"She pointed upwards to God"

Compare/Contrast with my experiences in Baltimore.

Day 1

I show up at the emergency services center. There are 2 women standing out front, one is wearing a white collar. (a nun?)

I ask the ladies: "Pardon me ladies, but if one were here for the first time to apply for emergency services where would they begin? What would be the first step?"

The "nun" pointed to the sky. I asked: Are you pointing to the second floor?

Nun-"No"

Elana-"Oh, you're pointing upstairs!"

Nun-"No"

Elana-"Well, you're pointing "upstairs to god!"

Nun-"That's right!"

I smile and ask her if I should address her as "sister"

she said "No, I'm Pastor McKully!"

E-"Why thank you Pastor!"

She went on to say that i should head inside and speak to Dan. He's the head of emerg. services. First I end up proceeding thru the thrift store to get to Dan. I ask the thrift store clerk if he is avail?

Clerk-"Typically, you want to call first"

E-"I don't have a phone, that's why I walked in"

Clerk-"Well, you certainly can't call if you don't have a phone, now can you?"

Shes warm and friendly as were the women out front.

Let me go tell Dan you're here and find out whether he has time to see you today.

Elana-"I'll just be waiting here in the rocker"

Dan comes out and shakes my hand and invites me back. He radiates warmth. He's soft spoken, so unlike most men I've met. Almost hard to hear. he looks like my late father Arnold. I tell him this, and he says "Why thank you, I'll take that as a compliment."

Dan-"Now how can I be of assistance to you today, Elana?"

Elana-"Well, I'm just about out of food. I have a quarter tank of gas, and I'm trying to job hunt. Can I get some food out of the food pantry?

I've got all my proofs of income and documentation in my backpack.

Dan-"I WON'T BE NEEDING ANY PROOF! WE JUST USE THE HONOR SYSTEM HERE!"

E-That's remarkable.

Ms. Elana, about how much do you earn per month?

E-695, I earn 695.

Dan-"Have you put in for food stamps?"

E-Yes sir, I completed that process last week, and they said that the monies should be on my food stamp card by Friday.

Dan-"Very good" "If you can come back tomorrow, I'll have 4 bags of food packed up for you"

E-"That'd be great. I have some food allergies, so usually I just pull out the stuff I don't eat, and leave it at the food pantry so it can be used by someone else"

Dan-"Well, then why don't I just get you some grocery store cards so you can make your own selection."

Usually, it's not an either/or situation. Normally you can get the food from the food pantry and they give you a gift card. So, I'm a little bit dissapointed.

E-"Can't I do both?"

Dan-"Yeah, tomorrow show up with a list of things you don't eat and we'll get some bags together for you"

E-"Terrific. I see here that you help with gas. I'm job hunting and if I run out of gas I'll become a prisoner in my home. There are no sidewalks so you can't walk anywhere"

Dan-"It saddens me to tell you that, by our standards that's not deep enough of a crisis. With funding cutbacks when can only give gas in a true emergency.

E-what if your whole life is an emergency. I think to myself. It terrifies me to think of becoming iimprisoned in my apt. with no means to get anywhere.

Dan-"Come back tomorrow and we'll revisit the gas thing."

Dan-"Do you have a church?"

E-I just learned of the Unitarian church in carroll county, I'd like to go there"

His knowledge really surprises me. He knows all about the church and gives me directions. He tells me of a free lunch on Fridays. We start talking about the arts.

Dan-"I'd like to recommend common ground on the hill to you!"

Elana-"Boy, you really impress me. yes, I'm deeply involved with it, I volunteeered all weekend" "Do you play an instrument?"

Dan-"I play 12 string guitar!"

Elana-"I regularly check in on craigs list to find other musicians to work with.

Dan has me come back the next day. He gives me cards for the grocery store. Generous dollar amount. He apologizes that the agency cant' help with gas. He explains that "an example of a gas emergency is that you have a sick relative in the hospital and you have to drive back and forth every day to visit them"

This frightens me, but I know not to press the issue. I'm very impressed with this agency, and I may look into volunteer positions with them while waiting for paid work.

"The Man who carries 7 purses"

Lunchin' with my local drug dealer!

I was at the hampden mall/offices for a doctor's appt. I'm down to my last 10 dollars. After finishing at the doctor, I proceed to the 4th floor elevator. I see what appears to be a very high man with 7 purses. He asks me "How you doon?"

"I'm hangin' in there" I reply.

"I'm tryin' to hang in there too" he responded.

He continued to chat with me on the elevator which is highly unusual in Baltimore.

Elana-"Selling purses?"

"dealer"-"Well, I'm tron to but I'm really not supposed to be here at all" "You do what chu got to do. You know what I mean?"

