Monday, May 30, 2016

Quote of the day

if I was a couple I wouldn't like to share the same bedroom. It is very un-chic to sleep in the same bedroom if you are a couple in Europe!

(I didn't know that!)

Sunday, May 29, 2016


Taking these narcotics it's like taking Tic Tacs Kama therefore I can think of many reasons to b a medical marijuana advocate

My tinnitus has gotten quite severe thank goodness it's not 24/7 but when I do have it it's really loud.

As I mentioned to you earlier I have significant hearing loss in my left ear and I'll bet my bottom penny that it's due to the narcotics

I believe in medical marijuana

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Overview of the month of May

 I've been out of money since the 12th.  This has become the norm now that I have a car to attempt to keep on the road.

 I had to go to the mission because I knew they would be serving milk and I needed some milk. You can only get a cup at a time.  I never have the wherewithal to stand in line twice no matter how hungry I am because of my inability to stand more then about 10 minutes max.

 I could not identify the main meal (most of the time I can't and neither can the other diners!) nor could I eat it because it was too hot and spicy. That's okay I just ate the fresh fruit which was really excellent this time.

 I took 2 deserts home, 2 chocolate croissants.  Typically I do math in my head to determine how much money I saved on the day I cae for dinner.

About a year ago a customer at Starbucks told me that "god" was leading her to give me a gift so she gave me a ring that had a Bible verse on it.

Today I took it to the pawn shop in the hopes that I would have money for Memorial Day weekend but they told me that it's not worth anything ;(

I had a glass milk bottle that I knew would be worth $2 so I went to Whole Foods and I received 2 one dollar bills. I had to decide whether or not to go to Kroger and spend it on the 3 pack of chewing gum (since I was able to find $0.60 around the house in coins) but decided on coffee creamer instead . (I have burning mouth syndrome so I'll have to keep ice cubes or popsicles at home)

A woman commented on me singing at the grocery store the song( I Will Survive). She smiled and said "I used to dance to that in the discotheques when I lived in Miami"

 I said yes I love discotech dancing  but I can't dance anymore. I said: well I said: "would you consider donating $0.25 to a good cause.?"

 She said: " I can afford to donate a dime to a good cause", so she gave me a dime without that I probably would not have been able to buy my coffee creamer
the cheapest one was 279 (the tiny ones!)but the one that I wanted was 299. I knew I couldn't afford the one that was 299 so I took the other one up to the register and ask them if I have enough coins to pay for the tax.
  The cashier determined that for some odd reason there is no tax on that particular item.
I went to Starbucks because their water tastes so good (my water at home is awful)at the same time I can get some sugar packets for coffee at home.
I went over to the deli and as always no one was watching to see if there was any customers but eventually someone yelled for staff to come over. She seems resentful about my question (I could feel the judgmentaI attitude)
I asked her if they have to throw food out at the end of the night and she said yes we do but we're not legally allowed to give you any.
I went to the Starbucks inside of the grocery store and I asked:
what time do you throw away all of your croissants and do you give any of them away. She said yes we do give them away but we already gave all of them away for the night...

(I'm way sick of living like this, this is my 23rd year living like this)

Good counselor, good therapist, good friends

In Social Work schools we learn the difference of open ended questions vs. Closed-ended questions. And we were taught how to be a good therapist we would be asking a lot of open-ended questions. These are great techniques to use in friendships as well

Closed-ended question would be: I have $25 extra in my purse would you like me to buy you $25 worth of zucchini

So the person can only answer yes or no. You're not learning anything about the person by asking them yes or no questions

I have $25 extra in my purse I'd like to give it to you so you can go through the store and buy what you need is that something you would like?

(Close ended but it will immediately be followed by an open-ended question How do you think you would like to spend the $25? (Open ended question)

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Quoteof the day

" poverty is often a death sentence"

(This is no exaggeration!)

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Biggest mural Ukraine

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

PRINCE I wanna be your lover..1980...

Paul McCartney - Uncle Albert/admiral Halsey

Maybe I'm Amazed [Rare]

Paul McCartney - My Love

Amazing 8 Year Old Angelina Jordan Sings "Shot Me Down" Bang Bang On Nor...

Observe me

If you or social security observed me for 72 hours it would b very clear how sick I am.

I'm only getting out 10 hours a week, roughly

I had considered taking my journals entries where I write down my symptoms for 24 hours and then just putting it here, but you'd feel sorry for me.  There are a couple of things that I can't tell you about because they are too embarrassing.

You know I used to have menometrorrhagia.  I had 6 week long periods.  Would b no surprise of that contributes to my devastating weakness.  For 16 years I have never stood for more then 10 minutes.  If I have to stand in line I find a chair then tell people where my place is in the line.

Most days I cant open my eyes fully until 1 in the afternoon due to my severe burning eye pain.  So I'll have to put my hand on my lids and open them a squint just so I can get to the toilet.  Like thurs for example. 

(If I sat in a chair leaning forward for more then 5 minutes my feet and legs fall asleep. this is daily)

Thurs. airway blocked off

woke up with my skull crushed



cant' walk

all day vomiting

this is with  the usual burning, stabbing, throbbing pain.

