Sunday, July 23, 2017

Quote Of the night

Maggie "where is that music coming from"?

Mitch: "oh that's the hi figh"!

Friday, July 21, 2017


This video really resonates with me!

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Quote of the day

Travel with an open mind and you'll gain empathy


"I have the comedian heart!

Tuesday, July 18, 2017


I've met far 2 many folks in Flagstaff who are on parole. Sad.


"I was wastin n this living hell"

"In povertys despair"

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Quote of the day

After Eliot threatened her with prison:

"No prison is worse then the prison of living in a sick body"

Quote of the day

My severely developmentally disabled neighbor Dawn came to the conclusion today that men want steak!

Saturday, July 8, 2017


Dig this

Can relate!


Friday, July 7, 2017


Now that I'm in Flagstaff it's easy and natural to be kind outgoing and friendly. I've truly regained my playful self with the wicked sense of humor.

Its e.z. now that I don't have a virtual  fuckin gun at my head every goddamn minute like I did in Baltimore!

Wednesday, July 5, 2017


#going to hell in a hen basket!

Sunday, July 2, 2017


Eli# (not real name) is profoundly developmentally disabled and was mt next door neighbor for a year.

Today he said he's 38 and a virgin.

Says hes lookin for a sugar mama! Says if he could have just one wish he wants Pamela Anderson!

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Still awake

Awake around the clock.

Quality t.v.

Segregation, the rise of white supremacy and other important topics regarding the portrayal of minorities such as Muslims.

Hi susanne from bus

Please email me your digits or leave them in the comments below I will text you and we will set up a night to go sing!

Monday, June 26, 2017


Sunday, June 25, 2017

Sooo amazing

Saturday, June 24, 2017

After words

No safety net for poor Americans.

Thursday, June 22, 2017


based on what I've read on the internet I'm diagnosing myself with fatal familial insomnia

I am not going for a sleep study because I have heard that they're torturous and I know that having wires hooked all over me will also make it impossible to fall asleep I just taking it upon myself to switch my medications on my own

The walk-in emergency clinic turn me away and the earliest they can see me is in two more weeks and I just feel like I can't stand the idea of being awake for another 2 weeks. I don't know anyone else like me who can stay awake for more than a month at a time other than Michael Jackson sounds like propofol might be a good idea for me but I'll bet doctors are hesitant to prescribe it even though the severe insomnia can kill you

It would be extremely difficult to get to my own doctor because everything in Flagstaff is a long hilly difficult and where Rocky walk from the bus stop to wherever it is that you need to go and I'm simply too weak to truly walk anymore

Monday, June 19, 2017

Xtremely severe insomnia

in the last 4 weeks I've slept 8 hours in a block of two different nights other than that I don't fall asleep until after 6 a.m. and even then I don't fall asleep I mean if I'm lucky I'll sleep 3 minutes wake up be awake for 2 hours sleep another 3 minutes wake up this is just something that's been going on for my whole life and I'm barely standing


Cares events were designed so that apt. Residents will stay longer .......

They dont work in that regard; most folks stay 3 ti 10 months.

1200 fir a one bedroom apt. in a town where ur lucky to earn 400 a week before taxes!

Impenetrable barrier

Ive been in Flagstaff for 6.years. since roughly 2000 ive had virtually no exposure to relationships with well to do Americans.

When folks in poverty have no exposure to or ability to befriend folks who r succeeding in life their chances of bettering their lives are pretty much nil.

Welcome to my living hell.

I can dig it!

Turns out, this entire 4 years ive had all the mc cable channels but didnt know it!

Sunday, June 18, 2017

For my dear friend Melissa in Westminster

Absolutely beautiful

Gay friendly choirs with beatboxing! Just absolutely beautiful

Saturday, June 17, 2017


Adoption trauma book recommends in labels

Wednesday, June 14, 2017


Monday, June 12, 2017

Soul train

Pardon my French

Initially, I was curious if Arizona single men would b different from single men in Indiana and Baltimore, md.

But, I'd like to reiterate that nearly every single guy I've met is "bat shit crazy!"

(Coming from ME, the American woman whose had a worse life then anybody I've met and/or am aware of through books and reality t.v.!)

Friday, June 9, 2017


When I watch non fiction movies or t.v. shows I read articles about the person during commercials.

That being said: the larry hart movie was so beautiful, poignant and at the end very sad.

Living as a gay man in the 20s and 30s closeted, alcoholic and self conscious about his short stature was a very hard life.

The only satisfaction he got was writing music and performing. What a remarkable lifetime contribution! And a long list of musical stars in the movie.

Please check it out: "words and music"

Why bother to shake

it's barely worth introducing yourself or shaking hands! the minute people move here they're making plans to move away!

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Old and new

Number of Final Exit Network and exit International

Here is the link to my other blog: (or com?)


I was in first grade during the premiere, just mildly "too old" for the show!

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

that's why I watch True Crime shows

In the repetitive violent crimes that I was a victim of in Baltimore City Carroll County Maryland and Flagstaff Arizona the perpetrator used white paint to destroy my belongings my furniture and my clothing

I just learned by watching this particular True Crime show that white paint in the Vietnam culture is equivalent to death! This made my mouth hang open when I heard it

The stalker and perpetrators of the crimes against me never served a day in jail or prison I have reason to believe to this day that I am still being stalked because of the very frequent vandalism to my automobile where I'm currently living

I was recently forced to sell the car

Monday, May 29, 2017


"Maybe Neverland is a normal life"

Thursday, May 25, 2017

No surprise

Being on the streets completely destroyed my body. I went fro working out regularly, dancing and walking up to 10 miles in a day,

to being wracked with bodywide excruciating pain 22/7 only occasionally able to stand up for more than a couple of minutes.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017


"It's about quality of life" Murray

Tuesday, May 23, 2017


"Just my luck! I dont talk to anyone on a subway for 35 years, and you're the woman playing the best man at a LESBIAN WEDDING!" Stranger to Elaine on the train


Tuesday, May 16, 2017


" the way Steven fed me my gluten-free and dairy-free cake was so sweet!" Megan



"I have a half sister but she doesn't know me and doesn't want to." Patient

Dr. To same patient: "don't give up now, you re brilliant and beautiful and you can meet your brand new family and start all over!"