Elana-"I know exactly what you mean"

"dealer" "I gots some Michael Jackson t shirts dat I'm sellin' too"

Elana-"That's really cool. I'd love to see the Jackson shirts. My first concert in my life was the Jackson 5. I don't have any money, in fact the money I'm using to buy my hot dog was donated to me. My doctor wants me to eat so he gave me 10 bucks"

"dealer" "Yeah I'll show you the shirts but I have to be careful"

Elana-"Just sit with me while I eat my hot dog, I'm sure you won't get in trouble for showing the t shirts if you're sitting with me."

"dealer" "That sounds good"

He takes the tshirts out of the purses. Some are really beautiful and I'd buy one if I could. But I gotta wonder, where he gets his paraphanelia!"

Elana-"Those shirts are absolutely beautiful." "Are you having any luck with sales?"

"dealer" "Not alot"

"I gotta supplement my work ya know. I do a little bit of dealin. "Um just being honest which you."

Elana_"What do you sell?"

He names all kinds of drugs. I don't know much about drugs, but I"m learning. His arms are covered with bad scars. He looks like he was totally dismembered and then put back together again.

Elana-"So, what are dealers bringin' in these days?" "At least 2k a month I would imagine"

"Man, I'm making 8k a month. But I'm tron to get out of it"

E-"What happened to you. Why all the scars?"

Man-"Well, I ingested a ca-cock-tion of drugs and then passed out in Dru Hill for 3 days when they found me"

E-"What a miracle that you're still alive!"

Man-"Sure is, we all gots our time and god didn't want me to go yet"

E-"Sounds like you're glad you lived!"

Man-"Sure am." My son is upstairs at the doctor and my daughter works in this bldg."

E-"You've got family. Sounds like you have alot of reason to live. A purpose"

Man-"I just turned 55 the other day!"

E-"Happy birthday! I just turned 46!"

Man-"You a gemini?"

E-"Cancer"

Man-"I guess that's why we hit it off so well, we both cancers!"

E-"I'm sure that's it!"

Man-"Well, I gotta get goin now, it was great to meet you!"

E-"you too, and I wish you the best with everything!"

"A Tidbit of Good News"

It's that time of the year again folks. It's www.commongroundonthehill.org

Perhaps you read my blog of 7/08 on cgoth.

It's 40 dollars to get into the weekend long concert series, and I obviously don't have the money.

I thank "the gods" that the volunteer coordinator has found work for me, so I can work off my ticket price.

The week I spent as a full time camper in 7/97 at Mc Daniel College's common ground on the hill to this day has been one of the most fulfilling weeks of my life.

Will I see you at the roots festival this weekend?

It will be held at my second home, the

www.carrollcountyfarmmuseum.org

"My Bed!"

30 days ago I bought myself a queen sized air mattress from the "evil" wal mart! About a week ago it developed a slow leak. I can't find my receipt. I'm afraid to "return" it to Wal Mart because the flyer inside the mattress box states "If defective do not return this to the place of purchase but call us at Coleman products"

I break the rules and return it to walmart, because i have no telephone in which to call coleman and because I know it could take weeks for coleman to replace it and i'll have to sleep on the floor again.

I can't get enough of the air out of the air mattress to put it in the back in the box which it came in. I try to stuff it in my car half blown up! And this is quite a sight to see folks, as this is blocking my view of side and rear traffic! I'm aware that this is dangerous and I have no idea what else to do!

I put on my hazard lights and head the 3.5 miles to the walmart. I stuff the inflated bed into a shopping cart and head for customer service.

ME-I need to make an even exchange.

clerk-"OK, just head back and get the product you need and come back to us"

I head back, and there are no queen sized coleman air mattresses on the shelf. I find a clerk.

"Sir, could you please check the back room and see if you can find any more queen mattresses?"

"Sure"

15 minutes later he emerges. He says there are none back there. I get a twin mattress off of the shelf and figure that walmart will just pay me the difference in cash. I head back to customer service.

ME-"here it is maam, there were no queens. I assume you'll just pay me the difference in cash.

clerk-"I've got bad news. We can't do an exchange after all. You're just going to have to call coleman"

ME-"why not?"

because you've owned the mattress for more than 15 days. we can not help you.

I go to the outside pay phone and call coleman. The representative informs me that he'll be happy to replace my mattress in 4 to 6 weeks.................................in the meantime since i have nothing else to sleep on, i can't take that route. as it stand the mattress only holds air for 1.5 hours.

Every 2 hours (even in the middle of the night) I have to reinflate the mattress as I feel my body sink back to the floor which wakes me up!

and at and t never received the application and money order i sent, so i still have no phone.

Need I tell you that I am tired to the core?!

