Monday, December 30, 2013

"Breaking the faith"

Unimaginable to have to wait 18 years before being able to chose your own clothing, hairstyle or makeup!  Martha looks stunning now and unrecognizable.

I feared Ben would have a heart attack after basketball!  I can relate to his mourning about what he has missed out on in life.

Boy, Angie trying on the mother's clothes!  I'm stunned she didn't get fired!

I agree with Connie's assessment that boys are mostly the same.  Angie looked like a 5 year old when she made a face after Connie described what kissing is like.  just shows how developmentally thwarted one is when they come out of a cult.  (I also did not date before turning 18)

I love cody!  "You're the girl!"

The dancing looked like a lot of fun and connie looks fantastic.

I have been once to Mormon church.  I found the attendees to be loud and rude throughout the entire service which is super long!

Saturday, December 28, 2013

"Bad naming choices for businesses"

I have to slightly change the names of the businesses but u will get the idea.  One of the shopping centers in my neighborhood should win an award for: poor name choices for businesses!  One can't even tell what the businesses are based on the name on the sign.

The bar is called "Francesco hole 13" and has a picture of a golf club and ball!

One place is called "hibanaya care!" (I have no earthly idea what they are caring for!)

The restaurant which I ate at once and predicted a rapid closure was called "purple palace and food emporium!"  (I ate there with my neighbor in aug. and told her it's just a matter of weeks before they  close.  (they closed in September)

We've got: a new shop called "give praise to god!"  and it is a coffee shop!

I went in there for coffee the other day and there was a whole table full of women with their eyes closed talking to god.  I thought they were praying over the food but in fact they kept their eyes closed the entire 20 min. I was in there and continued talking to god.

One must wonder, in a society where most businesses close their doors within a year, why on earth open a coffee shop that makes so many feel excluded?

"Attempting to "cope" with the holiday season"

Well, first of all, if one solely had to cope with 3 days; thanksgiving day, xmas day and new years day then no sweat.  But coping with more then 8 weeks of holiday crap (starting of course the day after Halloween) is more then a challenge.

I coped very well until 12/24.  The way I cope with holidays is to  remind myself (psych myself up) that my life is crap year round not just on holidays so "keep it in perspective!"

  I tried to buy food for 2 days since the bus would not b running.  But my card was declined and all I had at home was oatmeal.  That is when the depression set in.  Someone put a candle in a bag on my porch it appeared to be an anon. gift.  I saw no card.  When I went to recycle the gift bag I saw in tiny print, the names of the givers:  larry and liz*

Synchronistically, it was from the same store as the last time I got an anon gift on my porch in June.  A woman put 2 bottles of scented lotions (on the ground!) not even in a bag,  on my porch.

When I figured out it was from Larry and Liz  (my married acquaintances) I thought to myself about all the "gifts" I have gotten over the years from folks who barely know me, and have no clue what would b an appropriate gift!

 I also thought about how much more meaningful it would have been to have them spend time with me or take me to lunch!

Since I am food insecure I called the shop hoping I could get cash back.  I told the clerk that  I need food more then I need a candle.  She said the only option is to exchaNGE it for something in the store, which I will eventually do. (There may be chocolate lotions but I would not recommend eating them)

As always every year you have cashiers and baristas ask you what you will do for the holdidays, then right after they ask "how was your Christmas?"

I told them I do not celebrate-which is only a partial truth. The ten bucks barista was shocked when I told her I didn't do anything, obviously she has not been around many jews!   If I get invited to join up with a family I would happily celebrate xmas.

So, I slept, watched t.v., ate oatmeal, and read:

on the internet, on my phone.

Monday, December 23, 2013

Alicia Keys - Empire State Of Mind Part 2 Live.avi

"Small town kindness"

When I got on the bus the other day I got a pretty big shock!  The bus driver Greg* handed me a gift card for one of the grocery stores here!

I was really stunned.  I told him that I would file this under "random acts of kindness"  He said: "Oh no you don't, this was very much planned, not random!"

David Archuleta and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir - A Wondrous Christmas

This is stunning.  I regret that there are no organized carolers this year which I would b honored to join up with  ;)

"Medical marijuana edibles"

So I bought a mmj brownie and ate less then half.  My motive for the purchase was to help me get caught up on my sleep.  It did that, HOWEVER , after 6 hours of sleep I woke up with drenched clothes, a severe headache and a racing heartbeat.  Scary.  I won't buy any more sativa brownies.

I discovered that customers are permitted to hang out in the dispensary lobby.  It was an experience unlike any I have had in my life.  Not only do u get to c who the other customers are and chat, but the employees are warm and smart and friendly.  Hippie central!

