Thursday, March 29, 2012

Dancing Machine - The Jackson Five

The Jacksons - Enjoy Yourself 1976 (HQ)

jackson 5 dancing machine

On the song, "at seventeen"

The irony of what Janet is talking about is that even for girls that aren't ugly, they were called, dogs, brace face, four eyes. It didn't matter-even if you were pretty you were called ugly.

And even if you were coordinated, by some random chance you still weren't chosen for the teams as she suggests.

I wonder if she wrote this or not.......Powerful, I can relate to every word.

Three Anniversaries

One Year in Mountain Town

Five Years with blog


Ten years collecting social security disability. I used to think that with practice I could survive on the pittance they give us. But even with this practice, I still have no clue to have a normal life. They tell us to prove we can't work at all, can't do anything, but they force us to go back to work so we don't starve to death, or go without shelter!

Soul Train Line I Love Music O'Jays.mpg

I love the freedom, I love that the soul train dancers have not one ounce of self consciousness. I think we should all aspire to that on the dance floor!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Neil Diamond & Barbara Streisand, You Don't Bring Me Flowers

"For Female eyes ONLY"

I've had to devote my entire day to scoring maxi pads , the honest way. It certainly is easy to see why some desperate people elect to steal. It sure is a whole hell of a lot quicker then my honest way.

My cell phone 411 service is a pain in the ass because it's voice recognition only, and it never gets it right.

how am i going to survive til pay day without what I need.

I started by calling the 411 directory to ask for the # to the soup kitchen.

Me. _ "Mountain Town Soup Kitchen"

411-did you say "M.T. Interior Design?"

"what city"

me "mountain town , southwest"

411-"did you say st. louis missouri

411 "try again" "what is the category"


411-"did you say flooring?"

I go on a search for the phone book. I find the # to the soup kitchen, and then rehearse what I'm going to say.

I got voice mail, no one has called me back. "Hi, this is elana, a diner at the s.k. You helped me one time before with this but I don't know how you did. I have no money for sanitary napkins, and perhaps smeone has donated you some?  Please call me back."

Next, I get on the bus, and I see my lovely new friend. I tell her all the things I've done to score napkins. She's surprised at what life is like. I decide I have no choice but to do a walk in at the clinic.

bUT i can't tell the secretaries why I'm doing a walk in, because they'll refuse me. I'll just have to say that it's related to periods.

One hour later the bus gets me to the clinic. A patient and I share horror stories about the clinic's unprofessional service and I explain why I will no longer be receiving medical care there.

I walk into the clinic and the only persn "receiving" is the bitch Marsha* Well, that's not going to work. Maybe I should just ask women in the bathroom if they have any pads.

I tell a very kind employee in the bathroom about my predicament. I suggest she goes over to obgyn and see if she can score me some.........She goes in the back and scores me 3.

I walk tomy neighbor. She's not home, but her strung out roomate who I've never met, was kind enough to give me another 3!

Well, I have 1.50 in cash and one dollar in my check account. I think I can buy a small coffe, I haven't had anything to eat today.

I could go over to soup kitchen for dinner but most times it's too repulsive tasting and sometimes I leave with a sick stomach. I opt to skip food today until after the free voice lesson I scored.

At home I have almond butter, white bread, and one can of amy's soups as well as eggs. I will likely survive this too, seems I always do.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Charley Pride - The Streets Of Baltimore

I was blown away to hear this song last night on american npr!

"On the pluses and minuses of being an open person"

There are many stressors to being open and outgoing, but I think the stressors are all part of the game to wanting new people in your life. I mean it is actually very stressful much of the time to be on public transit, however, because I'm in a small mountain town, where most people are open, I make very frequent meaningful connections.

I found this to be impossible to achieve in Baltimore, where most are cold and unfriendly.

Yes, the downside to being open is that I also meet many people who stress me out and who I don't enjoy. But I think I'm going to continue to risk being open to new experiences, it many ways it enriches my life, and gives me plenty of fodder for a non fiction book as well as for this blog!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

"No Free Lunch"

One of the first times I saw myself in print was with a book review of the book entitled "no Free Lunch" It appeared in the Journal and Courier newspaper in 2004/2005. Let me know if you are able to find it via an internet search. West Lafayette, IN is where the newspaper originates.

