Monday, March 30, 2015
his is this question is for anybody who wants to answer it but it is especially for people who were born in the families that they regret that they were born into
Here are the top families I would love to be born into and then after I list them I will explain why I picked these
#1 I would be born into the Ingalls family I would be Laura Ingalls. Now that's excluding the fact that she at some point also got afflicted with blindness it wasn't just your sister Mary. I picked this family because of all of the love and support that the parents gave, and the fact that there were no car so it was quiet and peaceful and they got to eat dinner together every nighT
#2 I would be born into the Walton family I would be one of the kids either the littlest girl or one of two teen girls. Why do I say that because of the loving parents and because of how wonderful it would be to have siblings and share dinner together every night and lots of fun , actual l childhood .who cares about the poverty, you're actually very well see if you're born into a big loving family
#3 I would be born into the Brady family any of the girls. Because they have so much fun together and their parents love them so much and They eat dinner together every night .
# 4 the Kardashian family. Because I would love to have the experience of never having to worry about money and because of all of the love that they have in that family and all the fun they have together, it's not their appearance that I envy or feel jealous of it's just a fact that they will never ever have to worry about money , can live in whatever neighborhood they want whatever beautiful home they want and have the means to travel wherever they want and eat amazing healthy tasty meals and never go hungry
About a year or two ago I was watching a documentary that showed how this one guy I think a quadriplegic was touring the world and how the airlines were helping him with his disabilities and how he managed to see the whole world even though he was in a wheelchair, so I know with proper planning traveling with disabilities is some absolutely possible.
I obviously I don't even have the money to live day to day but certainly if I did I'm 22 years overdue for a vacation.
I am going to attempt to provide you with a link to the show that I'm watching.
If I actually owned a computer you would be able to see me actually post the video on the my blog site but I do not know how to do that with my smartphone.
"get a taste of Ireland"
Sunday, March 29, 2015
aw and Order SVU the episode is entitled behave
my quote of the day, Mariska Hargitay tells the rapisT "you're my bitch now"
by the way I have a great deal in common with the victim in the story whose name is Vicki. My own story line matches hers in many many ways but I can't go into the details on the blog I have to save that for the book and or for ID true crime channel
Ive Been watching Dexter back episodes of Law and Order SVU introduced by producer Dick Wolf. He introduces each episode this is absolutely incredible I cannot turn off the TV. I'm bedridden anyway by pain so I might as well go ahead and watch this
Here's one possible link for yOu
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Friday, March 27, 2015
Thursday, March 26, 2015
If your profile picture is of your pet rat I am very unlikely to friend you, I am also very unlikely to friend you if you are a tree. I want to see your face it's easier to connect with the so-called stranger if I had some idea of what you look like.
I stopped friending most people from foreign countries where English is not the first language.
unless you are in one of my Facebook support groups I'm not very likely to friend you. Nadine from 10th grade has made 3 attempts to friend me. Yesterday I said to her why why do you want to be my friend? You didn't want to be my friend then why now?
I asked to similar question of carry from 9th grade. What I'm finding is that most of these folks don't want an intimate dialogue with me but they still want to superficially friend me, no thanks
But when I did my official research on the internet under crime data boy was I shocked. It claimed that the town is only safer than 2 percent of American cities of all sizes! What the f***?
So in that regard it's like thepeople of Baltimore, the people of Baltimore lie to themselves try to convince themselves that Baltimore safe it's the only way they can stand living there.
for as drawn as I am to the climate after reading about the crime data and speaking to my brand new friend Nicole 19, she lives near the college very near the college and just two months ago her entire home was ransacked everything of value to her everything irreplaceable was stolen.of course if I were independently wealthy like most people my age that I know I could pick some very safe suburban area to live in but that ain't gonna happen in my lifetime
If I had a brain in my head I would have remained in Australia and not come back to the United States like my ex was smart enough to do
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
But I knew that, there are 3 phone #'s on the back of the ebt card. I tried 2 of them, and you are never going to believe this.
I have been awarded .33 a day! That comes to 10 dollars a month!
Melinda asked me the last time when I was getting the 15 a month why don't I just appeal! I waited a whole year to go in there, and I only went in because I have been forced to go to the mission for dinner and only about 10% of the time is the food pallatible enough (to my tongue) to be able to eat it.
Today, I went to the grocery store and treated myself to a Bolthouse farms mocha cappuccino ($3) and a banana. I have enough for a loaf of potato bread and 100% peanut butter as long as I buy the store brand (Kroger) which is quite good.
