Sunday, June 29, 2008

ABC "The Bachelorette" episode for 6/23/08

"I became a strong person who hid everything" Deanna

I can really relate to this. Blogging is teaching me how to not turn everything inward as I've done for most of my life, and still do to a large extent.

I'm surprised at how far things have progressed between Jesse and Deanna. Jesse is a lot like my "ex" who I was with until 94. It's really neat that the "meeting of the parents" went so well for Deanna. After my partner and I broke up, he told me that not one single member of his family liked or approved of me. Ouch!

Jeremy and Deanna

"I think it's hot that Jeremy rides a motorcycle." Deanna

I found it heartbreaking to hear Jeremy describe losing his mom and reading from his journal. Jeremy says he feels vulnerable and exposed and is falling in love with Deanna. I really like these last 3 guys alot, too back she can't do some kind of open marriage thing.

Deanna sees Graham as very closed off emotionally. Exactly how I was at 29. If I were more open, my ex and I would still be together, as he was very much the perfect match for me.

I'm glad Deanna nixed Graham. I really think that these last 3 men are wonderful men, but I think / hope that Jesse is the next one to be sent home, as I don't think he's as right for her as Jason and Jeremy are.


Network News 6/24/08 Cecil County Housing Authority

This news clip was entitled "out of luck"

I can't remember which channel it was on.

Dave Mahaney is the head of the Cecil County Housing Authority. One of his many bumper stickers says "if you can't feed 'em don't breed um'

(my comments on the piece are in lilac)

Mike Peters is 31 years old. He was in a car accident in 1994 which left him unable to walk. He lives in HUD housing (like I do, HUD means section 8, federally subsidized housing) in Cecil County. Mahaney claims that Peters didn't get in all of his paperwork in time so is evicting him from his apt.and he will no longer have a HUD subsidy. I think but I'm not sure that he is going to have to go live with his parents.

Nakia Battles has 5 kids. She also lives in HUD housing. She was heartbroken and insulted (my words) when she saw Mahaney's bumper sticker. Mahaney claims that she has someone unauthorized living with her. She will be evicted and lose her subsidy. She has no idea what she is going to do.

In my experience whether or not you get to live in a HUD property is more luck than anything. I was on wait list all together for 11.5 years before I finally was accepted at LA PEW. Due to all of the robberies, I put a fake male name on my front door, in the hopes it might deter the robber. It didn't work. On top of that, I was sent a threatening notice of possible eviction for having "an extra tenant" I explained why I put the fake name up there.

I was on the Baltimore City master list for public housing for years and years. Normally when you call to check on your status the phone just rings off of the hook. Finally I reached them in 04. A woman said : "you were kicked off of the list in 02, because the mail we sent came back to us as undeliverable.

I have not bothered with getting back on that master list, because I know that any Baltimore City property, I will not feel safe, and my quality of life won't be any better than it is now. One can't get on the master list for Baltimore County, unless they already live in Baltimore County, or have a job in Baltimore County, so I'm not on that list either.

Ones other option is to individually fill out an application for each complex that accepts section 8. There is one in Carroll County that has a great rep. but you need a car to live there. It took me 5 years to get my appl. in. I had sent off 38 pieces of paper to them when all was said and done. They called me and said that they are still missing something from me and "don't get your hopes up, because you'll also have to pass a credit check to live here"
Needless to say, most of my energies will have to go into finding housing "outside of the system"

Thursday, June 26, 2008

The Emergency Service Center/balto. city

  The emergency services centers ask you to wait until AFTER  you receive your shut off notice from the utility company before coming for help. When I first  started using these types of emergency helps in 94, I was surprised at how dysfunctional these systems are.  Why wait for  a serious crisis before asking for help, it makes no sense!

But that's the way our nation works.   More Americans have had their utilities shut off this year then ever before in history. Those Americans will likely learn, the hard way, how to keep those utilities turned on no matter what.

