Monday, December 30, 2013

"Breaking the faith"

Unimaginable to have to wait 18 years before being able to chose your own clothing, hairstyle or makeup!  Martha looks stunning now and unrecognizable.

I feared Ben would have a heart attack after basketball!  I can relate to his mourning about what he has missed out on in life.

Boy, Angie trying on the mother's clothes!  I'm stunned she didn't get fired!

I agree with Connie's assessment that boys are mostly the same.  Angie looked like a 5 year old when she made a face after Connie described what kissing is like.  just shows how developmentally thwarted one is when they come out of a cult.  (I also did not date before turning 18)

I love cody!  "You're the girl!"

The dancing looked like a lot of fun and connie looks fantastic.

I have been once to Mormon church.  I found the attendees to be loud and rude throughout the entire service which is super long!

Saturday, December 28, 2013

"Bad naming choices for businesses"

I have to slightly change the names of the businesses but u will get the idea.  One of the shopping centers in my neighborhood should win an award for: poor name choices for businesses!  One can't even tell what the businesses are based on the name on the sign.

The bar is called "Francesco hole 13" and has a picture of a golf club and ball!

One place is called "hibanaya care!" (I have no earthly idea what they are caring for!)

The restaurant which I ate at once and predicted a rapid closure was called "purple palace and food emporium!"  (I ate there with my neighbor in aug. and told her it's just a matter of weeks before they  close.  (they closed in September)

We've got: a new shop called "give praise to god!"  and it is a coffee shop!

I went in there for coffee the other day and there was a whole table full of women with their eyes closed talking to god.  I thought they were praying over the food but in fact they kept their eyes closed the entire 20 min. I was in there and continued talking to god.

One must wonder, in a society where most businesses close their doors within a year, why on earth open a coffee shop that makes so many feel excluded?

"Attempting to "cope" with the holiday season"

Well, first of all, if one solely had to cope with 3 days; thanksgiving day, xmas day and new years day then no sweat.  But coping with more then 8 weeks of holiday crap (starting of course the day after Halloween) is more then a challenge.

I coped very well until 12/24.  The way I cope with holidays is to  remind myself (psych myself up) that my life is crap year round not just on holidays so "keep it in perspective!"

  I tried to buy food for 2 days since the bus would not b running.  But my card was declined and all I had at home was oatmeal.  That is when the depression set in.  Someone put a candle in a bag on my porch it appeared to be an anon. gift.  I saw no card.  When I went to recycle the gift bag I saw in tiny print, the names of the givers:  larry and liz*

Synchronistically, it was from the same store as the last time I got an anon gift on my porch in June.  A woman put 2 bottles of scented lotions (on the ground!) not even in a bag,  on my porch.

When I figured out it was from Larry and Liz  (my married acquaintances) I thought to myself about all the "gifts" I have gotten over the years from folks who barely know me, and have no clue what would b an appropriate gift!

 I also thought about how much more meaningful it would have been to have them spend time with me or take me to lunch!

Since I am food insecure I called the shop hoping I could get cash back.  I told the clerk that  I need food more then I need a candle.  She said the only option is to exchaNGE it for something in the store, which I will eventually do. (There may be chocolate lotions but I would not recommend eating them)

As always every year you have cashiers and baristas ask you what you will do for the holdidays, then right after they ask "how was your Christmas?"

I told them I do not celebrate-which is only a partial truth. The ten bucks barista was shocked when I told her I didn't do anything, obviously she has not been around many jews!   If I get invited to join up with a family I would happily celebrate xmas.

So, I slept, watched t.v., ate oatmeal, and read:

on the internet, on my phone.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Alicia Keys - Empire State Of Mind Part 2 Live.avi

"Small town kindness"

When I got on the bus the other day I got a pretty big shock!  The bus driver Greg* handed me a gift card for one of the grocery stores here!

I was really stunned.  I told him that I would file this under "random acts of kindness"  He said: "Oh no you don't, this was very much planned, not random!"

David Archuleta and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir - A Wondrous Christmas

This is stunning.  I regret that there are no organized carolers this year which I would b honored to join up with  ;)

"Medical marijuana edibles"

So I bought a mmj brownie and ate less then half.  My motive for the purchase was to help me get caught up on my sleep.  It did that, HOWEVER , after 6 hours of sleep I woke up with drenched clothes, a severe headache and a racing heartbeat.  Scary.  I won't buy any more sativa brownies.

I discovered that customers are permitted to hang out in the dispensary lobby.  It was an experience unlike any I have had in my life.  Not only do u get to c who the other customers are and chat, but the employees are warm and smart and friendly.  Hippie central!

Breaking t he faith

It's been a challenge trying to stay awake for these 11 pm showings!  I'm sure I won't remember all of the key things that happened but:

I thought it was adorable that connie and her friend are taking dancing lessons.  Val and Martha are now going through the rebellious stage that many go through at 14 or 15.

It is real odd that the kids are exposed to so much Mormon stuff.  I think it's a mistake.  How can one break away from the control of the cult just to have Mormons try to convert them again.  I do think in the long wrong that's not good.  On the other hand the Mormon's represent "
gentile" thus exposing the flds kids to more worldly ways.

Religion is damn confusing.  I find it so strange that the flds call everyone who is not flds/gentile!  Whereasthe jews call everyone who is not a jew, a gentile, and the amish call everyone who is not amish/English! My head is spinning this is all so confusing thank god I'm an atheist  ;)

Val and the b/f actually have some key things in common.  I guess I can understand that the house don't want her b/f over into the house......................On the other hand, hopefully at some point the house can have him over for dinner.

At the end of the episode last night they showed a destroyed house but we don't know who did it or why................................................

Val looks real nice in fact unrecognizable in her worldly clothes!  I love Carolyn and I think she was genius and very sensitive in describing to the girls why the flds qualifies as a cult.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

"Millionaire Matchmaker"

One day last week they ran like 5 hours in a row of this show.  Wow, this is incredibly entertaining and highly controversial.

I also imagine Patty calling me names and telling me to get lost.  I would never in a million years take her instructions to change my hair, lose weight, or wear better clothes.  But what does it matter?  She said she doesn't do business with overweights or women over 45!

What a hypocrite.  Her male millionaires are sometimes overweight, often not good looking AND over 45.  Nonetheless, she does teach the millionaires some important skills for example like trying to learn about the women instead of just talking about yourself.

I'd say 98% of the folks I meet male or female talk only of themselves and ask me no questions.  Those are people that I would never seek out as a friend.

I was very moved when patty searched for her birthmother and it is sad that she died; but very neato that she was given a piece of jewelry that her mother owned..........................pattie does have a soft side too.

Pastor Bill Wilson on Fox News

When I turned on the t.v. the other day the first thing I saw and heard was this amazing man's story.  what a tear jerker and what an amazing human being.  I know that there are many many atheists and secular organizations that are changing the world for the better; and I wish we heard more about that in the mainstream news.

Pharmacist Reveals Embarrassing Info | "What Would You Do?"

This show never gets old!


"Being in the present and staying in the moment, now THAT'S a good day!" by robin roberts

kmart christmas commercial 2013 - Show Your Joe Boxer

one of my fave commercials ;)

"Unpleasant surprises for baby boomer women"

I just noticed today that after my last haircut in July, my thick thick curly hair did not come back.  It's far thinner then it used to be and there are few curls left. (although I seriously doubt anyone notices but me!)

Just small things that come with aging, but that are even more of a surprise for adoptees who do not know what to expect as much as someone would if they were raised with their birthmother.


The librarian just asked me if I have had any success transferring the 600 photos to a flash drive.  (I have been trying for 18 months)  I said "no; but this is pretty much the story of my life"  I am essentially working on many different projects some for years but mostly nothing happens.

I have been trying to find a specialist for a couple of years.  Even the ones who take my primary insurance are telling me that the 20% I would have to pay up front and that comes to circa 280 dollars a month.

So, it's just completely out of the question.

There is still something really stressful happening at my building that kept me awake for nearly a month.  The last 2 nights I  have figured out a way to get some sleep and hoping that will continue.

The conditions in Mountain Town are so dangerous that about 2 weeks ago a 50 year old woman was walking home from a bar, fell in the snow and FROZE TO DEATH!  IN AUTUMN!

So, I really don't have any progress to share with you in any area of life.................................

Monday, December 16, 2013

"Breaking the faith"

First off I find Ben very endearing.  He really loves the girls and is very mature for his age.  I also think that Cody is a sweetheart/and that the other kids in the house are worried that connie will get hurt/but that's a part of life!

Oh that nightclub looked horrible.  I think those flashing lights would have given me a migraine or even seizures!

Cute about how the trannies said that they love the tidal wave haircuts.

I am not at all impressed with val.  I think she is INCREDIBLY RUDE to have dissed the house members who stayed up all night worrying about her!

Everytime they play the tape of Warren Jeffs talking it creeps me out.  I am unclear as to whether those are current recordings made from prison or what the heck is going on.

and it is incredibly said how deeply these kids have been indoctrinated.  I mean underwear to protect you from a native American indian attack?  Looks like this is going to b a long ass process.

I can't remember is it val that got the waitress job?  just think she's probably not even literate I don't know how she could possibly take an order.  I mean even though she didn't recall the vegan thingon the menu, if she were literate she could just write it down.

