Tuesday, October 30, 2012

"Stand up for justice?!"

The bus driver and I were complaining about various aspects of society.  The conversation ended by him telling me that no matter what we do nothing is really going to change for the btter.

"I know it seems that way, but when I have the strength to stand, I am going to stand up for justice!"

He replied:

"Well, while you do that I'm going to take a nap!"

"When you are penniless"

I went about 2 weeks this month with one penny in my bank account.  When I called for my balance, the automaton said:

"You have, zero dollars and one cent"

When you are penniless you don't even feel like a member of society.

"Please vote for Obama!"

Please check out these important websites!



thank you!

"The Center for Psychotic Studies?!"

Of all the crazy things.  I was flipping the channels today, and here it is!  The CPS agency!  It is located in a highly apt city, the city of Baltimore.

One of the conclusions they come to (you call that news?!)  is that every human being is capable of murder if pushed far enough.  I came to that quick conclusion myself not long after becoming a city resident in 95.

I mean look at road rage.  I couldn't drive one mile without being raged at and even threatened with my life if i drove approximately the speed limit in Carroll County.

This is why I posted the video "The Message" to my blog:  we are all capable my friends we are all capable.

Grandmaster Flash says : Don't push me cause i'm close to the edge, i'm trying not to lose my head.  it's like a jungle......."

Monday, October 29, 2012

"Eastern seaboard friends on my mind"

I've been watching the weather channel re: the hurricane and this is quite shocking!  Manhattan and o.c. evacuated!

I have a # of friends in Baltimore, one in New Haven, one in Ocean City.  I can't reach my n.j. friend.

today is full moon

my ex birthday


thick smoke in my region from a fire


they are saying that Sandy is the most serious weather event in regards to most people affected by one storm, in our lifetimes!

I wonder how this all will affect the election?!

I hope it doesn't hurt Obama

Friday, October 26, 2012

"Is that kid a psychic?!"

Yesterday, I was in a wait room where there was a 7 y.o. and a 6 y.o. boys.  (They just relocated to Mountain Town 2 days ago from Japan!)

The big boy asked me my name.  I told him and he asked me how many letters are in my name?

I told him 5.


I said:  "That is a very accurate reading!"

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Only the Destitute Walk by Elana R. Snyder PART 2

On May 10, 1994 I flew back to the United States, and attempted to rebuild my life in Lafayette, Indiana.

"My current environs"

The motel i'm at currently is pretty clean, very comfortable however, there is something very wrong with the water heater.  There were 2 seperate days where I couldn't bathe when I wanted to because of some problem with the heater.  I have made 3 complaints and the problem has still not been resolved, so I filed a complaint with headquarters.  We will see what happens.

Only the Destitute Walk by Elana R. Snyder PART 1

When I told my first boyfriend, Steve, that I had the dream of putting chapter one on the internet, he said, "let me see what i can do!" He had full artistic license, and here it is!

In re-reading this i'm surprised at how much i disclosed. But I know that the deeper one is willing to go emotionally, and the more they ARE willing to disclose the more successful their writings will be!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

"Severe long term sleep deprivation"

I'm only sleeping a few minutes a night and I can barely function or keep my eyes open.

Christina Aguilera- Ain't No Other Man LIVE MTV Movie Award 2006

While watching the special today, i discoverd that part of what inspired her to perform this was meeting her ex husband,Bratman. I felt terribly sad to learn that they divorced in 2010.

Christina Aguilera - Beautiful

Christina Aguilera Rocks the Vote

I didn't realize i was a huge c.a. fan until i saw eonline special on her life today.

Because I mostly follow music via radio, i don't always realize until years later that I was closely following an artist, until i see them on you tube or on t.v.

Please vote for Obama!

Monday, October 22, 2012

Natalie Merchant Carnival

"Reality t.v."

For most of my adult life, I have not owned a t.v., and I have never had cable.    I am just now catching up with Seinfeld and Frasier!    I have only seen one episode of The Wire. 

Last night I saw the season premiere on the National Geographic channel, of" Drugs Inc".  Wow! What an education this is for me.  I've never understood the details of what goes on in the lives of people involved with illicit drugs.