You may remember, that I got 125 dollars from the Towson emerg. services center toward my utility bill. But, they don't release the monies until after you earn the balance of whatever the total bill was, WHAT?!!

. So, I got a 10 day extension for my shut off notice, then waited until today, (2 days before shut off) to go get the balance of the bill covered.

When I arrived down there at about 8:30 a.m., my neighbor (who came down there for utility shut off too) said, "you should have gotten here earlier." (She is in a wheelchair) I explained that I didn't come earlier because I can't stand for long periods and I knew that arriving before opening would mean I'd be stuck standing in a line outside.

There were about 50 people applying for assistance today. One can get food or util. assistance or both. Some of these centers are particularly depressing to visit and really drain me. I've always found this particular center a very stressful one to visit, so I haven't been for 2 years. (when I had the car)

In the past, when I had the car, I wondered, how are carless people supposed to walk home with all of these heavy bags? I couldn't do it.

Well, when I arrived, I was turned away (given a raincheck) for utility assistance, because they had run out of money. I was told to come back on July 10th. I told her that they are due to shut me off on 6/28; and she said "no, they won't turn you off immediately!"

I was sent into a mildewy, humid, unair-conditioned basement of the church with about 30 others to wait for food. I waited for 2 hours. The center is an 8 block walk from my apt. I was having a hard time breathing and wishing I had my inhaler, which thank goodness I haven't needed very often.

Anyhow, even though I had a wheely cart I could only fit about 1/3 of the food in it that they gave me. That's o.k. because 2/3 of what they gave me I didn't want, and just gave back to them.

What I turned away:

1 can tomato sauce (i have no noodles)
1 package of turkey gravy
1 bottle of sauerkraut
1 container of chocolate muffins
1 loaf of white bread
a cake
a can of evaporated milk
2 jars highly processed jif peanut butter

I told them I was going to give a bunch of stuff back. They reprimanded me saying that I should have told warned my interviewer of that in advance! (can't u just b grateful that I'm not a wasteful person?) 

What I did accept:

3 cans tuna
1 box rice krispies
1 can corn
1 jar fresh pink grapefruit pieces
3 cans green beans
2 packages of ramen noodles
1 can chicken noodle soup

The walk home seems to take forever with this heavy cart, but I'm grateful and now the worry load is a little bit lighter. (Now, I have to hide the food in my apt. so the maint. man doesn't steal it from me)

As far as "the simple gifts" are concerned, I feel that I can" survive" as long as I have one dollar fifty cents in my pocket per day. I love to have coffee out! Hazelnut, please. That's the kind of simple gift that makes getting through each day in poverty a little bit easier. Many people with money criticize poor people who smoke, or buy a lottery ticket, or drink. But most humans need something pleasant to keep them going. For some people that's a cigarette, for me it's coffee out.

Would you like to join me?

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

"Do you see a dead cat!?"

Today, I was at the bus stop for about 5 minutes when the following happened. A woman of about 50 parks her car about 1/2 block from the bus stop, then approaches me.

Woman-"Do you know where the bus stop is?"

E-"This is the bus stop"

Woman-"My daughter says there is a dead cat here. I don't see the dead cat, do you see the dead cat?"

E-"I don't see the dead cat"

W-"Why would my daughter tell me there is a dead cat, if there's no dead cat?"

She starts walking up and down the block presumably looking for a dead cat. "My daughter must be crazy."

Woman gets back into the car and drives off.

Like I said, if you can find someone normal for me to talk to, will you please send them my way?

"What I've been surfing on you tube"


Leo Sayer
George Benson
Dave Loggins
Wild Cherry
Ohio Players
gary wright
doobie brothers
pat travers band
Paper lace
Stevie Wonder
Al Green
Marvin Gaye
KC and the Sunshine Band
George Michael
Pink Floyd
Ted Nugent
Dre Straits
Hall and Oates
Walter Egan
Pablo Cruise


you make me feel like dancing
more than i can say
silly love songs
please come to boston
play that funky music
love is alive
what a fool believes
fly like an eagle
boom boom, out go the lights
baby come back
the night chicago died
4 dead in ohio
just enough for the city
sleeps the only refuge
wait a minute mr. postman
magnet and steel
kiss on my list
biggest part of me
tequila sunrise
lay down sally

Part 2 Correspondence from hell/La pew correspondence


To: All Residents

From: Manager

The office is aware of the issues you are having wit the new hot water tanks.

