"War story at the coffee shop today"

Today, my acquaintance came into the coffee shop with her 2 friends.  I felt comfy enough to plop down at their table.  Within a few minutes the 19 y.o.  Lily* began to tell her life story.  Like mine it is the kind of story that best sellers are made of!  My goal today is not so much to relay her heartbreaking story but , conversely to share with you the insights she had on my room-mate, based on her own mental illnesses (lily's mental ilnesses)

So, Lily had me describe in detail what it is like to live with Stella.*  I described all the detail i could think of:.

Here is the laundry list of what Lily* believes are Stella's diagnosis:

pyromaniac
major borderline schizophrenia
multiple personality disorder with tendency toward self destruction
bi-polar 2
adhd
obsessive compulsive disorder
autism
hoarder
mania
germophobia
arachnophobia

Now, my beloved readers; is it any wonder why i have been awake since February 1st?

"Observing people with serious mental illness"

So, living with k. is a living hell.  As i said she has me up around the clock, the noise is ungodly and the behaviors are annoying, unpredictable and even creepy.

But, for this piece, I'm going to share some observations.  I have decided that i am not going to walk k's trash to the dumpster anymore (she is a helpless child and a slob to boot)

so i have been bagging it up and putting it out front.  She took a small indoor trash can and put it out with the trash, even though it was empty.  So, i find it very interesting that her sick brain made the connection:

she saw the trash bags i put out, so her brain knew that "trash can goes with trash!"  (reminds me of sesame street "which of these things doesn't belong!")

-----------------------------------------------

synchronistically,

I was walking to the bus, and i walked past a seriously mentally ill man.  Just as i walked past, a fire engine went by and the noise was painful to my ears.  The man said to me "Shut up you stupid fucking bitch!"  He went on to cuss and complain about me even on the bus

Apparently, his brain saw me, and heard the loud noise of the fire engine at the same time, and decided that i was the one that needed to shut up!

Interesting, huh?

war zone

The stress is unreal.  It's just like you have stuff comin' at you around the clock and it's maddening. 

I'm awake around the clock because my room mate is up 24/7 and it is Maddening.  I filled out an application for another place.  Even filling out these apps is maddening.

When I told my landlord (the one i am required to meet with weekly) about how maddening it is to be awake for 2 months he replied:

"I would think it would be a real high like an acid trip!" (he is also a "social worker")

So, this is  the kind of b.s. I deal with around the clock.

Attempts at kindness bear little fruit.  I told my room mate's sister that she can have a key and sleep over but please  help with dishes! ( my roommate doesn't ever clean or do dishes.) So, the sister stays over but never lifts a finger and even creates more dirty dishes.  i asked Liz* if she would bring the garbage bin to street because I can't get it there, she said yes, but she didn't.

No wonder she has worn out her welcome where she is formally living/and is basically homeless.

This morning my roommate was running washer and dryer (as she does almost arund the clock)  they don't work right so they are very noisy. The washer sounds like people are firing guns.  It's brand?  "silent wash"

 Running the w/d has nothing to do with whether or not she has something dirty, apparently this is some sort of ritual that sick people have.

So she puts dry clothes into the dryer and I can't take the noise.   I shut the dryer off 4x but she came and turned it right back on again.  She's too sick to be reasoned with.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Have to go to the grocery store to tell them they did not put one of my items in the bag that i can prove that I paid for.

So many battles.

"Going out of my mind"

So, i am lucky if i have had 10 hours sleep in 2 months.  It is brutal.  My room mate is crashing around all night and burning god knows what kind of substances.

I am needing to use my inhaler and nasacort.  Even with these I am struggling to breathe.  There is no choice but to stay out from early morn until dark because she never leaves the apt.  At the moment my headache has subsided.  For the most part the combination of baths, ice packs and over the counter headache meds are useless.

She's left all sorts of dangerous and sharp items in weird places.  Made me think yesterday of "Running with Scissors"

Please see my next post on Augusten Burroughs

"Livin' on 630 a month"

So, lsince the 14th it has been hand to mouth living.  That's when i ran out of cash.  So today for example, i walked 1/2 mile to the bus stop, then arrived at the bank 15 min. later where i went in and poured myself some delicious coffee on the house.  yesterday when i did that i was acknowledged my 3 different employees which i found to be a drag.  But i do need coffee, so i went back today but instead of staying indoors to drink it i just took it outside and waited another 1/2 hour for bus.

Took bus to the mission and arrived 40 min. early.  I have to stay 3/4 block away from the mission and talk to nobody b ecause everybody smokes and i can't take it.