But these kids were living essentially on another planet!  Nobody should assume these kids know this or that because they probably don't.

"Heard it on the news"

It's certainly not the first time I have heard news this outrageous.  A 6 year old boy has been suspended from school under the charge of "sexual harassment"

His crime?  He kissed a girl on the hand!

Life lesson learned?  "it is bad to show love and affection for your friends"

Distant outcome?  Teens with guns...................................jail.

"how are you?/merry christmas"

Always trying to think of creative ways to answer how are you when it asked by strangers.  today's weather was gorgeous so my response was:

"it's a beautiful day to b miserable!"

(left her speechless)

when I was at the mall mrs. claus wished me a merry christas.  as usual I said: bah humbug and she was completely silenced ;)

If you get bored google "bah humbug" and you will see the definition of it in the "urban dictionary!"

Friday, December 13, 2013

In Living Color Fly Girls: Season 2 Episode 1 (1990)

"small victories"

About a month ago I was eating at a lovely restaurant/café and left the mgr. an anonymous note.

I said:

"Your restaurant is amazing, beautiful, the food is phenomenal and so are the staff.  But the reason I don't come in more is because the stereo is deafening!  I can't hear myself think or hear whoever I am with.  When you ask staff a question they cannot hear you over the stereo.  Can you please do something about this?   I will come more often."

I have been in there 2x since and each time I heard a mgr ask staff: "that stereo needs to be turned down"  th result was shocking.  a stereo that u can hardly hear at all.  VICTORY!

"My favorite Story Trek"

Although I enjoy story trek it is rather predictable when they collect stories from Utah.  nearly everyone is a Mormon with a similar world view.  The other thing that makes s.t. somewhat predictable is that he is only interviewing homeowners.  think of how diverse this show could be if he interviewed people at the shelter, or the motel homeless, or folks who live in trailers!

the other day he hit gold when he interviewed Dick in Columbia Missouri.  Dick is a hardcore atheist who loves to give back.  He lived in intentional community.  I was thrilled to hear i.c. talked about on t.v.

The interviewer isn't really  much of a journalist in that he thought it was important to tell dick that "he doesn't agree with him, and that god really exists." 

"Lisa ling/our america"

I learned from one of the our America specials that: more people are kidnapped in phoenix then any other city in the world!"

I do know a woman who got away from someone who tried to kidnap her as a kid in phoenix.  and I know another woman who grew up in phoenix who said that many men tried to "grab her"


I was watching the old living color gang on oprah.  Wayan said, and I believe this is highly accurate:



"I can handle pain but I cannot handle being alone"  by Russian prisoner.

"Did you know?"

did you know that more then 340k homes were lost in new jersey alone from hurricane sandy?  wow!

Dateline- Lost and Found 1/6

I saw this last night and cried.  there is no doubt that any female who has lost a large portion of her life to crime or for whatever reason, is a woman I can strongly identify with.  I can't believe I haven't heard this story earlier.  As u can c police fail big time in ways that destroy many lives.


This month I have only been going out 4 or 5 days a week.  Some days I am too weak to walk and have to go home.  Yesterday I was only out an hour when I realized I was becoming very weak so I had to head home.  Other days I have to stay in due to the snow and wind.

It has not been much fun although like I said I do have cable for the first time in my life and I am enjoying it immensely.

I have been unable to get to p.t. or o.t. due to weather and other hold backs.  Like I told you the walking and bussing takes everything out of me, so it's rare in winter for me to be out for more then 5 hours a day.

There is no doubt I would be doing many evening activities if I had a car.  I still badly want and need to get to a warmer climate.

Monday, December 9, 2013


I doubt it surprises you how much I enjoyed the premiere of the show "kirstie"

The premise is that her nerdy 26 year old son who was given up for adoption, has sought her out, and she has no idea how to parent, but she tries!

I was 26 when I found birthmother so again this is not much of a stretch for me!

Favorite quote from the show was when her son told her that he works at "the glazed hole"

she replies: "oh that must be a gay nightclub!"


So, quite honestly, the only way I could get safely from point a to point b is to change my shoes multiple times while outside.

the other day, there were a few blocks where i'd have to walk through high snow (need actual snow boots)  then other areas where I had to get across a flooded road (in 20 degree weather with no monsoon boots) and other areas where I have to walk on ice.  (I now own ice cleats)

I have already twisted my knee in this mess.  In order to move i'd need security depo, moving costs money and I'd have to pay much more in rent.  I can see no way out.


It's scary to me that I only have $75 dollars for food money to last 24 days.  This is the first time in 8.5 years that I have had a place safe enough (for now at least) that I can actually store food in the house.  (In the past during the home invasions my food has been stolen and even contaminated with feces ;(   )

So, normally I have to traverse on the bus every day or every other day and only buy the food I can carry on my back.

today I will buy 75 in food and take a cab home.  It will suck because I feel very deprived when I can't eat out.  Also, this is a month where most Americans have other people buying them presents and having them over for beautiful meals.

I'm sure I'll like spend xmas at home eating peanut butter andn watching tv.  the buses don't run so I won't even b able to go to the food center.

"Breaking the faith"

This show is a real "white knuckle ride"  I panicked when the alarm went off at the salt lake house.  And wow it is really amazing to me that Lisa just let this whole group in without even being there.  These kids are so so lucky to have each other to go through this process.

I have had to make over 100 escapes for my life and safety and I was all alone each time.

Again Martha has a good sense of self and progresses very rapidly.  I think if she finds the old uniforms to be so uncomfortable she should just go ahead and wear the "English" clothes, go shopping, and not worry about how slowly the others are progressing.

I don't think Ben should rush the other girls to get into "English" clothes.  This is going to be a long long process.  It made me so happy to see the girls have fun at the parade and with the glow sticks.  I get so little joy out of life that I can understand how long it's been since any of them have felt any joy.

Some of the kids think the one girl only left flds for cody. I'm sure that's not the case.  We'll see, hopefully for her she can date him again but it's only real life that he may be seeing others or have a new girlfriend.

The native who attacked the one kid seemed drunk, but they blurred his face so ican't tell for sure.  Well as the boy said "he learned his lesson' and hopefully he knows that in the future he might say something like:

"that's a neat necklace will you please tell me about it?"  (as opposed to physically touching strangers)

Hmm what else.....................Yes, I was surprised about how Lisa connected them up with the Mormons.

I am having a similar problem with this show as I did with break amish.  And that is that the kids are so soft spoken and in-articulate that I can neither hear them nor understand them half the time.

This should b a very interesting ride.............................;)

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Adam Sandler Chanukah Song

Thanksgivukkah Song based on Adam Sandler's Chanukah Song

In my adoptive family, my father is Jewish but non-practicing.  In my bio. family my father is the Jewish one and also non practicing.  enjoy-aaah!

Thanksgivukkah Song


"Paul Walker"

I hope I got that first name right.  I did not know him, nor did I see any of his work.  But there has been a great deal of t.v. coverage of his life and death.

He seems like a wonderful human being, and that is indeed a very sad ending. (dying in a firey car crash)

I ronically he died doing what he loves.

But sadly, not just for him and the driver but for everyone on the road: that the driver was selfish enough to put so many lives at risk by engaging in drag racing.  What we know for sure is that the driver was going at least 100 in a 45 zone.

It really is a selfish act and so many others could have been hurt and killed as well.  And what I remember from living in Carroll County is that many if not most people engage in deadly driving practices which I consider very selfish (such as texting and driving, and road raging)

If your interested, there was a good Dr. PHil show where he takes on the subject of young people who threaten everyones life when they drag race.

Anyhow all the best for his friends and family.

"Breaking the Faith"

I hate that this show doesn't start until 11 p.m.  But it is really incredible with high drama.  I'm holding my breath when these girls are trying to make their escapes!  So as we know 3 girls got out, one went back, and then a new girl got out this past Sunday.

I read Carolyn Jessop's bio a few years ago so it's a nice surprise to see she is running the safe house.  Which sadly for now may b discovered.

I'm proud of the girls for attempting a more normal life.  No doubt Martha is the most courageous and least scared.

I will be holding my breath until the next episode.

I know first hand about indoctrination because I was a chandelier swinging born again for 5 years.  I used to bring tracts to the office I worked at and leave them in the bathroom.

I'm surprised I changed my views from born again to Atheist.

wow, wishing the girls the best.

"Craziness in my apt. building"

I can't disclose exactly what it is yet on my blog, but it is the reason I have been awake for 4 days straight.

I am soooo overwhelmed.  I need to move and I know where I want to go but I don't have the money to both move there (it's warm there)

and to

buy the winter coat and boots and long johns and crampons that I'm going to need to survive here in "Alaska!"

It terrifies me to know that tonight we will get up to seven inches of snow.  We will go down to single digits.

And at least for the next 5 days we will be in the 20's with possible ice, high winds and more snow.

The concept of being imprisoned to my apt. is a very scary one despite the fact that I have so many shows I'm following on cable.

I haven't smoked the medical marijuana in months.  Once a month I purchase a couple of brownies however because I sleep well just by taking 2 or 3 bites of one.  They knock you out so you really can't have any brownie while you are out of the house. 

I've been referred to physical therapy (it's free) which will include aquatic therapy.  Swimming is my favorite sport but I have not been in a pool in 11 years. 