Breaking t he faith

It's been a challenge trying to stay awake for these 11 pm showings!  I'm sure I won't remember all of the key things that happened but:

I thought it was adorable that connie and her friend are taking dancing lessons.  Val and Martha are now going through the rebellious stage that many go through at 14 or 15.

It is real odd that the kids are exposed to so much Mormon stuff.  I think it's a mistake.  How can one break away from the control of the cult just to have Mormons try to convert them again.  I do think in the long wrong that's not good.  On the other hand the Mormon's represent "
gentile" thus exposing the flds kids to more worldly ways.

Religion is damn confusing.  I find it so strange that the flds call everyone who is not flds/gentile!  Whereasthe jews call everyone who is not a jew, a gentile, and the amish call everyone who is not amish/English! My head is spinning this is all so confusing thank god I'm an atheist  ;)

Val and the b/f actually have some key things in common.  I guess I can understand that the house don't want her b/f over into the house......................On the other hand, hopefully at some point the house can have him over for dinner.

At the end of the episode last night they showed a destroyed house but we don't know who did it or why................................................

Val looks real nice in fact unrecognizable in her worldly clothes!  I love Carolyn and I think she was genius and very sensitive in describing to the girls why the flds qualifies as a cult.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

"Millionaire Matchmaker"

One day last week they ran like 5 hours in a row of this show.  Wow, this is incredibly entertaining and highly controversial.

I also imagine Patty calling me names and telling me to get lost.  I would never in a million years take her instructions to change my hair, lose weight, or wear better clothes.  But what does it matter?  She said she doesn't do business with overweights or women over 45!

What a hypocrite.  Her male millionaires are sometimes overweight, often not good looking AND over 45.  Nonetheless, she does teach the millionaires some important skills for example like trying to learn about the women instead of just talking about yourself.

I'd say 98% of the folks I meet male or female talk only of themselves and ask me no questions.  Those are people that I would never seek out as a friend.

I was very moved when patty searched for her birthmother and it is sad that she died; but very neato that she was given a piece of jewelry that her mother owned..........................pattie does have a soft side too.

Pastor Bill Wilson on Fox News

When I turned on the t.v. the other day the first thing I saw and heard was this amazing man's story.  what a tear jerker and what an amazing human being.  I know that there are many many atheists and secular organizations that are changing the world for the better; and I wish we heard more about that in the mainstream news.

Pharmacist Reveals Embarrassing Info | "What Would You Do?"

This show never gets old!


"Being in the present and staying in the moment, now THAT'S a good day!" by robin roberts

kmart christmas commercial 2013 - Show Your Joe Boxer

one of my fave commercials ;)

"Unpleasant surprises for baby boomer women"

I just noticed today that after my last haircut in July, my thick thick curly hair did not come back.  It's far thinner then it used to be and there are few curls left. (although I seriously doubt anyone notices but me!)

Just small things that come with aging, but that are even more of a surprise for adoptees who do not know what to expect as much as someone would if they were raised with their birthmother.


The librarian just asked me if I have had any success transferring the 600 photos to a flash drive.  (I have been trying for 18 months)  I said "no; but this is pretty much the story of my life"  I am essentially working on many different projects some for years but mostly nothing happens.

I have been trying to find a specialist for a couple of years.  Even the ones who take my primary insurance are telling me that the 20% I would have to pay up front and that comes to circa 280 dollars a month.

So, it's just completely out of the question.

There is still something really stressful happening at my building that kept me awake for nearly a month.  The last 2 nights I  have figured out a way to get some sleep and hoping that will continue.

The conditions in Mountain Town are so dangerous that about 2 weeks ago a 50 year old woman was walking home from a bar, fell in the snow and FROZE TO DEATH!  IN AUTUMN!

So, I really don't have any progress to share with you in any area of life.................................

Monday, December 16, 2013

"Breaking the faith"

First off I find Ben very endearing.  He really loves the girls and is very mature for his age.  I also think that Cody is a sweetheart/and that the other kids in the house are worried that connie will get hurt/but that's a part of life!

Oh that nightclub looked horrible.  I think those flashing lights would have given me a migraine or even seizures!

Cute about how the trannies said that they love the tidal wave haircuts.

I am not at all impressed with val.  I think she is INCREDIBLY RUDE to have dissed the house members who stayed up all night worrying about her!

Everytime they play the tape of Warren Jeffs talking it creeps me out.  I am unclear as to whether those are current recordings made from prison or what the heck is going on.

and it is incredibly said how deeply these kids have been indoctrinated.  I mean underwear to protect you from a native American indian attack?  Looks like this is going to b a long ass process.

I can't remember is it val that got the waitress job?  just think she's probably not even literate I don't know how she could possibly take an order.  I mean even though she didn't recall the vegan thingon the menu, if she were literate she could just write it down.

But these kids were living essentially on another planet!  Nobody should assume these kids know this or that because they probably don't.

