Tuesday, May 29, 2012

"Surviving or not surviving, violence"

The more biographies I read, and the more I become aware of world events, the more I realize that, my situation is not unique.  Millions all over the globe, have lived thru, or died from, horrible violence.

Conversely, I have not yet met any American woman who has survived the type of violence I have, spanning over such a long period of time.

So far, I'd say, even though the specific are different, Jaycee Dugard, is the American woman I share the most in common with-even though the details are different.

"Counterculture to the core"

I meet few people who share my views.   One way I learn whether or not other people are thinking the way I think is to google the subject.  There are definitely plenty of others who are pissed like me, that they can't go ANYWHERE without tripping over dogs.

I recently went to an outdoor art expo, where it seemed there were more dogs then humans.  Dogs were scuffling with one another, there was horrible barking, and owners were struggling to keep their dogs from jumping on humans.

One vendor asked me how I was.  I said, I'm pissed that Mountain Town finds a way to ruin everything by allowing dogs.

Much to my pleasure and surprise, here was his response.

"Well, thank god you said it.  Us vendors aren't allowed to express displeasure about this.  Every year at this event, we have dogs pissing on our displays, shitting in the aisles between the booths, and to top it off, EVERY YEAR AT THIS EVENT SOMEONE GETS BIT!"

(Even if there is only one human being who thinks the way I think on an issue, i feel relieved.  It's a sort of validation, don't you think?)

Saturday, May 26, 2012

"YOU want money from ME?"

Like Baltimore, the panhandlers are everywhere.  I met one man where he and his wife have made a career of panhandling.  He makes one to two hundred a day, his wife has made up to 300 a day!

But, please, I cannot believe you are asking me for money.  First of all, I am out of cash by about the 10th of the month, and the sheer fact that you panhandle makes it extremely likely that you are better off than me.

I do not carry cash by the way.

One woman who certainly needs to better her shtick, told me she needed bus money to get to the Wal Mart.

Excuse me, but if you don't have money for the bus then what exactly do you plan to buy at the wal mart?

Most of the time, the panhandlers, like the thousands who keep asking me if I am registered to vote, are getting the silent treatment from me.

Many are drunk which makes me feel unsafe in their presence.

Yesterday, when I crossed the street to avoid one, he followed me.  He called me a "racist ni##$%!"

 I've been called alot of things in my life, but this slur is the first.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

"Aren't there ANY decent public restrooms?"

If your homeless, or carless and out all day you know the importance of finding a decent public bathroom.  Denny's* grocery, is not one of them.  It typically smells so bad that you have to hold your nose the whole time you are in there.  But even if it's relatively clean there's often drama with trying to use this bathroom.

Yesterday, (there are 2 stalls-and I'd like to say this kind of scenario is unusual but it isn't)  there is a woman lying on the floor of the handicapped stall, and then the 2nd stall is locked but there isn't anyone in it.

I assumed the woman in the handicapped stall was masturbating.........I went to ask a clerk if she could open the other stall for me, and that there is a woman on the floor.

I'm here to eat lunch at the deli, and the clerk says to me "Oh, it's nothing to worry about-she's just pregnant and vomiting"

(You know I really didn't need to know that, I just want the damn bathroom)

In Mountain Town, the 2 best public bathrooms are at the KFC and at the Subway.

KFC has enough room in the woman's stall to hold a 50'th birthday and disco party!

Subway , in the winter, is heated to about 90, so it's a great place to warm up, wash up, etc................................

So now u know where to use the restroom if you come to Mountain Town!

Soul Train 1973 / 74

"Since leaving MD"

I just tried, maybe, the 6th clinic, since I've been in Mountain Town.  I filled out alot of paperwork, waited the 3 weeks for the appt. , got in there just to be turned away, again.  I told her that I know that your clinic is the only one in town willing to prescribe opoids.

I said, I'd like to work part time, but who is going to hire someone who is grimacing in pain and can barely walk?  I just met "lucy" a patient of yours and she said that you are willing to take chronic pain patients.

She replied, "Actually, I don't have alot of experience with people who have serious cases of fibromyalgia like you do, and I hate to tell you this, but we just stopped prescribing opiods 2 months ago.  I'm going to have to refer you out.

Boy is this dismal I said.

The health care situation in this town is getting very bad she replied.  Especially with the state cuts.  But I will make a bunch of calls and see if I can get you the referals and practitioner that you need. 


