Sunday, February 28, 2016


It was about dating violence and the death of 18 year old Alex by her boyfriend

Here is what was written on a tombstone in this episode but it was unclear whether this is Alex tombstone or not

It was by Ralph Waldo Emerson:

"Its not about the years in your life, but the depth of your life"

Saturday, February 27, 2016

Symptoms are worsening

The two hallmarks of the encyclopedia of diseases that I have are:

 /excruciating pain and severe weakness.

The weakness is getting worse.
Even the simplest of tasks like making a cup of coffee,  pouring a bowl of cereal, going from sit to stand, walking are nearly impossible.  My arms are so weak and these diseases mean that touching an object (hurts your skin and the pads of your fingers) and grasping the handle of a small pot is very painful.  Reaching into my purse or backpack , for my arms and hands is like doing 10 push ups in terms of the pain and weakness.

High cholesterol, pre diabetic so they have me back on thyroid medicine.

I told my  n.p. (who I met onced and do not like) that my chest pain is now severe but she didn't even pull out so much as a stethoscope to check me!  A big strike.
Janice  says that I have lower vitamin D levels than she has ever seen in her practice.

 She wants me to take fish oil supplements, I'm not sure what test would have shown up abnormal for her to order that?
quality of life seems worse because of the fact that everything in my life has remained the sameand even here in Az.nearly/all systems are still broken, just like in Indiana and Md.  (definitely a national thing)

 When I was required to call the Food Stamp office and everything went wrong with the phone call I felt like I was completely losing my mind. When you deal with the same sort of dysfunction year in and year out (definitely more of an issue for the poor then the rich I would imagine)

 Poor health and extreme poverty.

 ( I've let go of all of my dreams.  There is no more hope.  Nearly every morning for 22 years I wake up with this deep deep dread and disappointment that I am still alive.

 For example I've always wanted to live in a house own a house.

I mean the only thing that has changed in the last 2 years is that I actually have a safe environment for the first time since 1993! Simply feeling safe ,as important as it is, it is not enough for me to deem this an adequate quality of life!

I don't know a single human being who could last one week with all of my circumstances in fact most of the people that I know wouldn't even last 24 hours in a situation like mine.  (nearly every day I hear someone on reality t.v. or on the true crime channel say that :

"If it weren't for the love and support of my family I'd have no desire to live"

Untold stories of the ER

I didn't know that long term malnourishment can lead to death but I just learned it on untold stories of the ER

That being said it really is remarkable that I'm alive. I don't know anyone else in this country who has lived through the severe malnurishment that I have lived through. I am no longer considered to be malnourished but for almost two decades I was, and my doctor came right out and said to me: you're starving

Life in February 1996

These two pages of text are indicative of my 365 days a year 24/7 struggle for survival and safe affordable housing

Two decades long struggle for survival

Melbourne, aus tram

Even in Melbourne public transportation is a very hard life but public transit and waiting on public transit is extremely safe the polar opposite of my experiences in Baltimore

Strange and inappropriate gifts

This was a Christmas present from a landlord who doesn't even know me it will go into the trash just like the children's itchy gloves did

How on earth do you make a decision to give someone you don't even know a face peel sampler?

For as long as I can remember I have received gifts that indicate that the giver knows little to nothing about me. When I was 11 I asked my parents for a ceramic potters wheel and instead they gave me a television set because they wanted me out of their lives and out of their hair and a TV set means they don't have to pay any attention to me

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Movie the diner Turner Classic Movies

I've never actually seen the movie the diner. But research that I did on my biological family on my father's side I found out that one of the many lives that this movie documents is the life of my  biological  paternal uncle! (Never met ;( )

This being said I have a Saturday night date with Turner Classic Movies on Saturday night  at 10 p.m. Eastern Time

Monday, February 22, 2016

New show blackish

I just saw one of the actors speaking about what this new show is going to be about and how it's going to touch on important issues but how it's going to be mostly a comedy it looks absolutely wonderful and I think it's some ways will be touching on issues that I've been talking about on my blog since day one

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

So do you have anywhere to go

Emts asked the man if he has any where to go or if he has a home and apparently he answered no so  I watched themthem literally scoop Him up off the sidewalk and they're taking him to the hospital

Yet (another side effect of housing that is too expensive forcing people to psychiatric facilities and hospitals just to be sent back out on the street again)

Our common ground, the Baha'i faith

Cornel west despite being your Christian discusses what he likes about the Baha'i faith. This is what I have always loved about the bahá'í faith as well and this is why I attended their firesides sometimes in Maryland also in Indiana .

My bahai friend from Indiana is 30 to 50% responsible for my Arizona move in 2011.