Being in warm water is like a high for me.  I am after all a Cancer!

I can't think of anything fun I've done since September.  I have to be back home by 5:30 each day because the after sunset temps kill me.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

"A perfect world"

The reason I posted the Sat. night fever video is because last weekend a local live theatre held "disco dance night"  I couldn't go, but I thought about how in a perfect world My city, and every city would have at least one club that offers disco dance night a minimum of once a week.  ;)

Night Fever dance_Saturday Night Fever

"Winter storm watch in autumn?!!!"

Last week Mountain Town began receiving warnings about the winter storm.  And it's still fall!  Scary stuff, hail, rain and snow.  We already have icy patches which means I cannot stay out after 5:30 p.m.

Was afraid to leave, afraid I'd slip since I have no special device for my hiking boots yet.  (crampons?)  Sounds like something a woman has to put up with once a month!

But they are some sort of device for walking on ice.  And you thought it was a big deal that Jesus walked on water  ;)  !!

I don't know how I'll get out of this town I simply don't have any extra money to move.

Breaking the Faith Season 1 Episode 1 Keep Sweet

God knows there is a lot I can relate to here.  I have had to escape dangerous/prison like conditions so many times in the last 20 years.  Incredible that they put these kids to work at age 7, working 13 hour days!  All of it, it's just so incredible.  I'm glad to hear there is a safe house otherwise what would these kids do with no money at all.  So, I saw episode one the other day and I hope the kids can get out safely.

Beyond Scared Straight: The Pod

If you asked me 25 years ago my view on this method of straightening up our kids, I would have been against it.  Now, I have changed my mind and I think it's genius even though it doesn't work on every single kid.  ;)


NYT journalist asks Limmy Kilmister, "You don't believe in God?"

Lenny-"I believe I'll have a drink!"

(I have no idea who L.K. is but I like the quote nonetheless)

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Wicked Attraction - Kidnapping Jaycee Dugard

Michelle Knight on Dr Phil - Day 1 - FULL EPISODE

Because of what I have survived (and not put on my blog) and what I have in common with M.K.  I hold her and J. Dugard close to my heart.  Dr. Phil is a phenomenal therapist, he did a beautiful job conducting this interview.

American Blackout

On some levels it's hard to imagine but for America's homeless, many aspects of this disaster r stuff we in a sense have grown accustomed to.  I mean homeless have to regularly put up with hunger, no electricity, no money, trouble accessing showers, etc.  This was a very powerful movie.


In just a 2 hour period, I was nearly hit twice while legally in the walkway!  Why?  Because drivers talking on the phone didn't see me!

I gave them both a piece of my mind.  One of them I yelled and motioned for her to get off the damn phone, so she removed the phone from her ear!  (I've never had anyone actually listen to me before)

"Your following, YOURSELF?!"

Still makes me snicker to think about it.  I was attempting to learn how google plus works and I ended up as my own follower!  (lest you think I'm a weird narcicist!

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Redbone - Come And Get Your Love - The Midnight Special 1974

VAN McCOY - the hustle (1975) (HQ)

The Temptations Papa Was A Rolling Stone

STEVIE WONDER - 1970 - "If You Really Love Me"

"50th anniversary of jfk assasination"

I have watched 2 or 3 shows about the jfk assassination.  I was 5 months old when it happened I presume I was living in Baltimore.

My conclusion is that it was not a conspiracy, and my instinct is that the Warren Commission did a fine job in their research.

This is the first time I've really heard much about these events.  It completely "blows me away" that Oswald , the wannabe assassin , actually held a job in the very building that was ideal for him to assassinate Kennedy.  Wow. 

I learned this week (from one of the documentaries) that parade planners knew that jfk life would be highly at risk if the motorcade went near Dealey Plaza and simply "prayed for rain" so that the tope of the car would remain closed!  Wow!

So many tragedies, perhaps most, could have been prevented because nearly every time there is a warning.  (like the guy who worked at wtc and predicted the 2001 attack about 20 years early!)

I don't really grasp why Ruby got involved.  It is stunning that criminals don't seem able to predict the likely consequences of their actions.

Ironic that Marina and Jackie O were both left to raise small children alone.

"Yes, I'm "alive"

I haven't so much as even been to the library since 11/2 when I came for a special event about Turkey. It was semi interesting however, the shindig focused on Turkish ruins and history whereas I am more interested in what real life is like for modern day Turks.  ;)

I wish I could tell u the biggest things that are going on, but it would be somewhat politically incorrect to share on social media.

I have been 2x to pain management and 1x to occupational therapy.  I have been largely homebound by pain weakness headaches and the vomiting that goes with it.

Nonetheless, something doesn't feel right about the pain management stuff.  The doc is highly intelligent but a little condescending.  As I told you, her husband who is her medical assistant supposedly comes into the room to "take notes"  however he constantly interrupts and talks about whatever comes to his mind!  It's particularly ironic because the actual doc does not want me to talk just to listen.

She is perm itting me to be on a small dose of oxycontin, but i'll tell you it does not make much of a difference.

She recommended some neck exercises and really has given me a boatload of homework.

You know for the most part I hate unsolicited advice, and with a n.p., an o.t., a p.t. and a pain management doc there are simply too many cooks in the kitchen and too many people telling me what to do!

It is also largely true that another big thing that makes it hard to leave the house is that nothing in society works, perhaps unless one is rich, so I pretty much know that my day is going to always be largely grueling.  The walking, waiting, transferring and riding buses is so emotionaly, mentally physically exhausting that there is no energy to do anything else.

Saturday, November 2, 2013


So, I probably told u that, I have tried 3 years in a row to move to a city that has no real winter.  If I move, I will lose my Mountain Town housing subsidy.  I would have to pay some 60 to 70% of my disability check in rent. 

I would also b forced into another roommate situation which is absolutely not what I want.  It terrifies me to be here another winter.  The whole city is covered in layers of ice by November, as well as huge snow banks.  Severe wind and hail too.  It would largely imprison me to my apt, unless I could afford a car.

This is y I haven't blogged much, because it's just different versions of the same old bad news.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Stevie Wonder - Superstition live on Sesame Street

Stevie Wonder - Flip Wilson Show 1970

geraldine and Jim Brown (Flip W) this comedy is absolutely timeless! I loved watching this as a little girl ;)

HELEN REDDY - INTERVIEWED BY ROSEANNE BARR PART 1 - THE QUEEN OF 70s POP love that photo of her as a baby!

"Today's bus shenanigans"

So, I walked to the bus stop and there were 2 men and one woman there.  Immediately, the one man reached out his hand for me to shake it which I would not do.  I would have been happy to fist bump but I was holding an umbrella.

It is extreme stress when men force themselves on women.  Many of the men from this ethnic group in Mountain Town (who ride buses) are perpetually drunk.

So unfortunately Daniel found it necessary to tell me his whole life story and how hard his life has been.

He, like many do, began to pull up his sleeve to show me and explain to me what each scar came from.

I said "I do not want to see your scars"

He said he grew up in foster care and is homeless and got all these scars in Afghanistan.  Of course, when I tried to tell him something about myself he seemed disinterested.

He said "here let me show you"

me-I just told you that I don't want to see your scars.  Because the truth is, the people whose lives have been the hardest HAVE NO SCARS!


With him was a man I have seen millions of times who I get a vibe from, so I avoid.  He's about 350 lbs.

When we got to transfer center, I waited forever for him to disembark, so that he would not follow me.  I sat down at one of many many empty benches.  Big guy comes up behind me and says


me-"You may not"  (like I said there are a myriad of choices of places to sit)

So, he stands over me making no effort to sit at the other bench.  I am forced to move.

I find these interactions to be emotionally draining....................................................

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

"He lost his mind"

When I read today the cause of this murderer losing his mind I understood instantly.  A man killed an entire family because they would not control their dogs barking.

Since 95, nearly every single address I have ever had I have had to put up with nearly 24/7 dog crying barking squealing.  I have even made multiple recordings of this maddening noise pollution.

It is a huge problem I see no escaping it unless one has the means to build a house far far away from anyone.

He may have broken a serious law but it is easy for me to see how this man:


"no good news"

Every day is the same, it's a fight.  Everything is a fight.  It feels like no matter what actions I take it makes virtually no difference.

I have 2 landlords.  They both have some sort of agreement with each other.  Landlord A gave me a lease to sign in May as did landlord b.

When I was discussing with landlord b about the lease with landlord a, she said" you should never have signed that lease, they were not supposed to do that, you onl.y sign with us"

So, when landlord a, asked me to renew today, I said but lalndlord b told me not to.  She yelled at me and said "your breaking the rules"  I am so angry I can't even eat.  There is nothing worse then anger at a person who has a lot of power and control where there would be a price to pay if you tell them what you think of them.

So, landlord b said to me today" yes, go ahead and sign it , it's not a leases"

landlord a said in writing that "yes, it is, it's a lease renewal"

this is the push pull I have dealed with constantly over the last 20 years.  I guess that many poor people have these constant battles which keep quality of life very low.  I'd like to move but I have nobdy to help me move out of town which is what I want.  So for now, it's shelter and I am stuck.


I just got a letter from food stamp people stating that my monthly (yes monthly) allotment will go down by 10 dollars.