Please, enlighten me. What issue am I having?

Beginning June 12, the new maint. supe. and Jack the thief , will be checking all kitchen faucets as well as bathroom faucets to see if we can get to the root of the problem.

The new faucets are of lower quality then the old ones were. It's very hard to control hot and cold. But, I'd rather suffer then have Jack in my apt. whenever he damn well feels like entering.


All inspections will be done as time permits, but we will try to have all apt. inspected by 6/16.

So, I can expect to possibly be walked in on, at any time between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. for at least the next 4 weekdays. God forbid a tenant should be engaging in sexual activity on a weekday.

Please be patient,

yeah, right.

we are trying to solve the problem but as you know this is a big bldg. and the supervisor is new.

Thank you for your cooperation.


Dear Tenant,

Tomorrow morning, work will commence in your apt. unit on the windows. Workers will be removing the old windowns and installing new ones.

Please remove all furniture, lams, knick knacks, collectables, mementoes, etc. from the immediate area in front of and surrounding the windows to allow free passge and easy access to the work area. Please secure any valubales during the duration of this work.

If you have any questions, please contact management for assistance.

Thank you for your cooperation during this work.

Now this was a sensible upgrade. Our old windows were lousy, and leaky. The new windows are very nice and will probably help lower our utility bills.

undated letter



Dear Resident,

This letter is to inform you that on June, 5, your apt. will receive a new refrigerator and or stove. Some apts. will be receiving a new refrigerator and stove, some one or the other.

So what's the case with my apt.? Turns out the burners are very loose, I'm afraid to cook with this new stove. I'll just use my microwave.

All food must be removed from your refrigerator on the date your letter states you will receive a replacement. Please DO NOT remove any food from your refrigerator before the date of your letter.

All items on top of the refrigerator and stove MUST also be removed.

If you need help removing and replacing your food from the old refrigerator to the new, or if you will not be home on the date of your transfer, we will have help avail. for you.

As always, please make sure to secure all your valuables in your apt.

same sh__, different day

Thank you for your cooperation.


Dear Tenant,

Tomorrow morning work will commence on your apt. unit. Workers will be removing the kitchen cabinetry and countertops and installing new cabinets, countertops, sink, plumbing and electrical wiring. They will also be installing new flooring in the kitchen.

I came out of my bedroom, and saw that the tiles had been pulled up. I needed something from the sink, so walked into the kitchen. My shoes became cemented to the floor and I screamed because it scared and shocked me, but no body heard me scream. I had to climb out of my shoes, and step onto the rug. I got down on my hands and my knees and I attempted to peel my shoes off of the cement (i never knew cement was red/gold) The shoes (which technically bit the dust a year ago, anyhow) had to be thrown away, as I had no idea how to get the cement off of the bottoms.

Please remove all items from your kitchen cabinets and countertops and store them elsewhere in the apt. Please remove all items currently resting on the floor in your kitchen and store them elsewhere in the apt. Please secure any valuables during the duration of this work.

If you have any question, please contact management for assistance.

Thank you for your cooperation during this work.


Please come to the office to sign a new form needed.

Thank you.

"La pew correspondence/correspondence from hell"

Everytime I get a letter under my door, up to 2 a day, i cringe. The below is almost every letter I've gotten in the last 8 weeks, with my comments in lilac.

June 23

"Join us in the community room to celebrate the manager's birthday"

I'd like to go down there and tell her what i want for her birthday. i'd like to see her hypocritical ass kicked to the street for making our lives so hard.

June 23









Dear Tenant,

The appliance installation crew will be in your unit tomorrow. They will be installing new stoves and refrigerators in your kitchen.

what time?

