Monday, March 31, 2014

"getting there" 1/6/03"

Author's note: my car has been broken down for weeks and my nanny job depends on it.  Although my bosses are millionaires they are only paying me $9 and hour and have no idea that I'm at risk of another episode of homelessness.


What a nightmare.  I'm still without the car and the auto shop hasn't even come up with a diagnosis yet.  Carlessness is akin to homelessness.  The entire last 4 days has been almost solely about getting around town.  I'm at Barnes and Noble right now.  "We" (the house i'm renting an apt. in) have had no indoor plumbing for 4 days.  I have not been able to bathe, do dishes oe even flush the toilet.

Toyda I'm busting my ass trying to figure out how to get to work.  I called a cab at noon.  (It's very cold and ice and snow cover the sidewalks)  The cab. company asked me for my phone #, but I don't have it memorized yet so I cdan't give it to them.

They said: "What corner will you be waiting on?"

I said "Well, i'm at rusk and manhattan but i'd like you to pick me up at my home"

"We can't do that if you don't give us a phone #"

I walk 2 blocks through ice and snow.  A guy asks me "How you doon?"

I told him I've bee asked to wait at the corner for the cab company.

"But you don't know how long you'll have to wait" he said.

I thought: "Oh fuck this.  I'm hitching with the next person who looks safe.  An old guy is driving by.  If offer to pay him to take me to the light rail.  He says I'll take you but I can't accept your money!"

I get to the light rail and ask 4 people which light rail stop I'd have to get off at for Thrifty rental car?  But nobody knows.

Each person gave me an incorrect answer.

I got off at the wrong stop and haved to take bus 27 to get to Thrifty.  Eventually got there just to find out that I can't afford a rental car.  So I called for a cab to take me all the way to my nanny job.

Just to have my boss renee* tell me that she doesn't need myservices today because the schools are closed!

she said she'd be willing to drop me at barnes and noble if i'll wait an hour and half.  (I've lost the transit money and a days wages)

I'm at b and na and I'm worrying about whether or not I should take a bus, a cab or try to find another rental car I can afford.  I just overheard that the roads are getting real bad

Should I chance getting into a n accident with a rental car?  Or do I hope tha a cab will get me safely home?  If I have the rental car tomorrow I'll have to use it to pick my boys up from school.

There is no rest for the weary.

Friday, March 28, 2014

Peter, Paul and Mary - Lemon Tree (with lyrics)

Peter Paul and Mary, Where Have All The Flowers Gone

101.Fast.Foods.that.Changed.the.World.HDTV.XviD-AFG Part 1

101 gadgets that changed the world: crackberry

AROUND BALTIMORE: Kiddie spa brewhaha goes viral, 'Ping-Pong Summer' at ...

investigation discovery

please see:

Kathy haley
linda smith

Ice Cold Killers - Hitchhike to Hell

Little Caesars Pizza TV Commercial, 'Deep Dish Combo Mambo'

"Now, that's different" ;)

So today I participated in an event that was a "want to" rather then a "have to" on my daily to do list!

  Only 3x in the past year have I participated in something of interest in my community due to the fact that I do not have acar.

I used to attend, nearly annually, a conference called "Marylander's united for peace and justice"

this was essentially:

"mountain town united for peace and justice" and I was able to get there via 2 busses and 1 hour total commute one way.

due to not having the stamina of  past years I only lasted for 1/2 day.  It was such a pleasant switch to get to be around educated articulate people who aren't fresh out of jail, stoned  out of their damn minds, and unshowered.    Those are the blokes I'm typically around on the bus, walking, and at the library.

If I were sleeping better I would have stayed for the entire conference but my eyes got really heavy and I was unable to concentrate any longer.

It is really encouraging to find out about the plethora of individuals and groups who are working to make mountain town and the world for that matter a better place to live in!

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

TV Spot - Maytag - Get Cookin - What's Inside Matters

Meet Stan Ellsworth (American Ride Promo, BYUtv)

stan is excellent at what he does, really brings history to life!

Dr Sanjay Gupta's "WEED 2" Documentary

Jimmy Fallon Cork Soaker

Deleted Scenes: The New Homeless - Our America with Lisa Ling - Oprah Wi...

Perhaps one of the better shelters.  My experiences with shelters is pretty bad/staff abusive.  Staff and other women stealing your belongings.  Sometimes many religious hoops to jump through.  The shelter I stayed in in 4 and 5/2011 did not permit us to take morning showers , which for a person with fibromyalgia is an absolute need.

"Investigation Discovery channel"

Unfortunately I can't find a way to get to specific episodes.  If you figure out a quick way to do this please let me know.

stalked someones watching / check out the Jessica lenahan story if you can find it


Looking back at 12/28/02

I am renting an apt. in an old house in Mt. Washington.   I do not feel safe here because their large dog threatens to attack and bite me when they aren't at home. I just moved in and it's terrifying because it takes my entire disability check and a portion of my earnings through babysitting.  I have untreated lyme disease. I do indeed end up homeless by 6/03.