My October allotment is 25 a month, but after nov. first it will go down to 15.  There is no point in standing up for yourself, it's like slavery, you take what you can get and you have no voice.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Helen Reddy & Olivia Newton John - '1960's'

If I had "played my cards right" I would have had well more then just one Christmas in Australia!

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Countdown to India

I haven't missed an episode in 3 months.  However, when I tuned in on Tues night prepared to watch them take off for India, the show didn't even air!  Now, I'm trying to find the episode where they go to India!  I love this family!

"Trapped in my body"

You may find it interesting that the most oppressive part of being in this body is not the fibromyalgia.  It is the body wide 24/7 excruciating nerve pain that I am always aware of.  Perhaps I should take up a new career?  "alcoholism!"  Now obviously I'm not serious but how can anybody be expected to live like this?


Wow!  What a story!

"Worst Product Slogan"

I'll tell you this is the worst I have heard in a long long time.

"What do you want on your tombstone?!"

The product?  Tombstone pizza!


"The only true peace I got was when I was sleeping"


Shonto Begay reflecting on his childhood while attending boarding school.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

"Grace and Aplomb"

I watched Obama speaking today on cnn regarding the government reopening.  Shwew.  I predicted it would open yesterday so I was wrong by one day.  In my case the shut down did not affect me at all.  But I was concerned that I would not get my October disability check, thank goodness I did.

I have been trying to keep up with the coverage of the issue on cable, sometimes it gets a bit boring but I feel like it's my responsibility to try to understand.

"Alaskan women looking for love"

Bear with me I do not have all the names memorized.  How wild that the one girl got asked out before even seeing the new house!  He seems like a real sweetie.  He reminds me of Francesco who I met when I went to cancun in 87.  Francesco wrote to me in Spanish for a whole year and then I lost track of him.

What a kic about them trying to go shopping for appropriate clothes.  I also would not feel comfy with so little threads.  Love those t shirts that had pics of bikinis.  Awesome.

Wild that they asked the rugby* team leader if he would bring all the men over for a party!  That takes guts!  In most normal circumstances I would be a little hesitant to invite a team of strangers over but it turned out beautifully!

Boy that house rocks.  Perhaps since the girls have all known each other a long time, they won't have the fighting that the breaking amish kids had.  So far so good!

Now if they get hungry they don't need to hunt down game or go fishing!

I love that they went to the nightclub with their mud boots on!  The clubs remind me of the best club I ever went to (just once) which was Carlos and Charlies in Cancun.  Very posh.

Yeah this show is gonna be a lot of fun!

"Pain management clinic"

I'll always tell u the truth, but I frequently have to change names or addresses that sort of thing.

I like to pay attention to numerology even though I don't always understand it.  The assistant at the clinic (who gave me wrong directions and a wrong address)

told me on 10/14 that my appt. is at 1014 elm.  Guess what suite?!  He said 1014!  (he was wrong about the suite)

anywho it is a wife and her brother and those are the only employees.  The brother is very unprofessional and it's a weird set up.  I knew his first name but I did not know whether he was an aide or what the deal was.

He asked me to sit in a particular seat.  I refused because it was set up in a way that if anyone came in I would have gotten hit by the door.  He said "by the way, my name is rob"  I had already finsished all the paperwork and mailed it in.  When he asked me for my insurance cards I only gave him the medicare card since I knew his clinc would not accept Medicaid.

His attempt at taking my b.p. appeared to be his first ever.  He was so awkward I asked him exactly what it is he is trying to do?

I stood on the scale and it said "93"  He said "we don't do pounds, just kilos!"  He tried to get a height measurement and I said "I'm 5'5" He said yeah but I need meters not inches!" (weird)

He stayed in the room during my exam and interview which took nearly 2 hours.  The doc asked me if her brother can "take notes"  (do I have a choice?) I said it would be fine.  But the 2 of them had a very weird dynamic because she wanted to spped through the questions and he kept interrupting.  Sometimes he would tell me the opposite of what she said.

She is a phenomenal doctor.  It was the most thorough exam I have ever had.  She asked me why I have nerve damage?  I said "Well, it is most likely because I am a starvation survivor"  She said she is sorry but she is sure that my hypothesis is correct.  She asked me to try to describe it and I said that it's like thousands of bees stinging my hands and feet 24/7.

She does not recommend pain meds for fibromyalgia however will allow me to take a low dose.  She made recommendations for the marijuana that are different from what they told me at the dispensary.  Bottom line is I don't agree with doctors on every single point, and no doc is going to force us to take their advice.

I do however feel like going to appointments or doing much of anything is really like "going through the motions" because I don't really have hope for any area of my life.

"Few can relate"

I really don't know anyone who can relate to these very dismal life conditions.  Just seems to get worse with every passing hour.  Case in point, I just got an overdraft notice which means I have 12 dollars to last 14 days.

There is so little joy that I don't even really see much point in leaving the house.  (but I do anyway)

Monday, October 7, 2013

Helen Reddy - You And Me Against The World

Orlando LIVE - Florida Film Festival 2012 - An Afternoon with Barry Levi...

Filmmaker Test Drive: Barry Levinson on Ford

Diner - Trailer (1982)

"Alaskan women looking for love"

I really enjoyed the premiere of this show.  It was shocking and interesting to learn about life in Alaska.  Wow, a 34 year old woman with a 20 year old kid!  It's pretty clear there isn't anything to do in AK but sex and alcohol.  I was stunned that there are no grocery stores and if you want to eat you have to fish and hunt!

The AK men look and act exactly like the Mountain Town men.

I think Lacey is the one whose very conservative mother is trying to control her life.  It will b great for her to get away.

I'd be scared of riding on that little plane also!  I also do not own a dress, skirt or dress shoes.  Like the AK girls there are no occasions for me to get dressed up. This is going to be a doozie.  I have not been in FL in more then 40 years..............................................

"The dumbing down of America"

So you know that I have been blogging about how everything absolutely everything gets done wrong and/or is broken.

I went into a thrift shop and asked the clerk

e-"where are the ladies hats?"

clerk-(English is her FIRST language) "the scarves are on that wall"

elana-"but I asked about the hats?"

clerk_"like I told you, the scarves are over there!"

I give up, and look at where she is pointing and I see the hats.

She comes over and says:

"Oh, I was thinking a scarf is a hat!"


today I asked the waitress if she could: "pop by my table when she gets a chance"

she replied: "we're all out!"

me-"what do you mean your all out?!"

her-"we're all out of POT PIE!"

me-"but I asked if you could "pop by!"

"Who do you think you are?"

So my father threatened me if I use real names of "his" family on my blog.  My birthmother made me swear I "will never ever write anything about her.

So, in that regard I feel like I am walking on eggshells.

Here goes:

I found out that I was incorrect about my late uncle being an extra in the movie diner.  instead I found out that the movie

diner by barry levinson was based on the lives of these jewish boys who hung out at a particular diner.  one of those boys was my late uncle.  I never met him, nor do I know what he looks like

I also found out (are u sitting down?!)

My ancestor John King who was wounded and in a pow camp during the civil war, journaled about his experiences.  those journals are used as educational material in colleges!

See any parallels?  I have been journaling since I was little, and in latter life one of my huge motives for writing is to educate.

ALL I CAN SAY IS WOW, THIS IS REALLY EXCITING I have not yet read my ancestors journals.  however, he appears to be either my maternal 4x great grandfather or 4x great uncle.  I will not know that detail unless I join

here are some links that may help us read my ancestors writings:

here is a note for teachers "ehl helps navigate the world with your students"


Laura Elizabeth Battle wrote:

"Forget me nots of Civil War is:

 a romance, containing reminiscences and original letters of two confederate soldiers

this one looks promising:

go to google and enter:

"The account of confederate private John R. King p.o.w.@ Elmira, NY"

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Whoops I forgot/geneology

Another exciting detail that I learned is that one of my female non Jewish ancestors spearheaded Billy Graham's television career!

"Severe insomnia"

I have not slept in a week.  So, I spent the night doing ancestry research.  I have not yet joined

I learned tons about my living as well as my rellies who passed on

Sadly I can't put the real names up, because bio. father threatened me and said essentially "you stay the hell away from "my" family and you better not say any real names on your blog"

Here is what I learned:

On the father's side there are many relatives who are very very successful

business owner

and on and on.

The cycle was broken when I was given up for adoption in that I have not been "successful"  However I found out that an ancestor on my mother's side who was pow in the civil war wrote his biography.  My mother is a writer and member of daughters of the American revolution.

One of my relatives was president of the Jewish Community Center

One cousin helps to run a prestigious chorale society

This stuff is really fun yet bittersweet, since Neither of my bio. parents want me to "be" in their family or contact them.

The only exception is that when I met birthmother in 89 she gave me the phone # for

my sister
my grandmother
an aunt

I tried to to develop a friendship with half sister but she is not interested.  In retrospect I should have tried to get to know grandmother......................

One relative was an extra in a famous movie.

So there are singers, leaders, writers and very very successful folks in my lineage and I'm glad I found that out

"More then a year"

For more then a year I have been trying to find someone who is tech savvy enough to help me transfer 600 pics to a flash drive.

You would not believe all the stuff I have tried to make this happen.  Today, I had my second appt. with the librarian (the most tech savvy on staff) and still after 2 appts. we have not accomplished a thing.

