Tornado alley

"The hardest thing is to try to survive when you are all alone!" Stephanie; after sending her children away to find help

What I told my fb friends

I was the vic. Of a long series of violent crimes including torture, beteen 1994  and 2013. I was mugged in 1982. Survivor, live to tell.

My life in the year January 2000

Michelle Knight on Dr Phil - Day 1 - FULL EPISODE

Because of what I have survived (and not put on my blog) and what I have in common with M.K.  I hold her and J. Dugard close to my heart.  Dr. Phil is a phenomenal therapist, he did a beautiful job conducting this interview.

"The Power of Music"

Perhaps it's true that most people are moved by music.  But with me, it doesn't just move me, it completely transforms me.

There are 3+ folks in Mountain Town who, whenever they see me instead of asking me:

"How are you?"

they ask:

"How are you sunshine?"

"Are you still singing?"

It absolutely does not matter how I feel physically or emotionally music but especially live music transforms me instantly, like a drug.

last Friday, I was on my way to a meeting (where no one showed) and I discovered an exceptional free outdoor live concert in the city square.

Within 20 minutes I felt CONSUMED with joy.  People ask me multiple times a day how can you have lived through so much yet still smile, sing , dance?

The only folks who are not too shy to dance are:

a 3 year old

a very drunk man

and a cowboy

There were some couples dancing but not on the stage.  One old hippie from N.M.  who was with his wife couples dancing for nearly an hour said to me: "Come on babe, let's dance"  so he motioned me toward the stage.

I can't NOT DANCE!

So, I went down there with the old hippie, then later the drunk guy and the 3 year old and danced.  One of the band members seems very pleased that I'm dancing and many folks in the audience have video cams.  It's a classic rock band that can do ABSOLUTELY ANY COVER PERFECTLY.

As far as how can a person, sing or dance or smile of they have survived so much?  There are certain things a person is born with and irrespective of what they survive those traits will always be there.

My musical soul cannot be taken away.  ;)

"What is the best medium?"

I wonder, worry and obsess about what the best medium would b to get my story out there.  Maybe the cable chanel Investigation Discovery, maybe Nancy Grace, maybe Dateline?  I spend a great deal of mental energy and time on this because all that matters , ALL THAT MATTERS is that this violent story get told in it's entirety. 

"Don't go breakin' my heart"/amazing heather*

Yesterday, a 17 year old girl on the bus asked me how my day has been.  She told me that she was in foster care but was adopted out at age 8.  She was adopted into a home where her father molested her.  He has been a detective for 30 years, however, was just sentenced to 20 years in prison for molesting her.  :(

She seems strong and amazing.  A shout out to my fellow survivor, Heather.

"Amazing Dani"

Recently at karaoke I met an amazing survivor named Dani.  She is a stunningly beautiful (every man in the club was after her) 24 y.o. survivor.

Between the ages of 3 and 10 she lived outdoors, homeless.  Her mother had committed suicide and her father was in prison for meth.

She has held 2 to 5 jobs since she was 9 years old.  This amazing young woman danced and sang with great abandon and has figured out a way to enjoy life, despite the fact that she believes:

"my generation is completely screwed"

(meaning her generation)

She works full time as a social worker and that is just one of her jobs.

What a gift to meet Dani!

They kissed every step

They kissed every step I had the great honor of meeting Ms. martin and her husband as well as to hear her speak of her experiences with holocaust. She says she has had a very hard life, but it sounds like she is doing very well. She is proud that she has been in every corner of the world. She says she's a fighter. I was in front row and she touched me affectionately on the shoulder on more then one occasion. I think for this reading I may have been the only attendee with Jewish roots. I told her I am Elana Snyder. She said: "Ahhhh yes, SCHNEIDER!" At this point her husband waved her over to sign books saying : "Get over here and get to work!"

"May i share your table please"

I needed an outdoor table for just 5 minutes.  The young man was so warm and amazing and said of course you can share my table!

We talked for maybe 20 minutes and in that time I found out that he is a cinema and film major.  I told him that nothing else matters to me but that my story get told.

I told him a little about it and he said: "May I make a documentary of your life?!"

"Survivor"

In the last 48 hours I have met 2 very interesting survivors.  One with real good social skills so we had a nice exchange.  He is my teller.  Strikingly handsome strong upper body.  The first time I met him was because of my inability to stand in line and he was helping folks who had "sit down business"  All I could see was his upper body since he was sitting.  Boy was  I surprised the first time when I saw him roll away from his desk in a wheelchair.  Today he told me his story.  He was in college on scholarship when he got into a car accident in 2010 that left him paralyzed.  I said:  "I'll bet you were an athlete weren't you?"  He said "Yes, they were football scholarships"  For a long time he had a weak immune system and kept getting sick.  (like me)  I told him about my invisible disabilities that make it nearly impossible to roll over or sit up in bed, get dressed, or even get out of the bathtub.