"The amazing young woman on the bus today"

There was an amazing young woman at the bus stop with me today. I'd seen her before this time I wanted to know about her. She is in grad school for social work, undergraduate is education, same background as me. Anywho, she's late 20's and was lucky enough to meet her husband in undergrad.

I said "It's such a rare treat to meet someone like yourself with reflective listening skills!"

She said that "I also meet extremely few people that really listen to each other."

me-"We were taught in social work school to never give unsolicited advice, therefore I'm about ready to give you unsolicited advice!"

her-"go for it"

me-"If there ever comes a time when the going gets rough in your marriage, work work work at it. The grass IS NOT greener on the otherside!"

her-she thanked me and said that her husband feels the same way!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

"Adaptive Technology/Assistive Devices"

I was reading a magazine called "New Mobility" Beyond Wheels. I was absolutely stunned at how far technology has come in assisting the disabled to lead full and productive lives.

In my backyard the other day, I knew that if I fell in a snow drift, I wouldn't be seen or found til everything melted. The only way I could safely walk across the property was by my new invention.

(Just like in winter 09, I had to do ridiculous things to keep from falling on my property since no one would clear it after Hampstead/Baltimore region's record breaking snowfall.......)

I found an abandoned lawn chair, the old fashioned kind with the 4 legs. I grabbed it, and fashioned it into a walker, so that it would keep me from falling in a drift!

I realize that, maybe this is a good time to order a cane, as my doc suggested for the weakness years ago. But in the meantime, lawn chairs make good walkers for the poor.

999% misery, 1% joy

It is, 999% misery, and 1% joy! Life is a grueling struggle. Between the physical disabilities and the broken society it's all absolutely exhausting. Few of the places I've lived  in the last 18 years have been up to code.

One of my worst fears came to pass on Sunday, when I got snow trapped. The landlord's maintenance staff said that he is too fat to do the shoveling so we will have to do our own! I still can't get down the steps out front, and even the city inspector said "the only way I can get down the steps is to walk backwards" He did that but was unable to reach the banister as it was covered with snow as well as the left part of the steps.

He said there is little he can do about my concerns with the exception of the fact that I feared the circuits weren't grounded. He is looking into that. I told him I literally can't touch anything without getting shocked. I demonstrated that when I put my bare arm against any wall, the static makes my hair stand up literally. I told him that when I try to pull up the blankets or roll over in bed, there are big lights and hundreds of very painful shocks. It looks like lightening and like the bed will just catch fire.

The fire inspector said, all he can do is advise management to get fire alarms, but he can't legally mandate it!

I'm very very weak. From June -05 to 4/11 I had the handicapped rails on the bathtub and no steps to climb. I was very dependent on those rails.

my next post is on adaptive techonology for the disabled.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Soul Train Line Dance YOU SHOULD BE DANCING by Bee Gees.flv

"Where I've been staying since Thursday"

I was sequestered for almost 48 hours, and decided that today, despite my mobility issues and osteoarthritic knees that i was going to wade thru hip high snow to get to the buses that are running.

No one will come to shovel so the conditions will remain very treacherous for pedestrians probably for at least a week. But I had to get out. I'm drenched thru the bone even tho i have 2 layers on. My boots are not waterproof so my feet are cold and soaked.

Like Baltimore many sidewalks are inaccessible so you have to walk in the highway where the cars and 4 by 4's are flying on the ice. Very deadly. Been taking tons of pics, and hoping i will make it back without falling in a drift never to be seen again.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

"Products of a Violent Society"

Some Americans are more affected on a day to day level then others but all Americans are the product of one of the most violent nations in the world. Prior to coming to Mountain Town in 4/11, I didn't have any friends or acquaintances who ever broke a law. Here, most everyone I meet has some sort of legal shenanigans in their past.

If they, male or female made the decision that they weren't going to live that way anymore, and now are leading a "clean" life, then they deserve to be forgiven. What I mean by that is, if I have a strong connection with you on many levels, I am open to being your friend if the "outlaw" life is in your past but not your present!