It blows me away and saddens me that there are hundreds or even thousands of homeless who live in tunnels under the city of Las Vegas! (many on various types of drugs)

I encourage you to check this out


Saturday, October 20, 2012

"Public transportation in Mountain Town"

Most of the time I find riding and waiting for busses reduces my quality of life in a big way.  But there are also times when I have these little mini adventures that are related to public transit.

Last night, a drunk Native American male, not agressive, said hello to me at the stop.  He said he is Blackfoot and from Canada.  He has multiple cans of beer in his backpack, just arrived in Mountain Town last night........but it gets more interesting.  He told me he is on his way to the bar across the street one last  time-and then he is walking over to rehab!  WITH the booze in his backpack!

"Don't "cancel" your dream, just modify it"

My original dream with photography was to blow up and display my Australia photos in coffee houses.  But between 2005 and 2011 most of my belongings were stolen or destroyed.

I never stopped doing photography and imagine taking the photos from the last few months and turning them into greeting cards. 

Of course it's dissapointing when we can't fulfill our orignal dream, but I don't believe we need to completely forsake our dreams but just modify them!

"Good news"

Chapter 1 of my memoir will be available for download and review at you tube dot com anyday now.  as soon as that happens i will give you the link!

"life in hell/life is crap"

Just like in September, I ran out of disability funds to house myself about 4 days ago.  Shockingly I was able to get a loan which will at least keep me off the park benches.  But still, most of my days and nights are just survival, like that first essay i wrote in 10/07 that showed up at www.urbanitebaltimore.com

I have been wearing the same pair of pants for a month.  My new friend is storing my few belongings, but I don't travel with more then I can carry on my back, since I am carless. I keep very  clean, and folks have told me for as long as i can remember:

 "well, you sure don't look homeless"

 I do not wear a neon sign on my forehead that flashes "homeless!"

Last night i stayed at a well known chain that got miserable reviews on trip advisor.  I had to climb 24 stairs to get to the 2nd floor where the ONLY non smoking rooms were.  I arrived after dark and struggled with my key.

The door won't prop open, and the switch is not turning on any sort of light.  My only option is to use my completely awesome lightweight flashlight to make my way to the bed.  There are 2 lights above the bed with energy saving light bulbs, yet, neither one works!  Now that saves energy!

I walk with my flashlight to another light near the t.v. but the light mimics candle light, so it is not adequate.

The carpet and bedspreads are in keeping with  my personal taste.    Southwest designs in burgundy green and red.  Unfortunately when I lie down i can feel the mattress springs but it's not terrible.

The room is very clean and that is rare.  The curtain is not long enough to cover the entire window.  The noise is excruciating but that is true nearly everywhere I have ever lived.  Tourists on trip advisor frequently complain about noise.

  There is no complimentary breakfast and the clerk comments incredulously with:

 "what do you need complimentary breakfast for?  There is a restaurant next door!" 

I said, "because i don't have any money"

The next morning after getting the free coffee i ascended the 24 steps and the key wouldn't open the door.  I had to call down to some random person and ask if they would help me.

p.s.  the landline is non functioning and the alarm clock doesn't work.

Friday, October 19, 2012

The Destitution Trap

"Well, why don't you fight it elana?"

The reason I don't fight "it!" is because if I tried to fight every legal injustice......I would be in a courtroom 24/7 for the rest of my life!

I have to pick my battles!

Lately, in my housing search, I am encountering time and time again a vast amount of housing discrimination.  Now, I can only look at properties that are on the bus line.  Another limitation is that not only am i allergic to both dogs and cats i really don't enjoy living with animals! 

The 2 major areas of housing discrimination that i am running into are

a. with the affordable rooms for rent, many persons don't want to rent out to anyone over 30

b. many people don't return my call when they find out that my income come from disability

Again, I have even bigger fish to fry then this type of injustice and this is why i am not reporting it.......

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

"Dirty Laundry and author Michael Olesker"

The song dirty laundry also reminds me of author journalist Michael Olesker.  He penned a wonderful book entitled "Tonight at 6" which is a critique of local television news.  I highly recommend this book!

Don Henley - Dirty Laundry (With Lyrics)


Today a local baby boomer, seriously mentally ill bicycled past me on the sidewalk.  Synchronistically, he was singing a song that i've been want to post to my site for quite a while!

he sang "kick em when they're up, kick em when they're down!"