Since I got lyme disease my nerves have been damaged.  YOur whole body is on fire.  Your feet , legs, arms are wrapped in a very tight barbed wire, while an "invisible person" has taken scissors to your nerves and veins and is cutting your feet arms hands and legs.

I told the bus driver, a friend, when he asked me how I was a few weeks ago, that "someone has taken an electric singer sewing machine and has placed my hands and arms under the needle and is just randomly sewing me up without anesthesia!"

So, If I'm awake then I'm hurtin!

"A crime to remember"

"the kiss and kill murder" 1961


Debbie Williams was a rebel as described by her best girlfriend.  She was 17 and in her senior year of high school in Odessa, Texas.  Lucky for her, her bedroom included a door that opens to the back yard.  As a result, after her parents go to bed she sneaks out.  She has had a wide variety of sex partner, loves sex.  IN this time period, in the bible belt, women who sleep around are treated like trash.  When the other girls found out about her promiscuousness she was shunned and it deeply deeply hurt her.

She was a drama major, happy and full of life as described by her friends.

But once her conservative father , after snooping around her bedroom one day found out about her journal he was furious.  He forbid her from going away to college, "I.U. in Bloomington Indiana where she had just been accepted.

Williams fell into a deep depression.  For more then 6 months she approached every male she knew who had access to a gun, to murder her.

She finally lucked out when her x,  drove her down to the lake (26 miles away) Shot her one time with a shotgun, weighted down her body and dragged her into the lake.

He t old the police t hat he felt sorry for her, like a cat stuck in mud, and decided to do a mercy killing for her (mercy killing are my words)

I am the only one (as far as the people that were interviewed on this episode are concerned) that feel that Williams is so lucky that she found someone to kill her.  Her intuition about her life is that she would never be happy.

I am also the only one that feels that the main reason Williams (Debbie?) fell into a deep depression due to the restraints to her authentic personality which did not fit in at all with her family or in Odessa Texas in that time period.

It's highly possible that once she got out of her parents house and out of Odessa ( I know first hand that Bloomington, In. is a progressive community) she would have found happiness.

But the main reason I feel she was lucky is because since I've been on facebook I intuit that there are hundreds of thousands of Americans who are suffering with chronic physical and or mental diseases where the suffering never goes away and they have been ready to die for years.  And they,

like myself, are pissed off that we are a society that won't let a dog or cat suffer with illness or broken bones for even 3 days without putting them down, yet our laws only support people suffering into what possibly may turn out to be old age.

to linda* (low vitamin d)

I know when you choose to help me it has to b what you consider I need.  Thank you for the offer but since I don't cook, a gift card to frys Kroger I would put to much better use.

I'm completely out of money, food stamps.  have bread peanut butter oatmeal rice and beans but that's it

at Kroger I often get the amys and the love frozen brand foods that are vegetarian

I also get cereal

bolthouse juices  turkey, cheese tuna that sort of thing

If you would b open to help me in the ways that I actually need, I would be most grateful

So, please calculate what you would have spent on me if you gave me what I wanted, and do a Kroger frys card for that amount and you would really be helping me

From the lady who takes nothing for granted

thank you again

Sunday, May 22, 2016

This particular May is brutal

Well first off the Department of Motor Vehicles never received my money for the registration. When I talk to the manager 8 weeks ago and my bank I was told by both people that everything has been resolved, today I got a letter stating that my registration has been cancelled

My account's been overdrawn since the 12th of the month ever since I made that auto repair.

I had come up with a plan for how to avoid overdrafting and that is by paying only in cash like it you know that you only have $90 to last 3 weeks then for every 10-day period I have an envelope with $30 cash in it

This month I forgot to do that and I'm really paying the price



Family and friends

Financial Security


Ability to work

And so on:

With the exception of people who have disabilities such as Lou Gehrig's Disease or blindness

Ive never met anyone who has as bad or worse a life situation!

Monday, May 16, 2016

quote of the night

They call it Charm City, but it doesn't take long to find the Seedy underbelly of Baltimore!

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Quotes of the day

The two most abused words in the English language are friend and love!

Friday, May 13, 2016

Street art

April 30th 1997, living hand to mouth

Can you imagine job searching with no car, no fixed address and virtually no kitchen access?  

Once I lost my job at Disability Entitlement Advocacy Program on March 12th I decided I was going to try again to apply for disability.

Ive "already lost!" as I'm not permitted to earn one red cent while I'm waiting for them to make their decision!

My case will close when they find out that I have to work to survive!

I cant apply for food stamps because they are going to grill me on where my money is coming from (that gets reported to the feds automatically!)

I'm wasting my time looking for permanent work because employers rarely hire you when they find out you are carless. (They know public transit is unreliable)

Should I leave the country? But I'm trying to build up a credit history and l/l Reference.

In a largely feable attempt to do something besides simply exist;

I performed at the Green Mountain Festival, babysit for Zion,  completed part 1 of women's self-defense and went to some wonderful Baltimore ethical Society meetings.