Please remove all items from the top and within your stove and remove all food items from your refrigerator.

at what time? if i remove the items at 8 a.m. and you don't show up til 3, everything will spoil.

Please call the management office if you need assistnace with these tasks.

Please secure any valuables during the duration of this work.

Well, since I've been living here you have stolen my underwear, cash, silverware, dishes, detergent, toilet paper, office supplies, photo albums, files, medicine, cookware..........................if only there were a lock box big enough..............................................

if you have any question, please contact management for assistance.

Thank you for your cooperation during this work.

Yeah, right.


Dear Tenant, 6/9 morning. Work will commence on your apt. unit. closet doors.


Dear Resident,

Please come to the office by 5 p.m. on 3/23 to sign important forms.

If you don't show up by 5, they will write you a punishment letter, including threats. Everytime they see us in the hall, they say, come into the office, there is another form for you to sign. Will they evict us if we don't follow every command in their timing? What if we are at work before 5 p.m. and can't make it to the office before closing?


excerpt from june newsletter


Please do not knock on other resident's doors asking to borrow money.

Our newsletters are always filled with rules like these. One time the newsletter said that we are "not to sit in the lobby and gossip about our neighbors!"

The only time they have actually every showed up, they spent about 15 seconds in the apt, did not check the broken heater, repair the broken heater, notice the broken shower, they didn't do anything, nor did they take any notes. What an intrusion.

"Seeking Normal Human Interaction!"

If you are normal or if you know someone normal will you please send them my way? I can barely remember what it's like to interact with anybody normal!

Yesterday, (my 45th birthday) the moment I left my bldg. I saw my high neighbor in the backyard wailing incoherently into the sky. I walked up to York Road on my way to "Bagelo". There's that woman whose high on heroin. "Spare any change?" she asked without making any eye contact. After years and years of urban living I'm turning into an angrier person. I thought, how dare you ask ME for money. It's MY birthday, damn it! Anyhow, in this instance, I did not answer her.

I ordered my bagel and after the clerk gave it to me, I thanked her. The abusive manager yelled: "She better thank you!" He's been there for more than 3 years, and there's no one to report him to because he is a manager. That restaurant does give receipts with surveys on them, and I've taken the surveys but nothing ever changes. The main reason I do the surveys is because I get enrolled for a chance to win money. Initially I did the surveys because I hoped they would make a difference in customer service. But that's not true with Bagelo, or Walgreens. surveys (also on the receipts) You do get enrolled to win money, but service never improves.

A note was left in my door. "There is a 20% chance that HUD will inspect this apt. today" I think, most of the people in my bldg. have no idea what 20% means, and many of the people in my bldg. are functionally illiterate. As you know we get about 1 to 2 notes per day put in our door.

I think, what are they looking for? Are they looking for cleanliness? HUH! The contractors are still renovating our apts. They've been here every weekday for 8 weeks now. Everytime they are in our apt. they leave a huge mess for us to clean, I can barely keep up. They put in new kitchen tile, filthied it up, banged it up and damaged it, damaged the carpet and then left! And HUD is checking on how we live?! You see why I'm becoming angry don't you?

I saw my mentally retarded acquaintance in the bldg. He calls everyone "young lady" even if they are 80. I told him:

"It's my birthday!"

(Everybody calls him "Popeye")

Popeye-"No, it isn't your birthday, it's Jesus' birthday!" "And I'm 107!"

He left for the vending machine. The vendor said to him. "You're surrounded by women! But they're all black!"

I check the mail. My birthmother has sent me a b'day card. All interactions with her are stressful, even cards and letters. The birthday card says: "It's your birthday, hopefully you can find something to be happy about!"

Monday, June 23, 2008

USA Today


usa today 6/23/08

Excerpts from the article

GPS-savvy, solar signs help rider's connect

by Katherine Lackey

As the demand for customer friendly, real-time information increases, more cities, counties and states are going high tech at the bus stop.