In my next posting you will see the video for that song, "Dirty Laundry"

Monday, October 15, 2012

Breaking Amish New Beginnings Part 1 of 3

Breaking Amish Trailer | Breaking Amish

"Breaking Amish/sabrina seeks out biological parents"

I saw for the first time last night, Breaking Amish.  This is an excellent reality show.  I wonder where these kids get all the money needed to live in and explore Manhattan?  I assume they must be paid really well!  I had always admired and have always been a tad jealous of the Amish.  Now my perspective is a bit different.

I was moved to tears when S. did her search for her biological parents, since i went through the same thing.  But, i thought it was a bit "over the top" that she hired a detective.  Most folks don't have those kind of resources and would start out with efforts that don't involve the expenditure of any funds.  So sadly s's mother died but the father is alive, so i'm eager to see what comes of this!

I will keep tuning in.

"Long Island Medium"

I tried to post a clip of the episode I saw last night for the first time, but no luck.

Interestingly, the first person she has to go see is in "Maryland"  I watch carefuly to try to figure out whether or not she is in Baltimore, and she is!  I watch her drive up interstate 83, so perhaps the client is in Cockeysville or Lutherville.  No doubt most of her clients appear to be wealthy and white.

Anywho, i really enjoyed this show.  I've told you in the past that I have psychic ability but I have never done any sort of reading where I have asked to be paid.

Many of my environments since 95 have been haunted, and I on at least one occasion talked to the ghost. 

In addition to the countless invasions by living human predators, there is no doubt in my mind that many of my environments are haunted by ghosts as well.

The most recent example i can provide for you is that; in my last apartment, I "windexed" the bathroom mirror, twice in one evening, just to have a handprint continue to re-appear!  Needless to say, I really connected with last nights episode where theresa was shocked to see the handprint on the wall of the motel placed there by a child aged ghost!

I encourage you to check out this show because i can assure you that there is a such thing as psychics and i have no doubt that ghosts are real!

Sunday, October 14, 2012

"One flew over the cuckoo's nest"

Remember I told you that because i had no shelter i checked myself into the psychiatric hospital?  Most of what I saw in the staff was gross, gross incompetence.  But there were a couple who were wonderful gems.

One nurse made it clear to me that she is sharing her own personal ideology not the view of the center she works at.  She saw me writhing in pain with the fibromyalgia for 3 days straight.  (My airway also shut off twice while I was there)

For as sick as I was the hospital was not equipped and had no knowledge of how to make things bearable for me.

As a result (and the nurse had no idea about my own liberal ideologies) the nurse, witnessing my struggling said:

"When animals suffer we put them down.  But you are stuck with this horrible suffering because we are a society that doesn't believe in euthanasia.  So society wants to eek out every moment of life and it's totally unfair!"

I was thrilled and told her so.  I told her that I am a non card carrying member of the right to die organizations and i share my own views with her in detail...................................

"It's a small world after all"

Setting: In front of Big Bucks

Yesterday there was a couple sitting in front of BIg Bucks who are from North Carolina.  They lost everyting in the recession of 08.  They are now livikng in their van.  Their vehicle broke down in Mountain Town about a week ago.

They had a table full of bibles, and the husband has some very strong outspoken ideologies.  He calls himself "militant" and even apologized to me.  He has a heart of gold and a strong southern accent.

I had a very enjoyable and strong connection with the wife.  She was inspired when she heard that I blog about my journey.

When I gave her the blog she said:

"Well, yes, I already came across this blog while googling for services for the poor!"

(Lady you just made my day!)

"T-shirt slogans"

Today I saw a man with a t shirt that said this:

"Keep working hard, so welfare recipients don't have to!"

I told the man that

"That's a mighty provocative t shirt your wearing!"

He smiled

I went on to say

"It's probably not a good idea for me to say what I think of it!"

Saturday, October 13, 2012

ABBA Dancing Queen 1976

dancing queen was my nickname for a while!

Thursday, October 11, 2012

"Retail Hell/At the Bookstore"

Yesterday when I tried to purchase a small coffee the clerk asked me if i have a "big box" rewards card.  I said no I don't and I don't want one either.  Then she said "Do you want a paper receipt or do you want the receipt mailed to you?!"


