Monday, March 30, 2009

"In Tribute to the Cherry Blossoms"

In tribute to the cherry blossoms (or are they apple blossoms?) I've posted another photo to my website. It's me in probably either April 1966 or April 1967. I call it Living the American Dream, because it was when my parents had a house and a car. This photo was taken in my backyard in Randallstown. To see it, as usual, just scroll down to the bottom of my website. Please enjoy, and


Friday, March 27, 2009

"If I told you everything that goes wrong each day"

If I told you EVERYTHING that goes wrong each day, you might think I'm seeking pity. So here are just the highlights. I reckon I could theoretically tell all on my anonymous website where it doesn't matter what anyone thinks. Here goes:

The events of 3/27 thus far.

Approximately 1 p.m. I call the Social Sec. Admin. to find out when payday is. I do that then I listen to an automated message that says "press 2 if you want to hear about Obama's stimulus package" I do that. I find out people on soc. security are supposed to receive 250 dollars in May. Will it be garnished like last year even though we are under a different president? I ask the ssa girl and she says she doesn't know. I call the i.r.s. and spend about 1/2 hour in the automated menu, get transferred to another irs line that is especially for the stim. package. At neither line are there any real people to talk to. I decide I'll call H and R block and ask one of the tax preparers if my check will be garnished under Obama. Yes, he said.

I leave the house around 2. I take the staircase because the elevators are scary and it's best if I see as few neighbors as possible. Just as I'm emerging to exit the staircase the maint. man gets on. Normally he doesn't take the staircase unless he sees me on it.

I try to exit on the west side of the bldg. but I can't because the girl who vandalizes my car is blocking that exit. I walk the block and 1/2 to my car to leave for the day. I'm still continually having to change the location of my car but the vandal/vandals still find it.

I drive

only 5 miles North. In that 5 miles I pull over 3x for the MD Transit Police who are recklessly pursuing assailants I suppose. One almost hits me. I make a left into the MC Donalds and the truck behind me tries to pass me on the right in the park lot and nearly hits me. I get out and there are 3 cops cars in the lot. They are frisking a man and have pulled everything out of his pockets. There are 2 police helicoptors flying overhead.

I leave there and

head west on Timonium Road. I have to pull over again for another MD Transit Authority police officer. I get on 83 south

'm stunnned it's bumper to bumper traffic. Turns out there is a motorcycle accident so there are emer. vehicles everywhere. I travel about 2 or 3 miles and I see a car going about 100 that is about ready to crash into the back of my car. I swerve into the left lane to avoid being hit. He loses control of his car and CRASHES INTO THE GUARDRAIL!

I pull out my cell to report the accident, slow down to about 30 but don't stop. My cell doesn't work. I show up to my computer class 15 minutes late. Walk in the door just to find out that the teacher didn't show.


tell the group about the drama on the road.



to me "you think you have it so hard, well i'll tell you, i had to take 3 buses to get here"

I'm thinking, what a martyr this woman is always trying to convince me how hard her life is. I replied

"I was on buses for years so I know. You always try to convince me that your life is so much harder then mine."

J.-"Well ,

my life is alot harder than yours because

ecause "you're

alot younger than me."(she's about 70)

E-"You sure are judgemental and you know nothing about my life"

J-"Oh yes I do!"

I leave there for the library and here I am. My one friend feels it's always healthier to get out of the house, but in Baltimore I feel that's very debatable.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

"The 2 reasons I haven't been posting much lately"

One reason is because I'm frequently out of commission with debilitating migraines. They haven't yet found a med. to help me. Is it any surprise? Like I've said a million times before my home and my situation make me and keep me sick.

The second reason you haven't heard much from me is because I've been planning an out of state trip that keeps getting delayed. My hope is that my visit will turn into a long term place to live. Because of all of the ridiculous HUD and social security rules, I will probably not be able to go into detail here at my website. But this could raise my quality of life a little and certainly I'd be safer.

Monday, March 9, 2009

"Planning and scheming for survival"

The bad news is that my car is still being vandalized almost daily. Doesn't matter where I park it the vandals find it. They take a hammer or a bat and crush the metal or make holes in the car, they take keys or knives and cut the car up. Friday night they sprayed the entire car with soda.

So obviously I'm doing everything in my power to move. But in the meantime here is all I can think to do. Go ahead and start parking the car back in my numbered space again. Ask the male acquaintances in my bldg who are awake after dark to

lean on my car
take smoke breaks near my car
circle my car
hang out around my car

in exchange, I'll offer to pick them stuff up from the store, etc.

Or I can find a homeless person and ask him to sleep in my car since I can't afford to garage it.

Friday, March 6, 2009

"History tends to repeat itself"

Just completed my first day of volunteering in the Kindergarten. I'm dissapointed. I feel very similar about public schools as I always have. I feel drained, not happy. There were 3 potential k. classrooms that I could help in. The first one I was sent to the instant I walked in I heard the intern barking at the children. Screaming. Hurt my ears! I was instantly uncomfortable in her presence. When the head teacher told me I could help in other rooms too, I thought, how long can I tolerate this room? This intern?