Friday, March 16, 2012

"Stop and listen to the buskers/the guitar man"

One really neat way to meet folks in mountain town is to stop and sing with and talk to the buskers. Downtown, they are on every corner if it's above 40 degrees.

The 2 young men i met yesterday are about 20 and they are from Dayton, OH. When they told me they got to Mountain Town by train, I asked about Amtrak! That's not what they meant! They hopped freight trains the entire way. One plays banjo, the other guitar and they do mostly originals.

I tried to harmonize on a cover, but it was tough for our voices to mix in this case. They love Mountain Town and are going to try to make a go of it here.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

"Are you a writer?"

I was on the bus yesterday speaking with my dear 20 y.o. "bus friend" named Christie*

C-"Are you a writer?"

E-"yes! how did you know that?"

C-"Because your vocabulary is enormous!"

E-"I've been working on a book for years but the very subject I wish to write about is the very reason I keep getting "pushed off the path" So, at the moment, I'm just focusing on the blog!"

(Christie was shocked when I told her I was 48. I was shocked when she told me she is 20 as she is very evolved, very astute, extremely mature. I told her I'd love to be her friend outside of the buses but I know she has no time for that. She said she has absolutely no time for a social life because of her full time job and she also takes care of her sick grandparent.)

Monday, March 12, 2012

"I haven't REALLY slept since 1975"

Beginning of Feb. 2012 they finally found a med. that helps me sleep at least 4 hours a night. But ever since 75 and up to 2012, it's not unusual at all for me to be awake for weeks even a month at a time. And no, I'm not bi-polar.

All I ever see and hear in the media are stories about war veterans with post traumatic stress syndrome. But it may affect even more civilians then military! And that results in very little sleep. I am now at the point where without medication my body can't even fall asleep.

"Denise* is a psychotherapist"

My friend Denise was telling me about an exercise she does with her "trauma" clients. She teaches them to be very aware of the physical sensations in their body when they are experiencing a joyful event.

I tried it dozens of times, and all I notice , and can feel is the pain and sensations that are a result of having fibromyalgia, arthritis, post lyme, and nerve damage!

I want you to try the exercise too, and let me know it you felt anything and where?! (now, I'm not referring to the sensations you might experience while having sex. Sex is excluded from this particular experiment! This after all is not the Kinsey report!)


At first glance, you may think that by posting you tube cover songs that I am being unoriginal! But what I'm doing is, sharing what is going thru my head and that is music, music, music. Typically, whatever I'm going through in a moment, hour, or day, sends a theme song into my head. So, in many cases I'll post the video and then tell you how it relates to my life!

Sunday, March 11, 2012

"At the Church that wasn't a church"

At "church" today, a woman suzanne* relayed a comical anecdote that is about her grown daughter. Recently some missionaries showed up at the daughter's door (maggie)

They asked her what her religion is?!

She replied: I'm an "apathyist!" If there is a god, fine! If there isn't a god, well that's fine too!

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Today at the bus stop

ME- "How are you?"

d.j.*-"Well,Ihad alot of beers last night!"

ME-"So you're just a little hung over!"

d.j.-"Yes" "Ijust got out of the 30 day detox program over at the @#$ center"

ME-"Oh,yes. I'm familiar with that. But, it looks like it wasn't very effective"

d.j. "Well, what I need to do is get into the rehab 30 day"

ME-"Oh good. When willyou do that?"

d.j. He pulled out a card showing me the date for entry.

ME-"I'm Elana. And, I've only known you for 3 minutes but I'm proud of you."

d.j. "ELANA, my sister's name is Elana!"

ME-"How old are you."


ME-"you're my age"

ME-"Are you native american indian?"

d.j. "Yes,my tribe is Havasupai. I grew up in the Grand Canyon." "I'm really a good person, you know?"

ME-"Yes, I do know. Here's my #. Keep me informed of your progress. I'm clean and you're going to need to stay around clean people"

d.j. "I really need friends. I'll call you."

"Ilve come full circle"

For better or for worse, "Mountain Town" is my home now. When I was 13 I told my parents I wanted to move to Rossiter, Pennsylvania,also a mountain town with a very tiny population. That is where my cousins, and aunt lived. Mymother responded "No, you don't want to move to Rossiter" The case was closed.