However, we have rescheduled for 2 weeks from now to try again, after she acquires "more devices" 2 help me!

I just told my friend that perhaps I should "reassess my goal" and plan to have this task completed before I turn 60!

I hope to create a photo website and consider making greeting cards out of some of the photos  and selling them.

Monday, September 30, 2013

"Give the kid credit!"

Children are so amazing intelligent and intuitive. At the Hopi festival where I did not know any of the Natives, a 4 year old (morbidly obese) Hopi girl who does not know me  walked over to me and said:


"Breaking Amish 2 hour finale"

Wow!  What is so amazing about reality t.v. is that it is completely unpredictable with no Hollywood endings.

One of the first things that crosses my mind as I see these kids making huge mistakes (perjury in court, violating probation) is what I know about brain formation.  I recall that the risk and judgement centers of the brain are not fully developed until some time in the 20's.  I sometimes wonder if that's why the kids can't see that there will possibly b serious consequences for their actions.

I mean I guess I'm glad that Andrew is paying a price for violating probation, on the other hand, I wouldn't want him to get much more then the 30 days because it was a non violent offense.

I'm not clear what it is that Matt is so embarrassed about when he said "I may have done something very bad"

Most of the kids are not articulate, therefore I can't always understand what they are saying.  Perhaps they should close caption the entire show!

I was so impressed with the final party that Samuel threw.  It shocks me that for the most part at this party, bygones were bygones and the kids moved on after frequent and serious conflicts.  I have no such skills.  My relationships typically dissolve even if their is just one serious conflict.

The most emotional and poignant aspect of the show is certainly LIzzie and Hoj.  I'm shocked that they are getting married.  Hoj really is a great guy and I am so impressed at how he steps up to the plate.

Can you imagine the courage it took for Hoj to show up at the Amish community?  wow!  Thank goodness Samuel permitted him on the property.  I assume he has no way to call or text Lizzie.

My gut instinct is that they are marrying too young/on the other hand, they are very loving people and hopefully they will b able to make it work.

How courageous of Matt to go back to LA.  Felicia is a wonderful and mature girl, and Matt will b lucky if she waits for him.

Hmmm.  Also thank goodness Betsy will have a place to stay and in the long run it's good she didn't remain in the marriage.

Iva and Sam seem like a good couple, hopeful they will be able to make it work.

Samuel and Lizzie: I wish I had a sibling!  I always wished that!  How lucky they r to have each other.

Off the top of my head I can't remember what's going on with Devon.............

I will certainly miss the B.A. kids and I look forward to the flds reality show coming up in November!

"Forever the activist"

I'm hoping to leave a positive legacy here in Mountain Town.  today I called the city to describe how I nearly fell down an outdoor staircase in the main plaza because there was no after dark lighting and I couldn't see my feet or the ground.  I "voted" for reflective paint or reflective tape so nobody else falls down these stairs.  The plaza is one of the most heavily trafficked areas in Mountain Town and if the city follows through, and I see the tangible results I will feel pleased that I left a positive "footprint" on this town, and saved others from harm.

Friday, September 27, 2013

"Small town kindness small town ways"

I have $4.00 that I can allot toward food costs today.  I was on my way to a place to see if they had any kind of egg sandwich for four or less.

On the way, I saw a booth set up that was for all intents and purposes a canned food drive.  The volunteer asked me if I wanted to donate and I told her that her collection goes to folks like me.  Then I said "Oh, I know you-you have been volunteering at the soup kitchen!

She knew me and we discussed hunger issues for about 10  or 15 minutes.  She said "Don't move an inch I'll be right back"

She consults with another volunteer, comes back and hands me a $15 dollar gift certificate for what turns out to be my favorite restaurant!


I thought you might enjoy that anecdote, that stuff so rarely happens.

"Recycle or Pitch it?"

At places like tenbucks*  no matter how big they make the signage people still throw their trash in the recycle bin.

I saw a cartoon recently which I just loved.  It showed a pic of a recycle and a trash bin.  In the first frame it says: "Thank you for recycling"

The second frame the guy pitches his recycling into the trash bin.

The third frame is a new sign for people who elect not to read:

"Forget about it you idiot" (addressing the guy who pitched his recycling)

Here at the library a "man" just walking up to a recycle bin and hocked a big wad of spit into the bin.

I think the cartoon was written for blokes like that one!

Thursday, September 26, 2013

"Anthony Bourdain/Parts Unknown"

I believe the show appears on the travel channel but I'm not sure.  I can really relate to this guy who seems cynical with a dry humor.

He was at the wailing wall and he said (paraphrase)

"I come from 2 lines.  A jewish line and a Catholic line.  I'm an atheist.  I don't believe this makes me any less Jewish, and based on the warm welcome I'm receiving here at the Wailing Wall apparently nobody else has issue with my atheism either" (he is wearing a yarmulkah if I'm not mistaken)

I'm gonna like this show and I'm gonna like Anthony!

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

"Foot in mouth syndrome"

I observed the following on the bus today.  There was an old lonely man on the bus who was really only riding so he could force conversation on whoever was sitting near him.

The man really never shut up for about 20 minutes or so.  He was seated next to a woman 24 ish who was with 2 children.  A girl baby, and a girl of about 2.5.

The man kept touching the baby and making comments and forcing the preschooler to interact with him.  The 2 year old made a face like "will you please leave me alone?"

The man kept grabbing the babies arm and saying stuff like "look at those big muscles"  At one point he said

"How old is your baby son?"

mother-"My baby son is a baby daughter"  (in fact the baby was wearing pink)

man to mother-"Oh, whenever I see a Navaho baby I assume it's male!!!"

(Every day I witness multiple behaviors, sights on the bus and bus stops that shock me and this was one of them.  I do not thing the mother perceived this man as discriminatory thank goodness but I perceived him as mostly incredibly naieve and like a lot of people just looking out for his own personal agenda and that is to allay his loneliness)

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

"Breaking Amish"

this show can feel disjointed.  Between the ridiculous amount of commercials and the week that passes between episodes it can get dis jointed.

I thought it was so sudden that the kids returned to their hometowns.  I thought the show should have better explained why the kids were returning.  Perhaps the show could no longer afford to pay their way in Manhattan or L.A.

I certainly can't keep track of all the fights the kids have with each other and often don't know why they are mad.

So, here's the big thing.  It's been revealed who Caden's father is; and that is Hoj. WOW there sure are a lot of unpredictable twists and turns.  Where in the world did Hoj and Lizzie have sex if she was supposed to b at work at the market!  I was surprised Hoj lives in Laurel.  I was fully expec ting that she met him at the Amish Market in Cockeysville, Lutherville, Maryland; the one I used to go to.

I have never even seen a black man patronize the Amish markets.  Anywho, Hoj is a beautiful man.  How f'in insane is it that Samuel confronted him on the very day he had his child.  Samuel is out of his bloody mind.

Lizzie thinks SHE felt different growing up, imagine how Caden will feel.  I'm pleased that L's family has accepted her back and the baby.  Does Lizzie really have the legal right to take Caden away from Hoj?  Certainly he has the right to file for full or partial custody.

The scene where Hoj says I'VE NEVER SEEN CORN LIKE THIS.

Then the camera pans to Lizzie saying: "It just isn't going to work"

Author's note: I did a fair amount of cross cultural and inter-racial dating in my 30's and it does indeed have a unique set of challenges.  I can certainly see why Hoj is angry and confused.

Hmmm.  Samuel telling Lizzie that he slept with Betsy.  L is right to feel her brother is a hypocrite.  At some point or another all the kids have been hypocrites............................................

Right now there is a child screaming on the top of his lungs for 20 minutes now, so I can't concentrate anymore on writing about the other kids on the show...........

"Just one teensy weensy problem"

I have not had properly working electricity for nearly 5 months.  I have made numerous complaints to the maintenance men as well as the utility company, to no avail.  The lights flash constantly and if I try to use the microwave or d/w for example you can hear juice being sucked from appliances and the microwave will whir and even get real dark.

So, I can't read or cook or do anything normal.

If it is not resolved I will b forced to pay my October rent into escrow.  So, as has been the case for 20 years now, EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING is a grueling fight and struggle.

"The Ed Show"

I was attempting to get to the bus today and was about ready to turn off the t.v.  But when the Ed Show came on (never seen before) I knew I had to stay and watch it.

President Obama and ex President Clinton were on the Ed Show live in NYC describing Obama care.  They did a beautiful job of describing why this will benefit so many people.

Although I don't need Obama care due to being on Medicare, I was so impressed with this coverage.  You can probably find it on you tube and I encourage you to watch it!

Monday, September 23, 2013

"The Power of Music"

Perhaps it's true that most people are moved by music.  But with me, it doesn't just move me, it completely transforms me.

There are 3+ folks in Mountain Town who, whenever they see me instead of asking me:

"How are you?"

they ask:

"How are you sunshine?"

"Are you still singing?"

It absolutely does not matter how I feel physically or emotionally music but especially live music transforms me instantly, like a drug.

last Friday, I was on my way to a meeting (where no one showed) and I discovered an exceptional free outdoor live concert in the city square.

Within 20 minutes I felt CONSUMED with joy.  People ask me multiple times a day how can you have lived through so much yet still smile, sing , dance?

