Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Lived to Tell: The Alicia Project | House of Horrors: Kidnapped

"First time at the orthopedist"

Never fell asleep last night.  Miranda downstairs banged around so much it sounded like she broke into m apt.  Overall, however, I still have to say this is my best living situation in 2 decades.  I slept well the previous 3 nights.

So, I've arrived and thank goodness it's not too far from a bus stop.

Greeter: "Name?"

me-"elana r Snyder"

greeter-date of birth? (i'm uncertain whether or not she really understands English)

me-june blobbidy blob

after about 4 minutes of staring at her screen

greeter-"spell your name please"

"what's that date of birth?"

Greeter-"YOu aren't in our system"

me-"Well, that's not my fault"

greeter-"what date did you set up the appt.?"

me (are you fucking kidding me?) My appt. is today

she incoherently mentioned something about my email and how she can get me in with a different doc!

me-"You can't get me in today?"  "I'd like to speak to a manager."

greeter-"I got you in today"

The paperwork makes no sense and I ask her if anyone is avail to help me.  She said she would send over an m.a. to help me.  25 minutes have passed and she never sent anyone.  (do u c y I don't trust anybody anymore?)

She sends me over to some window where the second greeter scans the form in without having helped me with what I needed.

All total I was at the office for 3 long ass hours.

The doc was intelligent, but I might as well been speaking French, she just did not at all understand my pain descriptions, so she made me say the same thing over and over.

You are only allowed to present with 2 pain issues in one day.  So I said I want to know why my right shoulder and neck and arm hurt so bad and why the tailbone hurts so bad.

She said the neck is arthritic with denenrative disc disease and bone spurs.  At some point she may try injections with me.  She said I'll have to buy a ring to sit on.  I told her that the pain is still too severe to hold even part time work.

She is sending me to physical therapy.  I will keep you informed.

"Looking back at babysit job of 4/2006"

Dan told me that once I win disability I have to quit the job I love.  I was a sub at a waldorf home school.  On the one hand it brought me a lot of joy, on the other hand the lyme disease made me very very sick and very weak.

Starting in 03 I began an aggressive search for part time work.  It took me 3 years to find this baby sit job.  Shortly after
 beginning the job, I realized that a man/men were breaking into my apt. and stealing my earnings out of my dresser drawers.  As soon as it looked like things were looking up some cruel person is stealing from me................................................


Today I was with mia for 3.5 hours.  In the first 45 minutes she was irritable.  (she was about 7 months if I remember correctly)

I changed her diaper and gave her a bottle and she was so much happier.  We cuddle a lot and I play and talk with her.  I really love to rock her in the rock chair just like I did with James back in 01/02, when I would sing him to sleep.

Around 6 she got real tired.  No matter what I tried she just wasn't able to fall asleep.  I tried rocking, playing feeding, her bouncer, toys, and I tried twice to put her in her crib.  After 15 min. in the crib if she was still miserable I would pick her up again.  I put her in her swing.  That didn't help.

I rocked and fed her more and she slept lightly in my arms.  After about 15 minutes I put her in her crib again and she fell into a deep sleep.  Her swing is still rocking and I can't get it to stop!   I can't get her diaper pail open either!

Her father, Fernando, said that she usually does fall asleep around 6 p.m.  She fell asleep 6:30.  Dad walks in the door at 8.  He has very poor English speaking skills and I'm not fluent in Spanish.

He announces "I HAVE VERY BAD NEWS!"

(boy if I only had a penny for how many thousands of times people have said this to me i'd b rich)

My heart skipped a beat.....................

"What's the bad news?" I asked

We're not going to need you on Sat. or Sun. as we originally had planned! 

(He has just told me a few hours a go that he will be needing me!)

This is very disappointing but I try to view it as a temp job so I won't get so upset about the hit in my earnings.

Geez I needed to get a land line, shelter, and a car just to land a job where I'm lucky if I make 100 a week!  WELCOME TO AMERICA!

Monday, April 21, 2014

Video Vigilante confronts pimp that is getting violent with a prostitute...

brian bates, this so closely describes my own personality.  this is why I obsessively write, take pics.  i'm driven to record things that just arent' right.  in most cases however, it would b too risky for a woman to get up in peoples faces.  especially in cities like Baltimore where I could get killed just for being white and recording injustice. wish I did own a video cam!

Blind Melon - No Rain

the little girl reminds me of me, now-in that, some nice flowers, pretty grass, perfect weather, cute guys, dancing and live music.  Life really doesn't get any better then that.

"Health Care Debaucle" 3/17/2004

Looking back at 3/17/2004.  I'm staying somewhere in Lafayette, Indiana.

Day 5 debilitating headache.  Feared carbon monoxide poisoning, yet again.

Couldn't go to Tippecanoe Clinic because the triage nurse who takes care of emergencies was so blatantly rude the last time.

Went to Arnett urgent care, they said they are not permitted to take me on because of the fact t hat I have the Medicare and the Medicaid.  They attempted to explain that they would see me if I am ONLY Medicare!

So, I'm forced to stuff up the emergency room.  I went to Ste. Elizabeth hospital and much to my amazement the Doctor is checking my blood pressure and temperature while at the same time a medical assistant is grilling me on how I'll pay for the visit!

I told her: Did it ever occur to you that making a patient discuss finances while having bp taken can actually RAISE the patient's blood pressure?

She said "I see here that you have Medicare, but you DO NOT have Medicaid!

