Thursday, September 21, 2017

Mario

Classic arts comes to the inner city, beautiful!

Qotd

"Every day I watched soul train, listened to Stevie Wonder and everything r and b!" Ellen

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Verified

http://azdailysun.com/news/state-and-regional/arizona-has-nd-highest-poverty-rate-in-nation/article_e161ef98-d714-5d50-adff-96428dd3cfba.html

Ah yes, my experiences verified by the statistical data.

Qotd

"Sleep deprivation is the most exquisite form of torture!"

Monday, September 18, 2017

20/20 on I.d.

They were living the champagne life in a 6 pack town! (On the late Paige and her ex husband)

Wow!

https://youtu.be/oGk00UX3BaY

Azpbs

Songs at the Center

Finding common ground, no matter your political label.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

Instant funk on soul train

https://youtu.be/4UZSASkwHlY

Qotn

"Marginalized girls were being hunted."

Ancestry dna

As a result of having received my DNA results I learned:

My biological  great grandfather Harry was vice president of A.T and T at the turn of the century!

Precious

Couldn't stop smiling. Highly recommend this romantic movie!

Serendipity

More relevant then ever

I've gotten progressively sicker with every passing year. It occurs to me it started with my adoptive family chain smoking and me being so allergic.
I'm thinking in my entire life I've only spent about 3.5 years in an apt. that wasn't toxic.
Currently (I've known since day 1 in 4/2013) I'm in a place where even the visible mold is worsening.
Its a living hell as my body is destroyed and moving is not an option...
https://moldymovie.com/screening_watchnow

Friday, September 15, 2017

War

"In war, there are no winners" Vietnam vet

Sweet

https://youtu.be/zRgWvvkSvfk

Cool

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Quote of the day

" if you want to avoid being the victim of a violent crime stay out of bars late at night" Joe Kenda

Crushing

The mold and other toxins I've lived with for nearly 15 years have contributed to how seriously ill
I am.

No, with 750 a month, moving not an option, nor is proper mold removal.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

12 early signs

I have all 12 of the early warning signs of cancer.

You can't judge a book by it's cover!

Top 10

In the last year I experienced thundersnow for the first time.

I've had dozens if not hundreds of "weather firsts" here such as being forced to be outside walking in 60 plus mph wind in June 2011

Seeing snow in June

3 feet of hail in July

And 2016/2017 we broke records for snowfall. Average is 100 (to 200?) I know in 67 we got 200 inches

We had roughly the fourteenth wettest monsoon season this year too

I love weather t.v.

Sunset

Estranged

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/domestic-intelligence/201512/the-persistent-pain-family-estrangement

I never told drs.

Most of my 3 to 4 dozen diagnoses are untreated, I've never told doctors, they don't ever acknowledge how seriously ill I am.

I.e. my throat is violently sore, my entire mouth tongue and throat are on burning fire, pins and needles, chronically since about 2000.

What if your whole body was in excruciating pain all the time? You're too weak to stand.

Who wants a life of running from doc. to doc. especially when you're in poverty? A complete waste.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

9/11

Poignant.

I was nearby in Baltimore. Seemed like everyone I knew, knew someone who perished. My friend Karen had a friend who was on one of the hijacked planes.

https://youtu.be/BFOTneNSy3g

Retro technologies

This is awesome, you gotta hear this

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Ad for new show

"She wasn't sleeping and looked like she was being tortured"

(As I've said, I'm not aware of anybody besides me who can go months without falling asleep. It's literal torture)

Qotd

Ah yes, I sensed that aura of creative vitality about you! Mr. O' Bannon (ghostwriter)

Quote of the day

Let me get a little film on ya!

(Auntie Mames husband wanting to take her photo)

Monday, September 4, 2017

Joni

4:42 is where things get interesting

https://youtu.be/U7TgqBYByUc

Turner classic movies

"You might as well like yourself, you're going to be spending an awful lot of time with yourself!"

Saturday, September 2, 2017

Thanx ancestry

Turns out my paternal grandmother Jean was a Peabody trained pianist!

My adoptive parents forced me to study piano as a child for 5 years. (Not my forte)

But as a teen and twenties I got very interested and CHOSE to take lessons.

Still, my true gift is as a vocalist.

Thanx ancestry

First photo I've ever seen of late biological paternal grandparents and my first cousin who is my age but I don't know her name!

Post monsoon season

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Much compassion

Many parallels between adoptee and murderer Jeffrey landrigans life and my life.

We are same age, he breaks out of prison in 89 (year I met birthmother) to flee to Arizona (I fled to Arizona) to unsuccessfully find his birthmother....

In 90 , we both cut off contact with our adoptive parents.

He and his biological father Darryl Hill who he never got to meet in person or both on death row

Monday, August 28, 2017

At the bus stop

Yesterday, as I approached the bus stop, I was immediately given a flower by a 4 year old girl named jojo.

She said: "Because I want you to be happy!"

So, I taught her and her baby brother (and her 30 y.o. mom!) the song: Where have all the flowers gone!

Ya never know

You never know who you'll meet at Macy's!

Today, I met a homeless atheist who plans to work his way up the socioeconomic ladder by selling BIBLES door to door!

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Ancestral journey

Wow! John's Hopkins (university named after him) was a pallbearer at my great grandfather's (Sylvester King) funeral in Baltimore!

It looks like funeral happened in the same Towson building I worked in! (Church and preschool)

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

S.o.s.

https://youtu.be/VQmWozrcFlU

Musical

https://youtu.be/s0y7lCls0Pc

Trump in phoenix

O.k. I listened live, 12 news coverage for about 17 minutes. I'm naucious so I'm going to watch true crime instead.