The only folks who are not too shy to dance are:

a 3 year old

a very drunk man

and a cowboy

There were some couples dancing but not on the stage.  One old hippie from N.M.  who was with his wife couples dancing for nearly an hour said to me: "Come on babe, let's dance"  so he motioned me toward the stage.

I can't NOT DANCE!

So, I went down there with the old hippie, then later the drunk guy and the 3 year old and danced.  One of the band members seems very pleased that I'm dancing and many folks in the audience have video cams.  It's a classic rock band that can do ABSOLUTELY ANY COVER PERFECTLY.

As far as how can a person, sing or dance or smile of they have survived so much?  There are certain things a person is born with and irrespective of what they survive those traits will always be there.

My musical soul cannot be taken away.  ;)

"911 what's your emergency?"

First I'll do the best I can to describe to you what I was feeling even though I know it is tough if not impossible to grasp.  Certainly the medical staff had no idea what I was talking about

Immediately after taking my sleep medicine on Friday night, I became extremely dizzy.  The room started spinning.  It is terrifying to live alone when you're chronically ill but even worse when you are sick upon sic.

I don't know what to do but to keep the cell phone close.  I text 2 friends to let them know I'm very sick and I'm not sure what's wrong.

Then I called the on call doctor at my doctor's office but the call didn't go through.

I tried to walk to the living room chair very slowly.

The body wide pain is even more excruciating then usual and I'm having the sensation that if I fall asleep I either will die in my sleep (that part is o.k.) or the thing that really worries me is that I will fall asleep but wake up paralyzed.  I have had similar sensations as a side effect from Elavil, however with the Elavil I felt and heard a metal sound in my head and my heart raced so fast I thought it would kill me.

I think the saddest part of this story is how I was treated by both the paramedics and the hospital staff.  I told the 911 dispatcher to make absolutely sure that my "purse" goes with me to the hospital.  I can say one or two words but I really can't speak in sentences.  I am so sedated that I can't keep my eyes open.

When the paramedics arrived (I couldn't tell you what they looked like) I pointed to the "purse"  My main concern was that if I were going to die in a damn hospital my journals need to be in the purse, not home because I have not considered myself to have a safe place to live in many years.

The paramedic picks up my purse then puts it back down and decides to leave it at the house even though I insisted.

The paramedics are rude and seems to be mad.  They keep yeling at me to keep my eyes open which I can't.  They keep insisting I tell them the exact date I was last transported in an ambo. which I could not do.


(3 flights of steps that a stretcher can't be carried on)  When they insisted I walk, I grabbed the banister and they said DON'T DO THAT

When I got into the ambulance I was crying from the pain of the electric bp cuff.  The paramedic (a bastard really) kept pinching my arm and holding the pinch as hard as he could.   He said:

"STOP COMPLAINING IT'S JUST A BLOOD PRESSURE CUFF" (yEAH and he doesn't have lyme and fibromyalgia)   Anytime I did not provide an articulate answer he held a pinch to my left arm.  I said please that'x excruciating please don't pinch me. 

He said "Well, then you need to cooperate"

He wondered why I was "crying" and I told him the bp cuffe was excruciating.  I kept complaining about what felt like convulsions and electricity in my body.  He said that my bp is very high.  (well I don't know what you want me to do about that it is normally low/normal)

When we got to the hospital, I was put in what appeared to be some sort of overflow room.  I rarely saw any hospital staff.  I told the nurse I needed to go to the bathroom but I can't walk their by myself.


She also said "You either go by yourself or I'm not going to triage you
I "collapsed" in a chair and never made it to the toilet.  She kept good on her threat and "punished" me by not triaging me for at least another 2 hours.  I was in the overflow room until 4 a.m.  When the doc saw me he said he has no idea what the matter is, gave me a med.

Sends nurse into the room.  She hands me a stack of papers while I am supine.  I asked her if she could put it with my coat, and she initially refused looking at me like: "How dare you tell me what to do with the paperwork"

I was asked if I had money for a cab.  I said well for one thing I insisted they bring my purse but they elected to ignore me so no I do not have money.  She looked at me like:

She was going to keep me in the hospital indefinitely since I have no ride home.  After 2 hours they called me an ambulance and I was home by 7:30 a.m.  I have a significant bruise on my arm from the guy who kept pinching me.

The hospital here in mountain town have a horrible reputation and I have been told repeatedly whatever you do don't EVER HAVE SURGERY AT MOUNTAIN TOWN HOSPITAL YOU WILL REGRET IT.

Thursday, September 19, 2013



I discovered to day that this is the word that describes me to a tee.  And it means:

"Allergic to every aspect of modern society"

"How to watch true crime shows"

When I first got cable, I was ridiculously addicted to the true crime shows for about 2 weeks that was practically all I watched.  However, I noticed changes in my breathing and heartbeat as well as nightmares.

Now, although I do still watch the ID channel, I do so in moderation.  For example once or twice a week.  The other trick is, that as your last show of the evening you watch:

Big Bang Theory
The Little Couple


Honey Boo Boo for example

anything that makes you smile, makes you happy so you can end your t.v. watching evening with your spirits in a good place.

"Visiting the new medical marijuana dispensary"

So, the staff were fabulous and very very friendly and knowledgeable.  They had me fill out a variety of paperwork and disclaimers.  I had to agree to not operate a motorized vehicle!

I said to the clerk that "it is a very gray area and how on earth are authorities going to enforce it when

"marijuana is your medicine, and a car is your mode of transport!"

I told the clerk that I've tried mmj in 4 different forms, and while sometimes temporarily relaxing it has done nothing to lessen the everpresent excruciating pain.

She recommended "granddaddy purple" and let me smell it as well as other strains.  I looked at the prices of items and mmj is quite costly.  I did not have enough money to make a purchase, however I do still have a "caretaker" who this far has been my "supplier"  (SOUNDS SO ILLICIT!)  In the end I feel the best bet would be staying with edibles because of my sensitive lungs.

I will keep you informed!

"Modern MADNESS"

The whole technology thing is complete madness.  For example, I joined an org a month ago, then needed to ask a question.  Although they have a website there was no phone # provided.  I tried for a whole month to reach them.  I can't even find a snail mail address on them.  There website has a section called "help/contact us"

I tried multiple times over a period of weeks however there was a pop up that said "this section can't be used unless cookies are enabled"

(Nobody at the library knew how to help so I had to cancel my membership)

Also, I have been trying for well over 6 months to get my pics from my camera onto a flash drive as a small step toward moving forward with my photo dreams.  Nobody seems to know how to do this as there is no memory card on my model phone.

After many months of asking folks to help me I've gotten nowhere.  It turns out I have to find someone who owns an android phone AND a computer who has a great deal of tech knowledge before I can accomplish this.

One of the goals (with the 600 pics) is to create a photo blog or photo website.  Getting nowhere.


Yesterday I tried to change my address with social security over the telephone. After waiting 21 minutes for a rep to help me I gave up and hung up the phone.

Today I called again.  The automaton stated that: THERE WILL BE APPROXIMATELY A 23 MINUTE WAIT FOR A REPRESENTATIVE.

So, here I am at the library I just tried to go on the ssa gov website to change my address.  I tried 3x.  Each time the computer
"told me"


sO, now I will go onto google , get the snail mail address for ssa and send an old fashioned letter.

About 1/2 of the time at least I would have to say this all this modern technology seems to lower quality of life, not raise it.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

"Welcome to last week's international blog audience!"

Ahhh!  Brings me great joy to see this past weeks list of readers in:

N.Y. N.Y.


"New York Times/Vietnam Legacy"

This article was essentially about how Vietnam vets left Amer-Asian babies behind that they never got to meet.  There are THOUSANDS of kids who never got to meet their parents.

"I need to know where I come from.  Without him, (father) I DON'T EXIST" says Trinh Tran, 46, on her inability to find her bio. father.

author comment- (me) I'm "lucky" in that, even before meeting my bio. parents I never felt like I lacked identity, never felt any kind of lowered self esteem-but I do know that statistically speaking-folks who don't meet their bio. parents in many cases have a tough life.


Betsy, from Breaking Amish has now met her wonderful , loving and accepting maternal grandmother.  Betsy now feels like she knows who she is, and she can move forward in her life.  Identity is a big deal it seems ;)


Today I went to Dennys.  Normally I only go once a year for the free birthday breakfast but today I went because I knew that it was a do-able walk from the bus stop.

When I walked in, there were 2 folks in front of me waiting to be seated.  Instead of the "hostess" saying:

"How many in your party?" (to the man who was first in line)  She said: "Three?  Two?  One?!"

She sat me at a dirty table.  I was brought water in a chipped glass and coffee in a dirty mug.  The manager checked on me and I said: "this is not a good start! THIS IS SCARY!  Have you ever seen restaurant takeover I asked?  Yes, I do watch that show; he said.

The waitress came over in the middle of the comment and looked panicked.  She interrupted saying:  "what's wrong?"  (I didn't find it necessary to repeat the same thing to her, plus I didn't want her to feel blamed)

The manager quickly rectified the problem.  After brekkie arrived, the waitress intuitively asked me if I would like an extra plate.  (I did)

She brings me a plate that looked like it was out of the dirty dishes!  I call over the manager quietly.  I said," look at this please.  will you touch this plate?"  He seemed to be too afraid to touch it!  I said: "I'm alerting you because I do not want the waitress to feel like I am blaming her"

He takes the plate to the back and she says:


(Oh my god is right.  I am concerned for food safety and I will not go back.)