I replied "neither!"


(So, what's she going to do take the coffe back?  force me to take a paper receipt or turn over my email address?!)

I replied "People's lives are complicated enough!"  she was silent.  Then I left and wondered whether or not it is even worth the hassle to buy anything at big box?!

"I won't ask HIM to help me again!"

Last night I told the manager that the noise upstairs is unbearable could you please ask them to quiet down?  (assuming he'd call them on the phone and tell them politely)

INSTEAD!   He walks to the motel room and bashes on the door for a good 15 minutes!  He is demanding they open their door immediately!  It is after 10 at night and the tenants are yelling back at him.  Mgr. threatens to call security.  There is a great deal of cursing and god knows how many people got involved because the fight went outside and sounded like more folks joined in.  I found the whle thing pretty scary and i put my ear against the door to try to make out the details.

After at least 45 min. of ruckus my motel phone rings.  I don't pick it up because it's either the mgr. telling me that he took care of it, or it's the other neighbor who figured out it's me and is pissed!

Funny, I had just watched a special on "John Gotti" the godfather and learned how the Mafia works.  This mgr obviously likes to handle problems Mafia style, and likely woke up everyone in the motel because of it!

"Random compliments!"

Today someone told me that "Your hat is happy and it makes other people happy to see it!"  I enjoyed the way this woman worded her complliment so much that i thought I would post it!

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

"A great way to start the day"

I arrived at the bus stop at about 9 a.m.  Ten minutes later a familiar looking young man joined me, carrying a guitar.

When he said his name, I recalled meeting him a couple of times before.  Handsome and gifted but homeless again.

He said he's been walking for 12 hours walked about 20 miles and that he is homeless.  I asked him to play me something. He said "Only if you can sing!"

At first I sang him "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay"  then I made up a song using the words he said to describe his night.  We began taking turns doing lyrics, improv.

My lyrics were

Society told me that if i worked hard

and got acollege degree

that homelessness

wouldn't happen to me

they lied

i'm tellin' you

they lied

I encouraged him to start singing his story........................................

Ten wonderful moments until the buss arrived!

Monday, October 8, 2012

"My current environment"

It's one room.  It goes for 900 a month.  There is no heating system whatsoever.  It's freezing!  2x a day I run the shower and just sit in there for the heat and sauna effect.  It's not disgusting but it's not as clean as I'd like.  Hair on the pillowcases.  The towels smell bad.  They are thin and ragged with swiss cheese holes in them.

Very noisy, there was hammering in the middle of the night.  Loud stereos alot of street noise.  Don't feel particularly safe.  My key doesn't work.  The lock doesn't work right.

No body was there to check me in I ended up having to call them on phone even though I was in lobby.  The guy seems pretty dumb.  His hands are blackened and greasy and it repulses me that I had to handle the same key he just handled.  He has an open wound on his hand and says he "might be going in for surgery tomorrow"

He says there is free coffee and buns, but do I want to eat food that has been handled by those hands?

"Another bogus and annoying holiday!"

Since early 94, I find that all holidays are just a huge inconvenience.  I've barely celebrated a single one.  I began worrying about Saturday's upcoming holiday well in advance.  (Columbus Day)

Early a.m.  I had 2 long convos/debates with the bus drivers.   we were trying to figure out what would be opened and what would be closed.  I can see cars parked at one of the libraries but that doesn't mean they aren't there for another reason.  Why are there cars at the bank?  How can a bak be opened on a fed. holiday?

The  driver said," well the schools are opened but the libraries are probably closed! " (I had to ride around on the bus to figure out what is open and what is closed)

Since I'm living hand to mouth and working 7 days a week -  a holiday is nothing more then one more day where you can't work on bettering your circumstances.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

"Application for subsidized housing"

I have filled out a myriad of these over the past 12 years.  This is the second time I've filled this particular one out.  I was just alerted that they never processed the one I filled out in 7/2011 because it was "Incomplete"

A joke really considering the unrealistic questions that are asked that few homeless person could answer in their entirety.  I even attached a 4 page attachment; that I had copied right out of my journals indicating the 30 some addresses I had in a four year period!