Sunday, May 14, 2017


This episode focuses on the sad reality of being an adoptee in the Amish community. Mostly Jeremiah

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Sense of humor

Quality of life is still unacceptable and deplorable. (Yes , I'll never lose my sense of humor, don't let it fool you)

Primarily bedridden, seriously ill. Still a starvation wage, looks like I'll have to sell car, cant afford repairs.

I'm no idiot, even if I do introduce myself to the dozen-and-a-half relatives whose address is I now have I do not expect my life to ever  improve enough for me to be able to tolerate.

I'm sicker with every passing year and don't plan to pursue any more medical care. It's a waste of my damn time!


"The testosterone is spewing over!" Vanessa

Tuesday, May 9, 2017


"Having responsibility for another life has made me feel alive again" prisoner

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Over the top

Iyanla is an extraordinary clinician!

"Stay at peace, don't be in pieces" iyanla

I thank him

A reason why I'm a very confident woman is because my Maryland psychotherapist in about 2003 called me "a highly skilled, extraordinary clinician."

It means soooo much!

Quote of the day

"Whose ready to ride the yellow banana?!" Chief Sandy

Friday, May 5, 2017


"Nothing about me is cheap" little women

(I just spent 18$ on two greeting cards for aunt and cousin who dont know me)

Wednesday, May 3, 2017


I highly recommend this book explaining how government influenced housing segregation after the depression. Author is Richard Rothstein.

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Quote of the night

"Coffee isn't coffee, coffee is sex!" George

Monday, May 1, 2017

Quote of the day

"Its the bestest fact in the whole wide world! Maryland has the longest escalator in the entire western hemisphere!"

(This kid's gonna give some girl a fascinating first date someday!)

Friday, April 28, 2017

Big inspiration

Congratulations, you've come sooo far Ellen Degeneres! We love you sooo much!

"Stay true to yourself and you will be richly rewarded!" Ellen

Thursday, April 27, 2017


"We welcome you with furry arms!"

(The external view of the hotel convinces me it must be in Baltimore, Charles Village neighborhood!)

Quote of the day

"The worst kind of time you can do in jail, is colored time" Virgil Tibbs (Sidney Poitier)

(Poitier is a stellar human being in my book)

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Quote of the night

"The more money you make, the more you sing the blues"

az. ticket

Got ticketed. Didn't have the 50$ to renew my tags last November.

My ticket is 388$!  every 90 days that I don't pay it off I will be find an extra $40 when I take into account the find that I'll get every 90 days it will take me 3 years to pay off this ticket at $15 a month!

There's no more debtors prison or hanging thank goodness, that's my only saving grace


"Allow me to introduce myself, I'm crown princess, Elena of Avalor!"

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Quote of the night

"Everyone has a dark side, we all have the capacity for violence"

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Friday, April 21, 2017

Turner classic movies

What a great, beautiful romance!

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Quote of the day

"Jesus REALLY screwed up my sex life" potential married guy

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Self guided bible studies

Page 2, table of contents from my self created bible study program in 1983.

(Atheist since 1986)


The woman I was for 5_6 years. Page one table of contents from my homemade journal, Christian studies.

Since 1986, im a hardcore atheist (that will never change.)


One page from my 1983 journal; the woman I was at 19/20.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017


"I know homelessness and I know hunger." Native American woman

"Never give up, let your voice speak out!" Alice Brownotter

Quote of the day

"So her photography was also about social commentary?!"

"Yes absolutely" (adoptee linda bannister)

Quote of the night

"Even very small amounts of Mark go a very long way!" (Reference to Mark's inability to cope, now that he lives alone)

Monday, April 17, 2017


"They treat me like a bastard at a family reunion" Doralee (dolly parton)

Oh happy day?

With help from my support group, I just found my biological maternal aunt and a cousin.

Theres no guarantee they will reply, but if they reply affirmatively then: "OH HAPPY DAY!"

the big lesson ive learned in life is: Don't get your hopes up.  I'll let you know if they get back to me!

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Fellow member

Adam was a fb friend who I communicated with regularly and was internationally famous for his euthanasia activism.

He was seriously ill like I am. His friends, virtual and face to face have been holding their collective breath knowing that any day now Adam will take his life.

R.I.p. adam maier clayton

Friday, April 14, 2017

A fascinating journey

I'm stunned to learn that I have such deep Midwest ern roots.

My biological maternal grandfather and his siblings were raised in Peoria and his ancestors have been in Illinois a long time!

Marion Duchane (never seen any photos of him though)

New glasses ready again


So, the glasses are "ready"



Why avoid downtown

Avoid downtown if you're not a tourist! They're too damn happy! Overheard today:

A. "Now this is the high life!

then 2 women walked past me singing: "always on the sunny side of life"


Thursday, April 13, 2017


"I was a child, I didnt know we were homeless. If we stayed in a motel with a t.v. it was a real treat! That's when I fell in love with NOVA"

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Quote of the day

"I like big butts I can not lie, I'd like to get witcha!"

Monday, April 10, 2017


You know you're the grammar police when you find yourself editing the message inside your fortune cookie!


I Meet so many wonderful people from around the world on fb.