I consider not tipping her. But, she was in the restroom and I said: "This looks like a really tough place to work, and you are understaffed.

She said "We are understaffed, it's a very hard place to work, and I have some things going on in my personal life too" (she begins to cry)

me-"Well, you have a compassionate customer here"  "Have you ever seen restaurant takeover?"

her-"I sure have, she smiles.......and if they came here we would be in deep shit!"

I decide in the end even though I feel mad, to give her a fat tip.................................because I have done that kind of work/and I know we live in the land of low wage work.......................................

Wednesday, September 11, 2013


Bea Arthur from Golden Girls to her roommate:

"All the single men under 80 in this city are crack dealers!"

(When I heard this I realized that not much has changed over the decades)

Medical Marijuana

So things change minute by minute in this country with the whole mmj debate so I am always learning.  When I contacted the naturopath who initially approved my getting a card, she said that she is not permitted to prescribe or help the patient find the right dosing.  Dissapointing, I am essentially on my own.

9/11 on my mind

I watched 3 hours of specials on 9/11 over the weekend.  They were in depth looks, never before seen footage and lengthy interviews with survivors, paramedics and the like.   It was heartbreaking and very educational.  I'd post the shows however currently blogger no longers re-posts from you tube etc. ;(  I heard that there was an attack on the wtc in February 93 and if officials had done better follow through then 9/11 would likely never have happened.

This is not much of a surprise in that "they" say that the overwhelming majority of "accidents" of any type could have been prevented with a little bit of common sense.

On 9/11/2011 I was supposed to have gone to my second day at the temp. job.  However I was told not to go because the job was near a military base.  Also Baltimore county told me that they can't give me the security deposit they had promised me due to the attack.

The combination of these factors likely contributed to my next homeless episode because the landlords were not willing to wait any longer for the sec. deposit.

On 8/1/2011 I found an apt. to rent in a huge mansion in Roland Park and it seemed life was looking up.  When 9/11 happened it was like, well doesn't that just figure.  It felt like life would change a lot-and as we all know America has been forever changed.

My thoughts and condolences to everyone still affected by 9/11


This show proves that there isn't a boring ancestry story on this planet!  Last night was featured Jim Parsons, best known as Dr. Sheldon Cooper on the Big Bang Theory.

First of all when he said he is 40 y.o. I just about fell off my rocker, because he looks 25.  He finds first of all that he has French Louisiana roots. 

I did not write down the names of his ancestors so I will comment on the show as I remember it.  His one ancestor got published and was a founder of modern medicine as we know it!  He got published at 44 (same age as I did) then shortly thereafter died in a boat fire.

My sentiments about life, death and longevity are similar to parsons who said in essence: "Although it is a shame he died young, he got this newspaper write up which honored him as a human being and for his contributions.  What else really matters in life but to make your positive mark on the world and be remember in such a positive way?"

He also discovers that his French ancestors  were elite architects.  One was marble supplier to the king and one was architect to the king.  Wow!  Parsons enjoys this link immensely since he is also a very successful artist/actor.

This show is probably ultimately leading to many new members of


"Surviving as a car-less American"

The pedestrian, auto, bicycle mix is often a very dangerous one.  And, there are regular close calls daily even if you are hyper aware and using good judgement.  Most of these interactions are unpleasant to say the least.

Today, however, I'm going to share a little snippet of my pedestrian day that will likely bring a smile to your face as it did mine.

I've come up with a variety of ways to try to keep myself in one piece.  And I have come up with many many uses for an umbrella !

It is not uncommon for Mountain town cyclists to completely make up their own rules of the road.  Most travel fast on sidewalks highly endangering pedestrians.

 Today, even though the cyclist was on the road/he was about ready to run the red which means he would have hit me in the ped. walkway.

I held out my closed umbrella, completely straight as if it were a gate that comes down when the trains come-which forced the cyclist to stop!  He smiled and said in a good natured way: "GREAT BLOCK!"

Monday, September 9, 2013

"Breaking Amish"

So, you already know that my favorite part of yesterday's episode was Betsy learning about her bio. parents and ancestry.  ;)

Mexican heritage-interesting that she now knows why she is unlike most Amish, and loves Mexican food!

AND her ancestor Abigail who looks just like her got accused of witchcraft at the Salem witch trials!  wow!  How neat that Betsy feels even more ready for the future in that she has an even clearer sense of her identity!

Sam loses his virginity with Betsy?!  I didn't c that "cumming!" (pun intended)

So neat that Matt has professionals willing to back him in his efforts to move forward as a designer.  He and Iva have shown great courage pursuing their professional dreams IN THE NEW WORLD!

I'm EXTREMELY surprised that the kids are going back home soon (where they grew up) and that seems terrifying!

Do you think Chapel will take Andrew back?  That would surprise me.


Oddly, due to Mountain Town's extremely difficult and weird climate I frequently become homebound.  Sometimes only get out every other day, or only for a couple of hours a day since i'm unable to walk:

on ice

 in electrical storms

through snow banks

and the like!

  It really sucks to get trapped at home in the Spring and Summer months!

One would expect to get trapped at home every now and again in winter-but we have had 9 straight weeks of rain, flooding and electrical storms sometimes lasting 12 hours! (Mountain Town had the most extreme summer weather in the duration of record keeping)

It sucks-it's really tough.

There is a city I'm drawn to whose winters  are easy-however  if I move there I will lose my rental subsidy which puts me at risk for another episode of homelessness.  ;(

Quality of life is still extremely poor and I seriously doubt that it will improve enough for me to deem it "acceptable"

But, I'm betting those of you who know that I'm coming into my 20'th years of extreme poverty probably also doubt that things will get better for me.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

"Breaking Amish"

Wow, that was not very nice to leave Devon in Las Vegas.  Feeling abandoned is not a nice thinkg.  Did they leave him there because of his threesome?  If so, that's ridiculous. 

So, Sam has to leave Iva, i wonder what his job is and whether it's back in his Amish Community?  How will he go back without getting shunned?  I'm glad he forgave Iva for "cheating"

I like lots of curse words/but i do not like them saying "grow some balls" or "douche bag"  i think these are some pretty tastely phrases.

I'm stunned that Sam threatened to blind Devon!!  WTF?!

I feel excited for these kids when they go off to work on their career stuff. The sewing, designing, baking, it's really neat to see thse kids coming of age.

Surf lessons, wow!

How interesting that Richard* (Abe's brother?) was allowed to come to l.a. yet has to go back to punxy to see his p.o.!  Odd.

So adorable to see Samuel dancing and shouting out affirmations.  So glad he and Lizzie are back together!  But him saying to this stranger that he is tired of being a virgin!  What a moment!

How sweet for them to give her a baby shower.  AFter Matt made the little boy outfit, i wondered if he remembered to sew in snaps so the child's diaper can be changed?!

I do not understand how the "kids" had the power to evict Devon.  And I don't understand why they are so angry with him.  Almost every cast member has shown their ugly side and i do not see how Devon is any worse then anyone else!

"Modern day cable t.v."

Yes, i do take in some comedy sitcoms like everybody loves raymond and big bang and those older shows that i never watched when they were in their heyday.

But what i want to comment on is true crime, true t.v. and "reality t.v."

I believe that shows like

dateline msnbc

hotel impossible

restaurant impossible

bar takeover

locked up raw

drugs inc.

and good ol'

Honey boo boo

Nancy Grace

are opening people's eyes to tremendous diversity-everything from life is solitary confinement in prison-to an endearing look into the lives of "redneck families" like honey boo boo.  It's funny how t.v. can endear us to so many real life people so different from "us"  living their every day lives. 

What I love about shows like hotel impossible and restaurant impossible, is that I notice lots of detail in restaurants as well as the motels I've stayed in-and now these shows are confirming my experiences that there is more dysfunction and gross negligence then there are "healthy" places.

"Who do you think you are"

Boy it was neat to watch Trisha yearwood do her family tree.  You may recall that shortly after i completed the search for my own biological parents, i found out that one of my relatives was in prison for white collar crime!  So, wow this was neat.  And that Samuel got his life back on trac after being threatened with hanging!

This is such an inspiring show.

"Feel better then usual"

I've continued to experiment with the medical marijuana and most of the time i notice no difference for the better at all.  Today the pain is lessened in my severely problematic right shoulder neck and arm, also walking wasn't as painful today.  Hoping it is the mmj that made me feel better and hoping i'll have more good days.

I found a stray frisbee today there was a group of 4 playing and the frisbee ended up near me.  So, i threw it back and then joined in the game without asking!  They didn't have to ask, they just included me automatically.  Guess i played for 10 or 15 minutes when their game ended and i was absolutely stunned that i was able to play and actually b good at it like i used to.

This may be no big deal for the average person, but for me, who is so crippled up most of the time, it is huge.  Twas very joyful.

I will keep u informed.


Today, as soon as i stepped outside, i noticed roofers working on a nearby building.  The song piping out of their radio?  "Freefalling, i'm freefalling!"