5

https://youtu.be/3w8-lXBtJlk

Monday, August 21, 2017

1981 and after

For many years, if I wanted to take a drive (while in Baltimore) I would drive as far northwest as possible on Reisterstown road having no clue my biological family lived on that road.

And, I would drive Falls road having no idea that my biological paternal uncle lived in Falls road!

Coincidence or something more?

Since late 80s or so

For 24 years or so, the weakness is so devastating, that it takes all I have to move a muscle.

I googled it and up popped an article about one if my dozens of diagnoses, endometriosis.

I was relieved that writer of article stated what I've been saying for years...it's as horrific ad advanced cancer. But worse I believe because it's a life sentence.

Quote of the day

"If things start out badly, they're probably going to end badly" Joe Kenda

(Like babies put up for adoption)

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Qotd

"Write the truth and let the music come to you!"

Friday, August 18, 2017

Adoption

Please check out my friend's eye opening blog on adoption. She's a brilliant writer and her name is Lorraine Dusky.

Just Google:

"birthmother,firstmother blog"

A taste

https://youtu.be/OYiaVroKxZw

Phenomenal live performance

https://youtu.be/OM7zRfHG0no

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Qotn

If your butt is big, LET IT OUT! Chacha

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Quote of the day

"Her life is ruined, because she was adopted by an abusive couple!"

(This documentary is extraordinary)

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Adoptee parallels

The more I learn about my biological family the more I am blown away at the parallels. For example in 2011 I made a drawing of me with a sign that said Tucson or bust because I didn't want to stay up here in the cold weather semicolon in the last year and a half or so I discovered that my biological Aunt who I don't even know what she looks like her name is Kitty actually lived and died in Tucson!

I also realize that there's a very strong chance that my half-sister and I were in some of the same classes at Towson University because we both started going there the same year even though she is two years younger than me. We are not in contact but these are just things that I've been able to piece together due to the fact that she is two years younger than me

There are so many more adoptee realizations someone just told me today that my biological father actually grew up in Randallstown which is the same place that I grew up

Tribute

https://youtu.be/RMBb-VvJShY

Monday, August 14, 2017

Thanx ancestry!

I just virtually met Cousin mark, a fourth cousin.

He traced my Cotton family line all the way back to the late sixteenth, early seventeenth century! (England)

Btw, I am 52 percent of u.k. heritage. This includes Ireland. My Irish ancestors settled in Baltimore circa 1800!

I'm an adoptee. I found birthmother at age 26, but we are not  in contact.

I'm 54.

Adopted

There's an extremely strong chance my late adoptive father did regular business with my biological family since my biological family started the mid Atlantic Pepsi bottling franchise and Arnold, my adoptive father owned bars and restaurants in the early 70s.

But Arnold wouldn't have known they were my paternal biological family!

Friday, August 11, 2017

Same sh!&

Decade after decade deal with same battles.

Today my large umbrella kept me from being hit my a car when I was in walkway

And

I had to use my umbrella to block a loose dog that was about to jump on me!

American dog owners ,(very true in Flagstaff) think they're too good to follow leash laws.

INFURIATING

Shocking!

As an adoptee I have  no way of knowing whether or not my biological family even know that I exist. Of course there are a couple who know that I exist but I don't know any details at all I don't know what any of my or I know only what a few of my biological family look like

So to be connected through my DNA results to the very cousin who has known about me for decades and cared a great deal about the fact that my biological father didn't want to have anything to do with me, is remarkable!

It just brings a tear to my eye  to know that not only did someone in my family know that I exist but they cared about what kind of life I would have with no father!

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Never

https://youtu.be/3h0ZewTOqmI

Street life

https://youtu.be/Hsq-AAo45q0

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Newfound family

This is my fraternal biological great grandfather Harry Cann Ross with cousins Colleen and Shirley. My cousins resemble the 1967 pic. of me on my blog I think.

Biological family

This is my fraternal great grandfather and my two cousins Colleen and Shirley

I'm A dancer

Now I know y I'm always dancing!

Thanx ancestry

I wouldn't have bothered doing my DNA test but one of the Facebook groups will pay for your test if your low income I think it's one of the groups for adoptees. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I meet a cousin who is helping me to learn what my family are like and sending me pictures on a regular basis since I got my results about 12 days ago

This is Uncle Willie my great uncle Willie he lost his leg hopping trains, maybe I got my Wild and Free Spirit from him!

Tombstones

https://youtu.be/LmdDMGp8IS8

Al

https://youtu.be/-3c_Sz1A4qg

Curtis

https://youtu.be/HJkjVfOcIxs

Sunday, August 6, 2017

Actor repeats my theory

"No matter how meek a person is, in the right conditions, they can become very violent"

(I said this on my blog years ago)

Quote of the day

I don't know if I could deal with it, if 20 years of my life had been wiped out.

Mary Ride

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Story of my life

http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2017/07/14/535792864/doctor-shortage-in-rural-arizona-sparks-another-crisis-in-forgotten-america

Saturday, July 29, 2017

Investigation discovery

Detective: "these sensitive, artistic types have a fear of failure. Her writings are almost solely about death"

Friday, July 28, 2017

Dna

Got my DNA results. 236 fourth cousin and closer matches.

Of all the crazy (at this point unexplained) surprises; I've been contacted by one of my matches who is a Snyder.

But Snyder is my adoptive parents name. Say what?!

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Qotd

"I'm too depressed to NOT be a comedian!" Erica rhodes

Millions like me

R.I.p. Chester

I like millions of others can REALLY relate to your angst filled lyrics.

https://youtu.be/7Mxg4VkkRRI

Sweet

https://youtu.be/dMMmRlMoO78

Who?

https://youtu.be/X_zDEEQoHOw

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Heatwave

https://youtu.be/0Sem04Mjsw0

One nation

https://youtu.be/3WOZwwRH6XU

Qotd

"We make all of our coffee with a driver's  cup so you can drive as crazy as you want!"