"Heard it on the news"

It's certainly not the first time I have heard news this outrageous.  A 6 year old boy has been suspended from school under the charge of "sexual harassment"

His crime?  He kissed a girl on the hand!

Life lesson learned?  "it is bad to show love and affection for your friends"

Distant outcome?  Teens with guns...................................jail.

"how are you?/merry christmas"

Always trying to think of creative ways to answer how are you when it asked by strangers.  today's weather was gorgeous so my response was:

"it's a beautiful day to b miserable!"

(left her speechless)

when I was at the mall mrs. claus wished me a merry christas.  as usual I said: bah humbug and she was completely silenced ;)

If you get bored google "bah humbug" and you will see the definition of it in the "urban dictionary!"

Friday, December 13, 2013

In Living Color Fly Girls: Season 2 Episode 1 (1990)

"small victories"

About a month ago I was eating at a lovely restaurant/café and left the mgr. an anonymous note.

I said:

"Your restaurant is amazing, beautiful, the food is phenomenal and so are the staff.  But the reason I don't come in more is because the stereo is deafening!  I can't hear myself think or hear whoever I am with.  When you ask staff a question they cannot hear you over the stereo.  Can you please do something about this?   I will come more often."

I have been in there 2x since and each time I heard a mgr ask staff: "that stereo needs to be turned down"  th result was shocking.  a stereo that u can hardly hear at all.  VICTORY!

"My favorite Story Trek"

Although I enjoy story trek it is rather predictable when they collect stories from Utah.  nearly everyone is a Mormon with a similar world view.  The other thing that makes s.t. somewhat predictable is that he is only interviewing homeowners.  think of how diverse this show could be if he interviewed people at the shelter, or the motel homeless, or folks who live in trailers!

the other day he hit gold when he interviewed Dick in Columbia Missouri.  Dick is a hardcore atheist who loves to give back.  He lived in intentional community.  I was thrilled to hear i.c. talked about on t.v.

The interviewer isn't really  much of a journalist in that he thought it was important to tell dick that "he doesn't agree with him, and that god really exists." 

"Lisa ling/our america"

I learned from one of the our America specials that: more people are kidnapped in phoenix then any other city in the world!"

I do know a woman who got away from someone who tried to kidnap her as a kid in phoenix.  and I know another woman who grew up in phoenix who said that many men tried to "grab her"


I was watching the old living color gang on oprah.  Wayan said, and I believe this is highly accurate:



"I can handle pain but I cannot handle being alone"  by Russian prisoner.

"Did you know?"

did you know that more then 340k homes were lost in new jersey alone from hurricane sandy?  wow!

Dateline- Lost and Found 1/6

I saw this last night and cried.  there is no doubt that any female who has lost a large portion of her life to crime or for whatever reason, is a woman I can strongly identify with.  I can't believe I haven't heard this story earlier.  As u can c police fail big time in ways that destroy many lives.


This month I have only been going out 4 or 5 days a week.  Some days I am too weak to walk and have to go home.  Yesterday I was only out an hour when I realized I was becoming very weak so I had to head home.  Other days I have to stay in due to the snow and wind.

It has not been much fun although like I said I do have cable for the first time in my life and I am enjoying it immensely.

I have been unable to get to p.t. or o.t. due to weather and other hold backs.  Like I told you the walking and bussing takes everything out of me, so it's rare in winter for me to be out for more then 5 hours a day.

There is no doubt I would be doing many evening activities if I had a car.  I still badly want and need to get to a warmer climate.

Monday, December 9, 2013


I doubt it surprises you how much I enjoyed the premiere of the show "kirstie"

The premise is that her nerdy 26 year old son who was given up for adoption, has sought her out, and she has no idea how to parent, but she tries!

I was 26 when I found birthmother so again this is not much of a stretch for me!

Favorite quote from the show was when her son told her that he works at "the glazed hole"

she replies: "oh that must be a gay nightclub!"


So, quite honestly, the only way I could get safely from point a to point b is to change my shoes multiple times while outside.

the other day, there were a few blocks where i'd have to walk through high snow (need actual snow boots)  then other areas where I had to get across a flooded road (in 20 degree weather with no monsoon boots) and other areas where I have to walk on ice.  (I now own ice cleats)

I have already twisted my knee in this mess.  In order to move i'd need security depo, moving costs money and I'd have to pay much more in rent.  I can see no way out.


It's scary to me that I only have $75 dollars for food money to last 24 days.  This is the first time in 8.5 years that I have had a place safe enough (for now at least) that I can actually store food in the house.  (In the past during the home invasions my food has been stolen and even contaminated with feces ;(   )

So, normally I have to traverse on the bus every day or every other day and only buy the food I can carry on my back.

today I will buy 75 in food and take a cab home.  It will suck because I feel very deprived when I can't eat out.  Also, this is a month where most Americans have other people buying them presents and having them over for beautiful meals.