"Applying for Food Stamps/part 2"

Continued from previous blog entry

I left the house at 12:15 p.m. on Thursday to head for the food stamp office. It's a 20 mile round trip and I have some concerns about whether or not I'll be able to make the gas last for the whole month. I'm down to 30 dollars total for food gas and miscellaneous expenses until I get hired somewhere.

I arrive at 12:45. Recall that the clerk told me on Wednesday that she was going to keep my application form there at the office and preferred that I don't take it home with me. She stamped it with Wednesday's date so that my food stamps will be retroactive back to that date.

Somehow I managed to find a free place to park that is good for 2 hours. I watch the clock carefully so as I don't get ticketed. When I arrive at the food stamp office again there is no one sitting at the receiving desk. There are 3 glass windows that you need to yell thru, perhaps they are bulletproof glass. I'm surprised that there is a security guard but he is not sitting at his post. I walk up to glass enclosure.

clerk 1-"Next window please"

I walk to the next window. There is no one there. No one acknowledges that I'm there. I yell over to another clerk. Maam, where I am supposed to go?

clerk 2-Just stay right there, and I'll be there in a moment.

E-"You guys asked me to come back today before 3 to get screened."

clerk 2-"Please wear this visitor sticker and have a seat"

I take my seat. I'm surprised that there is a very comfortable leather sofa. I walk up to the bulletin board to read the flyers. I hear some man yell to someone "Are you following me?" I do not turn around. After I'm finished reading the flyers I head back to my seat. "are you following me?" a client asks me!

Me-"Following you from where?" (his face looks vaguely familiar)

man-"the public library"

I realize it's the creepy guy who hangs out at the library. I ignore him and head back to my seat. I'm thrilled to see that there is a play room for the small children. In the many years going to food stamp offices around Baltimore, I always wondered why there was no play area for the children. Because a big part of the misery of waiting for one's turn in the Baltimore city offices was listening to parents verbally abuse their bored children. Mothers were known (especially at north avenue) to drag their kids to the women's restroom and beat them in there so the security guard can't see them beat their kids..........................................

1.5 hours have passed and I'm bored out of my skull. I guess there are 10-15 folks at all times in the wait area. They come and go, and many are seen before me even though they have arrived after me. I wonder why but I don't complain out loud. I go back up to the window.

ME-"Maam, I just want to let you know that Elana Snyder is going to move her car so she doesn't get towed" Please let the caseworker know that if she comes out to call my name while I'm outside."

clerk-"I'm so sorry that this is taking so long"

When I return I ask a male client if he has heard anyone call my name. "NO" He said.

I'm growing worried. It's 2:40 and I was told that all screeners leave by 3.

I walk up to the window where I encounter a very nasty, very defensive "Miss Beasley"

ME-"Maam, I'm growing increasingly more concerned that I won't get seen today, can you give me an update on when someone will be out to see me?"

Miss Beasley-"WELL, WE ONLY HAVE ONE CASEWORKER! MAYBE WE'LL SEE YOU TODAY AND MAYBE WE WON'T....................AND IF WE DON'T YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO COME BACK TOMORROW!"

me- (I am furious and I raise my voice which is really rare for me) I AM NOT COMING BACK HERE TOMORROW. I DO NOT HAVE THE GAS MONEY NOR DO I HAVE METER MONEY TO KEEP DOING 20 MILE ROUND TRIPS SO THAT YOU CAN "MAYBE" SEE ME! I WANT TO SPEAK TO A MANAGER!"

Miss Beasley-I AM THE MANAGER!

(Now, I'm really furious and realize that yet again, I am completely powerless over my situation. I storm away and sit back down)

case manager Ms. Smith comes out from the back offices. "Who is that?" She points to me and gears her question to another clerk.

Security Guard-"Who are you?"

"I'm Elana Snyder"

"What's your name MS Smith asks me.

"I'm Elana Snyder"

Security Guard-"Miss Snyder I'm going to make sure that Ms. Williams DOES see you today.

Elana Snyder-"Thank you very much. I don't mind the waiting, but I don't want to be told that maybe they'll see me and maybe they won't.

Ms. Smith-"Ms. Snyder's paper work has been lost. I've looked everywhere.

Ms Smith to me-"What's your name again?"

I'm elana snyder I say for the umpteenth time.

It's 3:10 p.m. and Ms. Williams emerges from the offices. "Are you Stephanie" she asks?

I'm Elana Snyder

Ms. Snyder I'll see you now. she says.

she leads me to the back room. Ms. Smith is back there. "Maam what is your name?"

I'm Elana Snyder.

Ms. Snyder I'm so sorry for the wait and that we lost your paperwork. you know that never happens.