Many, many have no face to face friends! Soo unfair! Hundreds of thousands (millions?) of good kind people with no friends!

What have our societies come to?

Episode one


Great talk

That was a fascinating panel discussion I'm sure it's going to be a great book

Adoptee realizations

my biological paternal family and My adoptive father we're all in the same business and we certainly worked together and did business together without realizing that I am the tie between them I was the common denominator!

Baltimore city bars, restaurants and bottling companies!

Saturday, April 8, 2017


The saddest part is that most are sleeping "under the stars" with no tent or shelter.

(Its my lifes mission to reduce the burden any way I can)

The end

Is there really a god?

Man acquires diary of ex lover

Ww2 (based on true story)

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Doesn't matter

In these United States (as alluded to by Obama) it doesnt matter how kind or ethical you are, it doesn't matter that your life is about giving back and giving of yourself.

You only matter if you were lucky enough to be born into a wealthy family. You only matter because you are rich.

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Great man

I really like the way Roger Waters thinks!

Monday, April 3, 2017

Writer's challenge

The six word challenge has been around for a number of years. Basically they pick the topic and you have to you six words to describe the topic work to answer the question

So if they were to ask for you to describe your life so far using only six words you would reply:

"Nothing short of a living hell."


I'll have to get to the library to get a better look what I just found my tree I mean this is the first time I've ever been able to actually see my tree that is the tree of lieutenant John King the Revolutionary War, as a result I am able to view over a hundred of my relatives! so I just introduced myself on Geni!

Sunday, April 2, 2017

British long lost family

I always ball from beginning to end on this show.  For sadness then joy when they are reconciled.

Congratulations Sharon, Adrian and mum Ann. Im very happy for you!

Old school

Saturday, April 1, 2017


This 50th Anniversary Country Music Awards is absolutely extraordinary I didn't even realize I know nearly every country song between 1950 and 2005

Friday, March 31, 2017

Hes sweet

Congratulations king roscoe, you are a kind soul!

Two times in one month

This is the second time in one month where my psychic thing read me to Google particular person that I haven't thought about sometimes in decades just to find out they just died!

I thought about a game we played at kurts house once in 71 or 72, googled and he just died too!

R.I.p. Kurt Kesselman

Soo many things

Its a living hell. My skull is being crushed. My mouth teeth eyes are killing me. Someone is slamming the back of my skull with a sledge hammer....

Medications aren't helping , I have no neurologist. I've been living with this since my early twenties.

I surmise the lyme disease isn't helping. This is just a fraction of the suffering.

Favorite lines

The landlord said this to the tenant after the tenants boyfriend murdered her 2 preschool children:

" you are young and you have far too much life force in you to give up !

get out of bed and go help other mothers who have lost their children otherwise you're going to be living to die!"


Thursday, March 30, 2017

Quote of the day

I live in Harlem, my universe is 6 blocks"

(This movie is/was my 14 years in Baltimore city)

Extraordinary cast! Whoopi, phylicia rashad, janet jackson and lots more.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Just found online

I just found a picture of my biological paternal great-grandmother; Mollie, online so I'm really pleased and excited!

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Quote of the night

"I feel incomplete because I've never met my dad"

"Hopes and dreams, they let you down."

broken broken broken

So it's been about a four to six months weight with broken glasses and absolutely everything that can go wrong did go wrong I had to choose between three different frame types because my insurance would only cover the absolute cheapest of frames I trusted the retailer when she told me that I looked particularly good in this one type of frames but:

the glasses arrived to the retailer at the mall being manufactured with the wrong prescription I am furious!

(tried them on, frame type looks awful)

Another 2 to 4 week wait AND retailer told me not to order my glasses from Zenni or any other online manufacturer because they will just get the prescription wrong! well isn't this ironic.

I can try lions club again ( either for flattering frames or for a pair of glasses that I can read with but even this will be another maybe 5 week wait!)

Quote of the day

"She's between husbands right now!"

Sunday, March 26, 2017

Quote of the night

" so tell me what will you write in your Journal tonight?"

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Virginia Book Festival

"Journals should b private" tom

Response "until you die!" Panel member

Friday, March 24, 2017

Handsome and deadly

Takeaway from these crime show; lookout! There are thousands of handsome, charismatic and well dressed men out there who will kill you and love it!

All 3 suspects in Heathers case fit the above description.

NEVER have initial dates in your home or the mans home.

Public place! (I choose daylight hours as an added precaution)

Thursday, March 23, 2017


Sadly confirmed.  Adam abba tessman committed suicide.

As did his mother.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017


This is similar to the volunteer job I created for myself in about 2005

I donate food


Give rides

About this video, I love how the kids draw beautiful artwork on lunch bags)

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Light posts, filler posts

Any period between 2007 and 2014 where I either didn't post at all, or posted music videos and the like was for a very sad reason

Ive been stalked since 2005. Between 05 and 13 (in particular) I feared for my life around the clock.

I was shot at, poisoned, followed, daily break ins, looting.

To my knowledge the perpetrators were never charged.

While Im still being targeted and dealing with repeat auto vandalism; as of 2015 I feel very safe mostly.

Through the years the violence escalated and cops had no particular interest in helping.

I knew Id b murdered, made a few attempts on my life with the knowledge that it's much better to take your own life then to be murdered.

Nowadays a post on pop culture doesn't mean im afraid to write the truth; conversely , I can honestly say that the details of this living hell I probably will not release in their entirety until after my passing

I've been looking for collaborators for quite a long time this is not something I can do on my own which is why my autobiography never got published.

Have you ever tried to write a book while you were on the run or in immense Danger ?I can only think of a couple of authors who have.