I attended a drumming circle,
AND sang behind a 5 Man Band at mick o sheas.  I went to Sherwood Gardens and cylburn Arboretum!

I know Id feel happy if I was willing to acquiesce to the reality of my poverty, but I'm not going to take it without putting up the fight of a lifetime!

I need to look into a commune stay out of sheer survival.

June is more realistic than may, if I've worked enough hours in the first two or three weeks of May to make June's rent....

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Good and bad

The total fee for my auto repairs with $240 and all they did was give me a new battery.

I told them that I would have to have them jump start my vehicle so I could take it home and let it sit for another few weeks until I can come up with another $60

The receptionist is extremely compassionate and told me that that would be ludicrous, in fact I have no doubt whatsoever that I'm probably the only customer ever to have offered to just take the car back home again for lack of money to repair it. So she gave me a 33% discount and that was enough to get the vehicle back on the road again even though it does still need about $500 worth of stuff done, the good news is is that I could do that a little bit at a time

The very bad news is that 3 years ago when I registered at Vocational Rehabilitation so that they could help me find part-time work which they never did Kama it triggered a social security disability medical review

The letter that they send for this review is scary and overwhelming. They come flat out and say that if they don't consider you to be a sick as you used to be then they will simply and suddenly cut off 100% of your financial support. I can't help but to wonder what percentage of Americans that has happened to and throwing people out of their homes and into the shelter

I have to fill out about 10 to 15 pages worth of questionnaire which of course I need to convince them that I'm very ill which I am but they are extremely detailed medical questions that require you to know exactly where all of your medical paperwork is and that you would need to have all the dates memorized for your procedures such as x-rays for example

The focus that would be required to fill out this paperwork by myself is more than I can muster especially when you consider the fact that there's such a high level anxiety realizing that they could literally cut you off in less than 30 days

I anticipate that all setup appointment with my physician who are really don't care for it too much and have her go through the paperwork with me. They aren't allowed to meet with you for more than 30 minutes and there's no way on Earth that we're going to get through that paperwork and a half an hour. Additionally Social Security needs me to have my doctor give me all of the records for the entire last year photocopy everything and then go over there in person and give it to the disability people, wow just what I need more stress and worry!

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

more random genealogical research

I randomly decided to search Google for whether or not there is a family plot on the paternal side biological family. I was able to find a number of ancestors who are at the same grave site even ancestors going back all the way to the early eighteen-hundreds in Baltimore. I shall assume that because it's all the same grave site bat it is likely still my ancestor. I do know all of the names going back to maybe the early day mid eighteen hundreds but then there was a few names that I have never heard before that were born even earlier so that's why I assume that those are also my ancestors. I would list the last name butt I'll never hear the end of it from my biological father if I do so I'm going to refrain from doing that but I am not afraid to list the the name of the cemetery I can't be sued for that

Disabled world

Please check out this article which backsup my life experience with, even though I have a disability check I still can't afford rent or food.

Tuesday, May 3, 2016


I'm watching the documentary again of Janis Joplin Life. The movie came to Flagstaff to Sedona Film Festival 2 months ago this is my second time watching it and I'm getting a lot more out of it my personality was quite similar to Janice in many many ways. And she was definitely an HSP highly sensitive person

True hippie

how I know I'm a true hippie the night I moved into this apartment 3 years ago the first thing I did that evening was measure the bathroom and living room to see how many cots I could fit in here for Flagstaff homeless :-)

Monday, May 2, 2016

To leave or not to leave

It seems selfish for someone who's worth 300 million dollars to not leave a will and not want their family to be cared for.

So boy was I surprised to find out that prince did not have a will. As an adoptee the whole topic of inheritance is very confusing.

Certainly If My adoptive mother left a will she would not have left anything to me. However My adoptive father told my first boyfriend but did not tell me and this is not something that he followed through with but My adoptive father told Steve that I would always be taken care of financially. Steve did not tell me this until years and years after Arnold died

Now even if Arnold did leave a will everything would have gone to his survivingwife Helen(1992)

But with Prince not being married  at the time of his death, all of the 300 million is probably going to go to his love child if it is proven that the boy really is related to Prince

It makes no sense to me at all that all of the money would go to a grown child Prince did not even know

Well I would imagine that even if my biological father did or did not leave a will that I would not get a penny, he is a millionaire but I would most likely legally not be entitled to even one penny because of the fact that I was stolen from marcene at birth.

I believe it's important to have a will even if you're poor I mean chances are you've got things that are very valuable that you want to make sure that those things are sent to someone who's going to keep them safe such as photos. It's particularly difficult for me to write a will because I don't have any idea of  who would b willing to b the distributor?

It's something I worry about a lot especially with items that I would like to go to  individual out of state/organization out of state . 

Where would the money come from to make sure that my items did go from state to state . I wonder how other people handle this who are poor?

An issue close to my heart

Please look this up on YouTube one of the biggest reasons I'm against the death penalty is because of the large number of innocent people who get locked up in America

Additionally the death penalty has never been a deterrent to more violent crimes being committed in this country, please make sure to see this episode with lovely Lisa Ling