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Quote Of the night

Maggie "where is that music coming from"?

Mitch: "oh that's the hi figh"!

Friday, July 21, 2017

Marvin

This video really resonates with me!

https://youtu.be/57Ykv1D0qEE

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Quote of the day

Travel with an open mind and you'll gain empathy

Qotd

"I have the comedian heart!

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Now

I've met far 2 many folks in Flagstaff who are on parole. Sad.

Wow!

"I was wastin n this living hell"
.

"In povertys despair"

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Quote of the day

After Eliot threatened her with prison:

"No prison is worse then the prison of living in a sick body"

Quote of the day

My severely developmentally disabled neighbor Dawn came to the conclusion today that men want steak!

Saturday, July 8, 2017

Wow

Dig this

Can relate!

Cares

http://www.apartmentlife.org/WhatisCARES/LiveinaCARESCommunity.aspx

Friday, July 7, 2017

Ez

Now that I'm in Flagstaff it's easy and natural to be kind outgoing and friendly. I've truly regained my playful self with the wicked sense of humor.

Its e.z. now that I don't have a virtual  fuckin gun at my head every goddamn minute like I did in Baltimore!

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Booktv

#going to hell in a hen basket!

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Confessions

Eli# (not real name) is profoundly developmentally disabled and was mt next door neighbor for a year.

Today he said he's 38 and a virgin.

Says hes lookin for a sugar mama! Says if he could have just one wish he wants Pamela Anderson!

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Still awake

Awake around the clock.

Quality t.v.

Segregation, the rise of white supremacy and other important topics regarding the portrayal of minorities such as Muslims.

Monday, June 26, 2017

Summertime

https://youtu.be/Kr0tTbTbmVA

Sunday, June 25, 2017

Sooo amazing

https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-o5zfn6MIEcs/WMwgqqWmi4I/AAAAAAADQZY/LJYhYr6YKWUdbnTf1Veuq-t_pjNnS419gCLcB/s1600/Elena%2BPancorbo%2B%252811%2529.jpg

Saturday, June 24, 2017

After words

No safety net for poor Americans.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Refuse

based on what I've read on the internet I'm diagnosing myself with fatal familial insomnia

I am not going for a sleep study because I have heard that they're torturous and I know that having wires hooked all over me will also make it impossible to fall asleep I just taking it upon myself to switch my medications on my own

The walk-in emergency clinic turn me away and the earliest they can see me is in two more weeks and I just feel like I can't stand the idea of being awake for another 2 weeks. I don't know anyone else like me who can stay awake for more than a month at a time other than Michael Jackson sounds like propofol might be a good idea for me but I'll bet doctors are hesitant to prescribe it even though the severe insomnia can kill you

It would be extremely difficult to get to my own doctor because everything in Flagstaff is a long hilly difficult and where Rocky walk from the bus stop to wherever it is that you need to go and I'm simply too weak to truly walk anymore

Monday, June 19, 2017

Xtremely severe insomnia

in the last 4 weeks I've slept 8 hours in a block of two different nights other than that I don't fall asleep until after 6 a.m. and even then I don't fall asleep I mean if I'm lucky I'll sleep 3 minutes wake up be awake for 2 hours sleep another 3 minutes wake up this is just something that's been going on for my whole life and I'm barely standing

Cares

Cares events were designed so that apt. Residents will stay longer .......

They dont work in that regard; most folks stay 3 ti 10 months.

1200 fir a one bedroom apt. in a town where ur lucky to earn 400 a week before taxes!

Impenetrable barrier

Ive been in Flagstaff for 6.years. since roughly 2000 ive had virtually no exposure to relationships with well to do Americans.

When folks in poverty have no exposure to or ability to befriend folks who r succeeding in life their chances of bettering their lives are pretty much nil.

Welcome to my living hell.

I can dig it!

Turns out, this entire 4 years ive had all the mc cable channels but didnt know it!

Sunday, June 18, 2017

For my dear friend Melissa in Westminster

https://youtu.be/bwQWjC6g-E0

Absolutely beautiful

Gay friendly choirs with beatboxing! Just absolutely beautiful

Hmckc.org

Saturday, June 17, 2017

Adoption

Adoption trauma book recommends in labels

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Crackdown

http://articles.latimes.com/2013/jul/27/nation/la-na-ff-arizona-homeless-20130719

Monday, June 12, 2017

Soul train

https://youtu.be/6FKA-Y_g-2I

Pardon my French

Initially, I was curious if Arizona single men would b different from single men in Indiana and Baltimore, md.

But, I'd like to reiterate that nearly every single guy I've met is "bat shit crazy!"

(Coming from ME, the American woman whose had a worse life then anybody I've met and/or am aware of through books and reality t.v.!)

Friday, June 9, 2017

T.c.m.

When I watch non fiction movies or t.v. shows I read articles about the person during commercials.

That being said: the larry hart movie was so beautiful, poignant and at the end very sad.

Living as a gay man in the 20s and 30s closeted, alcoholic and self conscious about his short stature was a very hard life.

The only satisfaction he got was writing music and performing. What a remarkable lifetime contribution! And a long list of musical stars in the movie.

Please check it out: "words and music"

Why bother to shake

it's barely worth introducing yourself or shaking hands! the minute people move here they're making plans to move away!

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Old and new

Unofficial member of Final Exit Network and exit International

Here is the link to my other blog: shannon45.wordpress.org (or com?)