With gas prices rising, transit is becoming more and more of an option for people to afford to get to work.

(or so the article claims) (my comments in lilac) the above statement is only true in very select cities still.

We need to try and improve the experience of transit and make it more usable for our citizens," said Lorin Swirsky.


D.C. and N.Y.C. are working on pilot programs for electronic bus signs. Elsewhere:


Rutgers at New Brunswick, hopes to have all 50 if it's bus shelters equipped with signs by the end of the summer.


Long Beach Transit initiated a system in '04 that currently operates 22 signs, of which 16 are solar-powered, said Epley, marketing manager for the company.


21 bus shelters were equipped with electronic signs in November, mostly in New Castle.



Three of the busiest stops in Lafayette and West Lafayette were equipped with the signs in '04 says Connell, operations manager for City Bus.

Next, City Bus plans to allow passengers to access bus arrival times via text message.



The Tardive Dyskinesia Update

ALL SYMPTOMS ARE COMPLETELY GONE! My doctor said he has never heard of a reaction as severe as I had to the amitryptaline. I asked him if we can try my friend David's suggestion, filling it as name brand Elavil in the hopes that all side effects would dissapear. Dr. W. said that would be fine. And of all the crazy things (I'm sure my friend Arlene, a pharmacist, probably already knows this!) I went to fill the Elavil prescription and was told that the drug is no longer manufactured! That's a first. Well, cest la vie. The t.d. symptoms were terrifying and I'm just so grateful that they are completely gone!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

"The Bachelorette"


Down to 6 men

Deanna-"Richard is the perfect guy" (She felt this way cognitively. She's super sensitive like me, and was so worried that she hurt him by not giving him a rose, in fact she may be even more sensitive then me) giving a rose means that you want to get to know the guy better.

Trista and Ryan were apparently on another season of the Bachelor and met on the show (or was it a "bachelorette" show, i really don't know) anyhow they live in Vail now and have a baby. They are guests on this particular episode of the Bachelor, and the host asks Trista amongst other things what she thinks about this season.

Trista says "I'm in love with my life" One of her favorite guys this season is the same as mine, Jason, (the single dad.)

You know (elana's thoughts) I'll be surprised if Deanna chooses Jessie in the end. Personally, I wouldn't have gone out on even one date with Twilley. D. is a bit more open minded then me. D. and I have many personality similarities however she's significantly more traditional then me and likes "guys guys"

Jason says: " I always do my own thing." Jason loves his life. He's thrilled at how receptive Deanna is to his son, Tyler.

Shawn is in martial arts and describes himself as very competitive. Very materialistic, and tans! Here's another guy I wouldn't even do one date with. Ellen Degeneres said about Graham that he is "scared to death"

I (elana) also really like Jeremy. I'm not sure why the other guys hate him so much. The host said to Deanna that:

"Everybody thinks that Jeremy is a front runner"

Palm Springs


Deanna is terrified of heights like me. D. likes guys that are "guys guys" She loves the way Jessie "manhandled" his recreational vehicle when they were all out on a group date!

I think (elana) it's a bonus that Jason lives in Seattle (but that's just me, and that's one of the places I'd probably be happy in)

Jeremy and Deanna have a one on one date in a vintage convertible. They had their date at Sinatra's house.

Deanna feels loved by Jeremy. "Jeremy is perfect"

I predict she'll eliminate Twilly and Jesse.

any Bachelorette watchers out there?

fun, isn't it

I feel like I'm vicariously living thru Deanna, when they so rudely cut to commercial!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

"Even I was shocked"

And it's hard to shock me. I just googled myself. I was stunned. I had no idea there was so much info. out there about me and my past. I've turned up in the Songwriters of Mid North Indiana newspage, the intentional communities website, the list of attendees of the Green Party meeting to which I only attended one. Stunned. Nothing is sacred folks, nothing!

Have you ever googled your name?

"If you are feeling patient , read this" (what i've been watching on you tube)

One list will be songs, and one list will be bands. I won't necessarily post the band name and the song name together.