Monday, March 20, 2017

Quote of the night

" a woman's heart is an ocean of secrets" Rose

Highest jump ever

This is exciting news! "Fbi investigating trump team"

Other's perceptions

Got 3 friend requests from girls I knew in elementary and junior high.

They said some variation of:

You were so much fun

You were so happy

You were always smiling

(This is stunning, shocking, but Ill take it.!)

Long lost family

Last nights episode took place in flagstaff. Cried from beginning to end.

Congratulations to you and your new family, Mark!  "Brendan Lee Hill"

Sunday, March 19, 2017


I just think this is so exciting I had to put it in here before I'm even done watching the show Jennifer Gray's grandfather came over on the same ship that my great-grandfather came over on however her grandfather came over three years earlier than my great-grandfather did and they both arrived in New York!



some things have happened in the last couple of days that have reminded me that I am still capable of very deep joy.

The upcoming days will tell me whether or not I can hang on to feeling so encouraged.

I have nearly everything going against me.

I will say Trump doesn't scare me as much anymore.  The millions of left wing (and rt. wing!) Trump protesters make me feel empowered.

Im still an activist, I sign many petitions each month, sent to me by:

(Some of the links might be dot com)

Twice removed

After reading the list of notable living Baltimoreans, looks like one of the names is very close relative.

That close relative had a very close relationship with Anne Franks family.

That being said, Ive wondered if any of my ancestors died in Holocaust...

History class bored me to death in school. But now that I know so much about my ancestors, I feel fascinated, truly connected to America n and European history.

Saturday, March 18, 2017


I regularly get messages from Gmail or Yahoo telling me that people are trying to hack into my accounts it's very scary and this time it's particularly freaky because the person who tried to break into my account is in the country of Iran!

I don't use that account anymore so I cant change passcode, dont remember.

Tell me about your experiences being hacked, stalked andor cyberstalked?

Huge reasons I can't move

Ive wanted (needed?) To live in san Diego since 94.

But where can I go with a 750 month check.?

4/5 of subsidized programs that I was living in I experienced nearly daily felonies, violent crime.

I mean just to give you an example of what's going on in this country all I had to do yesterday was Google San Diego subsidized and Section 8 housing violent crime and a whole bunch of Articles popped up

I feel desperate to live in a mild climate year-round that would also allow me to control my weight because I'd be able to walk year round outside.

The logical thing to do would be to go to San Diego for vacation to explore it first but obviously there's no money to take trips or vacations to preview places to live period

So while I'm grateful in many ways it doesn't feel like a home where I'm at because I had to live in the apartment and the address was selected for me there is a slim chance that I could become a homeowner through various programs for low-income people but given hell absolutely grueling everything is and he'll absolutely grueling poverty is it's probably not even worth it to try to become a homeowner comma along move to an apartment in a warmer climate

To get into subsidized housing was a 11 and a half your weight. Yes I am redundant in my post but many of my current readers most of my current readers have not ever seen my older posts, so I don't feel bad about being redundant!

What has your experience been in regards to waiting for or living in subsidized housing in the United States or in other countries for that matter?

Soo rare

Its so rare to receive exemplary customer service in any industry...

So, when I do receive it I make sure to praise them.  Often ill compliment them on their businesses fb page.

And, if its restaurant, taxi etc. I also give a generous tip WITH big compliment.

Heres an amazing story that happened to me around Christmas;

I called the Medicaid number to give them my new mailing address. The man replied: "I see here you have $60 in unused benefits. I'll tell you what items are in the catalog so you can place an order!

(Things like heating pads, or otc medications!)

I told him thats an amazing surprise Christmas present!

If you also love Prince

If you love Prince as much as I do you have absolutely got to see this true verdicts on what really happened regarding his death.

"I want my music to speak loudest for me."

Friday, March 17, 2017


"Me and her? Were the fuckin heat!"

Hilarious movie. Great for female empowerment! Music very cool, danceable.


Never seen Petula Clark in film. This is a precious, beautiful, whimsical film. The singing and dancing are amazing. You wont b able to stop smiling!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Thursday, March 16, 2017


Terrifying to think of failing, but after just two required medical appointments I passed my review, shwew!


Awesome the way "Lem" practices peace in every situation.

Extreme stress of poverty

I made 5 or so trips to optical store for minor fixes, but 10 weeks ago earpiece broke off, then they bent.

8 weeks ago applied at lions club, never heard back.

Despite my having heard from insurance agent which places my insurance is contracted with (for eyeglass purchase) when I drove there yesterday she said, the agent was wrong.

She was kind enough to advocate for me to get another appointment at Lions Club

I made my roughly trip 7 to Nationwide Vision insurance and glasses place yesterday( by accident) I thought I had been told I could go there to get glasses but when I arrive the optician said no your access/medicaid does not cover glasses, only covers children.

And she took my card and said oh you have Access Health Choice! She said go ahead and start choosing which glasses you like so I did that and she said well your insurance notgoing to pay for any of those and your prescription is high that means that you're going to have to buy very very cheap frames. I picked up two pairs of cheap frames and she tried to put the order in the computer and it was rejected due to the fact that the cheap frames will not hold the heavy material necessary for my prescription.!

She charged me and this really surprise me she charged me $27 basically she is required to have me pay the co-pay immediately and then she sent an order hoping and praying that it will work but she doesn't know if it will or not and said she might end up having to refund my $27!! Stress!

Lot of run around and a lot of  being told falsehoods.  As I've been telling you for years everything is broken and nothing gets done right especially for the poor!

I have lots of panic attacks, dont sleep more then an hour a night.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017


This is what my childhood was like, but worse, much worse.


I loved every child I ever cared for as if they were my own flesh and blood!


Precious. Hilarious!