Luckily they let ladies go first, so i don't have to worry about my inability to stand for very long.  Lunch was amazingly good today, grilled cheese sandwiches and soup.

During lunch we heard alot of sirens.  Rumor has it that someone committed suicide by running in front of the train.

It took me 2 hours to get to the library since due to my disabilities there was no other way to get to the library.

One of the mission patrons yelled "hey who wants to come see the dead guy?"

Things at home are deplorable with my smi roomate.  She set off the smoke alarm 2x in one hour last night.  She climbs on the dryer to turn it off.

I'm always waiting for the next disaster.  She is up all night, and very noisy, so i'm up around the clock too.

The director is looking for a solutin but hasn't found one yet,,,,,so i have no choice but to look to move yet again.

In an hour i will get on the bus to go to the soup kitchen for dinner.  I hate going there but there is no other choice.

"Too sick to function"

Between the migraines, the 5 hours sleep in 5 days; I can't even function.  I've been so doubled up with stomach ab pain that i can barely walk.  Went to urgent c are they gave me 2 meds.  i was worried i wouldn't be able to fill them for i have no co pay money.  The doc. did at least put a slight damper on one of the problems, the irritable bowel syndrome and gave me the 2 meds. 

My room mate is nocturnal and as you know it's hour by hour drama.  Since she is up all night so am i, due to the noise and the smoke.  Thursa. night when i was up vomiting, I saw that she left a pair of scissors on bathroom floor, and another pair in tub.  (she doesn't shower or bathe)  She stood in the tub with her shoes on and cut her hair off then left the hair in the tub.

She also cut her hair over the sink apparently, left all sorts of hair in sink.  When i lifted the toilet seat because i couldn't hold down my soup kitchen dinner, i saw that she has been taking her lighter to the seat.  I'm betting she has a history of pyromania.

Yes, all i can do is just get from hour to hour.

"A Sliver of Good News"

I met with the director of the housing agency that placed my roomate with me.  He talked to me as if i also had a phd.  He addressed me as an intelligent equal.  He told me that I am composed, positive, and express myself beautifully in writing.

And on top of that he said that he is completely convinced that indeed she, the roomate is very much endangering me and everyone else in the building.

He is working on it as fast as he can.  So, I am in a good place mentally today.

Beyond the breaking point

So, i would describe my living situation as extreme danger since 2/04/13

Last night Bee, my roomate draped her clothes over the lampshade, trapping heat and creatikng yet another fire danger.  I explained this but she refused to move them.  I was too scared to go to sleep.  I called the agency that houses us and they said they would try to send someone over to talk to her but it never happened.

So, between the cigarettes, incense, cooking (she set off the smoke alarm last night) and leaving the oven on, i have a minimum of four fire hazards to worry about.

If i had the financial means i would just abandon the apt.

And oh yes, the irony.  She has her Smokey the Bear pencil lying on the kitchen table.

"How can u even function?"

Everybody asks me that because of the fact that I only get a few minutes sleep a night up to an hour.  Last 2 nights, just about 10 min. sleep.  How am i suppsed to answer the question?  Maybe folks are just surprised i'm not dead?!

I'm really tired of the inane comments like IF YOU ARE TIRED ENOUGH YOU WILL SLEEP!

gimme a break.  Sometimes i'm awake for more then a month around the clock.  This is not a lifestyle choice!  And if you don't think i'm tired just look at how heavy my eyelids are and the dark circles under my eyes!

Anywho, i am too scared of what roomie will do to even think about sleep.

friday night tg i was home because at four a.m. she flooded out the bathroom.  The entire place would have flooded if i hadn't become the unofficial caregiver.

I called fire dept.

I have followed every possible step in getting her removed even going so far as to request a face to face with the presiden.t


I said tongue in cheek today to one employye who i like that:

WHAT DO I NEED TO DO TO GET ATTENTION TO THIS ISSUE?! RUN THROUGH THE BUILDING AND SCREAM 911 WAVING MY HANDS IN THE AIR?!  ;)

"Dangerous to leave house for an evening"

I told my landlord that this is very serious sh#$.  I am turning the oven off every single evening because my room mate is not.  I check the kitchen every 1/2 hour or so in evenings. Turning off faucts left running and unattended; and turning down the heat on the unattended stove with a pot of food that is unnecessarily left on high (gas) with a cardboard box lying on the stove next to the unattended fire! (while she is hanging out in her bedroom!)