Billy Don't be a Hero
Disco Duck
Rhinestone cowboy
Maybe I'm amazed
Let it Be
Papa was a rolling stone
Money (o'jays)
Backstabbers (o'jays)
Treat her like a Lady
Once Twice 3x a lady
Where is the Love
Brock House
Black Betty
Come Sail Away


Gladys Knight and the Pips
Phil Collins
Dire Straits

More lists coming soon

Sleep Deprived/Accident Update

Soooo Soooo tired.  So little joy. You already know the big projects I'm working on like, trying to move, and trying to buy car, and now this accident thing is going to be very time consuming.

What I've learned in the last 48 hours is that most accident victims who are hit from the rear, go for physical therapy for 4 to 6 weeks. The "guily party" insurance pays for that. Then the victim at some point, is issued a "pain and suffering" check.

My last vacation was in 1993. It was funded by my 3,000 dollar pain and suffering check, as my partner and I were hit in the rear in 1992. So, I took the money and bought my round trip ticket to Melbourne, Australia since my partner got a job there in 7/93. I considered the first month in Melbourne to be "vacation" and the 8 months after that as "just day to day life."

So, I wonder how these insurance people calculate this "pain and suffering" stuff. My barista today said that she only got 7k when she was in her accident and she got PINNED in her car! She lost one month worth of wages as well. They had to cut her out of her car! A man made a very dangerous and illegal move in his car that caused the route 40 accident.

Back to the Elana case. The agent of the woman who hit me called me today. He took the injury report from me. Told him I'm going to physical therapy. He said he'll be calculating the "pain and suffering" payment. Then said that he'll call me every 2 weeks to ask me "how do you feel?!"

This does not set right with me. And I told him that, in so many words. I replied: "Well, asking me how I feel, well that sounds like a trick question! What IS the right answer?!" I asked him. Then I said, "Obviously you are going to take my answers to determine how much money to give me. He denied that and said: "No maam, I would never do that."

I told my friend David about this, and he said it sounds so fishy. He thinks I should get a lawyer. I told him I'll call legal aide (representation for the poor) He said, "no, you don't want a poor people lawyer, you want a real lawyer."

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

"Maam, are you planning to dance again?"

What I do like about the outdoor festivals is, whereas normally Baltimoreans are so cold and unfriendly, they tend to be more "open" when at festivals. Especially certain ones. "Hon fest" was my first festival this year. I arrived at 3. I fell "into character" a few blocks before my arrival. Everyone I addressed, I addressed in my best "baltimore hon" working class baltimore accent. And I must say, It's pretty damned authentic.

So around 4, I spoke to a woman next to me who was kind of sort of dressed up for the festival. I said something to the effect of "Hon yooo look terrific" She replied with an equally authentic accent and we kept that up for about 15 minutes. I wish I could add an audio clip for you. I told her that

"Gooo git yur bowling shoes hon, wurr goin' bowling. After we go bowlin' I wanna go downee oshun!" She loved it. She was about my age and playful like me. Turns out she is a massage therapist named Penny.

Later, I saw her and yelled her name into the crowd in Bawlmerese. She couldn't find me at first but was smiling as she heard this ridiculous yell. She came over with her friend, and a wonderful classic rock cover band started playing:

"play that funky music white boy"

I said: "Come awn hun, let' s dance" We were the first ones on the dance floor. Within 10 minutes there were about 75 more people on the "floor." About 1/2 way thru the song, my lungs started burning like they were on fire, and I had to go back and sit down. I told Penny I didn't know what was wrong with me. She said I danced to wild, and my body is responding to the excessive heat.

Moments later an attractive man approached me at my seat and said: "Pardon me maam, but you are an incredible dancer, with better rhythm then anyone out there, and I was wondering:

"Are you planning to dance again?"

"If you absolutely must"

If you absolutely must travel to Baltimore City please don't forget the bullet proof vest. 9 people were shot in a 4.5 hour period last weekend within city limits.

