Monday, December 31, 2012

Cat's In The Cradle

One of the most powerful songs ever written...

You're Having My Baby

"One of the soup kitchen customers"

He stopped me on the street today and said:

"I just wanted to let you know that, I want to have your baby"

Then, he said "see ya, I gotta go!"

New Year's Eve 1965-1966 in Times Square

I was 2 and 1/2 years old and living in Randallstown Maryland.


1994, the year I will have my first experience at being homeless. They year that changed the trajectory of the rest of my life.

New York Times Square Ball Drop 2012 HD (Lady Gaga & Mayor Bloomberg)

Happy New Year to my blog audience around the world!

Prince (playlist)

I searched you tube for a video of prince performing his quinessential "party like it's 1999!" i literally could not find it, which is dissapointing. But he's on my mind, so here's what i've got.


Hippie New Year!

New Year's Day - U2

"The proverbial class clown"

Humor has been in my blood for as long as I can remember.  As an adoptee, I often wonder, where did this physical trait come from, or where did this artistic interest, or personality trait come from?  After all, I am adopted, so I don't really know any blood rele's well enough to be able to ascertain these things.

But in 04 I learned that about 50% of my heritage is Ukrainian Jew.  I signed a book out from the Children't section entitled "Ukraine"

I learned that comedy is a huge part of being Ukrainian.  In part because of the hard lives of the people.

The display picture on my cell phone is of a group of sunflowers growing through the sidewalk.  Turns out, the sunflower is the national flower!

"Oh, what a COLORFUL morning"

In my 20 months in Mountain Town , I have never ever seen a single employee or customer EVER enter the building labeled Chinese Massage.

But today 3 young men of about 19 were trying to get in the bldg.  I whipped out my camera but then they walked away.  I said, you walked away too soon, i was hoping to document the building's first customers!

They thought that was pretty funny.  They went around back, and about 4 minutes later left!  They walked past me and I told them about how i noticed therewere never any customers>  I said:  "So what happened when you tried to get in?"

"Well, there was one employee and she did not know any English at all.  The place smelled so revolting that we ran away as fast as we could! 

(I referred them to 2 reputable massage places in town)

Elana-"So, I'm curious.  If you saw a building that was labeled "Polish Massage by Polish girl, would it have the same allure!?"

They laughed and they said "NO WAY!"

(this is the end of my interview!)

Sunday, December 30, 2012

"Get your permit to parent, here!"

Maybe prospective parents should have to apply for a permit.  I will never understand why so many millions of people have children, then when they are born, they are virtually ignored!

A father in the library today has headphones on and he is listening to very loud music.  His child has been calling out for him repeatedly which he cannot hear.

I just went over to him and said "Your son has been calling for you"

He replied "OH!"

I looked to see if he would go to his child and HE NEVER DID!

My friend Michelle said that she thinks it is more common to come from an abusive home then from a non abusive home.  Maybe she is right.

"YOU have hospital socks TOO?!"

I see many similarities between psychiatric hospitals and jails/prisons, even though I have never physically been in or visited a jail or prison.

Sadly the recidivism rate for psych. hospitals is very high.

You know that I checked myself in twice because i had no other shelter, so I spent 30 days total, yet not consecuitively between 8/14 and 12/1.

Some patients would check out and then end up right back there again a few days later!

So I recently showed my acquaintance my new place.  I took my shoes off and he proclaimed "you have hospital socks too!"

It's almost like the claim to fame in this town.  We compared notes and discovered that he checked out just a few days before I checked in.  He asked me if I know the "fat patient with the mohawk cut"

I told him I know every single patient by name because i recorded the name and something about their personalities in my journal.

Saturday, December 29, 2012


I will predecess this by saying that, it seemd like everyone i encountered yesterday was mean and messed up.  When i told my friend Amanda that i think i met every jerk in Mountain Town yesterday i asked her if it is still full moon?  she said yes it is and that is why you have the term "LUNA-TIC!

that being said, i was in the cafe when i heard a teen girl of about 13 say the following to her mother:

"Mom you have cat eyes and you do not know how to do make-up.  YOU LOOK LIKE A WHORE!"

I was shocked guys.  I found it so disturbing that I had the urge to tell the mom that she is a beauty (and she was)

What kind of child rearing is that where a parent let's their child talk like that?!  it really was upsetting.

