Friday, July 31, 2015

I didn't read the article

I don't have to read the whole thing to know that I'm going to love this I'm one of the first people in my community to call animal control when animals are left in hot cars or otherwise endangered

But all in all most of you know that I despise this dog centric culture. There is no one within 2 miles of where I live who will walk outdoors unless they are a walking to their car or B taking their car out taking their dog outside to pee.

Sadly extremely few of them are willing to exercise their dogs instead they're cooped up in apartments all day long and only briefly let out to pee or poop

I just all around the spice everything to do with our dogs centric culture and there in a no nurse. You can't even get a bloody nanny job if you don't love dogs! I thought I was supposed to love the children?! Why do I need to give you a dissertation on why I don't want to work with dogs underfoot

All this being said I'm going to share this website with you that I haven't even had an opportunity to review yet

(Or dot org)


Monsoon season in northern Arizona is beautiful, then again most every season here is beautiful


Bird man who is in his sixties propositions this beautiful young woman to be his pet sitter. I can't imagine why he chose her ;)

She probably saw right through it because she turned him down

Its pay day

It's payday and my veggie frittata with toast and homefries as well as coffee that rivals the best of them, this breakfast was perfection

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Bright colors dark backdrop

As far as photography is concerned my eye has always been drawn to bright colors with a dark backdrop such as a rainstorm with bright umbrellas. This would have been even more lovely if the umbrellas have been opened they told me they would open them for me but that never happened. Well I hope you enjoy this

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Part 3 grammatical corrections

Correction that was supposed to say nearly daily home invasions and looting

Part 2 earplugs

Part 2 so I thought this can really change my life they were paying me I think 9 dollars an hour it would it wouldn't affect my disability check.

But the next day I have been up all night from the usual high powered stereos fit in the ghetto they build them into the ceiling in all four corners of the ceiling the high high powered stereos and the usual screaming and fighting and banging and sirens. So sad I knew that if I tried to drive to work on no sleep that I was going to hurt and affect other people's lives and maybe have an accident so I had to quit  :-( and I haven't had a job since)

If you're one of those people it's constantly advising people do weird where air plugs who are in situations where the noise pollution is excruciating and that it's 24 hours do you really think that people are going to where your plugs and Bose noise cancelling all day and all night and never take it off because of noise pollution. You've never been in the noisy situation the kind of noise that harms your health you've never been in that situation if you believe the miss that your plugs can change this

There has been official studies that you can google that debunk earplugs adequately blocking out severe noise. Like where I live now they slam their doors all the time my floor shakes my first your shakes I get shaken awake and I give a woken by the auditory of it so your plugs wouldn't make even the tiniest bit of a difference

Earplugs R frequently not an answer

Despite nearly home invasions and looting at the time I took a job knowing that I had absolutely everything going against me. The noise pollution so excruciating that it could be compared to living in the middle of a construction site.

Sadly I only lasted one day for that reason. I knew that I had everything going against me with being in such severe pain. I knew that if the car broke down I would not be able to afford it to repair it. I believe I got the job probably autumn 2008 roughly right after I got right after I bought the car.

All I had to do was be a file clerk which was perfect because I didn't really have to computer skills and I just needed some way to get ahead. I took the 24 hour week position I can't believe I did this because it was at a time in my life where I could barely stand for more than 10 minutes now this is definitely still true I do not stand I can walk but I don't stand for more than 5 minutes normally.

C commute during rush hour was about an hour each way. I cannot recall what happened that night at la pew but even when I took the job I knew that I was only sleeping no more than a half an hour a night.

I even talked the employer and letting me make my own hours so we decided on Monday Wednesday Friday I would work 24 hours a week. After that first day I was like wow I can do this I can really do this and look it with how this is going to

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Retail hell

There's this really nasty guy that works at the convenience store the other two that he works with her really nice however

I asked the lady how come I have to pay tax on these energy energy drinks when I come here but I don't have to pay tax on energy drinks when I pay at the grocery store

She turned to jerk off and asked him if he knows the answer. He said miss it is what it is if you don't like it then you can take it up with the owner!