Heartwarming

I was in first grade during the premiere, just mildly "too old" for the show!

https://youtu.be/4Dc_91eUUSY

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

that's why I watch True Crime shows

In the repetitive violent crimes that I was a victim of in Baltimore City Carroll County Maryland and Flagstaff Arizona the perpetrator used white paint to destroy my belongings my furniture and my clothing

I just learned by watching this particular True Crime show that white paint in the Vietnam culture is equivalent to death! This made my mouth hang open when I heard it

The stalker and perpetrators of the crimes against me never served a day in jail or prison I have reason to believe to this day that I am still being stalked because of the very frequent vandalism to my automobile where I'm currently living

I was recently forced to sell the car

Monday, May 29, 2017

M.j.

"Maybe Neverland is a normal life"

Thursday, May 25, 2017

No surprise

Being on the streets completely destroyed my body. I went fro working out regularly, dancing and walking up to 10 miles in a day,

to being wracked with bodywide excruciating pain 22/7 only occasionally able to stand up for more than a couple of minutes.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Qotd

"It's about quality of life" Murray

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Qotd

"Just my luck! I dont talk to anyone on a subway for 35 years, and you're the woman playing the best man at a LESBIAN WEDDING!" Stranger to Elaine on the train

Earth

https://youtu.be/Gs069dndIYk

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Qotn

" the way Steven fed me my gluten-free and dairy-free cake was so sweet!" Megan

Omg!

https://youtu.be/TU0jp7303zA

Qotd

"I have a half sister but she doesn't know me and doesn't want to." Patient

Dr. To same patient: "don't give up now, you re brilliant and beautiful and you can meet your brand new family and start all over!"

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Return

This episode focuses on the sad reality of being an adoptee in the Amish community. Mostly Jeremiah

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Sense of humor

Quality of life is still unacceptable and deplorable. (Yes , I'll never lose my sense of humor, don't let it fool you)

Primarily bedridden, seriously ill. Still a starvation wage, looks like I'll have to sell car, cant afford repairs.

I'm no idiot, even if I do introduce myself to the dozen-and-a-half relatives whose address is I now have I do not expect my life to ever  improve enough for me to be able to tolerate.

I'm sicker with every passing year and don't plan to pursue any more medical care. It's a waste of my damn time!

Qotd

"The testosterone is spewing over!" Vanessa

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Documentary

"Having responsibility for another life has made me feel alive again" prisoner

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Over the top

Iyanla is an extraordinary clinician!

"Stay at peace, don't be in pieces" iyanla

I thank him

A reason why I'm a very confident woman is because my Maryland psychotherapist in about 2003 called me "a highly skilled, extraordinary clinician."

It means soooo much!

Quote of the day

"Whose ready to ride the yellow banana?!" Chief Sandy

Friday, May 5, 2017

Lwla

"Nothing about me is cheap" little women

(I just spent 18$ on two greeting cards for aunt and cousin who dont know me)

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Recommend

I highly recommend this book explaining how government influenced housing segregation after the depression. Author is Richard Rothstein.

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Quote of the night

"Coffee isn't coffee, coffee is sex!" George

Monday, May 1, 2017

Quote of the day

"Its the bestest fact in the whole wide world! Maryland has the longest escalator in the entire western hemisphere!"

(This kid's gonna give some girl a fascinating first date someday!)

Friday, April 28, 2017

Big inspiration

Congratulations, you've come sooo far Ellen Degeneres! We love you sooo much!

"Stay true to yourself and you will be richly rewarded!" Ellen

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Welcome

"We welcome you with furry arms!"


(The external view of the hotel convinces me it must be in Baltimore, Charles Village neighborhood!)

Quote of the day

"The worst kind of time you can do in jail, is colored time" Virgil Tibbs (Sidney Poitier)

(Poitier is a stellar human being in my book)

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Quote of the night

"The more money you make, the more you sing the blues"

az. ticket

Got ticketed. Didn't have the 50$ to renew my tags last November.

My ticket is 388$!  every 90 days that I don't pay it off I will be find an extra $40 when I take into account the find that I'll get every 90 days it will take me 3 years to pay off this ticket at $15 a month!

There's no more debtors prison or hanging thank goodness, that's my only saving grace

Elena

"Allow me to introduce myself, I'm crown princess, Elena of Avalor!"

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Quote of the night

"Everyone has a dark side, we all have the capacity for violence"

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Friday, April 21, 2017

Turner classic movies

What a great, beautiful romance!

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Quote of the day

"Jesus REALLY screwed up my sex life" potential married guy

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Self guided bible studies

Page 2, table of contents from my self created bible study program in 1983.

(Atheist since 1986)

1983

The woman I was for 5_6 years. Page one table of contents from my homemade journal, Christian studies.

Since 1986, im a hardcore atheist (that will never change.)

1983

One page from my 1983 journal; the woman I was at 19/20.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Beyond

"I know homelessness and I know hunger." Native American woman

"Never give up, let your voice speak out!" Alice Brownotter

Quote of the day

"So her photography was also about social commentary?!"

"Yes absolutely" (adoptee linda bannister)

Quote of the night

"Even very small amounts of Mark go a very long way!" (Reference to Mark's inability to cope, now that he lives alone)

Monday, April 17, 2017

Axstv

"They treat me like a bastard at a family reunion" Doralee (dolly parton)

Oh happy day?

With help from my support group, I just found my biological maternal aunt and a cousin.

Theres no guarantee they will reply, but if they reply affirmatively then: "OH HAPPY DAY!"

the big lesson ive learned in life is: Don't get your hopes up.  I'll let you know if they get back to me!

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Fellow member

Adam was a fb friend who I communicated with regularly and was internationally famous for his euthanasia activism.

He was seriously ill like I am. His friends, virtual and face to face have been holding their collective breath knowing that any day now Adam will take his life.

R.I.p. adam maier clayton

Friday, April 14, 2017

A fascinating journey/who am i

I'm stunned to learn that I have such deep Midwest ern roots.
My biological maternal grandfather and his siblings were raised in Peoria and his ancestors have been in Illinois a long time!
Marion Duchane (never seen any photos of him though)

New glasses ready again

Broken

So, the glasses are "ready"

And

THE PRESCRIPTION IS STILL WRONG!