12/28/02  Paper moon diner

Paper Moon is becoming my favorite place to eat with an atmosphere that is very conducive to dining alone.  I'm getting really scared.  Now that I'm monitoring my flu-like symptoms I'll bet I run a fever daily.

I have daily sweats, chills and fevers.  What I thought were panic attack symtoms may bave actually been lyme disease.

chronic low ab pain
diffuse musculoskeletal pain (joints and muscles)
chronic ear and throat pain
very weak
crushing headaches that last sometimes more then a week
largely bedridden
coughing up blood

I'm scared.  I may up end up homeless again due to high housing costs.  It appears I'm in fairly healthy environs for the time being.  I drag myself to work (nanny) and just barely get through the day.

Will I make it to age 40?

Will I need a health care aide like Byrdie does (she has lyme disease)

should I move into an intentional community and make sure I'm taken care of?

"The little couple will and zoey first christmas"

Was hoping to re-post the episode by looking for it on you tube, to no avail.  Anywho, what a brilliant idea to put will and zoey in traditional garb from their respective homelands!  Adorable!  I was worried that zoe would always be depressed but thank goodness Jen and Will said that she has turned the corner and is doing very well.

Those two do have the healthiest relationship on the planet!  They were born for each other!

Also it is very crazy and scary that Jen got cancer.  They really are dealing quite well.  Jen mentioned about 7 symptoms that she incurs from the inpatient and outpatient treatments and I have every single one of them due to fibromyalgia and lyme.

"Current housing as compared to the past 20 years"

Despite serious electrical issues for the first 7 months, extreme noise on certain days, and a huge ordeal to get anything fixed (I need new washer/dryer) if I compare my current situation to any of my situations between 2/94 and 4/2013 this is the best one.

This is the only place where  it's homey enough that if I need to stay home and rest or nap I can.  I just tried a different kind of pillow and did not wake up as many times in the night.  (currently I have 30 bucks to last 2 weeks) but next month, I will buy the $60 foam topper for the mattress as even though this mattress would be a good one for a healthy person, my leg muscles hurt a lot and I have to keep changing sides............................

So, I had forgotten that there is an actual name for one of my symptoms  (I googled it last night) chostochondritis.  It is commonly  seen in folks with fibromyalgia and is miserable because it never goes away.

It is severe chronic rib pain and tautness that sometimes makes it impossible to take a deep breath.

I'd say that maybe 3 days a week I'm very weak and don't go out at all due to not having a car.

Watched the latest episode of the little couple last night and jen described the symptoms she has with the inpatient and outpatient cancer treatments.  I have every single solitary one of them.  I will post the episode onto my blog.  No, I don't have cancer.......................................................

Something is coming up soon in my life that is very positive and will raise qol quite a bit.  Even after it happens I won't be able to tell you all what it is because of a handful of men who are reading my blog and who absolutely do not want the best for me.  That is all I can say for now.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

"Health or not"

I was hoping to work part time but I've got severe rib and stomach pain that never leaves, daily severe headaches, and at least one day a month where I'll just vomit all day.

Still haven't seen the g.i. doc due to incompentence on the part of the support staff.  But I got yet another appt. which is in April, and I'm on the call list because I told them that this is urgent.

I'm glad I'm getting near my target weight however 50% of what's getting me there is chronic illness.



Kym Whitley on Adopting Her Son (+playlist)

)If you are able to locate it, check out little Joshua in the recording studio showing off his amazing and precocious talents!

The Gabby Douglas Story (trailer)

)it appears that her big brother was instrumental in her not quitting.  what a wonderful story.

Pepsi's Challenge - Nov. 10th at 9p

)I really enjoyed this because my bio family gained their wealth via their involvement with pepsi.  due to this show I researched that in more detail.

Online Dating Rituals of the American Male - Official Promo

)yes, they are absolutely right.  but it is predominantly the women who mis-represent their appearance I have heard.  Most most prevalent experience with blind dating is getting stood up!

"Looking back at 6/95"

Author's note: The last 20 years have been non-stop working toward a better life.  I no longer believe I'll ever get that.  Here are one of the many contacts I made with intentional community in hopes of finding a healthy life and environment.  The bottom line is that there are no communities who accept people with physical disabilities as most of the work required is very physical.


Dear Twin Oaks Visitor Program,

Hello Everyone!  I'm writing from Lafayette, Indiana, home of Purdue University.  I am nearly 32 years old.  Today was 80 degrees with about 90% humidty which is typical for this time of years.  Lafayette has 2 seasons, winter and summer.  But this year it seems there's been a global flip as it was warm in December and freezing in April.

I am originally from Baltimore, MD.  I lived there from 1963 until 1987.  I am an only child who was adopted.  I made contact with my birthparents in 89 by doing a search. 

In '93 I received a Bachelors degree in social work from Purdue.  I was common law married from 88 to 94 but we broke up while living in Melbourne Australia where he got a job after we graduated from Purdue.  I was forced to return to the U.S. since I was unable to obtain a long term visa in Aus.  I never planned on living in Lafayette again but I've used this last year to try to pick up the pieces and decide where I want to go to next.  I've been unable to get a social work job here as nearly all of them require a car.  As the saying goes: It takes money to make money.