"3 Bananas for Christmas"

Mad for 20 years.  I've been fuming mad for 20 years about social inequaity.  It will never get any easier to watch strangers, friends, acquaintances have everyting handed to them on a silver platter.  I just know so many people who do not have to lift a finger.

I'll write an un-edited version of this as well for my journal.  But for here, I will say this.  Jim is 64.  He lives in the house he grew up in.  He inhereited it.  He has never had to work for shit his whole life.  His family have given him a steady supply of cars and maintenance.

The mother of his 21 year old child is wealthy so flies him to California every year for an allexpenses vacation.  She paid for the boys private education ad private college.  Jim never had to pay a penny of child support.

He has inhereited 2 more houses.  Every year another relative dies and he gets at least 10k each time and host of goods.

Today, my 20 something male neighbors told me that mother is at their house doing their laundry.  She then went out and got them groceries.

My other neighbor today who is 60, is home sick and waiting for her mother to bring her the medicine groceries and homemade chicken noodle soup.

I had 3 bananas for christmas.  today i bent over for what looked like a dime in the road, but it was too run over to be useable!  (when you are in chronic pain, bending over for a dime these days counts as work!  ;)

I have come up with some ways lately to channel some of my anger into activism, but it's likely i'll keep being mad anyway.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

"Quality of Life Measures"

For as low as my quality of life is, there is something I really love about the West.  Everyone out here makes eye contact.  In cafes, it is very common for strangers to smile hoping to make a new contact., or illicit a response.   Because of the chronic pain I live it it can be difficult and sometimes impossible to return a smile.  Sometimes I say, "I'm sorry but I don't have the energy to return your smile!"

 When you get right down to it, this is important stuff and it makes a big difference!

"Slender, fit and beautiful"

Everytime I watch the old Soul Train videos, I think about how it has been more then 30 years since folks looked so gorgeous.

Here where i live now, it is not at all uncommon to see children and adults who are at least 100 lbs overweight.  It stuns me that many are married and coupled because despite myself being fat also, i still see humans they way i did when i was under 35; "fat is ugly" and "slender and fit" is attractive.

I recently read 2 non fiction books with many pics.  It was about life in Haiti, the other was life in Brazil.  There was not a single photo of an overweight person in either book!

What a shame because most importantly this destroys ones health, and of course less importantly in many cases ones beauty as well!

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

South Korean Singles Gathered in Seoul for Large-scale Blind Date

I laughed in solidarity when I heard this airing on npr, and one gentlemen said, "i asked 4 women to take a walk with me, they all said "no thank you" he went on to say "i guess i'm stuck at christmas watching "home alone" yet again ! ;)

Isaac Hayes - Shaft - live 1973

The Enchanters - Mambo Santa Mambo (1957)

"War Stories for Xmas Day at the Soup Kitchen"

As per usual I did nt celebrate xmas.  I am largely homebound by ice snow and then on xmas the bus didn't run.

I have 3 bananas to eat so i'll pretty much have to go to the soup kitchen.

They say this area is liberal but you would never know it at the soup kitchen.  Many times i meet angry diners who are all talking about how clse minded they are on various issues and really don't seem interested in hearing what anybody else has to say especially if the view is liberal.

Not 5 minutes into the really bad meal, a diner starts telling his story.  He is new to the soup kitchen, so I replied "That is what folks talk about here is their "war stories"

He asked me if I had read the local paper lately.  I said i don't read it every day.  He and his wife roll up their sleeves and show me stab wounds.  They went onto say that the article was in the paper. "Man stabs his roommates"

 The wife said that Mountain Town is an extremely dangerous place to live.  i said the whole society is, and there is nowhere to run.

I told her that in the AZ republic they said : "The most dangerous place an American woman could be is IN HER HOME!  That has been my experience as well.

The handsome man in his 40's chimed in.  Here is a paraphrase:  "Oh you think YOU have it bad?  See this bullet wound?  I was shot in the Aurora movie slaughter!

I joined in with some shocking stories of my own.  I could see a physical reaction that the wife was having because of the stress of the stories.

I proposed that the way we should all end our meal is with a rendition of White Christmas.  I began singing, everyone joined in and she cried because she was moved....................................

Saturday, December 22, 2012

£1 Fish Man - One Pound Fish - O-Fish-Al Video

Oh boy this completely makes my day!

THE ORIGINAL... One 1 Pound Fish, Queens Market, Upton Park, London E13

Heard about this on npr, wow!