Why avoid downtown

Avoid downtown if you're not a tourist! They're too damn happy! Overheard today:

A. "Now this is the high life!

then 2 women walked past me singing: "always on the sunny side of life"

BLECH

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Azpbs

"I was a child, I didnt know we were homeless. If we stayed in a motel with a t.v. it was a real treat! That's when I fell in love with NOVA"

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Quote of the day

"I like big butts I can not lie, I'd like to get witcha!"

Monday, April 10, 2017

Grammar

You know you're the grammar police when you find yourself editing the message inside your fortune cookie!

Shocking

I Meet so many wonderful people from around the world on fb.

Many, many have no face to face friends! Soo unfair! Hundreds of thousands (millions?) of good kind people with no friends!

What have our societies come to?

Episode one

https://youtu.be/zmIvu1yg3bU

Breathe

http://www.environmentmaryland.org/news/mde/baltimore%E2%80%99s-health-risk-143-dirty-air-days-2015

Great talk

That was a fascinating panel discussion I'm sure it's going to be a great book

Adoptee realizations

my biological paternal family and My adoptive father we're all in the same business and we certainly worked together and did business together without realizing that I am the tie between them I was the common denominator!

Baltimore city bars, restaurants and bottling companies!

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Saddest

The saddest part is that most are sleeping "under the stars" with no tent or shelter.

(Its my lifes mission to reduce the burden any way I can)

The end

Is there really a god?

Man acquires diary of ex lover

Ww2 (based on true story)

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Doesn't matter

In these United States (as alluded to by Obama) it doesnt matter how kind or ethical you are, it doesn't matter that your life is about giving back and giving of yourself.

You only matter if you were lucky enough to be born into a wealthy family. You only matter because you are rich.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Great man

I really like the way Roger Waters thinks!

Monday, April 3, 2017

Writer's challenge

The six word challenge has been around for a number of years. Basically they pick the topic and you have to you six words to describe the topic work to answer the question

So if they were to ask for you to describe your life so far using only six words you would reply:

"Nothing short of a living hell."

Omg

I'll have to get to the library to get a better look what I just found my tree I mean this is the first time I've ever been able to actually see my tree that is the tree of lieutenant John King the Revolutionary War, as a result I am able to view over a hundred of my relatives! so I just introduced myself on Geni!

Sunday, April 2, 2017

British long lost family

I always ball from beginning to end on this show.  For sadness then joy when they are reconciled.

Congratulations Sharon, Adrian and mum Ann. Im very happy for you!

https://youtu.be/PV7mBoIfZPE

Old school

https://youtu.be/ar7sKNb4UUE

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Damn!

This 50th Anniversary Country Music Awards is absolutely extraordinary I didn't even realize I know nearly every country song between 1950 and 2005

Friday, March 31, 2017

Hes sweet

Congratulations king roscoe, you are a kind soul!

Two times in one month

This is the second time in one month where my psychic thing read me to Google particular person that I haven't thought about sometimes in decades just to find out they just died!

I thought about a game we played at kurts house once in 71 or 72, googled and he just died too!

R.I.p. Kurt Kesselman

Soo many things

Its a living hell. My skull is being crushed. My mouth teeth eyes are killing me. Someone is slamming the back of my skull with a sledge hammer....

Medications aren't helping , I have no neurologist. I've been living with this since my early twenties.

I surmise the lyme disease isn't helping. This is just a fraction of the suffering.

Favorite lines

The landlord said this to the tenant after the tenants boyfriend murdered her 2 preschool children:

" you are young and you have far too much life force in you to give up !

get out of bed and go help other mothers who have lost their children otherwise you're going to be living to die!"

(Paraphrase)

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Quote of the day

I live in Harlem, my universe is 6 blocks"

(This movie is/was my 14 years in Baltimore city)

Extraordinary cast! Whoopi, phylicia rashad, janet jackson and lots more.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Just found online

I just found a picture of my biological paternal great-grandmother; Mollie, online so I'm really pleased and excited!

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Quote of the night

"I feel incomplete because I've never met my dad"

"Hopes and dreams, they let you down."

broken broken broken

So it's been about a four to six months weight with broken glasses and absolutely everything that can go wrong did go wrong I had to choose between three different frame types because my insurance would only cover the absolute cheapest of frames I trusted the retailer when she told me that I looked particularly good in this one type of frames but:

the glasses arrived to the retailer at the mall being manufactured with the wrong prescription I am furious!

(tried them on, frame type looks awful)

Another 2 to 4 week wait AND retailer told me not to order my glasses from Zenni or any other online manufacturer because they will just get the prescription wrong! well isn't this ironic.

I can try lions club again ( either for flattering frames or for a pair of glasses that I can read with but even this will be another maybe 5 week wait!)

Quote of the day

"She's between husbands right now!"

Sunday, March 26, 2017

Quote of the night

" so tell me what will you write in your Journal tonight?"

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Virginia Book Festival

"Journals should b private" tom

Response "until you die!" Panel member

Friday, March 24, 2017

Handsome and deadly

Takeaway from these crime show; lookout! There are thousands of handsome, charismatic and well dressed men out there who will kill you and love it!

All 3 suspects in Heathers case fit the above description.

NEVER have initial dates in your home or the mans home.

Public place! (I choose daylight hours as an added precaution)

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Confirmed

Sadly confirmed.  Adam abba tessman committed suicide.