In my dna

No question in my mind! Had I not been "given up" for adoption, I would have ended up in the performing arts.  Most likely singing and or dancing.

When Laurie met me in 84, she said: "YOU BELONG ON BROADWAY!"

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Monday, March 13, 2017

Quote of the night

Mother to child: "You got a family for Christmas!"

Neighbors of south side Chicago adopt boy

Autobiographical film

"Lack of work destroys people"

"Ive been lucky, I know an awful lot about love!"

Sunday, March 12, 2017


Congratulations to Tinneke and Tammy!

Book recommend

"We need a path to become legal, there are 11 million undocumented persons who are already here in the states!"


Ive always known

I've always known that Hollywood will want my story because it is so absolutely outrageous and rare period I told you an awful lot but there's also an awful lot I haven't told you , in regards to the details.

Hollywood taking my story seems even more realistic, in that one of my relatives has already had a movie made about his life, and one of my biological relatives is a Hollywood director.

(But has never met me)


I have confirmed that the movie Diner was a recreation the life of at least one of my biological uncles who I never got to meet

My recommendation

I recommend the book by Peter Hayes

"Why? Explaining the Holocaust

Please check out the interview with Hayes at Tucson festival of books (today)

Quote of the day

"Every blogger is a journalist"

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Can't stop laughing

Watching Carlin do his skit on the words you can't say on television! Hilarious, never gets old!

Quote of the night

"You can only go so long in survival mode before everything breaks down"

Employee of Massage Heights

Memory foam

Memory foam  cut my pain by more then 60 percent last night.

One night sleeping on it, took me from being unable to move my rt. Arm (due to excruciating pain and bursitis) to being completely pain free today!!!


Check out what Wikipedia has to say about the connection between Flagstaff and the organization called food not bombs!

When nannying 2002

One of the many fun days I had with will and james, 4 and 3 was teaching them about peace, diversity and how to make a peace sign with your fingers!

We drove the "parade" route on Charles st. on 9/11/02. "Remember the victims"

Thursday, March 9, 2017

First image of paternal great grandfather

Holy Bleep! Thank you, NPR!?

Was seeking images of my biological great grandfather, just to find out the story NPR did on Jews and beer has a photo of my ggf with his family!

I cant tell whose who, but Im sure the Jewish museum of Maryland would know.


Just a dream

Oh what I wouldn't give to have rhe show pay for me to go on a European journey to make my ancestral quest come alive!

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Kiss me im Irish!

With every passing week Im learning more about my roots, who I am.

Thanks, in part to the girls in my genealogy group!

I just found out my 4x ggf (or gggf) was born in Ireland in the 1800s and immigrated to Baltimore in the 1800s. as well!

This March 17, I'll don a "kiss me" shirt (green!) and it will have a much deeper meaning!

Monday, March 6, 2017


I had no idea that John Wilkes Booth was born in Maryland his brother Edwin sure did go through a lot First losing his father then his wife then finding out that his brother committed murder and then his brother dying, all within a few years wow.


Saturday, March 4, 2017


my birth mother must be a compulsive liar it turns out that she did not spend the first few years of her life in New Mexico as she claimed in fact she was born in Owings Mills Maryland basically right up the road from where I was raised by My adoptive parents as a baby she lives on Reisterstown Road also just three to five miles away from where I was raised Newman

My adoptive mother was also a liar claiming that my birth parents lived in Virginia

I now have names of my maternal great-grandparents their names were Sylvester King and Minerva Nelson

Start to finish

This is the first time I ever got to see the 2008 film from start to finish if I had known that they were making a dance movie just one mile from my apartment I would have gone and watched it being filmed.

Extremely cool!

Severe insomnia

While I'm certain I could benefit from a sleep study when I heard how horrible it is to be hooked up from head to toe

I know that I would never fall asleep at a study.

Unfortunately, I'm awake nearly all night every night with what I just googled gain,sleep paralysis forums.

sleep hallucinations hypnagogic and I can't remember the other one.

Im also sure I have ptsd nightmares.

Im a lucid vivid dreamer, likely as result of microsleeps.

Its a real sad situation. It would be too awkward to describe the details of the nightmares/hypnogogia but I can tell you, im always the victim of violent crimes.

No wonder I cant stay awake during the day.  Additionally, my friend with lyme is sure my adrenal glands are shot.


Friday, March 3, 2017

Happy birthday

Well I just reached my 10-year anniversary blogging.

Happy birthday to my blog happy birthday to my blog happy birthday to my blog happy birthday to my blog

Quote of the night

" nobody had ever asked me in my life what it felt like to be me but once I have an opportunity to share that I felt true peace my son said that one day there would be a writer in the family and that it would be me!" (Paraphrase)

(Unfortunately I only got to see the last 1/2 of this poignant movie tonight on tbs with commercials. I could strongly relate to the servants life experiences on many manyy levels. Because, I haven't exactly had the typical experiences of an average white woman, as you know)

On the health front

I know that the doctors don't even remotely grasp what life is like for me .

I mean my right arm is essentially useless because of shoulder bursitis.

  my right foot near the toes the pain is so severe that I never know when I'll be able to walk. Even an up down motion of foot is unbearable.

There are also serious female issues, some too embarrassing to mention. Glad to be in menopause. Would bleed 2 weeks plus.

Even leaning over to brush teeth excruciating on spine.

If I sit for more then 10 minutes both limbs and feet fall asleep.

Big time vision disturbances with floaters. Slowly losing hearing.

Too embarrassed to go into depth about I.b.s. but some symptoms serious.

Frequent migraines and frequent nausea.