Now, for the first time in my life and by default, I am learning what it is like to live in a Mountain Town.

If you are poor, youre quality of life is going to be very limited,even in paradises like Hawaii or Melbourne, AUS where I used to live.

So, I'm going to make thebest of it while I'm here!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Roberta Flack - The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face [totp2]


"Yesterday at the bus stop"

A woman about my age, who I recognized as the girl from 3 doors down* joined me at the bus stop. People in Mountain Town use very poor discretion when it comes to their level of disclosure about their lives! I think it's the opposite of Baltimore. She was talking on a cell phone and it sounded like she was talking to her signif. other. I asked her if she was married, and her age. She's 48, and her husband is 80, she said.

She said she's on her way to "trauma therapy." and we discussed that a tad. Then I asked her how she met her husband.

PROSTITUTING, she replied.

I said, well I guess now that you are with him you don't need to prostitute anymore, ehh? She replied You got it, he loves me and I don't need to do that anymore.

"Last night, downtown"

It wasn't the magic that it was 2 weeks ago, but it's a great joy to be back onstage. last night during practice session I performed:

First time ever I saw your face
Midnight at the Oasis
Dancing Queen
I love the night life, I want to boogie!

And perhaps one or two more. Hundreds of celebs have made this hotel and lounge their second home, both living and dead. The place is very haunted with amazing stories from guests and staff as well. Hundreds of celebs, everyone from Freddie Mercury to Debbie Reynolds have walked these halls and this lounge. It's like walking on sacred ground to perform here even tho' I am a mere novice!

Skylark - Wildflower

I have a funny feeling I know which lady they are singing about! I never knew who performed this until today!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012


I'll perform this song downtown, tonight......

Seasons In The Sun - Terry Jacks 1974

Beautiful song, and spring is in the first b/f says this song reminds him of his father, who led a clean life, was an athlete and died of cancer at about 40. My other friend says he's certain this is about suicide. Well, either way..................

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Hall & Oates - Rich Girl (live 1977)

Unfortunately I think about social inequity all the time. I used to play this sheet music on piano and sing along, well before i really "got" the lyrics!


Today it's sunny and over 50 with light wind. I haven't been to the ocean since 96.......when I was homeless near Annapolis MD. I'm missing the ocean today and this is the song running thru my head.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Brand New Key - Melanie

Sadly, my roller skating days are probably over. :(

NPR featured book "Operation Family Secrets"

Yesterday I heard NPR for the first time since fleeing MD. I had forgotten how listening to NPR deeply enriched my life!

NPR were interviewing Frank the author of the book o.f.s. It was a very painful interview for me to listen to. In many cases when memoirs move me to tears it's because of parallels I have to the author's life.

FRank was forced to serve the mob, and raised by the mob. He explains that in different parts of the u.s. there are different names; for example mafia in one part is mob in another.

One of the things that moved me to tears was listening to him describe some of the crimes the mob would perform when someone didn't pay back their "juice loan" One crime was identical to one of the thousands I was victim to since June 2005. In my case I was the victim of a long series of hate crimes.....which I wish I could tell you about but my case hasn't gone to court yet so I can't.

But, the crime he described, one of the ones I've xperienced is, the criminal came into my home and put a dead rat on my living room floor.........

This is a fascinating and educational memoir describing a world most of us can't even imagine.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

MICHAEL JACKSON - on Barbara Walters Interview Full 1997 HQ

"The entire society is broken"

Everything is broken, I have no control. We are interdependent, and if the others aren't doing their jobs, it deeply affects us, and I can't control their actions. For 2 years I lost my singing voice but now it's back. "god" gave me the gift of song, and for the month of March I will throw everything into perfecting my craft as well as entering the 2 singing contests in Mountain town, both pay very well. Today I placed an ad that I am seeking piano accompaniment.

Amy Winehouse - All my lovin' (The Beatles's cover)

Until the time that she passed, I only knew one of her songs. But I made a point to watch a tribute concert put on by vh1 and i'm a fan! I think this set of clips is very flattering. Enjoy