My big accomplishment each day is bathing and dressing.  I do leave the house each day, but walking is a big problem.  When I meet others living with this kind of pain they tell me that they don't even leave the house more than a couple of times a month!

"Part 2-retail hell/at the mal wart"

Me-"My birth certificate isn't valid i.d.?!"  (Is she f#$in' kidding me?!)

Me-"Get me the manager of the store please"

her-"he isn't here"

Me-"Then get me the mgr. of the front end"

So she get's L. her supervisor.  I explain that the transaction was ok'ed at 11, and now they are telling me they aren't going to do it.

L-"That's right.  You don't have proper i.d.!

Me-"What does that mean?"

L-"you don't have i.d. for this state!"

Me-"Get me your supervisor"

He takes 15 min. hangs around the photo dept goofing off, and I have know idea if he is coming back.  I ask a clerk if he's coming back, yes, supposedly he is.  I wonder y he is making a call, rather then letting me talk to said supervisor over the phone........................

He comes back, and I tell him that i am not leaving the customer service desk, until your company gives me what u promised.

He said "I'll help you for today but we broke rules for you and you should be grateful."

i said "Thank you for doing this, but, the way I was treated is unacceptable.  How do I file a grievance?"

He said "We don't have any grievance forms left, but I'll just tell my supe what u said"

(No, he won't)  I need the name and phone # of your supe. so I can tell them the way "managers" are treating the customers............................................

(I hate that all I do is fight.  But in this society you fight or you die)

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

"Retail Hell/At the Mal Wart" (part 1)

I purchased a Coleman product that was defective, on 2/23/12.  By 3/15/12 the product was out of commission.  I recalled that Coleman includes a flyer in the box indicating that you are not to return the product to Mal Wart.  So I did without for 2 months-because I never got around to the hassle of waiting for Coleman to replace it.

Someone said to me that if they were me, they would just toake it back to Mal-Wart, despite what the manufacturer says.

I can't get thru to Mal Wart by phone, so I go there in person at 11 a.m.  I explained to the stone faced clerk that I'm not going thru Coleman because I'd have to wait a month for a replacement.  I explained what the problem was and how I'd like to do an exchange.  I said, please don't take it personaly if I ask for a manager. 

Oddly, she turned me away, stating that they have a strict "return" policy that can't be bent.  I walk away without saying a word.  She calls me back and says, "do you want to talk to a manager?"  "Yes, I said, i appreciate that.  I told the mgr. that I don't have the receipt but I know the exact date of purchase.

She reluctantly agreed to exchange it.  KNowing what a headache all transactions are, and that if I came back later, likely I'd be asked:

"Who told you that?"

So i made note that the clerk was Melanie and that the manager was Yolanda.

1.5 hours later, after 2 bus rides, I got the old product all ready to turn in.  When I got back to Mal-Wart at 12:30 p.m.  I knew the clerk I had dealt with but couldn't rememeber the name of the mgr.

So, I said "The mgr who was here at 11 am cleared this transaction for me"

A different mgr heard me and stated "I did not clear anything!"

Me-"I never said that you did!"

The clerk who waited on me this time said "Well, I can't do anything without i.d."

(Weird, no one said I needed a photo i.d. when i was here earlier)

I showed her my drivers license.

She replied "I can't take this, it's expired!" (I don't have a car, and nobody in Mountain Town has ever turned away my d.l. for not being a valid form of i.d.)

I said "Yes, but it is me and nobody has ever turned me away before!"

"Well, it isn't going to work!"

I reminded her that nobody told me earlier that I'd need i.d.  I showed her my bus rider's photo i.d. from Maryland.  It does not expire until July.

"That's not valid!"

(I cannot believe this shit)

I said "You can see that it doesn't expire for another 2 months!"

"That doesn't matter" she said.

I said OK go get the manager from earlier today.

I offered the i.d.'s to the mgr from earlier.  She said, wagging her finger in my face, "THESE AREN'T VALID!"


Australia's Got Talent 2010 - Didgeridoo Beat Boxers


Australia's Aborigines 'ravaged by alcohol' - 20 Nov 08

As you know I lived in Australia for 9 months. The situation outlined in this video is pretty much identical to the situation for the Native Americans, even right down to life expectancies in both cultures being 47 yo to 50 yo.

Monday, May 21, 2012

"Are you reading out of my journal?"