What a bad example this intern is setting. Ironically it's not the kids who make this school an unbelievably noisy place!

I had arrived at the school at 10:15. By 10:45 or so I decided I couldn't stand that screaming anymore. The head teacher was out of the room, so I just left and went to another classroom and asked if "Can I hang out with you?" "Yes" she said. But she didn't really need anything per se. She was getting the kids ready to go to the cafeteria.

Once we got to the caf. she said that she is going to go take care of some stuff. She introduced me to a very nasty very angry caf. aide. She asked the aide if I could help her. Everytime I tried to help (with a spill, or to get a child another juice for example) she said "No, I'll do that" Teacher 2 had asked me to follow this caf aide to the playground after lunch.

We'll call the caf. aide "Maggie" In the 1/2 hour that the kids were on the playground they kept leaving the prescribed area and she wouldn't bring them back. I had no idea what the official boundaries of the playground were, and feared some kids might run off. But she stood next to me screaming at the kids but right into my ear.


I've been in public schools and public daycares off and on since 1983, and I've had nothing but bad experiences. Lots of verbal and emotional abuse. I've reported some daycare centers for physically abusing the kids. The only positive experiences I have had with schools were the Young School and the Waldorf School.

Backtracking to the cafeteria. Up on the stagebehind the curtain children were practicing trumpets. The cafeteria was so loud that hurt my ears too. If it hurts my ears I'm sure it's loud for the kids too. (My first boyfriend says I've always had sensitive ears)

I wanted to observe music class. One kid felt naucious, so the teacher told her she has to go "sit next to the trash can"

When I signed out for the day, and told the worker in the principals office that I wasn't going to be able to help in Ms. X's class due to the way the intern was treating the kids, she said "You'll need to report that to the principal" I did as she said, but I could tell the principal was not comfortable with it. I wasn't "reporting" the aide, so much as I was saying, "please don't place me in that clasroom."

Also during music class the teacher had the stereo's bass system blasting. My ears hurt. The autistic boy put his hands on his ears and started screaming at the top of his lungs. The teacher said" you have to sit next to me, there is nothing to be scared of"

I thought, he's not scared, it hurts his ears and that's what autistic kids do when their ears hurt.

Now that I have a car, I'll have to call some of the private schools and ask if they need help. The private school teachers have a tendency to treat the kids with more respect, and I'm much more comfortable in those more normalized environments. Sadly it's the norm in the public schools to constantly scream at the kids, and I've always felt the teachers use such poor judgement.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

"The Biggest Loser Challenge"

I catch snippets of this show every now and again where as I used to watch the entire 2 hours of it nearly every Tuesday. I was really impressed and touched the other day when Allison asked the blue team and the black team to complete their challenge at the L.A. food bank. Whoever loads 150 crates of food onto the truck first, wins free food for a year. It was poignant to hear the one contestant say that she loves being on the helping end this time because she's had to use the food banks in the past. She feels desperate to win because her and her kids are struggling.

An 18 year old boy won the free food for a year and gave it away to the woman who is struggling! He told her that he doesn't need it and will she please accept his gift!

I see very few experiences of human kindness in my own day to day life. Wasn't it a great Biggest Loser moment?!

"New Volunteer Job"

I'm supposed to start a volunteer job helping out in a Kindergarten. On the one hand it'd be great to have kids in my life again, on the other hand, I can't really totally relax and enjoy it because I'm constantly freaking out about how badly I need work. I'll let you know what happens. Certainly it can help with the gaps in my resume.

"My first social work interview in more than 5 years"

And I wish I could tell you all the details of what I think of this employer. But I can't. I don't think it's a good idea for me to get into how I "feel" about what happened for obvious reasons. What I will say is that this agency places employees in social work positions. They gave me about 100 papers to sign. Just to get started I'd need to spend 38 dollars on a Background check (I've never experienced a company wanting us to spend our own money on that) and I need to spend 30 on cpr. Again I've never been asked to spend my own money on CPR before either.

They did not tell me that they are in an unmarked bldg with no street address written on it at all, so that part was a nightmare................................

Even after you spend the 68 dollars they are not guaranteeing they can place you. 68 is a huge chunk of change for me right now.

The Bachelor/After the Final Rose

By the time we got to the last episode I felt exactly "equal" about Melissa and Molly. I feel they are both phenomenal women and I can see how he could love both. I feel either of them would have been a perfect match for him and Ty.

Did you cry when he proposed to Melissa? I did!

RE, his change of heart

I'm dissapointed that he didn't stick around and try to make it work with Melissa. I can't imagine what he means by "the chemistry changed" Amazing that Molly predicted that Jason was "making a huge mistake" and "you'll regret choosing Melissa."

I feel that he and Molly will make it work not because she's a better match than Melissa but because I think he's just been through so much that he'll want to make it work.

I admit, I lost a bit of respect for him for dumping Melissa.

What do you think?