"The most interesting part of my life"

Nowadays the most interesting part of my life is the people I'm meeting when I hitchike.  If I am not / was not willing to hitchike I would have been housebound for over a week.  The ice is very thick, and the plow never cam to my neighborhood.

As you know it's extremely rare for me to go with a male.  Usually I go with women, couples, or families.  But the other day I literally had to get a ride "across the street!"  The ice had flooded and i couldn't walk thru the flood so a senior drove me across the street.

I am also furious that there doesn't seem to be a town in the u.s. that is taking care of roads and sidewalks to where a pedestrian can be safe.  I will join the ped. advisory committee.

Yesterday a senior from "joysey"  named "shoyley"  (shirley) took me 3 miles east.  She was smoking a cigarette and had a young girl in the car. (and she is judging people who eat un healthfully) Oddly, she said this:

"Mountain Town people are very unfriendly and judgemental but home in Joysey everybody is so nice"

well alrightey then, i have a hard time buying that but i dare not argue!

Then, she says "Who do these thieves think they are?  They don't even need food stamps , they are driving fancy cars and buying 70 dollars worth of junk at 7-11."

(I can tell she is not exactly open to debate.  How odd she should breach this topic with me out of nowhere.)

When she finally takes a breath I say this:

"I don't know.  I really try to be the sort of person to look at an issue from different sides, because I have a degree in social work, i llike politics and i have seen this issue from different sides.   I have had money and at other times I have not.  I'm sure Mountain Town isn't the only place where people are ignorant.  There have been times in my life where, I was unable to even get to a grocery store and 7-11 was my only option!"

Anywho, the best conversations seems to be while hitchiking, and  it gives me a chance to surreptitiously sneak in my opinions on important political issues!

"Living with Chronic Pain"

At times I get absolutely furious that I have to live like this.  Someone set a match to me so my skin and lips are on fire.  (neurological disorders)  My hands and fingers feels like they are made of barbed wire and someone is cutting the wires.  The pins and needles in hands and feet never go away, limbs fall asleep often.  In the morning or if I have been sitting for 15 minutes I can barely get up, my feet don't want to hold me and the pain in the hips and thighs is enough to nearly knock you off your feet.   Once you do get up you are limping.  Sometimes I feels like someone with a needle is stabbing my gums and teeth.  I guess you just have to be there.

Migraines and nausea are nearly daily.

How is it that we are so advanced in health care and that I have had to live like this for so many years.  There are of course hundreds of symptoms and I have many different disorders of the spine as well as arthrits and post lyme.

There is no excuse that society is letting me live like this, and I am pissed!  Although I am supposed to get in with a pain clinic soon, I am to the point where I wonder if i can wait, and may show up, yet again at the urgent care centers.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Soul Train Line Dance to Aretha Franklin Rock Steady


I happened upon this very exciting website just now and I can't wait to share it especially with my adopted friends!

Natalie Merchant Live in Concert 16:9

Besides being a big fan, i LOVE that she is not wearing makeup!

"More then shelter, feels like a home!"

Soon I'll get a roommate, but for right now, I have a beautiful home, with all new hardwood floors, nearly all new appliances and new furniture.  I'm sure the dynamic will change, but I really love it.

Keep your fingers crossed.  I have no idea how long it will take me , if ever, to feel safe again, but I guess I'd have to go a whole year with no break ins to feel safe.................I've come home twice to unlocked doors........but I have a wonderful landlord and advocate and a support system that is growing.........................

"Public transportation always an adventure"

Today I met a 24 y.o. african american man, 7 feet tall maybe 300 lbs who is a professional opera singer!  We sang together while waiting on the bus.  He encouraged me to join the chorale, and even to get involved at the local college with musical stuff there.  His was the most amazing male voice I've heard since moving to Mountain Town.

"Not Mr. Roger's neighborhood/Mommy Dearest"

The drunk guy at the bus stop today told me that he liked my voice.  He sat next to me and spit on me when he talked.  This area has had tb epidemics in the past spread this way.  He told the passenger on the bus "pay attention to your own god damn business and fuck you and don't look at me"

At the depot I met a 23 yo who is in excruciating pain 24/7 like me.  We talked about being torture survivors.  She said that her mother sold her off as a sex slave when she was very little.....................................

"Everything is broken/ you mean you had a lobotomy too?"

Nobody's brain is working.  Every single ttransaction , cashier, med. asst. whatever, EVERYBODY says: my brain isn't working, i'm not here today.