I told the cashier I get .33 a day. I said, if you had .33 a day to "blow" on food, what would you blow it on? He was stumped.
Then, they ask you if you are "playing monopoly"
I replied I've never been a gambler but maybe it's time to start!
Last week I had to make two trips there this week I had to make one trip there total wait time of 8 hours and 4 hours gathering documents.
And what allotment did they give me this time? $10 a month, might as well save it up for a whole year and then throw a party with the money that I made, It's aninsult and its degrading
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Christina Crawford, Author of "Mommie Dearest", Interview with Bill Boggs: https://youtu.be/L9t7AEfwBzY
The mistake that Bill made and the mistake that many interviewers make is that they talk way too much. He should just be quiet for a while and really listen
Monday, March 23, 2015
I made two calls earlier today trying to get through a food stamp worker but no luck getting an actual human being, I was attempting to get another case worker assigned to me. The last case worker tried to grab papers out of my hands I held on with a death grip so she pulled and pulled and pulled until she succeeded in yanking them out of my hands. She informed me that I would no longer be getting my SSDI check for $36. I said well why not and she said well that's what it says on my computer screen but I can't give you a reason. I was really pissed off so I called the disability office today to find out why I will no longer be getting SSDI the worker said to me who told you that that's not true.
today I arrived at the case at the Food Stamp office at 1:45 p.m., I will probably have to wait until 5 p.m. because I do not know where my old food stamp card is.
When I arrived here I asked for a new case worker, I was told that I can't request that in advance I just have to see who calls me and then at that time if it turns out to be the same girl I would have to request another person.
The case worker who called me was a different person, also pretty unimpressive. He had no idea what my case file number is. I said I've got all the documentation that you've asked for me, he said well I don't know what documentation we asked of you!!!
I handed him everything that the last case worker had asked me for and more. When we were all done with the appointment he didn't tell me how much money I'll be getting, I told him that I have two cans of soup and spaghetti at home and I have $1 to last me for 10 days.
I went back up to the counter and I said sorry I forgot to ask you how much will I be getting each month. He said we are not permitted to release that information to you verbally! You are going to have to wait until you get a letter from us in the mail at that time you will know if you've been awarded stamps and how much you will get
There is a morbidly obese five year old child with a cough of death. Her mother can't control her, her mother is so busy texting that she didn't notice that the girl hold the pink fluorescent tape off of the broken switch and then she turned the deadbolt unlocked all the clients out!
She cried and whined for 2 hours she then began toppling over chairs the mother could not stop her. The case worker s the mother what kind of work do you do the mother replied I take care of developmentally disabled adults! no surprise really in the past when I've seen workers so-called caring for people with disabilities I wondered if they pull these employees out of the gutter. How can this mother possibly care for the developmentally disabled when she can't even care for her own five year old child
I can get away with things and mountain town that I would never be able to get away with in Baltimore. If I should correct an African American child in a Baltimore City Food Stamp office the mother would probably shoot me in the head, but here in mountain town if a child is causing danger or putting themselves in danger or toppling chairs over in the Food Stamp office I'm not afraid to correct the child. Of course the children always listen to strangers when they won't listen to their own parents so I did tell the little girl that it is not acceptable for her to topple chairs over, she never toppled another chair over for the time remaining and now she's just finally left the Food Stamp office. I have been asked to wait until the office closes because I don't know where my old food stamp card is so I'm going to have to wait if I want another one today
Sunday, March 22, 2015
I have been researching and worrying about this ad infinitum. I was looking into apartment home security systems through Google's evening. the place I live now and I have been here for 2 years as compared to every place that I have lived in the last 21 years is relatively safe. Very safe. but I still take a lot of precautions and I still have reason to worry.
For one thing home security systems are very expensive when you consider the fact that if you are like me and you do not have or qualify for a credit card you are required to pay for the entire security system up front let's say ADT for example.
The other enormous worried that I have is the fact that numerous maintenance men have a key to my apartment.
The majority of the break ins from 2005 to 2009 and I was broken into nearly every day for that for years were break-ins by the maintenance men.
What kind of security system could actually work with all these strangers these maintenance men who have a key. Every single solitary person who is ever gotten into my apartments and motel rooms over the last 21 years they got in without forced entry. wouldn't that lead you to believe that the most likely suspects or the maintenance men, people who have a key? I have not given the key to anyone and in the two years I've been here and like I said this is the safest place I've ever lived, they've been in here about 7 or 8 times. I have discovered some things missing that were extremely valuable to me and irreplaceable but not high ticket items.