(the welfare office told me my Medicaid already kicked in and is active!)

when I explained this to the m.a. she said: MAYBE OUR SYSTEM IS DOWN!


I was then rolled into a room with multiple beds.  The doc closed the curtain so that I could put my gown on.  The curtain had blood stains on it!

I opened the curtain so as to alert them that I'm ready.  I see a clock and a crucifix directly in my line of sight while lying down.  How cheery!

A doc named Wesley tried to find veins in my left arm but had no luck.  Lots of painful sticking and fishing around.  He said "you have bad veins"

He brought in an i.v. bag and asked what it was for.  His response was anything but sensitive.  He said "we're giving you medicine, do you honestly mean to tell me you have never had an i.v.?

After the i.v. bag was only half full, they put an automatic bp cuff on me that he said would measure my bp every 15 minutes.  It seemed more like every 15 seconds though. 

A nurse came in to borrow my visitor chair sayin "Doesn't look like you'll be needing this will you?"

I asked about the results of my blood tests.  Interestingly, I was told that I do have elevated levels of carbon monoxide but not enough to concern them!  She said "it doesn't appear that you have been poisoned"

(my instinct is that I have)

"Looking back at 4/18/2004"

I have no fixed address I am in Lafayette, Indiana.  I am attending my second or third songwriting class (they are free)

Here are the lyrics from my unfinished song.  I suspect you'll enjoy this even though I never did complete the song.


The song is called:

TOO COLD TO SLEEP LAST N IGHT (completely non fiction account of my life)


 It was too cold to sleep last night

well that ain't nothin' new

the days I wake up rested, those are far too few

vs. 1

I don't know how much longer I can go on livin' this way

It's been 10 hears and it just ain't goin' away

between a rock and a hard place

they keep reminding me

the daily decisions of a girl in poverty






verse 2

I'm under the gun

the sheriff's at my place

he's got an eviction notice

I can see it in his face

So now where will I go?

My friends don't seem to know

They just can't imagine

cuz they've got loot for show








"The importance of getting a car, if u can"

Immediately before getting on the bus today I felt relaxed, a tad copasetic.  I slept well it was 78 degrees with some drizzle and I was "sunbathing" while waiting on the bus.

due to cold air conditioning on the bus I had a headache with in 5 minutes.  there are no shock absorbers which is so excruciating due to my back and tailbone pain.  The roads are torn up and the bus drivers speed it is very very painful.

Not to mention the fact that when they slam on brakes which is often it whiplashes you.

My mental and physical state before getting on bus versus after getting on bus, well there is not really a way to have a good day on public transit.

Friday, April 18, 2014


There is a thin line between genius and insanity.

quoted by the stepson of a killer on:

Couples Who Kill, Investigation Discovery (UK) Trailer, (30")

check out the episode with Jennifer jones and her lesbian partner bobbie joe who kill their landlord.  for me one of the most shocking things about these true crime shows is how is it that so many killers (or other law breakers) have not thought ahead to the likelihood that they will get caught! 

Just Go with It #5 Movie CLIP - Love Monkey (2011) HD

I saw most of this movie the other day and completely fell in love with Maggie and her British accent.  Most child acting I don't care much for but she is brilliant!

30-Foot Fall | NY ER

Brought me to tears to see the staff tear up when their long time off and on homeless patient, Virginia, dies.

Disco Diva Elana

Mark Yoshimoto Nemcoff - Secret Societies of Hollywood on E!

"The only updates i have"

I know this is far more boring then when I was blogging about violent crime and such!  I am just beginning to feel safe.  Safe enough that I have been decorating even though I have no plans to stay in the apt. long term.  Bought some pretty tablecloths and vases and today I bought a plant that is a mix of many gorgeous flowers.  Hoping to keep it alive. 

I'm home a lot and I love lots of color.  beginning of may I will buy some fresh flowers too.

So, I'm only getting out every other day.  I never know what the day will bring.  i.e. yesterday I woke up naucious again with a very severe headache.  Your too sick to sleep and your too sick to stay awake it really feels like torture.  I did two doses of the migraine medicine but it didn't kick in til evening.  I don't do much in the way of sweets I have lost a lot of weight.

Got in with the g.i. doc and asked him if we can do the colonoscopy/endoscopy as an inpatient due to me not knowing who to ask to stay with me all day.  They won't do it unless you have someone babysit you all day.  The doc said "there is absolutely nothing I can do to help you until you figure out how to get these tests"

Despite his incompetent support staff he is not.  He is very compassionate, I've met him one time before and he has great bedside manner.

I'm also going to go to an orthopedist to try to find the source of:

severe knee pain
severe right shoulder and arm pain
severe tailbone pain

The pain meds are not adequate enough for me to be able to leave the house for more then 4 hours in a day.  As I've said before I will not make a life long commitment to life indefinitely if it is my fate to live each day all day in excruciating pain.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Kids in Focus 2013

Salut Salon "Wettstreit zu viert"

"Being "negative"

I know to some people if a person mostly talks about unhappy stuff then they are being "negative"  I do not see myself as a negative person despite all the sad stuff I tell you about.

I'm getting out about every other day.  Between nausea and severe stomach pain undiagnosed with extreme weakness I can't do much.

Sometimes I wonder if others would just accept their lot in life?  i.e. this is the first time in 9 years I've had a safe situation.  should I just accept that and not try for anything better?

I do have a nice room and cable, yeah that's about it.  Would that b enough for you to be happy even if you were still in poverty with no adequate transportation?

As I said it looks like there is something very positive coming but I can't get excited until it actually happens.