(People hate when you don't say "oh i forgive you" so I intentionally did not say "I forgive you" in fact I just completely ignored her.)

I rolled my eyes. then I told my caseworker that I was rolling my eyes because I had been asked 25x what my name is.

We get back to Ms. Williams office. We are just beginning to work on my case when there is a knock on the door.

It's Ms. Smith. "I found Ms. Snyder's paperwork" "MS. Snyder I just want to apologize and let you know that mix ups like this never happen here at social services"

(I ignore her and wish she get the hell away from me so I can get on with my day)

Ms. W. is professional and kind thank goodness. She says "Miss Snyder, you already have an open case in Baltimore (but I haven't had any baltimore services in 3 years I think) so that has locked up the computer. We are going to have to fill out this 7 page form manually.

ME-"That's fine"

I've brought all of my paper work with me and wonder if it is still the case that social services does not care about your auto expenses and they don't use that when calculating how much food stamps you get. I would find out that even though 85% of my disability check goes to car payment, car insurance and gas, none of that will be taken into consideration when determining my monthly food stamp allotment!

After about 30 minutes we are done. She is only counting my rent, bge, phone and prescriptions in figuring out my payment! What are you gonna do?

I'll have my EBT food stamp card in the mail in 7 days. In the meantime I have to figure out how to make 30 dollars last indefinitely.

"Applying for food stamps/compare/contrast"

I'd like to share with you my experiences with the whole food stamp process since I've been living in c.c. (carroll county)

One of the first things I saw was a brochure here at the library entitled: APPLYING FOR FOOD STAMPS, IS IT WORTH IT?

This brochure was put out by the Legal Aide Society. The message of the brochure was: "we think it is worth it"

So, I went to the website to learn the process here. Do I need an appt? What do I need to bring with me? I checked the legal aide brochure for food stamp office addresses and there were none. When I went to the website I sought answers to the above questions. I got no answers. It did not say what you need to bring, whether you need an appt, nothing really. So I called the phone # listed for Food Stamps. The phone rang off the hook. My neighbor said, you better bring lots of quarters because you have to pay to park. That worries me. Maybe I don't have enough quarters. Will I have enough money for gas to go 20 miles? How many repeat trips will I have to make.

I find a phone # for the director of Food Stamps. he says show up anytime before 4:30. I think, that's strange, usually they tell you to come first thing in the morning. Today, I arrived at 3:15, and saw an empty parking lot with no signs indicating that I'd be towed. But I'm concerned anyway. I start walking around trying to figure out why I dont' have to pay for parking. I realize that even though it is a vacant lot, you still need a permit.

I start asking people where the bldg. is. It's that brick bldg. they tell me. But the brick bldg. only has painted insignias from 50 years ago, nothing indicating that it is a social service office. I find a free place to park, but no door welcoming me in. I ask a man out back how to get into the bldg. Just walk that way he says. I do. I encounter high fences and woods and I see no way of physically entering the bldg. I walk and walk and finally find the bldg. The man in the park. lot says it's on the 3rd floor.

I finally find the bldg. I go to the elevator. I ask 2 female patrons, where is the food stamp office? One says, 1st floor, one says 2nd floor, and the man outside said 3rd floor. I eventually figure out that it's on the 1st floor.

I enter the office. There is the receptionist desk. There is no one there. I wait almost 5 minutes and no employees say a word to me. There are 3 other glass encased booths, one of those employees saw me but did not invite me over. Eventually I asked her where I need to go. She said " any of us it doesn't matter"

"We can't take your case today because it's after 3. We'll have to call you in the morning"

E-"I have no phone" Can you email me? (Knowing good and well that social services is still in the 19th centure)

clerk-No, we don't email people.

E-"Then what should I do?"

clerk-"Fill out this form and bring it back to me"

I do that. It asks for a phone #. When I bring it back to her I worry that she'll lose it. She says she'll date stamp it and that I need to come back again in the morning. That's another 20 mile trip. Then after I come back tomorrow, they will set up another appt...................................

NORTH AVENUE FOOD STAMP OFFICE

It wasn't safe to take the bus to north avenue, and there was nowhere to park. One gets especially nasty treatment if the are a white minority. North Avenue is one of the most dangerous sections of baltimore city. I decided it wasn't worth the abuse and the risk. When I used to go there, they would metal scan you for weapons only if they thought you looked dangerous.

At least I'm not in danger at the carroll county office, and know I won't be discriminated against.

"Four Attractive Men"

As far as I can tell so far, there are at least four fit attractive men in Carroll County, and they have all come to visit ME PERSONALLY! They are the

fireman,

the policeman,

the locksmith,

the exterminator

and maybe there are even more!

I will certainly keep you informed!