I said well geez I didn't say anything that deserved a response like that its just a question

This reminds me that when I lived in Baltimore right on the city line I'm going to say 99 percent of all retail transactions the clerks would either not make eye contact at all or they would pick a fight with you

On and on

Erykah Badu - On & On:

Book title is my quote of the day

The author is Charles Cobb his book titleis  my quote of the day:

"This nonviolent stuff will get you killed"

Monday, July 27, 2015

Netroots nations annual conference


Sunday, July 26, 2015

The baltimore bus pass from hell

I first apply for disability in 1995, I didn't win until 2002 in march.

in roughly 2006 I got a photo ID bus pass in the mail fromBaltimore mass transit id ministration

( my car broke down and I couldn't afford the repairs so I lost my automobile)

That bus pass was awful for me to look at and read. It's one thing to realize that you have disabilities it's another thing to have others label you with labels that can sometimes be very psychologically difficult to overcome.

In big black letters my bus pass read:

totally and permanently disabled!

I had to really think about that and digest it and I wondered to myself/ is it true? am I really permanently and totally disabled?

Now, in 2015 I would say that unfortunately those words are nearly 100% accurate ;(

Lauryn hill

Lauryn Hill (1998) "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hi…:

Intentional communities

Saturday, July 25, 2015


I had to take a picture of this, coke will never do my first name so I thought I would go ahead and photograph this for my middle name

Incredible grounds of the massage therapy office

Here are the incredible grounds of my massage therapy building where I go occasionally. Waiting on the day for massage therapy to be paid for by Medicare or Medicaid or both

Shocking and synchronistic

I can't even believe it, the first person I've ever met in my whole life diagnosed with bubonic plague a few days ago and Saturday Night Live just did a joke about it?!

My place smells like a wildfire

It's scary to me that my house smells like smoke because it worries me that it will activate my asthma

She's quite the actress

Black People & White People Stereotypes:


Stevie Wonder I wish - Isn't she lovely:

Telephone line

Electric Light Orchestra - Telephone Line (Audio):

Friday, July 24, 2015

Little House on the Prairie episode about being adopted

I'm almost certain the episode was entitled my mama if you're adopted or a first mother you have got to see this tearjerking episode.

Adult annie is blind and thinks that the reason why her first mother left was because her first mother didn't want a blind child. Annie refuses to meet up with her first mother until the time that missus ingles ranges a meet up without the mother or the daughters knowledge a random meet up in the church. Their reunion had me with tears soaked face with in a minute, such a beautiful beautiful episode

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Part two extremely rare

But I definitely consider his situation worse than mine and 6 out of 7 people with the bubonic plague live the other one dyes. But he's not even remotely worried. He refuses to be treated in a hospital and because of the fact that he's already sick I think it will probably speed up his death even more he's about my age

Extremely rare

It's extremely extremely rare that I meet anyone who I consider their situation worse than what I have had to live through. I exclude things like blindness deafness losing limbs I don't compare those situations to anything that I've ever had to live through

But my brand new friend is dying of lung cancer living in the woods with no tent has no income waiting on his disability and was just diagnosed with the bubonic plague yesterday. he said that he's not worried but I definitely am even though I've only met him once face to face.

This led me to go to google and read a string of articles on the bubonic plague this is the same thing as Black Death in Europe that killed I think it was 75 million people

Only one to two people in

Led Zeppelin - Whole Lotta Love:

My love

Paul McCartney - My Love:

This will be a very unpopular post

I am NOT a proponent of owning dogs or cats and I have a wide variety of reasons. This is made me a" freak" and every community I've ever lived in, in that my views are so unpopular and unusual

But that's the beauty of the internet, if you google whatever is on your mind chances are you're going to find other people who think the way you do