I've been waiting 4 years to get into a pain specialist. I finally got referred to one (even though my only primary care physician is on paper only)  so I called.  I was told that she just moved out of Mountain Town.

I found out that I might be able to get my insurance to pay for transporation.  I asked 3 professionals today for the # but 3 gave me the wrong #.

When I finally did get the #, the insurance lady who was very nasty said, "you can't get a ride without pre-auth."  "How do I do that?"  So this went on and on and finally I called the specialist.  I had faxed my medical info 8 days ago.  They told me they lost it.


There are some local politics I'd like to get involved in.  Then I was told to show up at city hall and just go to "the meeting"  I said to the girl on the bus "what room?"  she replied "there is only one room in the building!"  (there are likely 200)  I asked what time?  "Show up any time on Thursday" 

"What is the meeting called?"  I asked.  She said just "the meeting"

when i got there today none of the employees had any idea what I was talking about.

Life is just a wild goose chase where nobody knows anyting and nearly every action I take is wasted because the entire society is fu#$%@!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Sylvers Hotline

I sure do give myself away as a Baby Boomer with these musical picks!

Men Without Hats - The Safety Dance

I had this song on vinyl, and i love this playful video!


Wow!  I have tightness in my chest and I am shaky.  I was searching for statistics on Rossiter Pennsylvana when I happened upon the obituary of my adoptive mother.  She apparently OFFICIALLY disowned me as she made no mention of me in the obit!

So, apparently she died on my fifth day in Mountain Town, Aprill 2011.

She never wanted to adopt me in the first place and due to abuse, I cut off all contact with my adoptive family in 1990.

If you would like to see her obituary:

Monday, December 17, 2012

Soul Train Line Cold Blooded Rick James

Alex Clare - Too Close (Live Unplugged)

Alex's story is awesome. I heard it on NPR yesterday. He lost his recording contract initially because his Judaism prevented him from being able to perform on the Shabbat and High Holy Days.

Yet, Microsoft used his song in a commercial and it shot him to success very fast!

"Violence Against Women Act"

This appeared in the AZ republic I think on Thursday.  Powerful powerful article.  The author describes how many woman lose their lives each year to domestic violence and stalking and the like.  She says that in this country the most dangerous place a woman could possibly be is IN HER HOME.  I must say that in the last 20 years I have seen that very thing play out in my life time and time again.

I'm glad d.v. is no longer an "in the closet" issue.

The conditions in Mountain Town are deadly

Today alone I have walked about 2 miles through snow banks and on thick sheets of ice.  It is terrifying.  Like in so many towns sidewalks are unusable and sometimes i have to walk right down the highway.  My neighbor is 20 and has fallen on the ice 3 times in the last week..........

They don't like to salt here because of the environmental harm.  The safest possible thing I can do is hitchike.  It is far safer then trying to get around on ice.  Most of time i still have to use bus but hitching does help and reduces my chances for injury.

President Obama Makes a Statement on the Shooting in Newtown, Connecticut

I can't live this way. I have been saying this for 19 years, so i was very pleased to hear Obama say in his speech that "We can't live this way"

I'm eager to see what he'll do to lessen this ridiculousness. I do trust him. I was still thinking about Klackamus and before I could even digest that shooting I heard about this.

He's right, they are our children. Daily in my town I see so many examples of abuse and neglect and constantly have to ask myself when is it appropriate for me to take action to protect these little children?

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Helen Keller - 1950's Documentary, Part 1. (Clip)

I'm reading her autobiography entitled "The Story of My Life"

The most incredulous thing about Helen is that she found happiness, a miracle indeed.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

"Read about my relative on the internet"

I put my great uncle's name into the internet yesterday.  I never met him because he is from my biological family.  He comitted white collar crime, he is a multimillionaire, and spent a few years in prison.  The article described him as having a dynasty.

He now lives on an estate worth 1.5 million, drives a lexus* AND a bmw*

Life ain't exactly fair, is it?!

"I couldn't have said it better"

When I tell folks i have fibromyalgia, and they know someone with it they say:

"Oh, my uncle has that and he can't do ANYTHING anymore!"

So simple and straightforward it is a perfect description of what I go through!

Monday, December 10, 2012

"Bumper Sticker Mentality"

Saw a classic bumper sticker the other day; on a trailer that is marked free  and sitting on the side of the road.  Looks like it's been through a war!