The next survivor I met; Bonnie* is about 45.  She said she was the biggest addict in Las Vegas and everyone knew it.  She is homeless with 6 children, single, and 2 of her kids live in the same room as her.  She is a manager in a restaurant and going back to college!

All I can say is WOW!

"Surviving or not surviving, violence"

The more biographies I read, and the more I become aware of world events, the more I realize that, my situation is not unique.  Millions all over the globe, have lived thru, or died from, horrible violence.

Conversely, I have not yet met any American woman who has survived the type of violence I have, spanning over such a long period of time.

So far, I'd say, even though the specific are different, Jaycee Dugard, is the American woman I share the most in common with-even though the details are different.

"Is there ANY good news?"

 I've been feeling devastated and very traumatized from 14 months worth of nearly daily vandalism to my car. Especially as I thought about the thousands of dollars worth of damage that's been done.

The GOOD news is, because my car is SO OLD, i've lost no more then a couple hundred dollars in trade in value!

I study cars on the road, in parking lots.  -Typically I make a mental  note of the make and model.

I've always driven cars that are old, even though it makes more financial sense to drive newer cars as long as you can afford the up front costs.   Repair expenses are  astronomical. In my mind, it is more sensible to make a slightly higher car payment, then to sink a thousand dollars into my 14 year old car every 3 months! But because I can't pass credit checks I don't qualify for a new car.

KBB value is between 500 and 625 on my car regardless of what she's lived thru!

"A Step Up"

Yesterday, I made my first writing submission for hopeful renumeration.    Now that I'm not in 24/7 fear of being murdered, I can focus a little better. My essay is entitled: "Baltimore's Mass Transit Mayhem"

I submitted to www.sunmagazine.org

Typically, the wait before they get back to you is at least 12 weeks, because they receive 1k submissions a month.

I kissed the envelope before putting it in the outgoing mail slot!

1/3/96 "so called food stamp appt."/the local community center

I went into the Hampden Family Center for a 2:30 appt. What a waste of time that was. I was told by the volunteer yesterday that I could come in at 2:30 for a woman to interview me for food stamps. When I do come in, there is a different woman working. She asks me if I have certain things with me. I tell her that I only have one pay stub. She says I have to have more documentation than that. She asks me to wait until 3 for the formal appt. So, she then meets with me for about 1/2 hour, telling me I need this, this and this. She finally asks me if I have my utility bill?! I tell her no because my rent includes utilities.

She then says: "Aren't you here for energy assistance?!"

E-"No"

"Then what are you here for?"

E-"Food stamps!"

"We don't do that here!"

"Your volunteer told me that you do!"

"Who told you that?" (I would here this question many, many times over the next dozen years! I now keep impeccable records, so I know "who did tell me that!")

I told her I don't remember the name of the volunteer. So as this doesn't become a wasted trip, I decide to wait around for the director re: the possibility of volunteering for the center. I'm told the director is busy right now. So, I just sit and wait for her to free up.

The director seems really burned out, but asks me if I'd like to sign up for a computer class. The sign up sheet states a date that passed 2 weeks ago!  I asked her about it and she said that it is the wrong sign up sheet. She points me to another sign up sheet, which says:

"Tues, Weds, or Thurs?"

I ask: "What are the corresponding dates?"

"I don't know" she says. "It's doesn't matter anyway. You don't have to sign up. Just pop in anytime tomorrow!"

"You are coming in the a.m., aren't you?" she continued.

E-"Oh, I thought you just said to come in anytime"

"You better come in the a.m."

(I'd never choose a.m., but do it when I have to. Fibromyalgia people and a.m. rarely get along)

Supposedly, at 10 a.m. Frank will be there to train me.

"Why I keep truckin'"

One of the biggest reasons that I keep trucking is because of the uniqueness of my homelessness survival story and my burning desire to share it with the world. I have a feeling that the telling of the story somehow is going to pull me up and out of poverty.

  I just found a 10 page letter that I wrote to a friend while I was homeless, detailing my 4 hour round trip bus commute to my part time job at goodwill and the last 3 shelters I had stayed in. I read this letter and thought, I've got to get this story to Hollywood somehow.

  I asked my friend, an English professor,  how realistic he thinks it is that Hollywood would want my story? I read him the letter, and he said that it is highly realistic to think that Hollywood would want it, it perfectly encapsulates the day to day life of a homeless person.

I know that a story has to be put into screenplay form before it can be pitched to Hollywood. I have to contact Augusten Burroughs and ask him how long he had to wait to get paid for the movie rights that he sold to Hollywood for his book: "RUNNING WITH SCISSORS"

I plan to get back on Craigs List and see if there are any screen play writers who would want to partner with me............................