I apologize for the imperfect link but I'm hoping that you will be able to find it anyhow.

  Cornell  discusses how he loves that the Baha'i were able to take on the subject of white supremacy and segregation well b4 the rest of society.

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Real Housewives of Potomac

I figured if I caught a glimpse of the show the stars would be 99 to 100% white because when I was a little girl my memory was of Potomac being white

Much to my surprise I'm taking a glance at the show right now and it appears that everyone on the show is African American

I just went on Google to look at the demographics and they didn't mention anything about even one single person in Potomac being African American

Very bizarre I know in my Maryland high school it was 97% white that was class of 81 by class of 96 who is 97% black 3% white ballpark demographics

Saturday, February 13, 2016

Friday, February 12, 2016

Fake Trump vs fake Sanders

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Where to invade next

movie quote The Great Escape

this movie opened when I was 10 days old but the quote that I just heard that resonates with me is

Tea without milk is soooo uncivilized!


This new channel access TV is so in reaching and so much fun I am particularly enjoying the big interview with Dan Rather it's wonderful to get to know him on a different level and it's wonderful to learn about all the artists that I've been following my whole life!

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Support from Dr Phil

I was watching a rerun of Dr Phil called what's wrong with people portion of the show was about physical altercations between girls also known as girl fights

You may have seen the videos but still showed a video of a teen girl being seriously beaten by three other girls at the light rail station

This led dr. Phil to say something that makes me feel very supported in the things I've been writing for the last 10 years on my blog and in my journals

He pointed out that there were three security guards there that watch the girl get the you-know-what beaten out of her and did not do anything at all it to try to save the girl or help the girl either during or after the meeting. This led dr. Phil to turn to the camera and say the following:

Society is telling us that we should be taking public transportation and that public transportation is safe but this video proves otherwise

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Baltimore homicides break a record

Saturday, February 6, 2016

Life in February 1999

This man opened for rich Wyman

Terry is a fantastic performer also very funny. Check out that gorgeous painting in the background that I couldn't take my eyes off oF

 I had no idea that this was going to be a real concert by a signed artist. wyman has a record contract in Europe and he plays piano like nobody's business .  you can find his work on YouTube. He has worked with Eddie Van Halen and air supply

Friday, February 5, 2016

#dem debate

I'm enjoying learning even more about what Governor O'Malley has been doing and what he did when I lived in Baltimore

It's a tough call for me to choose between Clinton and Sanders . I like the idea of having an atheist president . But  Sanders has such a thick accent  and one of the things I really enjoy about Obama is how well he speaks and how he always  cheers me up no matter what

I love how articulate Hillary is and it's easier for me to focus on the issues when she speaking because  she's not saying  ameriker like Sanders does

I know that some of what I'm talking about seem superficial. I did ask Laura what she thinks because she is a political expert and she said that it won't really matter one way or the other between Sanders and Clinton in terms of how my personal life will be affected

I love the idea of the $15 minimum wage in every state if I could keep a part time job that could really raise my quality of life substantially as compared to $7 an hour and it does look like I'm going to be forced to go back to work part time because I have a car to take care of, because I want to eat more than once a day and because I only got out of Flagstaff for a few hours one time in the whole 5 years I've been here I've been with in a 15 to 20 mile radius every bloody day of my life no change of scenery whatsoever. Working part time at 15 an hour could change all of these things

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Life 20 years ago

Please see my blog post of November 4th 2007. I've lost 23 years to extreme poverty and I do consider them to be lost years, lost decades

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

The levian collection

Monday, February 1, 2016

I made numerous attempts to enter grad school

I made numerous attempts to enter grad school but for a variety of reasons it just didn't happen for me. One of those reasons was chronic homelessness chronic hunger chronic illness and when I looked into the MSW program in Baltimore I realized I would have to deal with the violin lessons every day and I would have to travel into a very dangerous part of Baltimore with a sketchy campus so I decided against that here is one of the email that I sent to a social work program in Nevada I believe it was.

I would go over to Johns Hopkins University and study the Blue Book and then I would apply at all the grad programs around the United States that were in cities or towns that I was interested in living in


I know this sounds absolutely insane and impossible to relate to but they've been wanting me to get this testing for the last 13 years and they insist that you find someone to take you then take you home and then stay with you.

Well I couldn't think of anybody that I would feel comfortable asking that of as a result the GI doctor refuses to treat me and how can I blame them

But in the last couple of weeks I do have symptoms of colon cancer so it's become imminent that I figure out a way how to get the transportation to the endoscopy colonoscopy. I've got a handful of ideas and I think that I can pull off this transportation thing. I'm definitely scared enough to make this happen as quickly as possible

February 2004 homeless in Indiana