I've heard David Sedaris due his comedic shtick twice now on npr, (different ones) and I thought, this guy thinks like I do, he might as well have been reading from my journal.  Yesterday, I heard him do a shtick on waiting in line at the Starbucks. 

He waits at least 10 minutes because the customers in front of him, want to discuss their families, world events, etc.  It was hilarious to listen to.  I was just telling my friend who works at Starbucks (she was on the bus) that, "All the Starbucks employees KNOW not to ask me about my day or what I'll be doing that day"

For one thing, I have no pat answers and I don't like small talk.  Secondly, it would mean that I am contributing to holding up the line, and I don't want to do that either.

One of the Starbucks that gets a lot of tourists, I had to stop going in there because I had to listen to each rich tourist dissertation on where they are going on vacation, how it was, and how beautiful life is.  On top of that I had to listen for nearly a year to the clerk

"Oh My god like totally, Im getting married I'M GETTING MARRIED!  LOOK AT MY AMAZING ENGAGEMENT RING!  And like my parents are paying for us to go to Barbados!"  I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo  BLESSED!"

Well, you get the idea.  It's easy to see why the social classes rarely mix.  I mean unless the richer class is going to share with the lower classes, who wants to listen to or celebrate their beautiful homes, beautiful husband, 4x a year vacation minimum, and that their daddy buys them a new car every 2 years.!


Saturday, May 19, 2012

Homelessness & Tent City Statistics.wmv

I'm not crazy about the music, I'd rather just hear folk's stories without the overlay of music. Nonetheless, this is a very eye opening video that I want to share.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Missing Persons Walking In LA LIVE !!

I can't find a very h.q. video for this song, but enjoy anyhow!

"Maybe you know and maybe you don't"

When I was homeless in Indiana in 04, I was sitting in a cafe, and I noticed that-the only people out walking were; the mailman and the folks from the shelter.  This is how I came up with the name of my blog as well as the name of my memoir and that is "Only the Destitute Walk"

Today I was in the grocery store and I heard an old song fave that reminded me of my blog's name.  The song is called "Walking in L.A." and it goes on to say that "no one walks in l.a.!"  With that in mind, I am going to post a you tube video for this song.  ;)

"Like nails on a chalkboard"

For people with fibromyalgia or hearing disorders like myself there are many many sounds in modern society that are absolutely maddening.  One that I'm thinking of today is one that I have to listen to off and on 24 hours a day.  The death cough of Mountain Town.  That's what I'm naming it.  There are 3 men in my apt. bldg. with it, a few m.t. women with it, and you can hear it all over the library.  It is primarily coming from the men and it is a deafening loud cough that will make you absolutely cringe and or feel naucious.

I am awaken multiple times in the night from these men coughing, and I wonder if this is what it sounds like in a tuberculosis ward.

The one thing that these coughers have in common in most every case, is that they chain smoke.  Egads.  And perhaps even if they have made the connection that the smoking is what is causing it, they cannot stop.  Just one more sign of how unhealthy most modern day Americans are.

Donna Summer - Last Dance

I just can't help myself!

Donna Summer - Hot Stuff - LIVE

Donna Summer - I Feel Love (Live)

I might not have known her name right away, but I recall shortly after my parents lost their house we moved into an apt. I did not feel particularly welcome amongst the kids in my bldg. so I went over to the 100% black neighborhoods to play. I recall, as a backdrop, this was 75/76 , Summer's "love to love you baby" I recall being completely transfixed by this song by her voice, etc. etc. Donna's music was the soundtrack for a big part of my life too!

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Tomorrow Annie

I'll have to do this at the next karaoke!

Double Dutch Bus - Frankie Smith (1981)

Now this video rocks!

Donna Summer - Hot Stuff

r.i.p. Donna!

"One of the things I do not like about mountain town"

There is a dog culture here that is totally ridiculous and out of hand.  You have so many dogs at the outdoor cafes and restaurants, that you wonder if there is even room for humans! I cannot take a walk on the sidewalks without worrying about getting hit by a bike, a skateboarder, having a dog run to the fence line to threaten me, or being directly threatened by a loose dog!

One of the worst dog related problems we have here, is that way too many bars, malls, coffee houses have signs on their windows stating that "dogs are welcome!"

I just walked into a shop today (that I have just added to my list of places not to patronize) where a dog jumped on me immediately.  I asked the owner to get his dog, and like most naieve dog owners said "oh, this dog is a good dog."  I really don't care, I should be able to move freely about a gallery or store without being followed or jumped on!  To top it off, the shop was filthy dirty with a thick layer of dust on the floor, all the products, and the dog covered with dust balls!  Yuk!