I was only out of the house last night for two and a half hours, when I got back my door was unlocked.
7 weeks ago and that particular day I did have an officer come out/I got back home and not only was my door unlocked but it was wide open. if a burglar stole underwear for example that's not something that I would notice right away although unfortunately over the years I have been forced to do constant tallies of absolutely everything that I own.
When I lived in Walker Muse in Baltimore and Ridgely house in Carroll County some of the things that were taken were of high value and some nut but the main thing is that the burglars want you to know that they are in control it's not necessarily always about taking high ticket items but it's about them controlling you controlling your mind, making you think and worry and wonder if you're going crazy because you know that you left a particular item in a particular place and that's the same place you always have the item and perhaps it's been move to another room and thrown on the floor.
If any of you have any ideas on the best apartment security and least expensive that would actually be valuable even given the fact that maintenance men have the key, please do leave your comments for me. Thank you
Saturday, March 21, 2015
That was supposed to say the spare room in mommy dearest my own adoptive mothers house was filled with mink coats just like just like Joan Crawford and that is part of the reason why there was no money for college for me
Well she was adopted like me the parallels between Christina's life with Joan Crawford and my life with Helen Schneider who adopted me are absolutely mind bending. I received very little in the way of physical abuse but my mother was an alcoholic and stole all the money out of my bank account so that when I turned 18 I would have nothing left. my own mommy dearest dressed just like Joan Crawford but wouldn't spend any money on clothes for me. Don't get me wrong I always had close but never in a million years would she have spent money on me like she did on her self. My very first boyfriend looked in the spare room of our house and he said oh my god this entire room is filled with milk first yet your parents will not give you a penny for college. as a result I was forced to cut off contact with my own mommy dearest at the age of 26 and I have never looked back
I just found out that there is a movie called mommy dearest I just turned it on a few minutes ago of course it is about Joan Crawford. I had my own mommy dearest and going to watch this to the end because I know how similar it is to the way my own adoptive mother raised me. Here is the shot of Christina the daughter being forced to make a drink for her mommy dearest
Friday, March 20, 2015
I had the radio on and the song that was playing was about child abuse its called hell is for children, the car in front of me has a license plate that says it shouldn't hurt to be a child! so in this photo I've taken a picture of the license plate sorry it isn't a little bigger
I went to my very first ever mountain town folk society monthly concert and was very surprised that the first test is always an open mic. If I had known that I would have worked something up, maybe next time. Any help the person who performed the main performer was named Matt hall and he was quite talented with playing three different instruments and a beautiful singing voice but the best part was talking to him after the show and finding out that he was on his way to Baltimore because most of his family live there even though he grew up in Delaware.
The reason why I can so strongly relate to Kevin green and the others who go to prison is because poverty and homelessness and living amongst violent criminals is a lot like being in prison, because it is not the life that I never chose or imagined for myself. And since this country hasn't given poor people a way and honest way to get out of poverty or to get out of there dangerous neighborhoods it really is like being in prison.
I know one of the guys today in my facebook depression support group said that his depression and loneliness feels like he's in his own prison, so there's all sorts of life circumstances that can make a person feel imprisoned.
Amazingly Kevin Greene doesn't seem bitter and was lucky enough to be able to remarry but no amount of money can give you your life back give him his life back or give me my lost 21 years back.
I went to the Food Stamp office and I will blog about that another time it was a horrible experience with a five hour wait my clerk was very rude and grab the papers out of my hand! The next time I go back cuz they want me to come back I'm going to request another case worker I've got $1 a day to last for 2 weeks, I tried to go to the Food Center the rescue mission to eat but most of the time I can't stand the food so that's not really a good option.
I also had a consult with the breast surgeon and he was a real a****** and very disrespectful of me, some doctors resent it when you tell them that you have been studying up about your condition, they resent and educated woman. The bottom line is I still do not know if I have breast cancer or not and I am supposed to be meeting with another breast breast cancer console surgeon. All I can say is oYy vey!
There was a guy who was very interested in me and initially I was interested in him as well. We got together maybe 3 times total and I worked up the guts to tell him what I thought of him and I defined his behavior word for word and it identically matched the definitions given first sight sociopath and psychopath!
I told him that for you Jimmy every human being you meet male or female is just an object to you and they are only of interest to you if they can help you advance your own position in life you really don't care about anybody but yourself. I was shocked that I had the guts to tell him exactly what I thought about him...