As did his mother.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Similar

www.onekindactamonth.com

This is similar to the volunteer job I created for myself in about 2005

I donate food
Counsel

Casework

Give rides

About this video, I love how the kids draw beautiful artwork on lunch bags)

http://ellentube.com/videos/0-12vwyloh/

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Light posts, filler posts

Any period between 2007 and 2014 where I either didn't post at all, or posted music videos and the like was for a very sad reason

Ive been stalked since 2005. Between 05 and 13 (in particular) I feared for my life around the clock.

I was shot at, poisoned, followed, daily break ins, looting.

To my knowledge the perpetrators were never charged.

While Im still being targeted and dealing with repeat auto vandalism; as of 2015 I feel very safe mostly.

Through the years the violence escalated and cops had no particular interest in helping.

I knew Id b murdered, made a few attempts on my life with the knowledge that it's much better to take your own life then to be murdered.

Nowadays a post on pop culture doesn't mean im afraid to write the truth; conversely , I can honestly say that the details of this living hell I probably will not release in their entirety until after my passing

I've been looking for collaborators for quite a long time this is not something I can do on my own which is why my autobiography never got published.

Have you ever tried to write a book while you were on the run or in immense Danger ?I can only think of a couple of authors who have.

Monday, March 20, 2017

Quote of the night

" a woman's heart is an ocean of secrets" Rose

Highest jump ever

This is exciting news! "Fbi investigating trump team"

Other's perceptions

Got 3 friend requests from girls I knew in elementary and junior high.

They said some variation of:

You were so much fun

You were so happy

You were always smiling

(This is stunning, shocking, but Ill take it.!)

Long lost family

Last nights episode took place in flagstaff. Cried from beginning to end.

Congratulations to you and your new family, Mark!  "Brendan Lee Hill"

Sunday, March 19, 2017

WOW!

I just think this is so exciting I had to put it in here before I'm even done watching the show Jennifer Gray's grandfather came over on the same ship that my great-grandfather came over on however her grandfather came over three years earlier than my great-grandfather did and they both arrived in New York!

Ship PRETORIA

Encouraged

some things have happened in the last couple of days that have reminded me that I am still capable of very deep joy.

The upcoming days will tell me whether or not I can hang on to feeling so encouraged.

I have nearly everything going against me.

I will say Trump doesn't scare me as much anymore.  The millions of left wing (and rt. wing!) Trump protesters make me feel empowered.

Im still an activist, I sign many petitions each month, sent to me by:

www.change.org

www.moveon.org

www.ourrevolution.org

(Some of the links might be dot com)

Twice removed

After reading the list of notable living Baltimoreans, looks like one of the names is very close relative.

That close relative had a very close relationship with Anne Franks family.

That being said, Ive wondered if any of my ancestors died in Holocaust...

History class bored me to death in school. But now that I know so much about my ancestors, I feel fascinated, truly connected to America n and European history.

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Scary

I regularly get messages from Gmail or Yahoo telling me that people are trying to hack into my accounts it's very scary and this time it's particularly freaky because the person who tried to break into my account is in the country of Iran!

I don't use that account anymore so I cant change passcode, dont remember.

Tell me about your experiences being hacked, stalked andor cyberstalked?

Huge reasons I can't move

Ive wanted (needed?) To live in san Diego since 94.

But where can I go with a 750 month check.?

4/5 of subsidized programs that I was living in I experienced nearly daily felonies, violent crime.

I mean just to give you an example of what's going on in this country all I had to do yesterday was Google San Diego subsidized and Section 8 housing violent crime and a whole bunch of Articles popped up

I feel desperate to live in a mild climate year-round that would also allow me to control my weight because I'd be able to walk year round outside.

The logical thing to do would be to go to San Diego for vacation to explore it first but obviously there's no money to take trips or vacations to preview places to live period

So while I'm grateful in many ways it doesn't feel like a home where I'm at because I had to live in the apartment and the address was selected for me there is a slim chance that I could become a homeowner through various programs for low-income people but given hell absolutely grueling everything is and he'll absolutely grueling poverty is it's probably not even worth it to try to become a homeowner comma along move to an apartment in a warmer climate

To get into subsidized housing was a 11 and a half your weight. Yes I am redundant in my post but many of my current readers most of my current readers have not ever seen my older posts, so I don't feel bad about being redundant!

What has your experience been in regards to waiting for or living in subsidized housing in the United States or in other countries for that matter?

Soo rare

Its so rare to receive exemplary customer service in any industry...

So, when I do receive it I make sure to praise them.  Often ill compliment them on their businesses fb page.

And, if its restaurant, taxi etc. I also give a generous tip WITH big compliment.

Heres an amazing story that happened to me around Christmas;

I called the Medicaid number to give them my new mailing address. The man replied: "I see here you have $60 in unused benefits. I'll tell you what items are in the catalog so you can place an order!

(Things like heating pads, or otc medications!)

I told him thats an amazing surprise Christmas present!

If you also love Prince

If you love Prince as much as I do you have absolutely got to see this true verdicts on what really happened regarding his death.

"I want my music to speak loudest for me."

Friday, March 17, 2017

Fx

"Me and her? Were the fuckin heat!"

Hilarious movie. Great for female empowerment! Music very cool, danceable.

Tcm

Never seen Petula Clark in film. This is a precious, beautiful, whimsical film. The singing and dancing are amazing. You wont b able to stop smiling!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Passed

Terrifying to think of failing, but after just two required medical appointments I passed my review, shwew!

Review

Awesome the way "Lem" practices peace in every situation.

Extreme stress of poverty

I made 5 or so trips to optical store for minor fixes, but 10 weeks ago earpiece broke off, then they bent.

8 weeks ago applied at lions club, never heard back.

Despite my having heard from insurance agent which places my insurance is contracted with (for eyeglass purchase) when I drove there yesterday she said, the agent was wrong.

She was kind enough to advocate for me to get another appointment at Lions Club

I made my roughly trip 7 to Nationwide Vision insurance and glasses place yesterday( by accident) I thought I had been told I could go there to get glasses but when I arrive the optician said no your access/medicaid does not cover glasses, only covers children.