I'm sure I'll like spend xmas at home eating peanut butter andn watching tv.  the buses don't run so I won't even b able to go to the food center.

"Breaking the faith"

This show is a real "white knuckle ride"  I panicked when the alarm went off at the salt lake house.  And wow it is really amazing to me that Lisa just let this whole group in without even being there.  These kids are so so lucky to have each other to go through this process.

I have had to make over 100 escapes for my life and safety and I was all alone each time.

Again Martha has a good sense of self and progresses very rapidly.  I think if she finds the old uniforms to be so uncomfortable she should just go ahead and wear the "English" clothes, go shopping, and not worry about how slowly the others are progressing.

I don't think Ben should rush the other girls to get into "English" clothes.  This is going to be a long long process.  It made me so happy to see the girls have fun at the parade and with the glow sticks.  I get so little joy out of life that I can understand how long it's been since any of them have felt any joy.

Some of the kids think the one girl only left flds for cody. I'm sure that's not the case.  We'll see, hopefully for her she can date him again but it's only real life that he may be seeing others or have a new girlfriend.

The native who attacked the one kid seemed drunk, but they blurred his face so ican't tell for sure.  Well as the boy said "he learned his lesson' and hopefully he knows that in the future he might say something like:

"that's a neat necklace will you please tell me about it?"  (as opposed to physically touching strangers)

Hmm what else.....................Yes, I was surprised about how Lisa connected them up with the Mormons.

I am having a similar problem with this show as I did with break amish.  And that is that the kids are so soft spoken and in-articulate that I can neither hear them nor understand them half the time.

This should b a very interesting ride.............................;)

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Adam Sandler Chanukah Song

Thanksgivukkah Song based on Adam Sandler's Chanukah Song

In my adoptive family, my father is Jewish but non-practicing.  In my bio. family my father is the Jewish one and also non practicing.  enjoy-aaah!

Thanksgivukkah Song


"Paul Walker"

I hope I got that first name right.  I did not know him, nor did I see any of his work.  But there has been a great deal of t.v. coverage of his life and death.

He seems like a wonderful human being, and that is indeed a very sad ending. (dying in a firey car crash)

I ronically he died doing what he loves.

But sadly, not just for him and the driver but for everyone on the road: that the driver was selfish enough to put so many lives at risk by engaging in drag racing.  What we know for sure is that the driver was going at least 100 in a 45 zone.

It really is a selfish act and so many others could have been hurt and killed as well.  And what I remember from living in Carroll County is that many if not most people engage in deadly driving practices which I consider very selfish (such as texting and driving, and road raging)

If your interested, there was a good Dr. PHil show where he takes on the subject of young people who threaten everyones life when they drag race.

Anyhow all the best for his friends and family.

"Breaking the Faith"

I hate that this show doesn't start until 11 p.m.  But it is really incredible with high drama.  I'm holding my breath when these girls are trying to make their escapes!  So as we know 3 girls got out, one went back, and then a new girl got out this past Sunday.

I read Carolyn Jessop's bio a few years ago so it's a nice surprise to see she is running the safe house.  Which sadly for now may b discovered.

I'm proud of the girls for attempting a more normal life.  No doubt Martha is the most courageous and least scared.

I will be holding my breath until the next episode.

I know first hand about indoctrination because I was a chandelier swinging born again for 5 years.  I used to bring tracts to the office I worked at and leave them in the bathroom.

I'm surprised I changed my views from born again to Atheist.

wow, wishing the girls the best.

"Craziness in my apt. building"

I can't disclose exactly what it is yet on my blog, but it is the reason I have been awake for 4 days straight.

I am soooo overwhelmed.  I need to move and I know where I want to go but I don't have the money to both move there (it's warm there)

and to

buy the winter coat and boots and long johns and crampons that I'm going to need to survive here in "Alaska!"

It terrifies me to know that tonight we will get up to seven inches of snow.  We will go down to single digits.

And at least for the next 5 days we will be in the 20's with possible ice, high winds and more snow.

The concept of being imprisoned to my apt. is a very scary one despite the fact that I have so many shows I'm following on cable.

I haven't smoked the medical marijuana in months.  Once a month I purchase a couple of brownies however because I sleep well just by taking 2 or 3 bites of one.  They knock you out so you really can't have any brownie while you are out of the house. 

I've been referred to physical therapy (it's free) which will include aquatic therapy.  Swimming is my favorite sport but I have not been in a pool in 11 years. 

Being in warm water is like a high for me.  I am after all a Cancer!

I can't think of anything fun I've done since September.  I have to be back home by 5:30 each day because the after sunset temps kill me.