I am outnumbered with this issues, and do not believe there is much I can do to change Mountain Town culture in this regard, 'cept not go to those places again!

One of my more outrageous dog anecdotes, is that I was in the ladies room, in the stall, on the toilet, when a loose dog came into my stall!  Aaagghh!

"Always more to learn/lyme disease and fibromyalgia"

I've had fibromyalgia since my early 20's but I was not diagnosed until I was 34 years old.  I have chronic chest pain and chronic shortness of breath.  I was wondering whether or not those symptoms might be related to having fibromyalgia.  I do not have a doctor right now, so I am forced to rely on the internet for information.  Based on today's reading (since I have no cardiac issues of concern to past doctors)  I believe the above mentioned symptoms are likely related to fibromyalgia.

Btw, there are a # of wonderful, informative videos on you tube regarding people's experiences living with various diseases, like fm and lyme.  Keep coming back.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Rose Royce - Love don't live here anymore 1978

Funkadelic - One Nation Under A Groove

"Support" group doing more harm then good"

I'm using the phrase support group very liberally.  I've tried many groups in my adult life, and I have yet to find one that is professionally run.  Some are peer run, and some are run by "professionals" but they must not be trained very well.

I tried one out this week where I knew within a minute or so that it was going to be a mess.  There were two so called facilitators and only two attendees, one male one female.  I was told right away that they might send us home because too few attendees.  I said, "oh great, i come all the way over here on the bus and your going to send us home."

They decided not to.  All 3 females were wearing pink.  I teasingly said to "dick*"  You can't stay because you aren't wearing a shade of pink!"  He emphatically stated "SHE is not wearing A SHADE OF PINK!"  With ridiculously exaggerated body movements, he pulled a candy out of his jeans, unwrappedit and threw it on the table!

"THIS is a shade of pink, NOT HER SHIRT!"

(i cannot fucking believe this!  aren't their any boundaries for appropriate behavior in this group?!)

The candy was red.  I said "Oh, I thought you were giving me a candy and unwrapping it for me"


Well, the whole group went on like this!  A facilitator was talking about an author who survived the holocaust.  She mentioned a pregnant woman who did not survive the holocaust.  I said, "Did the baby survive?!

Dick- who is practically yelling, said to me NOBODY SURVIVED THE HOLOCAUST.  NOBODY!

The other facilitator was speaking of safe places and relaxing events.  She mentioned a situation where she got to swim with dolphins.


(Again, instead of the facilitators creating boundaries, the facil. jumped to the defensive.)

She said: "Well, that was many years ago, plus how could I be hoity toity if I'm doing this kind of work.


Saturday, May 12, 2012

Southern California Shanty Town / Tent City

By now you know, I'm gonna tell you like it is!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Route 66 in five days, Chicago, IL - Santa Monica, CA (Slideshow)

"Shake your BUNNY maker!"

This was a cute moment from karaoke night.  A 20 something guy said "What are you drinking?  (I had water)  I'll buy you any drink you want, if you keep shaking your BUNNY maker!" (referring to my dancing!)

I got a kick out of this, and how "moneymaker" has morphed into "bunnymaker!"

"I finally made karaoke night"

I hadn't been in 2 months.  Even though it's free, I can't go unless I have cab fare home.  There were some good parts and some real heavy parts.

This was the most talent I've seen under one roof at a karaoke night.  That's unusual.  By the end of the evening there were about 100 folks, and 10 had drop your jaw talent.  That was very refreshing.  Unfortunately I was one of the only dancers.  It's more fun when lots of folks dance.

The weird part of the night was that 2 of my acquaintances from past karaokes, sat at my table.  One is chronically suicidal, and the other always had a sad sack story.  In fact the one, he goes by "Reverend" was riding his bike to karaoke when he got hit by a jeep!  H was unconscious for an hour, but still shoed up!  I understand that spirit, in that one time in 2000 I was the vic. of a serious crime, but I didn't make a report because it meant I would have missed performer's coffeehouse.

Well, the whole night I'm suspecting he has a concussion but I don't want to play babysitter.  I had 2 bartenders and the bouncer keep an eye on him, but it was a downer to have him at my table, indeed!

Anywho, I sang:

car wash
angel (arms of an)
in da club and
New York New York by Sinatra!  This went over very well and I got a standing ovation!