The pain is bodywide. I can't truly sleep. and arthritis and all of the joints has become quite severe anywhere from the neck all the way down to the tailbone

I never did come up with $75 to renew the medical marijuana card unfortunately and oxycontin really doesn't do anything at all to make life better

There's no question that I have Crohn's or colitis or something like that but calling it IBS is a big problem and I would truly say that the pain is excruciating and unbearable that's why the best part of my life is when I'm sleeping I'm just speaking in the my recorder with the situation so please bear with me. More than week I was limping I had to go to urgent care and they told me that because I had to go off gabapentin is why I can't walk without limping.

I thought I might have cancer because of lump on spine but it turned out to b just a cyst.

Couple this with abject poverty and its nothing short of living hell.

Most of the girls in my lyme group are lyme literate and can pinpoint exactly which aspects of lyme disease are causing my problems.

Again since I cant type easily on a smartphone, this piece will have some repetition and hasn't been corrected.

Thursday, March 2, 2017


Funny, sweet, stellar, precious!

When bio. parents out of picture

It only took me 28 years to confirm!

My biological maternal grandmother who I only met once, was named

Jessie Minerva King Duchane!

Thanx ABC

This is amazing. Crying alternating tears of joy and sadness. Haven't missed a night.

In my opinion

Extraordinary programming. One of the best things on cable television!

First time in history

This is the first time ever I've seen Primetime Justice with Ashleigh Banfield and I can pretty much bet my bottom dollar that you will never again in history seen a Baltimore story and a Flagstaff story in one news program ever again!

To Flagstaff cop that punched a female citizen did indeed quit the team. While I can't say how effective Flagstaff cops are I can say that they are the kindest and most polite I have ever met.

A flag bus was hijacked last night, no citizens harmed physically, but likely traumatized for life.


7 Baltimore cops were accused of robbing citizens.

It is surprising, conversely, Baltimore and Carroll County Maryland cops are the worst I've experienced in my lifetime!

Quote of the day

What is your trade?

"My trade, is to fight against fascism"

Tuesday, February 28, 2017


Monday, February 27, 2017

Love new commercial

"My face is a mosaic of all the ancestors who came before me"

Sunday, February 26, 2017


I'm making wonderful progress in my genealogy research on my family but I will see pictures and hear stories. This is a tough thing to do when neither your biological mother or your father want to do anything to help you.

My paternal great g/f travelled from Belgium to n.y., arrival 1910, age 20,occupation was sailor.

All choked up

After words

Book tv

Critically Important

San Francisco

#protect our care

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Quote of the night

"Im destined to b this cold shell of a human" (inmate who murdered his wife)

Friday, February 24, 2017

How it really happened

" she was in chronic emotional pain and no one helped her"

"She could turn ANY gay man straight in one minute!"

" she knew The Art of Seduction"

in the past year

Been googling kids I nannied and/or taught between 1979 and 2002.

Blown away at what some of them have become!

That being said a special congratulations to Courtney Fontaine the first child I officially nannied!

Shes been acting, writing professionally for 10 plus years now!


Can't stop smiling! Precious, endearing, beautiful. Best dancing ever!

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Project Runway Junior

"This is for all the weirdos out there: You're not supposed to fit in!"

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Nightmare on Elm Street

I've got to say what they showed in this movie Nightmare on Elm Street probably isn't much worse than what I went through when I lived on Elm Street with Peter in 2001 in Baltimore

Anyhow the reason I'm making this post is because encourage you to Google images of actress Kim Myers age 20 and actress Meryl Streep at about age 20 I'm blown away at how much they look alike!


I'd say one of the greatest burdens to face in life is the burden of being stalked and knowing law enforcement will never find the guy (even though I have nearly solved the case)

Friday, February 10, 2017

Ill get this feeling

I will have an inkling to Google someone someone who strongly on my mind at a particular moment, I'll Google them just to find out that they died a few days ago or something of that sort.

I hadn't talked with Adam for quite a long time. But tonight I was watching a movie in this particular actor reminded me of Adam so I just Googled him to find out that he died two weeks ago at the age of 57!


To my knowledge he was in very good health but his mother did commit suicide so I'm very very curious how he ended up passing.

R.I.p. Adam Abba Tessman of Lafayette, Indiana

Good bad good

So, its not cancer, just a cyst.

Someone (perp, stalker?) Pulled the flap out of gas tank

But it wont need repaired.

Wrote long letter to director of clinic about incompetence and unprofessionalism amongst roomers, receptionists.

Just been at the end of my rope for many years.

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Just can't escape it

Gas station attendant said the reason I couldn't put pump in tank is because someone vandalized my car , likely tried to siphon my gas!

Its a neighbor, but I don't know who.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

about a month ago

so about a month ago went into my primary care doctor and told her that I have a different type of severe back pain I couldn't actually point to it because I couldn't reach it she diagnosed it as a pulled muscle and the medication did not end up being covered by my insurance

Will just now I tried to touch that part of my back and I feel a very large lump something doesn't feel right about that Primary Care office but there aren't very many options in this small town I will make sure tomorrow that I get sent for biopsy

Friday, February 3, 2017


"I am Muslim, and I'm a marine."

Monday, January 30, 2017

Many fears under a trump administration

My opthamologist no longer accepts medicaid. (My secondary insurance) My glasses have been broken for months, they are 18 years old.
I'm all but legally blind without my glasses.
He'll take my medicare and bill me for the rest. Ill only be able to pay 1$ a month, which means hell be worse off then he was!

Friday, January 27, 2017

Quote of the night

"Mr. Charlton, don't tell me you're an atheist?!"