And she took my card and said oh you have Access Health Choice! She said go ahead and start choosing which glasses you like so I did that and she said well your insurance notgoing to pay for any of those and your prescription is high that means that you're going to have to buy very very cheap frames. I picked up two pairs of cheap frames and she tried to put the order in the computer and it was rejected due to the fact that the cheap frames will not hold the heavy material necessary for my prescription.!

She charged me and this really surprise me she charged me $27 basically she is required to have me pay the co-pay immediately and then she sent an order hoping and praying that it will work but she doesn't know if it will or not and said she might end up having to refund my $27!! Stress!

Lot of run around and a lot of  being told falsehoods.  As I've been telling you for years everything is broken and nothing gets done right especially for the poor!

I have lots of panic attacks, dont sleep more then an hour a night.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Remembering

This is what my childhood was like, but worse, much worse.

Loved

I loved every child I ever cared for as if they were my own flesh and blood!

Tcm

Precious. Hilarious!

In my dna

No question in my mind! Had I not been "given up" for adoption, I would have ended up in the performing arts.  Most likely singing and or dancing.

When Laurie met me in 84, she said: "YOU BELONG ON BROADWAY!"

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Monday, March 13, 2017

Quote of the night

Mother to child: "You got a family for Christmas!"

Neighbors of south side Chicago adopt boy

Autobiographical film

"Lack of work destroys people"

"Ive been lucky, I know an awful lot about love!"

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Adopted

Congratulations to Tinneke and Tammy!

Book recommend

"We need a path to become legal, there are 11 million undocumented persons who are already here in the states!"

(paraphrase)

Ive always known

I've always known that Hollywood will want my story because it is so absolutely outrageous and rare period I told you an awful lot but there's also an awful lot I haven't told you , in regards to the details.

Hollywood taking my story seems even more realistic, in that one of my relatives has already had a movie made about his life, and one of my biological relatives is a Hollywood director.

(But has never met me)

Confirmation

I have confirmed that the movie Diner was a recreation the life of at least one of my biological uncles who I never got to meet

My recommendation

I recommend the book by Peter Hayes

"Why? Explaining the Holocaust

Please check out the interview with Hayes at Tucson festival of books (today)

Quote of the day

"Every blogger is a journalist"

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Can't stop laughing

Watching Carlin do his skit on the words you can't say on television! Hilarious, never gets old!

Quote of the night

"You can only go so long in survival mode before everything breaks down"

Employee of Massage Heights

Memory foam

Memory foam  cut my pain by more then 60 percent last night.

One night sleeping on it, took me from being unable to move my rt. Arm (due to excruciating pain and bursitis) to being completely pain free today!!!

Wkipedia

Check out what Wikipedia has to say about the connection between Flagstaff and the organization called food not bombs!

When nannying 2002

One of the many fun days I had with will and james, 4 and 3 was teaching them about peace, diversity and how to make a peace sign with your fingers!

We drove the "parade" route on Charles st. on 9/11/02. "Remember the victims"

Thursday, March 9, 2017

First image of paternal great grandfather

Holy Bleep! Thank you, NPR!?

Was seeking images of my biological great grandfather, just to find out the story NPR did on Jews and beer has a photo of my ggf with his family!

I cant tell whose who, but Im sure the Jewish museum of Maryland would know.

;)

Just a dream

Oh what I wouldn't give to have rhe show pay for me to go on a European journey to make my ancestral quest come alive!

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Kiss me im Irish!

With every passing week Im learning more about my roots, who I am.

Thanks, in part to the girls in my genealogy group!

I just found out my 4x ggf (or gggf) was born in Ireland in the 1800s and immigrated to Baltimore in the 1800s. as well!

This March 17, I'll don a "kiss me" shirt (green!) and it will have a much deeper meaning!

Monday, March 6, 2017

Incredulous

I had no idea that John Wilkes Booth was born in Maryland his brother Edwin sure did go through a lot First losing his father then his wife then finding out that his brother committed murder and then his brother dying, all within a few years wow.

R.I.p.

Saturday, March 4, 2017

Liar

my birth mother must be a compulsive liar it turns out that she did not spend the first few years of her life in New Mexico as she claimed in fact she was born in Owings Mills Maryland basically right up the road from where I was raised by My adoptive parents as a baby she lives on Reisterstown Road also just three to five miles away from where I was raised Newman

My adoptive mother was also a liar claiming that my birth parents lived in Virginia

I now have names of my maternal great-grandparents their names were Sylvester King and Minerva Nelson

Start to finish

This is the first time I ever got to see the 2008 film from start to finish if I had known that they were making a dance movie just one mile from my apartment I would have gone and watched it being filmed.

Extremely cool!

Severe insomnia

While I'm certain I could benefit from a sleep study when I heard how horrible it is to be hooked up from head to toe

I know that I would never fall asleep at a study.

Unfortunately, I'm awake nearly all night every night with what I just googled gain,sleep paralysis forums.

sleep hallucinations hypnagogic and I can't remember the other one.

Im also sure I have ptsd nightmares.

Im a lucid vivid dreamer, likely as result of microsleeps.

Its a real sad situation. It would be too awkward to describe the details of the nightmares/hypnogogia but I can tell you, im always the victim of violent crimes.

No wonder I cant stay awake during the day.  Additionally, my friend with lyme is sure my adrenal glands are shot.

Ancestry

Friday, March 3, 2017

Happy birthday

Well I just reached my 10-year anniversary blogging.