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Explore Kiev, Ukraine

In 2004, I found out that my ancestors on my father's side hail from the Ukraine. Grasping one's ancestry is particularly difficult for adoptees like myself!

Billy Preston - Nothing from nothing 1975

I had this song on 45. This has got to be the most amazing 'fro I have seen in my lifetime!

Beastie Boys Brass Monkey Music Video

r.i.p. Adam Yauch!

"You have major depression"

You have major depression and no doctors, no one has been able to find a medication to help you. 998% of the time you feel despondent. But then .002% of the time you don't. What things are happening in that tiny % of the time that you don't feel despodent? Do more of those things. It stuns me that no matter how low I'm feeling, if I watch people dance on the internet, or watch other funky videos I feel better. So now that I know that I do more of those things.....................

Monday, May 7, 2012


You will see that I posted a video "living just enough for the city" on this date. I don't know how to go back an add a comment with ease, so I'll just post this note. The video shows a man kissing the "wailing wall" in Jerusalem. It makes me wonder whether or not the prayer sheet that I placed in the wailing wall in Jerusalem, in 8/87 is still there or not?! I wonder what year the oldest prayer in the wall was placed there? Aaah, food for thought.(Hmm, I wonder what I asked for back then!)

"Insomniacs unite!"

15 months ago my white noise machine was vandalized when I lived in Md, during one of the many break ins. The company in which I originally bought the machine, Brookstone, no longer makes the one that I loved so much. I have depended on white noise since the late 80's early 90's .

I've discovered that white noise machines are now widely available with commercials airing on you tube, and entire websites devoted to white noise machine products.  If you are an insomniac, or live with horrible environmental street noise, google "white noise machines!"

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Amii Stewart - Knock on Wood

Salt-N-Pepa - Push It

"Pay yourself first"

In 96/97 I was homeless, staying with David and Christine. David told me to "pay yourself first" No matter who you owe, how much you owe, or how little you make. So, that is EXACTLY what I do

. There is so much misery each month, and I do run out of money usually by about the 18th or so.. So, even if I'm just buying a few post cards, or fancy napkins, I can't wait until the beginning of each month!  My favorite way to pay myself first is to go to a nice restaurant.  I don't mean chic or expensive I just mean clean with good food.

On the first I went to the diner and ordered blueberry pancakes with chocolate milk. On the 2nd I went out to breakfast again and ordered a  bagel with lox flavored cream cheese AND actual lox, with a bohemian coffee. (coffee with chocolate and cinnamon).  On the 3rd , I went to brekkie at a place I had never been to before but a place that received RAVE  reviews on the food network.  

I ordered:

  Eggs Neptune Crab and muenster cheese=" Two poached eggs on an english muffin, topped with our hollandaise sauce served with a homemade buttermilk pancake or our signature country pancakes!"

Well, folks I've been "on vacation" for 2 days! Now, it's time to get back to the grindstone. I'll bet you are licking your chops as we speak!

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Hotel Rwanda Trailer

James Brown Get On The Good Foot, Soul Power,Make It Funky Soul Train 1973

I had this song on 45.

Review of the book "Ordinary Man"

I just completed reading: "An Ordinary Man."

  I was not aware of the massacre in Rwanda when it was happening because I had just fallen homeless in Melbourne, AUS.

.  I haven't seen "Hotel Rwanda" and wonder how you make a movie about a genocide given the gruesome way the murders were carried out. Paul Russussebegina has many beautiful character traits, and he reminds me of Sidney Poitier and the book "Measure of a Man" It's really cool and amazing that a man who did not have a social work or psychology degree had so many amazing relationship skills. These skills are what kept him and so many others alive during the massacre. I could relate to the book on many levels

. I do know what it's like to be wrongly imprisoned (not all prisons have obvious bars)  like Paul and the refugees were in the hotel. I also know what it's like to reach out to so many organizations for help during the violence and have them be 100% unresponsive.

  Even Amnesty International didn't help me in the way they said they would, they never even returned my phone calls. 

It took me many years to work up the guts to read about what happened in 94 in Rwanda. I briefly met the author at a book signing in Baltimore.

I'd like to apologize to my readers

Now that blogger has redesigned, I cannot create a normal looking post anymore. All the sentences are running together which makes it harder to read. What I can try to do is split up my posts into multiple posts so that perhaps they are easier to read.