Check it out


The car's been vandalized regularly ever since I got it two and a half years ago they like to see the car they like to take a hammer and make holes in the frame they like to destroy my bumper stickers in fact I just replaced my bumper stickers and then they keep coming back trying to tear my Bernie sticker into shreds

I know this is got to be something personal because they're also defacing stickers that have nothing to do with politics

Thursday, January 26, 2017

6 day storm


This young lady likely grew up in Baltimore, graduated from Towson University (where I got my 90 credit hour early childhood education certificate)

Tuesday, January 24, 2017


Yesterday I was reading that for many, divorce is a huge stigma.

Tonight Whitney said: " I just want to portray the image that everything is perfect between my boyfriend and I!"

Day 6

Not safe to walk to bus, not necessarily safe to drive car, but if I stay immobile much longer I increase risk of blood clots.

Must attempt to get to a grocery store.

Flagstaff expecting up to 3 inches snow today.

Wont climb above 35 Fahrenheit for another week.

Talking about weather ceases to be small talk when it causes you to be under house arrest for such long periods!

Haven't viewed yet

Looks very important, link was just sent to me so I want to post it immediately before I forget.

Monday, January 23, 2017

I support you leah

This is such important work. Im right behind Leah and the team, every step of the way!

The seventh veil

Photo of Francesca playing piano under hypnosis.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Strange memories

In march 97 I was working downtown at deap. My supervisor (highest up) gave me a bouquet of flowers and said "keep up the good work"

Next day, a woman with a lower position, fired me by leaving a message on my voicemail.

Nearly the same scenario happened at my live in 100 hr week position working at home for disabled.

I was cheated out of 3k!

The org. Has rep. of being very unethical. (Sooo many of those)


These symptoms commonly render my hands and arms useless.

I have to hold ice packs in the hopes of reducing burning.

I also have Raynauds.

The girls in my lyme disease Facebook groups seem to all be independently wealthy either themselves or their extended families because they are spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on Lyme literate medical doctors.

I don't have the means to do any of that nor do I have to desire to do any of that I have given up on ever having a normal life or on getting better so what's the point in running from specialist to specialist even if I did have the money

Saturday, January 21, 2017

News to me

Decided to google, was surprised at what I learned. Soo many dying each month in my fb Lyme disease groups

Living in AUS


Snowin daily

Trapped inside, nobody clears our stairwells of ice but me and I have no money for kitty litter (alternative to salt)


I came over to YouTube looking to watch today's pussy Kratts protest on the mall when I got one of those things that is called recommended for you videos

The video was called Hotel Walmart before I click the start button my mind  flashed over to the Walmart that is right up the road from me in Flagstaff, this is where I first learned about the phenomenon of living in the Walmart parking lot

Imagine my shock when I started the video and found out the story is being told at that very Walmart that is 2.7 miles away from where I live !

I was also interviewed a month after my arrival to flagstaff, just google "rock candy mountain"

Friday, January 20, 2017

Livin for the city

Fave song since little

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Great news

Glad to hear that obama commuted 330 prisoners! (Im assuming non violent!)

Hidden hungry

Question common wisdom

GWhichever way you look, you hear the same thing.

Watch your calories, reduce your calories.

But in the world I live in, no matter how hard we try, we can't get enough calories.

Demand at soup kitchens and food pantries is so high, the demand cant be met!

Youd b amazed at the number of Americans who don't have the money to eat healthful foods or to eat regularly.

Flagstaff is growing fast.

Every open space is being developed. As you can see they are building a wall too!


Stay away. Mold infested and filled with cooking odors and second hand smoke.

I told them about the daily break ins, looting, death threats/they told me I was destroy ing my apt., staging the scene!

Manager was petty, lying bitch and purposely covered mold with paint.

The break ins started 3/1/2010 and continued until I was forced to flee on 4/7/2011.

I was forced to abandon my gorgeous (badly vandalized) emerald green buick.

Whats wrong

Why do only 1/3 of the things I attempt to publish, get published?

Third attempt

I wrote to him

I wrote to him, to thank him and tell him how much I love him and his family.

I will not b watching the most despicable inauguration in U.S. history tomorrow!

Quote of the day

"Marriage is no good unless you end up with a man who is better than you deserve"

(I most certainly had that)

Shes from Lafayette


French being sung ....every word is music to my ears!

(Jhen aay voo marrying roll onh!)

Here's the photo I was referring to

Perfect match between dress and wallpaper!

Umbrellas of cherbourg

Ahh, the colors! Remember when she comes onto set with a pregnancy dress that is perfectly patterned after the wallpaper in this scene?!

And better yet, the parallel love stories. Looks like women in the early sixties were willing to marry the first good looking man who looked their way!

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Medical records rarely get forwarded

I confirmed today after some journals were mailed to me, that despite some drs. Not believing me, I was indeed diagnosed with non epileptic seizures around 2009 in Maryland.

I do still have seizures that ive never mentioned to the Arizona drs.

Journal daily

You lost everything

Homelessness means I've lost virtually every material thing I ever owned.

Eventually, I came to terms with it and decided: "you still have your story"

Nothing else matters but to make sure it lives on even after I'm gone. That's been my obsession for 17 years.

Monday, January 16, 2017

Roi and mom

Beautiful! Roi finds out that his dad in prison is a loving, talented and amazing man after all.

Quote of the night

"The wildest thing I ever did was leave Indiana!"

(As far as mistakes made after 94, one of the biggest mistakes I ever made was leaving Indiana)

On oxygen

"Many girls who grow up having to fend for themselves do end up on the streets"

Jamil and Fayes true story

Sunday, January 15, 2017



Roi wants to learn how his family dealt with racism. Like me, weboth have very abusive fathers due likely to their ptsd from war. (In my case, adoptive father)

My birthmother would be very surprised at how much time I spend researching my blood family.

Friday, January 13, 2017

"My reality"

I don't normally watch the view but im glad I saw it today because Diane Sawyer doing another special tonight on the poor in America.