I told landlord that i am the reason that the 6 of us tenants are still alive.  Needless to say with this and hundreds of other things that have turned me into a caregiver, i'm lucky to sleep a few minutes a night.  Of course you know i had plenty of things robbing me of sleep even before she moved in, now that's a given.

The appropriate authorities are processing my complaint, request and concer about an inappropriate roommate placement (to say the least/but the stress of knowing i'm in this kind of danger in the meantime is unreal.

"Crushing fatigue/can't keep eyes open"

So, i caught cold on Saturday.  That in addition to the menometrorrhagia, i am very weak and can not keep my eyes open.  I will probably have to go back and crawl back into bed.

I'm sure it doesn't help that i am already a light sleeper and my roomate like a ghost/vampire comes a live at night and is very noisey.  It's exhausting and scary to live with her.  I have to check the oven and stove every couple of hours to make sure they are off.  I unplug her toaster and coffee maker constantly.

Livng with someone who is smi is completely unpredictable.  I just never know what she'll do next.  On the flip side, my life conditions were deplorable even before she moved in................................

"Surprising reaction from the landlord"

I told him today that I filed 10 days ago the official paperwork to have my roomate evaluated to live in a group home with full supervision.

I did not think he would be supportive.  But when i told him i have a detailed hour by hour log of incidences over the past 3 weeks living with her, he is interested in me typing it up and giving it to the agency as a form of education for them.

All they know is how she presents in public.  He said it will be very useful to know how she is in a home setting.................................

"Destroying one life to save another"

So, in the last 2 weeks my life has become completely entangled by my very ill room mate.  I document EVERYTHING

She is not ready for independent living and i am the one who suffers.

At 11 last night she set the smoke alarm off everytime she cooks the place smells like it caught fire

At midnight she began yelling at her invisible assailant and slamming doors hard.  Now the door slamming is every few seconds throughout the night

Day 3 no working toilet sbe stuffed a whole roll of t.p. down there

She threw out my brand new sharp knife with the box of so called trash that contained many valuable items!  I will demand r eimburse by her famnily

For me shopping for anything is a huge ordeal on buses and i can't carry more then acouple of items.  So for her to take my light bulb out of the l/r lamp or steal my knife is a big deal.  I am out of cash til 3/1

Instead of baths i take quick showers.  I skip meals because i can't stand being in the common areas with her.

I mean there is no question that life was a living hell before she moved in but this takes things to a frighteningly new level.

"Falling apart at the seams"

Day 10 with room mate.  Based on my observations, i think she is

ocd
bi polar
schizophrenia
ptsd

and possibly more.

She has done about 30 loads of laundry even though i told her the machine is broken.  The washer creates sounds that could cause hearing loss even if you are in your bedroom with door shut.

Last night room mate kept me up til 3 am, starting a load of laundry at 1 am.  She stays in bathroom and slams toilet lid over and over, walks in and out of every door every few minutes, takes a 5 minute walk comes back, then goes out back......................................

Every few seconds nearly around the clock, i hear a series of cupboards, and doors and toilet lids slam.

She used an entire box of laundry detergent in one day.

Someone gave her 2 utensil caddies and alot of silverware.  After 3 days she put about 1/2 of the silveerware in the appointed slots and then dumped both caddies in the sink..........................

She goes into different voices and personalities and cries and cusses at the invisible people she sees.

So, one must wonder:  if you already have an upside down life (like i do) then someone comes and turns it upside down again, are you back on your f eet again?

"The latest with the housing situation"

So.  AFter i lost my last place on 8/19, i was homeless for 14 weeks.  In that time i had 12 moves.  Two of those addresses were at the mental hospital for lack of shelter.

From 12/1 to 2/3 of this year; i was living alone in a 2br but with no access to the second bedroom.  The agreement when you are in transitional housing is that you have to live with a room mate.  It is a living hell because she is so sick.

I mean I will be the first to admit, that you could put Miss Manners in ther with me and it wouldn't matter because I can handle 2 things at this stage in my life:

living alone
or
living with a significant other

So, agency x told me in november that by about 3/1 i can have my own place again in an eficiency apt.  It would be subsidized.

However when I told them yesterday yes, i am ready to start that process they said/implied:

"Well, unless you move out of where you are and into a tent; you basically are no longer eligible for your own place!"

Dear REaders, you know that this is why i  write.  Well, certainly it is one of  the themes of my blog and and my future memoir.  Uncovering what life is like for the poor, and how tough it is to find and maintain safe affordable housing.