Melissa argues why it is cruel to have a dog as a pet here are some links


Www.captiveanimallogic.blogspot. com

Monday, July 20, 2015

It can wait

Please don't talk on your cell phone and drive please don't text and drive can

Major hearing loss was temporary

I'm guessing my hear a lot hearing loss was about 60 to 80 percent for the last 8 months. I also had a ear infection but the doctor couldn't see my ears until they didn't ear wash today the Ma said that normally it's just one squirt in each year and the job is done well with me it was about 20 to 25 squirts in each ear very very uncomfortable makes you dizzy, but I can hear much much better now thank goodness

Sunday, July 19, 2015

The hunt with John Walsh

This was really hard to worry about a man who had been molesting his little girls their whole lives and when dale that the 2 girls were dating he killedboth of them!

Sure thing on the run for 8 years the show is a wonderful way to bring these criminals to justice.

1866 the hunt

Gems and treasures northern Arizona

The craziest thing happened to me this evening when I was taking my evening walk in the neighborhood that I only walk in two or three times a year

Right there on a city street was a homemade box very professional looking with about 20 books in it there was a sign that said take one give one

Obviously I couldn't give one because I didn't know that I was going to be coming across this I ended up taking the book that turns out to be very similar to the one that I begin writing it is called child of the dark

Very few people write books the way I do and the way this lady does where we basically or just publishing our journals. This is a story of Carolina Maria de jesus life. Crushing poverty in Brazil, publishing her book got her out of poverty!

Can't sleep

The fatigue has been very extreme really can't do much of anything but g attempt to sleep.

I guess it should be expected since I was hoping to go back to work part time, can't tolerate this poverty and want to do some traveling. But I'm lucky if I can travel from the bedroom to the kitchen

The Who

Teenage Wasteland ( Baba O`Riley ) - The Who:

Men with Lyme disease


He's really good, I posted this because I thought that it would be particularly effective to hear a strong looking male talk about these devastating diseases

James Brown

James Brown " Get On The Good Foot ( Part1 ) " Tr…:

Everything is broken

Everything Is Broken:

I've been blogging about how everything is broken for many years now but I had no idea that Dylan to the song about it until yesterday when I heard this on the radio

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Google keeps shutting down part 3 genealogy

It just occurred to me now that I know her married name I may be able to find her artwork online and I may even be able to meet some cousins because I may have some cousins living here in Arizona. I know better than to allow myself to get excited about anything at all in my life there's been too many disappointments to allow myself to get too excited.

But you can never have too much information my late aunt whose name I now know as of today the famous artist well I don't know how famous... Kathleen middle initial M duchane Cohen originally from Albuquerque New Mexico.

But it just occurred to me she was raised in Baltimore, mm hmmmmm

Part to my genealogy research

I just figured out the married name of my biological aunt but it's a little too late because she died a few years ago of cancer at the age of 60.

It's always exciting to gain more information but it would have been lovely to have written to her or talk to her on the phone or better yet meet her in person. But by the time I move to Arizona she was already dead. But it just hit me she probably have kids and good chance they are in Arizona.. In fact I saw young lady downtown today who look like me and when you're adopted you never can be sure that this is not a relative.

She was a famous artist and now that I have her

Internet genealogy research

1 dollar in one day late is what they say. I just figured out my deceased aunt marital name and that she lived in Tucson Arizona in addition to Albuquerque New Mexico. She was

Friday, July 17, 2015


AC/DC - You Shook Me All Night Long (2012 Version):


AC/DC - Back in Black:

Dr phil

Lyme Disease - Dr Phil:

I told my own doctor about my seizures and her response was, I'm sure that whatever it is that you experienced is not actually seizures! So I basically just let it go, thank goodness seizures are frequent with me but they are there and I just let them be I don't take any medicine for them

Avril and me Lyme disease

Avril Lavigne on Her Struggle With Lyme Disease:

Not until watching this video did I make the connection between my symptoms and Lyme disease. One of the symptoms that the singer had was an ability to stand. An in ability to stand. That's the same problem that I've had for I'd say close to 15 years and I was infected 15 years ago. I typically never ever stand for more than 5 to 10 minutes. If I need to wait at a bank in line or at the pharmacy in line then I'll look for a chair or I'll sit on the ground. This frequently means that people don't realize I'm in line and I have to tell them that I am but that I am unable to stand. I can walk but only on certain days, and Avril also mentioned inability to move well that's also a symptom of fibromyalgia and that's definitely beenan issue for almost 22 years

Thursday, July 16, 2015


Yesterday gilbert cartoon. His coworker ask gilbert do you want some advice? Dilbert response nope. Gilbert goes on to say advice is just ego ignorant disguised as helpful ness. Gilbert's coworker asks then how will I get to hear my own voice? Dilbert response the supply cabinet has an awesome echo!

don't sleep at all or

I either don't sleep at all, or I have multiple nightmares where I am being raped tortured and attempted murder. It's extremely extremely rare for me to have an actual dream. I also I'm going to say maybe about a year ago began hallucinating. I only hallucinate after I've gone to bed not when I'm up and about and awake. But the Husa nations are always the same well they're very similar each time it's always a man breaks in and attempts to rape me but never succeeds in actually seriously hurting me. I doubt highly that I have any sort of schizophrenia but due to my post traumatic stress disorder and being a violent crime survivor I believe the things that are happening to me now or results of that.

Z clinics in town for so-called mental health care are deplorable. My health insurance does not cover any counseling or mental health other than maybe a psychologist rather than a therapist. So if I wanted to I could get medication but not any kind of actual therapy and less I went to the college and the college only helps you during the school year they you won't get to stick with the same counselor because after they graduate you have to go to a different counselor.

Is it any wonder that veterans come back to this country and commit suicide. I am very disappointed in the media only recording on war veterans PTSD because I know that there are probably millions of citizens what's the word when you're not a veteran I can't think of the words but now I'm detterence there are probably millions of non veterans who also have PTSD and are at suicide risk.

When you wake up and you're aware of all these horrible nightmares that you had it makes it even harder nearly impossible to get out of bed and face your day.

My friend markieren mountain town thanks that I put everything else here on my blog but it's actually much much worse than what I put on the blog

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Book entitled primal wound

I'm reading a really fantastic book called primal wound. It helps adoptees to understand themselves a lot better, and it helps adoptive parents understand what their children are most likely going through.

One memorable statement in the book was something that really resonated with me. Its stated that most adopted children figuratively sit up in their cribs as babies and think to themselves well I'm pretty much alone in the world and there's nobody that I have to count on but myself.

That really resonates with me because of how abusive and neglectful my adoptive parents were, not to mention that I'm adopted... I do still basically feel that I can't truly count on anyone

Show has me in tears

Deeply moving to watch part 1 about Bruce and watch him try to explain to his family what's going to be happening. I went through something like this myself two times in an 18 month period with men that I was dating. one of them this was back in 1997 did go on to have the gender reassignment surgery, the other one did not but I went with him to transgender support group in Baltimore City. The following year the leader of the group was murdered for being transgender.

Ever since we came out of the closet with all this there are all sorts of TV shows on now, reality shows about other transgender families. I think it's wonderful and I hope that people will try to be kind and try to put themselves in someone else's shoes before they judge. as bruce says all he or anyone really wants to do is be there or be there authentic selves goodness knows I'm all for that

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Lyme disease fibromyalgia and the rest what a living hell

It's truly a living hell I'm going to say I'm out of the house 12 to 14 hours a week ballpark. I've been in for more than 48 hours, they put me on cymbalta hoping that I would be in less pain but it's made me so nauseous but I'm afraid to eat anything. The pain aside the weakness is debilitating and its nearly impossible to get out of bed.