The sticker says:


Friday, December 7, 2012

Sign, Sign, Everywhere a Sign-Five Man Electric Band-NOW

Rules at my subsidized complex

no cigarette smoking indoors
no alcohol possession in your home
no overnight guests
you must attend at least 1 meeting per week at the agency that sponsors your housing
you must keep place clean
no medical marijuana allowed in your home

"Rules at the Psychiatric Hospital"

No metal or plastic knives even in lunchroom
no plastic bags in your bedroom
no pen in your bedroom
no spiral notebooks
no shoes with laces
no hats in living room/day room
no touching
no food in your bedroom
no coffee after 8 p.m.
most be accompanied by a tech on courtyard

Despite all the rules, the techs were oblivious and did not closely watch us.  It was not unusual at all for no employee to be visible at all "on the floor"  Patients did go on the courtyard alone, i did take plastic bags back to my room and a pen.  Most all patients brought food back to the room, i did not.

Many dinners were along the lines of steak, so you had to pick everything up with your fingers and just cut your food with your teeth!  What a mess!

A patient did commit suicide on the wing, back in approx. 3/2011...................................

All patients ever think about is food.  They live for mealtimes and coffee!

"Significantly Overweight"

I told my acquaintance that I feel like a stuffed sausage!  He said "All the more of you to love!"

I replied: "Like the rap songs say "them curves are kickin!"

Thursday, December 6, 2012

"I'm 33% better today!"

As you know I've suffered extreme sleep deprivation since 1975.  I figure, if I do sleep one night, as I did last night, then I am doing 33% better!

Normal people spend 8 hours sleeping which is 1/3 of their day.  Last night I slept about 8 hours, so I reckon that's 33% better then on the nights where I don't sleep.

I'm hoping this good trend continues!

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

"People are strange, when you're a stranger"

So, there will be a free movie shown tonight, documentary.  I overheard a woman in the library say that she will go.  I asked her if she lived near me, as i need a ride home.

Instead of simply saying that it is out of her way, she began advising me on what weapon i should carry!

She asked me if I have a stun gun and said "My daughter carries a pistol!"


Monday, December 3, 2012

Soul Train Line Once You Get Started Rufus.mpg

Children Of The Sun - Billy Thorpe (lyrics)

I had this on 45! (vinyl)

Amazing intervention in the psych. hospital

Much of what I see in these psychiatric hospitals are plenty of techs who are incompetent, or just there to collect a paycheck and ignore the patients.

But there were a few techs and a few nurses who were stellar.

One day , 24 y.o. Nate* went into a frenzy and demanded his medicine.  I thought he might be schizophrenic but on my last day in the hospital he said that he was beaten by 2 men and brain damaged.  He speaks nonsense most of the time.  He began secreaming and cussing and then challenged the tech, James* to "put up your dukes!"  He physically went after james while cussing and screaming.  James* being one of the techs who is just their to collect a paycheck, went into the nurses station laughing.  I see nothing funny about this at all.

Then Nate went after Charles the 53 year old who looks 75, and has the mental competency of maybe a 1 year old.  Charles was terrified and ran, he continued to relive and retell the story in the coming days.

Nurse Louann* is the one who stunned me with the beautiful intervention.

She went over to Nate looked him in the eye and gently took his hands.  She asked him: "May I give you a hug?!"

He said: YES!

She embraced him for a while, and spoke calmly in his ear.

All I can say is wow; sometimes practicing peace really works!

"Not Mr. Roger's neighborhood"

Yesterday on my walk to the grocery store i saw just one cyclist out.  When i got to the grocery store there were 2 cop cars in the park. lot and very few customer cars.

I looked over at the 2 cops and in the center of them was a 4 foot mechanized santa claus!  I'ts times like these i wish i had a pwerful camera!  The manager (who has never been a very nice guy) said something about the customer tossed eggs at him and then tried to run.  The mgr. said he tackled the guy to the floor.  The employees were trying to decide whether the guy should be allowed back in the future.

On the way to trying to find a place with a working shower, and then home; again a long walk, i saw a very suspicious young man running at breakneck spped.  He had some object in his hands.  He jumped into the yellow cadillac getaway car into the passenger seat and the car sped away!

Today, at the doctor's office (who said that i'm not in their computer with an appt.) 2 sheriffs walked in with 2 prisoners both shackled at their hands and their feet.

Never a boring moment guys, NEVER A BORING MOMENT.