I've been asked to do this appl again; here it is

Please enclse your application, a letter from your doc explaining your disability (i don't have a doctor there are no doctors in Mountain Town

a copy of your i.d.

a letter verifying you are homeless

a letter from your counselor



are you homeless
current living situation
how many times have you been homeless in 4 years
what are your disabilities
do you have mental illness
how serious?

do you abuse substances
do you have a counselor
how many hospitalizations in the past year
do you have felonies
what is your income
food stamps?

emergency contact
family name
contact phone #
last name
first name
relationship dob
highest level of education (there are 8 slots i presume to list every family member situation)

background info

what is your current living situation
how long have you been there
are you homeless
how long
zip code of last "permanent address"
how many times have you been homeless in the last 4 years
what keeps your family from stable housing
what events occured to get your family in your current siutation
describe your support system
why are you seeking shelter?

a. homeless
b. overcrowded
c. domestic violence
d. unsafe condtions
e. other
f. how has your family survived

what is your family's greatest strengths
what have you done to improve your situation
have you been in an emergency or transitional shelter program before
which one
how long
why did you move

did you ever live in section 8
how long
what was it like
why did you move out


what is the highest grade level you completed
your partner?
do you have specialized skills?
your partner?
list every job you've had
are any of your family members over 18 and currently enrolled in school or any education training?
which one?


Friday, October 5, 2012

"I met a best selling author last night!"

At the last minute I was given a comp. ticket to go see a Baltimore memoirist/author speak about  his book, and how he grew up on and survived Baltimore's streets.  After the talk, I went up to the mic. and in front of 700 people I told him my story in 2 minutes and what he and I have in common.  Exciting for both of us!

Thursday, October 4, 2012

That's Soul Dancing - James Brown, Michael Jackson, Black Dance Creations

Trying again to post this, it might get removed!

"A shout out to my readers"

From 9/21 to 10/4  you visited me from:

and the
United Kingdom

Welcome, and keep coming back!

"One flew over the cuckoo's nest/i am technically alive"

So on 9/10; when an employee at "Motel Bed Bug" heard me telling a potential customer about the infestation I was told to leave immediately.  I had 5 hours to get packed up and get out.  I was forced to go to another motel that is run by a rat of a manager and owner who claims she likes to help the poor transition to a better life.  I know from past experience though that she has made lots of peoples lives even worse.

I called up a cab company and explained to the dispatcher my situation in great detail.  How many items I have that I'm disabled and need help and al that.  He assured me all is well.

When "Frank" the cabbie arrived I motioned for him to come to the second floor.  He shook his head no!  I had my stuff moved to the sidewalk.  He screamed up at me "If you think I'm helping you move those items you have another thing coming!"  The guy was scary and this process took a long time.  He kept the meter running AND he charged me a moving fee.  It ended up costing 60 dollars to move 2 shopping carts worth of things a mile and a half away.

When he found out the motel "bed bug" had bed bugs he said "Get your shit out of my van RIGHT NOW!"  A motel 6 employee told him that "they aren't actually bed bugs"  He agreed to take me to "rat inn"

On the way he said "you are so rude expecting this."  I told him that the dispatcher had agreed in advance blah blah.  This is a new cab company and i do plan to tell the manager about his performance.

Readers, I could write 10 pages for every day of my life; so I'll give  a little today and a little later.

In the 11 days i was at "rat inn" the owner praised me for being such a hard worker, then evicted me with no notice and threatened to "donate all of my belongings to a flea market!"

She said "well you'll just have to move to los angelos" today!  What?  This woman is crazy.  I knew in the back of my mind that if I found myself suddenly with no shelter, I would show up at the psychiatric hospital and tell them that "If I have to sleep on the street tonight, I am going to take my life"  After a 3 hour intake where they told me they weren't letting me stay there, they eventually felt like it would be a bad idea to not take me.

So, I slept 12 hours in 2 weeks.  What a book!  You will not believe what hapened there............................

They decided to wait and release me on my pay day, but I am still homeless with no promise of shelter after 10/6 at noon.

There is plenty more to come.

Eagles - In The City

In the last 2 weeks I have been hearing the following lyrics in my head having no idea which song they came from!

here's what i had in my head "city streets don't have much pity, when your down that's where you will stay"

i had to put the phrase into youtube to find the artist!