Girls trust your instincts I don't care how handsome and intelligent these guys are many of them are bad news so trust your gut and don't give in to your sexual desires if you have red flags about A man
Friday, March 13, 2015
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
But when the tent came down and the winds picked up and they weren't getting any sleep and they were both miserable I was shocked that she gave up and wanted to go home.
It's understandable that she would want to be rested and comfortable but I was still shocked that she went home.
When she insisted that her husband drag her back to the campsite to give birth that's when I thought that she was being unfair. They are both driving up there he speeding he has one hand on the wheel he's distracted and he is endangering other people on the road. She is putting him through so much stress he does not want to be the one to have to deliver the baby, yeah so after maybe the first 10 minutes of the show as far far as I was concerned the show really went south and I quickly realized all of the challenges that are presented with having your child in the wild.
Monday, March 9, 2015
I was forced to move back to Indiana in 2005 because I didn't have any shelter in Maryland, pardon me I was forced to move back there in 2003. I'm not going to use the real name of this young lady because I want to protect her, but I will use the real real name of the lady that got killed.
So when I got out to Indiana my friend Linda told me that Isabella had been murdered. Linda explained that Isabella was really into S&M and John Robinson learnt her out to Missouri with the idea that she could live with him. Isabella was an amazing artist I actually saw a mural that she did on a Indiana church that is quite incredible, she did the mural about a year before she was murdered.
So linda was very very good friends with Isabella and Isabella ignored Linda'S Pleas.
Isabella was never mentioned in this vanity Fair confidential show by name, but at the very end of the show they scroll a list of names of people that he confessed to have killed. For a split second I was able to see Isabella's name on the list.
Linda was required to take part in the trial because of the fact that she was such good friends with Isabell, I assume this is why she was required to take part in the court trial.
I first read about Isabella's case more than 10 years ago in a book that was entitled anyone that you want me to be. about people who pretend to be someone else on the Internet so that they can lure and kill.
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
then search for the documentary entitled the history of water it is a four part series 4 hours in total but then much shorter than that when you account for the commercial
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
moved in on 2/4/05
Laura lent me her car since mine is broken down. Nobody has ever lent there car to me thus far in my life. Just for the one night. I was in good spirits even though I was in a tiny and toxic efficiency in a 100 year old home. (turns out no heat in winter just air conditioning and we can't control it.
The night Laura lent me her car, I touched the turn signal to go left and the entire thing fell off. Next morning when I showed up at the new place with a car full of belongings it had just snowed a few feet. There were no warning signs prohibiting people from parkoing anywere on the street whatsoever.
In the a.m. when I came out to unload the car, (after having been up all night because of no heat) the police were towing the car away! ) They claimed I was illegally parked. I knew I could prove in court that they illegally towed me but now, I have court fees, towing fees, repair fees for my own car rent and food and my disability check is about 300 month.
So Laura is pissed, even though I took multiple photos of the road proving I had not broken a law.
Now I have no way of completing my move. I had to hitchhike back to the old place. Ever tried to move all your stuff alone with no car?
Laura refused to accept reimbursement but won't hang out with me anymore either. Woek up every 90 min. last night due to the migraine and being so cold. The air in my apt. is so toxic. Is the pilot light out on the stove? No. Perhaps the oven pilot is out? No.
After a huge ordeal I qualify for something called Care a Van. I'm trying to get my car back, send out resumes, get Laura reimbursed, get to the grocerty store. Not even my storm windows will open. Struggle from sunrise to sundown.
Here is my letter to Aaron (at this point I do not know that he inherited millions of dollars, he works a minimum wage job) Dear Aaron,
My mechanic wants $300 for my first repair payment which he says is due on 2/18. II'm desperately trying to get my car back so I can increase my chances at gaining employment. If you cover $250 by 2/18 I'll pay you back a minimum of 25 dollars per month until I am paid in full.
Thank you for your consideration in this matter
My apt. is making me very ill. I wheeze and have chest pain and cough constantly. It's much filthier then I originally noticed. (Very unethical to landlords to rent out places that have not been professionally cleaned but this is all I can afford)
The high kitchen cupboards are covered with animal fur and dust. The venetian blinds are dirty filthy. The walls and ceilings are covered with dust dirt and spider webs.
The stove and cupboareds/counter feel greasy to the touch.