I believe in Twin Oaks for a number of reasons.  One would be that I believe in the ideals that you are working with.  I am a peace activist trying to practice peace on a  local as well as a global level.  I'd like to play an active part in reducing our impace on the earth.  Although I have always lived in apts. in suburban or urban areas, I am truly ready for a change.  I greatly desire to be more in touch with nature, feeling that it is an absolute necessity for my physical as well as mental health.

I went a long time having virtually no access to anything green and just about went mad.  About 3 weeks ago, I happened upon a castle like home sitting on top of an ivy covered hill, surrounded by 3/4 acre of English style gardens.  The owner was outside and allowed me to tour as well as hired me to help him keep it up!  I'll be doing this until the time which I come to Baltimore.

Some things I have been involved with are the following: I've been active in local as well as more global environmental issues: such as the Lafayette Area Peace Coalition, Friends of the Earth, The Wilderness Society and a groupe that is helping to save the East Gippsland Forests from excessive logging in Australia.  I am a member of Coop America.

Hobbies, Special Interests and Talents

I am good with kids and have had a lot of experience nannying and teaching preschool.  I play a bit of piano and sing as well.  I'd be more then happy to do music programs with the children.

I speak some Spanish, but love the language and I'm trying to become more proficient.  I also ejoy teaching English to foreign speakers.

(Authors Note: This letter is another 2 pages long.  I hope you have enjoyed glimpsing an excerpt from my past writings!)

Thursday, March 6, 2014

The Heart is Deceitful (+playlist)

Coffee Calamity - Off Their Rockers Highlight

Pawn Star - Season 7 - Episode 6 - [Full Episode] - Dog Day Afternoon

this show is fun and educational but I think the ribbing between family members definitely goes a bit overboard!

it'sCellblock 6: Female Lockup - Opening Title Sequence

it's fascinating to learn a prisoner's back story.  sometimes it makes me feel bad for the parents who get blamed even if they did a stellar job raising their child.    Another thing I've learned about jail and prison, is that prisoners trick their minds into thinking that their crime "wasn't as heinous as the woman in the next cell" 

chuy prays for a light sentence claiming that she "didn't hurt anybody!"  she feels if someone is only hurt mentally or has ptsd it doesn't count.  she thinks god is going to forgive her and force the judge to give her a light sentence!  but what if the victims of her crime are praying that chuy get a heavy sentence!  to me the way a Christian thinks makes absolutely no sense.

Stealth Stalker

Stanford Women's Gymnastics: Pac-12 Championships

I hated that bloody horse in middle school and could never get over it.  also, never could walk on the beam either!  never could dive or do a cartwheel.

Watch The Little Couple Season 6 Episode 13 Zoey Makes 4

I can't seem to find the season premiere, where they go to india to meet zoey.  Will's loving reception to zoey is awesome, but I am very concerned about Zoey's depression and "pray" that the child start smiling and laughing soon!

Audrey Hepburn Starring in Galaxy Chocolate UK TV Advertisement

"Pain management/i forgot to tell you"

I forgot to tell you that if the pain meds don't work, the doc said that I can get steroidal injections 2x a year a the base of my spine.

She said it's a common procedure and usually helps.  However I would probably scream out and cry knowing me, so I am more inclined to just try the mmj again.  (medical marijuana)

I am still suffering to where I can barely stand or walk especially before 2 p.m.

I bought Dr. Teals Epsom salts , which come in lavender chamomile and mint and are supposed to help relax the muscles.  Smells fantastic and can't hurt.

"Dental update"

I found a place to go for "low income" people.  Although the bill will be about $120, the key thing is that they saw me without asking me to pay up front.

The medical assistant x ray-ed my left side and told me some 10x to relax my tongue!  I don't know how the hell ur supposed to do that, but she said that I should be more cooperative, so I told her to stop yelling at me!

She got the x ray but it was very painful.  The wait was almost 3 hours in a room that had a tv and a radio going at the same time.  I asked them if I could wait downstairs but they said no.  I told them that I'll go out of my mind listening to tv and radio!  I at least found a place to wait for the first 2 hours that was away from all the commotion.

I set most of my belongings on achair in the dental room but someone came in and took everything off saying that she needs the chair.  I asked the dentist where I should put my newspaper and he said: that paper your reading is just trash, so why don't you put it in the trash can!

The x ray showed that I have no cavities, he then did a manual exam.  He came to the conclusion that there may be a small opening near the older fillings and perhaps that is what is causing the pain.  He said we could remove the old fillings and put in new ones but there is no guarantee it will stop the pain.

I said "What's the worse that will happen if I don't take your advice."

"Because I don't have the financial means and I'm really not ready for all that"

He said that due to the fact that there is no decay the only problem is that it will keep hurting on the left side.

I told hiijm I have fibromyalgia and lyme and he said that so does his brother but not a very bad case.  He thought he was being funny and said "the bottom line you know with chronic fatigue syndrome is that he is just lazy!"

I didn't find it humorous and did not smile or say anything.

Anywho I'm just glad the exam is over with.

BTW, one of the questions on the paperwork I was given asked:

How do you feel about your smile?

I wrote