I can't state enough the importance of you watching the documentary on YouTube entitled under our skin

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Today was a wonderful day

I knew that there was someone here in my town who is one of my Facebook friends but we had never actually met face to face. I happen to be in the library returning a book and I recognized him immediately. We spent the next hour and a half together I took him to the mission for dinner and told them the different resources for him to have a place to live. His situation is really horrible really really horrible. He is my age and he has cancer advanced cancer and he has no shelter and he doesn't get disability because he never got approved for his disability. He said he's literally been penniless for 7 months that is a horrible way to live I know because I've lived through it. He was a practicing nurse until the time that he got diagnosed with cancer so hopefully he will allow me to take care of him so to speak and reverse the roles for a change because I have the knowledge and resources to help him really get to a better position in life because I know the resources in my town like the back of my hand. This is the first time either one of us has ever met a Facebook friend in person and he's is excited as I am


Edie Brickell & New Bohemians - What I Am:

Grateful yet helpless

The severe round-the-clock banging has started back up again around 3 weeks ago. Needless to say even if I do try to go to bed at a normal hour it doesn't matter because somebody's going to slam a door and wake me up. The last time I asked for help from the rental office she also was unable to determine where the banging was coming from. I could ask for a transfer as I have done in the past, but its all pot luck I could end up in an apartment complex even worse than the one I'm in. The only answer is to live in a home a house of your choosing and your neighborhood but you know that is not going to happen for me

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Green Day

Green Day: "Boulevard Of Broken Dreams" - [Offici…:

1 year ago o today

I wish I could tell you things as they are happening, but sadly I cannot because the stalking began in June 2005. I feared filling in the details on the blog and I still fear it, because I feared that if I put all the details up here that it would increase the chances that I would be murdered.

That being said I could not put up here right away about having a car. My stalker destroyed my last car not only externally but the internal workings and even got inside my automobile and cut everything up with a nice and would purposely vomit on the seats. I could go on and on and on, that's exactly what I plan to do once I get featured on Dateline or Investigation Discovery true crime channel.

Shockingly even though I was forced to flee Maryland I still endured many serious and on-going crimes here in Arizona all the way through to April 2013. Much to my shock and surprise even in the year that I've had the car someone's been coming back repeatedly to vandalize it. This time the person has not been able to get inside the vehicle and has not done things like cut the brakes which is the sorts of things that he did when I lived in Maryland.

I can't say that having a car has made me happier but you have watch me document for 8 years about how when I was on public transportation I was spending up to seven hours a day commuting. I live in a small town and you very much need a car here, life is dreadfully difficult without an automobile here so like any town in America having an automobile has given me freedom and choices. & I no longer have to waste up to 50 hours a week commuting!

Currently because of the monsoon rains it has affected my battery so I can't use the car today, I'm very very lucky because I ended up drifting in the parking lot today rather than getting stranded out on a major road right in the middle of the hail and rain. Tomorrow I'll have to figure out how to get the vehicle over to the servicing place, thank goodness I won't have to take money out of my own pocket exactly for the repair because I paid for a 2 year warranty, bumper to bumper.

You would be shocked

You would be shocked at all of the diagnoses I have received since turning 30. You would also be shocked at all of the different symptoms I have from the time I wake up in the morning until the time I go to bed at night.

But generally speaking the pain is so severe and unbearable that even if I slept 6 hours and feel that that was an adequate amount of sleep I usually will go back to sleep because I cannot bear how much pain I'm in. In my real life I don't know anybody at all who lives with excruciating pain all day long everyday. But I know thousandswomen who are living this way through my Facebook support groups. Some of these women are extremely surprised and impressed that I am walking a minimum of 8 miles every week even while being in severe pain.

I would like to figure out whether or not this telephone has a decent audio recorder and since I live alone and nobody knows what I'm going through I would like to speak into the audio throughout the day and then transcribe it and put it on the blog.

If I had the equipment and I knew how to do it and I had a personal computer I would put a video up on youtube about what I'm living with and what life is really like. I have seen some videos like that but I haven't seen any yet describing the long list of symptoms that I have.

Saturday, July 4, 2015

Testing 123

I just made a post with my new phone but for some reason it will not publish its listed as draft, Here I am trying again