Friday, August 30, 2013

"Overheard on the bus"

male turns to his friend and asks her:

"So what can a waitress pull in for tips at your restaurant"

her-"Depends on how pretty the girl is and how hot she dresses!"

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

"The Little Couple"

I really love cable.  There is something i really don't love however.  Those bloody commercials.  For example they were showing Titanic and listed a running time of 4.5 hours!  That's roughly 2 hours worth of commercials.  aahhh.  so most of the time i don't do movies for that reason.

I There are many shows i follow that i haven't blogged about yet.  I am following "The little couple"  Love this family.  What amazing people and parents.  I have seen extremely few "midgets" in my life and I'm curious how many Americans are born as dwarfs, called dwarfism.  They should say that on the show. 

Wonder if little Will , will ever want to find his bio. parents.  In the meantime this kid is incredibly lucky.  Is a bit sad about all the medical procedures he may have to go through but Will and Jen are incredible people.

I have never seen a little person at a job.  I wonder if many end up not working because of the physical limitations.  I wonder if you can go on disability because you are born with dwarfism.  Funny dad would be considered "tall" in that he is 10 inches taller then Jen!

Looks like this family has a bright future ahead.

"wHO DO you think u are?"

So, i am following the series wdytya.  last night they focused on Cindy Crawford.  All I knew is that she is a model, I don't know her age, because it's hard to tell since she got a facelift.  (it appears)

What a lucky woman to have grown up in a huge loving extended family!  It is my belief that behind nearly EVERY successful person is a loving supportive family.  I can only think of one celebrity who did it without family and that's Ice-T.

Anyway I am as surprised as she is regarding the fact that she was able to trace back more then 1k years.  wow!  descended from royalty! Distant relative to Hemingway!

The internet is a wonderful thing.  And knowing one's tree is so important.  When I was in elementary school they make you do the tree, and because you are so young, you don't realize that putting the tree of your adoptive family is not the same thing as knowing your tree!

"Overheard in restroom"

Setting:  little boy in the stall of the ladies room, while mom waits right outside the stall door.



boy-"in the next stall!"

mom-"You never ever look underneath to the next stall?"



Tuesday, August 27, 2013

"I am taking a poll on the subject of friendship"

Please write back!

What is the definition of a friend?  Can they still be a friend if you never exchanged phone numbers?

What is definition of an acquaintance?

Do some relationships fall somewhere between friend and acquaintance?

"Awesome t-shirt slogans"

This guy had a t-shirt with the Warner Brothers Logo. 

The wording was:


"Breaking Amish"/"Amish Grace" movie

Wow, talk about a shocking turn of events!  Iva could end up in jail herself for lying to police!  I guess it's no surprise that Betsy figured out a way to get even more home videos!  A three some!  It appears that Sam has/will forgive Iva and I think he should, in that, they are not married.

I can't find my notes for this episode of the show and the library is noisy so i'm having a hard time concentrating, so this is a tad short I know.


"Amish Grace"

This was very poignant for me.  I know that it is "based on a true story"  And I wonder which parts are fictitious.  I recall when the actual shooting happened I was up set for quite a while.

So amazing and beautiful when the 3 Amish men showed up at the killer's wife house to offer up love and forgiveness. 

The one disgruntled wife was the easiest for me to relate to because I can't imagine a life of submission which is what these women have to put up with. 

The one telecaster who "befriended" the wife seemed unlikely.  Would the journalist have really been allowed to offer the wife rides in her car?  Doubt that.

"God called the children home"  Yes, it makes no sense whatsoever because it makes it seems like "god" and the killer were in cahoots!  tough thing to buy. 

"We don't need a graven image" (of our late daughter) the husband said to the wife.  She replied "it would comfort me though!"  It's rather amazing that she didn't end up going to Philly but decided to stay in the Amish community after finding out that her late daughter told the killer "we'll pray 4 u!"

There was a quote in the movie that I said almost word for word back in April.  And that quote is "If you hate there is no room in your heart for love"

What I said was in regards to my observations of men and women at the shelter (I stayed one night in April)  I told one of the men in the shelter "Some of these people have so much anger in their hearts that they leave no room for anything positive or happy to come in"

And my final comment is regarding the practice of "shunning"

I believe it's the antithesis of a loving Christian life.


Saturday, August 24, 2013

march on wash. video

"2 anniversaries"

So, it's the 50th anniversary of the march on washington!


the 50'th anniversary of my washington d.c. birth (june of course)

I do not know how old i was when my adopted parents adopted me, so i do not know whether or not i still lived in d.c. when martin luther king did his "i have a dream speech"

but it is fun to for me to think about the washington d.c. parallels.


I felt rested enough on Thursday that i tried a new karaoke spot.  My initial impression of the venue was that as soon as i walked in i wanted to turn and walk out.

First i wanted to tell you that i took the bus there just to find out that it was nearly a mile and a half walk in pitch black to get there.  A seriously mentally ill man and a very drunk man, got off at my stop and didn't seem to have anywhere to go so i felt very unsafe.

I did make it o.k. after many looks over my shoulder.

The bar was very dark, my vision is poor.  The floor had many tiny steps and uneven-ness i had to hang on to walls and pillars to make sure i didnt fall.

Surprisingly, it was a country bar and i was concerned that i would only b able to sing country.  But i put it a request to do a rock song and they had it.

My first song was

"don't stop believin'"  it went over very well
"crazy" by p.cline
"first time ever i saw ur face"

and one duet.

Made a couple of new friends and as per usual it was "soul renewing" to b up on stage using my "god" given gift!  ;)

"On the subject of sleep"

I was just beginning to get restorative sleep. Got 3 good nights in a row.  But as i said before the noise level in apts is usually excruciating and this building and its environs are no exception.  I got 2 new tenants in my bldg and the weird thing is even though these are one bedroom apts there are entire families living in them.  My neighbors are awake and screaming and slamming doors all hours of the day and night.  So, like many motels whether i'm in bed or in the chair, i can hear sometimes one to 3 huge bangs per minute where all the furniture vibrates every single time somebody bangs.

So, much to my chagrin, i was up all night for this reason and do not hold any hope that i can have a normal life in this complex or any other on the planet.  (I only know of one soundproofed complex in mountain town but it has no subsidized apts.)

My eyes are very heavy but there is no point in staying at home if it's going to be too noisy to nap or think.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

T-shirt slogans

This guy's shirt had a slogan that said:


"Who do u think u are?!"

This is another show that i go out o f my way to watch. Last night was with actor producer, Chris O'Donnell.  So this is a particularly exciting episode for me because the show closes with him in Baltimore and it appears he was allowed to raise the f lag at Fort Mc Henry.

Michael Hait is a genealogist (i think) who works at t he Md. State Archives in Annapolis. Looks very familiar, perhaps i saw him around when i lived in Balto.

The search for his ancestor Mc Neir in the 1812 city directory of Baltimore city!  Good chance I'd find family in the same directory. I looked at the different street names when he was allowed to view the directory.

I believe Mc Neir fought at the Garrison at Fort Mc Henry.

So it appears O'Donnell may be on 695 because he passed the Baltimore/Towson highway sign.

Boy Historian Vince Vaise is very fired up about his job at Fort McHenry and gets much joy out of sharing what he knows about O'Donnell's lineage.

I had forgotten that the National Anthem was written in Baltimore by lawyer, Francis Scott Key based on what he witnessed at McHenry.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

"changes to you tube?"

So, it appears that there have been you tube changes that disallow us to re post to blogger.  any idea why?

hemp fest 2013

"Breaking Amish"

episode aired on 8/18

This episode was high stress to watch.  Betsy and the candles. Andrew watches and is admonished to not blow the candles out.

Devon doesn't believe in witchcraft and i think he says his mom was into it.  Do i personally blieve that Betsy is capable of placing a hex?  maybe.  Because i have wondred whether a "hex" was placed on me!

Iva calls Sam and they become instantly engaged even though I'va has been conducting herself as a single woman and has never mentioned Sam to anyone!

Betsy seems to be hypersexual.  I am really dissapointed in her behavior and it is terrifying that she wrote those messages to everyone in the house and destroyed property!  Wow!  I believe Iva who has declared that she found Betsy on top of her..

The kids told Betsy she has to give up the witchcraft but i doubt that is going to happen any faster then one could simply "give up" being Amish.  These things don't happen overnight.

I'm stunned Betsy left and wondered how much money the producers give her and whether or not she'll have to sleep outdoors.

Sam telling Iva to go to authorities is extremely wise.  Andrew fell down steps ;( and won ders if he has been hexed.  Couold be.

Betsy is in hotel who paid for it?

Wow, "thunder down under" i didn't know if this was group from Australia or what the deal was.

It worries me alot that betsy says she will run I'va's life "like iva ruined hers"

"medical marijuana"

So, i have now tried mmj in 4 different forms. It seems that the form that works " best" reduces about 1/3 of the pain. However that unfortunately comes at a high price. Makes me very sleepy. But worse is that when i went out of the house i felt like i was in a fog or in a dream.  I wasn't even sure if i was really on the bus or if it was some dream state.

As a normally clear thinking and fast on my feet kind of gal, it is not acceptable to me to feel like i 'm in a fog.

So, no mmj treatments in a.m. or afternoon-only before bed.  I am largely expected to self monitor and to figure out what works and what doesn't.