10pm eastern on abc.

I think its called 20/20. I normally watch these documentaries about poor and homeless on YouTube.

Kelly live

She's wonderful! I dont see why she needs neil Patrick Harris!

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Quote of the day

"It's easier to just keep certain things buried. Gideon

Keep your heart open for love

I can choose to be so bitter regarding the life I've had; as to never trust anybody, shut off my heart completely or I can open my heart just a sliver let the blessings in.

A man in my local fb group that has 30k people; offered to diagnose my car problem at no cost.

He came here I gave him my car key, he did a partial dx. And is coming back again at no cost.

I'm just saying that, based on the life I've had I can choose to believe he just wants to steal cars, no human can b trusted.

Or I.e. love is only for the slender, healthy, wealthy and beautiful.

Or, I can choose to open my heaRt; just a sliver!

After all, even Baltimore has kind people somewhere!

(Since ive come to flag, I estimate ive given out my phone number about 600 times to people I feel a special connection with or to people I volunteer for/homeless, etc.)


Video sounds and looks beautiful


DAMN! I'd throw my LAST dollar at that!

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

How 2 survive a trump presidency

Get all your politics from Samantha Bee


Twin sisters reunited after 10 years. Yes thats the mushy, sweet part.

The ugly part is that the ugly adoption industry have put them in separate adoptive families, and they will never get to live together until they are at least 18.


Just saw for first time. POWERFUL! When they told Dre that he obviously doesn't care about America, his response was so poignant, it brought a tear to my eye; all the more powerful with the background images.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017


Ever notice how many t.v.shows and movies revolve around landlines and pay phones?

Its remarkable that writers for 21st century tv shows and movies can think up new material at all!Cell phones simply dont cut it in this regard!

I dont get that

In my view, not only is America a despicable society, but it grows more despicable with each passing day.

Monday, January 9, 2017

I wrote this weeks ago

I predict suicide will increase by leaps and bounds after Trump is inaugurated.

Trump fires Brotman and he says "I thought I was going to commit suicide"

Wow moments

I recently found my biological sisters fb page and scrolled through pictures of her and my birthmother through the ages.

Realization? My sister and I could pass as twins.

Second. There is an extremely strong chance my sister and I were in the same classroom for 1983/1984 freshman English 101 at Towson University!

Pre code Hollywood

"What do men want in a woman?"

"Gentle and feminine"?! Then that's what I'll give them!"

Blog labels

Ive gone from 50 readers a week to up to 20,000 a week thanks to Johnnie who taught me the importance of labelling one's posts!




Sweet, precious, funny!

Sunday, January 8, 2017

Just sayin

So I never did find what I was looking for but I broke down and started reading my ancestors book of genealogy and before I knew it it started mentioning Charles Mary Laura Ingalls in Wisconsin!!!

I don't know exactly what all of this means yet but it's awesome hobby to engulf oneself in

Book tv

Very surprising, sad, insiteful to learn more about the conditions on the native Indian reservations.

What Riley learned about extreme abuse/neglect stats. regarding children in Native families is exactly what I observe EVERY SINGLE DAY I leave the house. (Here in flagstaff)

Few minutes

The severe muscle, spine pain and more means I only sleep in fragments of a few minutes.

Its unbearable desperate pain and every night you wonderful how much more you can take.

As I said before, I'm paralyzed for hours. Cant change positions, get extra blanket, and it takes me hours before I can get to bathroom.

This started in the eighties but got much worse after I incurred lyme disease.

Amazing place

Seoul, Korea looks like a wonderful place to go!

Noise destroys

I should let the experts and scientists see my 23 years 2wirth of journals that clearly back up their findings.

There is much depth to this study please click on link!

Saturday, January 7, 2017

After all these years

I'm still being cyber stalked I just got yet another notification that this time someone in Canada tried to break into my email This time it's a defunct email but the one they tried to break into three months ago was not  defunct.

The cyberstalking is not as serious as it was a couple of years ago but it's still scary!

oh you poor poor baby

When (many) people tell me (as example) that they could never live in such a cold climate like I do, I think

You could if you had to


Awww you poor thing, having to take your millions to buy multiple homes so you can climate hop.!


You poor thing who HAD to spend a million out of pocket in 2016 chasing a cure for your disease!

(Remember hall and oates? " you're a rich girl and it's going too far you know it don't matter anymore you can rely on the old man's money you can rely on the old man's money it's a bitch girl!")

The zep

Book t.v.

From the war on poverty to war on crime.

Excellent panel! Was mentioned how its mostly children of color who get thrown out of nursery school.

I recall the last preschool I worked in, I dreaded going because my 5 y.o. black male student was regularly injuring the other kids.

The director refused to expel him.

But when it happened in Baltimore in 83 in my classroom, sadly it was determined that the only way to keep the daycare center safe was to expel the boy.

No question those boys learned violence from their parents, environment.

Book tv rocks


Baltimore was such a scary place that I was scared of kids as young as ten years old I never let any males walk behind me

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Amended anthem

This was the best part of the whole night this comedian wrote a amended version of American national anthem it's quite beautiful

Flagstaff winter

I don't bother telling the doctors

I don't talk about my lyme disease I don't talk about morgellon or Hashimoto with the doctors there's nothing that they can do and I don't want them to put me on any more pills

But this is a symptom of had for many years my throat deep down into my throat hurts when I talk it's on fire pins and needles my tongue is on fire pins and needles my throat G everything is on fire pins and needles, constant throbbing.

Thank goodness for the internet that is a big reason why I know what's going on with my body

Never goes away.

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Involuntary simplicity


Spent 4$ on blouse that retails between 60 and 80.