses are grueling and it is not uncommon for me to spend up to 5 hours a day in transit.

Today, i asked for help with just a one way trip home from an event tonight..  Woman 1 said: "Aren't there busses?  can't u JUST TAKE THE BUS?!"

I replied:  "The point is not whether or not there is public transportation.  The point is that it is gruelingly complicated, they don't run late, and women in Mountain Town should not be out after dark alone!"

She said, "I had no idea, i have never been on the busses!"

Another woman chimed in and said "Elana is absolutely right.  this is no town for a woman to be out after dark!"

So, they are going to try to get me a ride somehow, home from tonight's event.

"Catch 22"

Not owning a car is a grueling, miserable existence.  Because i spend 5 hours a day transferring ,riding, walking and waiting.  I have to suck in second hand smoke at all the bus stops, and even if it is a pretty day the a/c on the bus will be set like a freezer.  I have to make sure the drunks don't f ollow me.

In Maryland, on the other hand, the road rage was so serious, it was terrifying to drive.

Manhattan would be a b#$%^ of a place to be without a car.  It is not pedestrian friendly and you would have to do alot of walking.  Walking is painful for me and this illness leaves me very weak.

I do not know what the answer is.  Certainly if i had the means i would get a car.............................

"Today i met jill"

Afte i sat for 35 minutes in front of grocery store hitching, she said she is going to take me because she says it is so horrible that i have to live this way.  Funny, although it isn't easy, it is LESS oppressive then riding buses.

Between my weakness, neuropathy and excruc. pain it is better to hitch then to have to walk 3/4 mile from bus to destination.

"Conditions for pedestrians are treacherous today"

So, after walking only a block i lucked out. Two women were standing outside of their auto.  One had just dropped off the other.

I asked if they were going past the market.  The woman who had just been given a ride said "the market is just right there!"  (she did not want her sister to give me a ride")

I said "just right there" is a 1/2 hour walk for a disabled person who has to traverse on the ice!

The driver said of course i will take you to the market.  So, on the way she says "I know my cough sounds scary but i am not contagious"  I said "don't worry everywhere i go everyone has a deathly sounding cough, just don't sweat it"

She said: "My sister is a writer and was away on a trip, i had to give her a ride"

I said "What kind of writer is she?  "Fiction or non fiction?"

the woman replied: "Oh neither one!  She's not THAT kind of writer!"  "She writes life stories, biography"

I replied "yes, that's what i do"

no response.

about 4 minutes later i get to my first destination.  But to get from there to the bus stop i had to walk in the middle of highway because of ice slush and flooded everything...............I am drenched to the bone even though i have 2 layers on.  No way i'll stay in Mountain Town for another winter.  Just too deadly for pedestrians.  Auto owners are clueless about what we go through.

"The climate sucks"

The climate is brutal and quality of life is the pits if you have no car and have to try not to fall on the everpresent ice.

Today i heard a song i loved as a child which reminded me of our awful climate and i'd like to post it.  Slip slidin' away!

"Where everybody knows your name"

Most of the time on buses i feel very oppressed, conversely, all the drivers know me by name and talk at length with the passengers.

One of the retired drivers, rides around with the driver because they are close friends.

He is a big joker with a distinctive new york accent.

He told me it is her birthday and i said "oh, she is 38 today!"

(that is the kind of detail you know in a small town)

I told John that i was going to sing happy birthday and he said "let me get off the bus first!" 

After i sang to her, he dropped a buck on the floor by accident.  i picked it up and yelled out that i'm rich!

He ssaid you know just keep it as a tip for singing happy birthday.


I said there is more where that came from! He replied:  "i will give you another buck NOT TO SING!

"On the bus in Mountain Town 9/3/12"

P. is the driver today.  She drives fast as follows too closely, frequently slamming on brakes.

There is one guy who is snorting obsessively.

J. is stroking his greasy hair over and over.

R. is growling and waving her finger, she is making faces and scratching her hair violently as if she has lice.

There is a young couple.  The boy kept bting hsi girlfriend's shoulder and sucking on the hood of her sweatshirt!

B. is talking to himself

L. is drumming on any surface he can find

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So were talking, you aren't in the danger you might be in if you were on a Baltimore bus, but public transit here is very very oppressive.

"Overheard on the bus"

(Mountain town underclass "culture" is nearly as sick as Baltimore's)

Woman says to her friend today: "Yeah, so I gave him one of my tranquilizers and fell down the staircase!  He broke a leg!  Hahahaha!

Cinderella was lucky

Cinderella didn't have to be home until midnight.  I feel like i am on house arrest, because between the dangers of the streets, the brutal cold and ice, and no car I am always in by 5.

Many Americans, especially those with cars would not be able to tolerate a quality of life like that.