Happy birthday to my blog happy birthday to my blog happy birthday to my blog happy birthday to my blog

Quote of the night

" nobody had ever asked me in my life what it felt like to be me but once I have an opportunity to share that I felt true peace my son said that one day there would be a writer in the family and that it would be me!" (Paraphrase)

(Unfortunately I only got to see the last 1/2 of this poignant movie tonight on tbs with commercials. I could strongly relate to the servants life experiences on many manyy levels. Because, I haven't exactly had the typical experiences of an average white woman, as you know)

On the health front

I know that the doctors don't even remotely grasp what life is like for me .

I mean my right arm is essentially useless because of shoulder bursitis.

  my right foot near the toes the pain is so severe that I never know when I'll be able to walk. Even an up down motion of foot is unbearable.

There are also serious female issues, some too embarrassing to mention. Glad to be in menopause. Would bleed 2 weeks plus.

Even leaning over to brush teeth excruciating on spine.

If I sit for more then 10 minutes both limbs and feet fall asleep.

Big time vision disturbances with floaters. Slowly losing hearing.

Too embarrassed to go into depth about I.b.s. but some symptoms serious.

Frequent migraines and frequent nausea.

The pain is bodywide. I can't truly sleep. and arthritis and all of the joints has become quite severe anywhere from the neck all the way down to the tailbone

I never did come up with $75 to renew the medical marijuana card unfortunately and oxycontin really doesn't do anything at all to make life better

There's no question that I have Crohn's or colitis or something like that but calling it IBS is a big problem and I would truly say that the pain is excruciating and unbearable that's why the best part of my life is when I'm sleeping I'm just speaking in the my recorder with the situation so please bear with me. More than week I was limping I had to go to urgent care and they told me that because I had to go off gabapentin is why I can't walk without limping.

I thought I might have cancer because of lump on spine but it turned out to b just a cyst.

Couple this with abject poverty and its nothing short of living hell.

Most of the girls in my lyme group are lyme literate and can pinpoint exactly which aspects of lyme disease are causing my problems.

Again since I cant type easily on a smartphone, this piece will have some repetition and hasn't been corrected.

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Sweet!

Funny, sweet, stellar, precious!

When bio. parents out of picture

It only took me 28 years to confirm!

My biological maternal grandmother who I only met once, was named

Jessie Minerva King Duchane!

Thanx ABC

This is amazing. Crying alternating tears of joy and sadness. Haven't missed a night.

In my opinion

Extraordinary programming. One of the best things on cable television!

First time in history

This is the first time ever I've seen Primetime Justice with Ashleigh Banfield and I can pretty much bet my bottom dollar that you will never again in history seen a Baltimore story and a Flagstaff story in one news program ever again!

To Flagstaff cop that punched a female citizen did indeed quit the team. While I can't say how effective Flagstaff cops are I can say that they are the kindest and most polite I have ever met.

A flag bus was hijacked last night, no citizens harmed physically, but likely traumatized for life.

Accused

7 Baltimore cops were accused of robbing citizens.

It is surprising, conversely, Baltimore and Carroll County Maryland cops are the worst I've experienced in my lifetime!

Quote of the day

What is your trade?

"My trade, is to fight against fascism"

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Livin

https://youtu.be/99gNYaz6YaM

Monday, February 27, 2017

Love new commercial

"My face is a mosaic of all the ancestors who came before me"

Sunday, February 26, 2017

Progress

I'm making wonderful progress in my genealogy research on my family but I will see pictures and hear stories. This is a tough thing to do when neither your biological mother or your father want to do anything to help you.

My paternal great g/f travelled from Belgium to n.y., arrival 1910, age 20,occupation was sailor.

All choked up

After words

Book tv

Critically Important

San Francisco

#protect our care

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Quote of the night

"Im destined to b this cold shell of a human" (inmate who murdered his wife)

Friday, February 24, 2017

How it really happened

" she was in chronic emotional pain and no one helped her"

"She could turn ANY gay man straight in one minute!"

" she knew The Art of Seduction"

in the past year

Been googling kids I nannied and/or taught between 1979 and 2002.

Blown away at what some of them have become!

That being said a special congratulations to Courtney Fontaine the first child I officially nannied!

Shes been acting, writing professionally for 10 plus years now!

T.c.m.

Can't stop smiling! Precious, endearing, beautiful. Best dancing ever!

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Project Runway Junior

"This is for all the weirdos out there: You're not supposed to fit in!"

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Nightmare on Elm Street

I've got to say what they showed in this movie Nightmare on Elm Street probably isn't much worse than what I went through when I lived on Elm Street with Peter in 2001 in Baltimore

Anyhow the reason I'm making this post is because encourage you to Google images of actress Kim Myers age 20 and actress Meryl Streep at about age 20 I'm blown away at how much they look alike!

Burden

I'd say one of the greatest burdens to face in life is the burden of being stalked and knowing law enforcement will never find the guy (even though I have nearly solved the case)

Friday, February 10, 2017

Ill get this feeling

I will have an inkling to Google someone someone who strongly on my mind at a particular moment, I'll Google them just to find out that they died a few days ago or something of that sort.

I hadn't talked with Adam for quite a long time. But tonight I was watching a movie in this particular actor reminded me of Adam so I just Googled him to find out that he died two weeks ago at the age of 57!

Melancholy.

To my knowledge he was in very good health but his mother did commit suicide so I'm very very curious how he ended up passing.

R.I.p. Adam Abba Tessman of Lafayette, Indiana

Good bad good

So, its not cancer, just a cyst.

Someone (perp, stalker?) Pulled the flap out of gas tank

But it wont need repaired.

Wrote long letter to director of clinic about incompetence and unprofessionalism amongst roomers, receptionists.

Just been at the end of my rope for many years.

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Just can't escape it

Gas station attendant said the reason I couldn't put pump in tank is because someone vandalized my car , likely tried to siphon my gas!

Its a neighbor, but I don't know who.

Sunday, February 5, 2017