The only way to get the kitchen windown open I am forced to move the entire stove and counters out of the way. In the meantime try not to get splintered opening the wood windows. There are loose paint chips in all of the window sills. I just spent 24 hours with migraine and vomiting. What's causing this? the house? the neighbor's smoking then spraying deodorizer? the fur and dirt?
Now when I cough, it aggravates my chest pain. I can breathe better when I'm not at home. I needed coffee but had to walk the 2 miles as baby steps because Lafayette is covered in sheets of ice. I'm very weak. My eyes are tearing and burning as I make this recording
Do I need to "go homeless" in order to afford to repair the car? I hope not.
The 6 a.m. church bell is ringing so the air conditioning shut off and a tiny bit of heat just came on. Maybe I can get a few minutes sleep.
Sunday, March 1, 2015
Despite the fact that neither my biological mother nor my biological father want a relationship with me, I have to say the following: if I had to choose the five happiest days of my lice, two of them would involve my biological family.
One of the five happiest days was the day that I met my birth mother, the second of my five happiest days was today in June 1989 when my birth mother arranged a small Reunion where I met my half sister, my birth mother's husband, one of my aunts, and my maternal grandmother. My partner bill was with me.
That was and still to this day was the only family reunion I have ever experienced in my lifetime.shortly after meeting everybody I moved to Indiana with Bill. Any effort to stay in touch with birth mother was solely my own effort. None of the others ever reached out to me again. I guess my only regret would be that in retrospect I would have started a pen pal relationship with my maternal aunt as well as my maternal grandmother.
But why should I be the only one making the effort? None of them ever contacted me again except I did see my birth mother a few more times. I saw my sister two more times, she does not want a relationship with me.
I said hello to my niece on Facebook last week she doesn't I don't know if she knows whether or not I exist so I just said a couple of sentences and she elected not to respond so I will not contact her again.
The point of the post was to tell you about the documentary and also to tell you that despite the fact that I would describe my situation is not having any family at all so still were some of the best two days of my life
Aren't these sandals gorgeous? I got hooked on second hand shopping back in 1990 when my partner and I moved to Indiana and we live right next door to the goodwill. I got these at savers for just $4 and I felt like showing them off to you :-)
I called around to different churches to let them know that I was in a very dangerous situation staying in someone's home named jack. Jack is an Orthodox Jew with a violent temper and whenever I brought food into the house that he deemed was not kosher he would get really angry and he would blow up at me and order me to throw the food out!
He obviously has serious mental illness and told me (and demonstrated) how he stalks women so I was scared of him and I have been actively planning my escape.
I decided to contact the Unitarian Church in Baltimore City. The the pastor make an announcement about" woman in danger needs room to rent" even if on a temporary basis .so Ingrid responded but said that it would be on a month to month basis
. It is a very hellish situation here as well because she stays up till 2 a.m. blasting NPR.
Then she's back up at six a.m.when her dogs start barking.
I am having excruciating paralyzing back pain( that I do not yet know is fibromyalgia)
. She keeps the heat off in the winter so that aggravates my problem.I feel lonely in her environment it is most certainly not a home.
she wants me to hurry up and get out as quickly as I can. I have very little income and no transportation.
It's ironic I am standing in front of the Sony theater and observing a group of developmentally disabled adults who just left theater.( I'm pretty certain they were they are with the organization Chimes who I once worked for and they jipped me out of thousands of dollars worth of wages in 1995)
I called Chris to see if he would like to go to the patches and Liz coffee house tomorrow night but he hasn't returned my call. if he doesn't return my call by late tonight then I'll have to ask someone else. it's a ordeal huge ordeal to get out there with no vehicle.
Usually as soon as I leave the house in Baltimore I notice violence. There was a lady in the 7-Eleven in Hampden who had a black eye she is a junkie and told me that she had been punched out by her boyfriend.
Later I went to Hopkins University because I needed to go through the Blue Book of colleges and find out which universities offer a Masters in Social Work. (At least if I were able to go back to college I would have some sense of stability in my life) the security guard at the college told me that if I don't show him my drivers license he'll beat me over the head with a baseball bat!!! his idea of humor and I was truly not amused!
Just another example of America's culture of violence as far as I'm concerned.
The pastor from u.u. church called today to ask me how I was doing? she offered me a $100 loan from the church kitty. Quite frankly I'm so goddamn sick of my whole life having to be a damn emergency.
I wanted to go to support group tonight in Catonsville at 6 p.m. But I didn't have any safe mode of night time transportation...