"The tribeswomen do it"

Women in many parts of the world aren't wearing anything above the waist at all ...........You know what I have a real problem with in this society? Why is is that a woman who goes braless gets stared at or jeered at? (more by women then by men) It's 100 degrees with 100% humidity and it makes no earthly sense to wear a bra (especially if you are carless and walking and on buses) that is going to get drenched with sweat in less than 5 minutes.

Men in our society are going around shirtless and you have a moral problem with a woman who wants to dress comfortably, especially in the warmer months.

Please tell me, why should women be ashamed of breasts?

Monday, June 16, 2008

Update on Car Accident

I more closely reviewed the rules and regs. yesterday for rental cars, accidents and coverage provided. Turns out that the insurance that I had purchased only covers the first 1,000 dollars of damages. (I can't afford to purchase more insurance than that)

When I returned the car today and told the manager I was worried about what would happen after the first 1,000, he replied "well, your personal insurance (on your personal auto) covers the rest. I replied that I have no insurance. He said: "No insurance?!"

E-"Well, that's right, I don't own a car, so I have no insurance"

manager-"Then you might have to cover it yourself, I don't really know."

E-"Hmmm, so I might have to sue this lady."

Manager-"Don't know." "Loss prevention will be calling you at home, and you can discuss the details"

and for now folks, that is all she wrote.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

"Uh-Oh, it's Friday the 13th"

You already know that bad luck can happen on any day. About an hour before I was to pick up my rental car, I realized it was Friday the 13th. I thought, uh oh, hope nothing bad happens.

3p.m. Pick up rental car. White Chevy Cobalt, 2008. I tell the rental clerk how beautiful it is and ask if it is an '08 or an '09. They do their "walkaround" to check for scratches.

5 p.m. Hair cut. Looks smashing. Feel beautiful!

5:45 p.m. driving south on york road, feeling relaxed enjoying the radio and thinking how great it is to be behind the wheel again.

6 p.m. CRASH!

I've just been hit. I get whiplashed yet again. Ouch, the sharp pressure of the seat belt into my chest was painful. I check my face to see if my glasses are still there. They are. I don't even get out of the car. I'm terrified. Oh my god, this is going to come out of my bank account even though it wasn't my fault. Oh my god, I'm going to have to give up the car.

Driver behind me (we'll call her "driver 1") walks up to me and says: "I'm sorry!" (you know you are never supposed to admit fault in an accident)

E-"You just ruined my weekend. I'm on disability, Not only do I have to relinquish this car, but the company is going to make me pay for the damages that were your fault!" (I'm not yelling, just speaking my mind)

Driver 1- "Been having brake trouble for a long time!"

E-"If you knew you were having brake trouble, then why are you on the road?"

Driver 1-"Well, I don't feel like getting into all of that"

E-"You need to get me your cell phone, I'm required to call the rental company"

Driver 1-"I don't know if I have a cell phone with me, I'll go check." Walks back to her car, comes back to me. "I don't have a cell phone"

Driver 2/Andrea- (She is in the car infront of me, hmmm, she must be a witness. Why has she stopped her car? Why is she walking towards me? I wonder)

E-"So why are you stopped? You're a witness?"

Andrea-"You hit me"

E-"You've been hit?" I didn't know that. (apparently this happned when my body was in the midst of being whiplashed, so initially i didn't realize my car pushed into her car after driver 1 hit me) "Driver 1 hit me, and evidently pushed my car into your car"

E-"I guess we have to do all of this information exchanging now. (I make 3 attempts to make an outgoing call using A.'s cell phone but I have no luck getting it to work. It's such a complex cell, that I have to have her help me. We don't succeed)

She gives me her name. I said "Oh my god, you're the editor of the new newspaper!"

A-Smiles. YES! Who are you? (she's very warm and friendly)

E-"I'm a reader of the paper, and a writer" "last night at midnight, i was reading your paper and thought, wow, the new editor sure does have a fitting last name for the job she i made a mental note of your name! Just last night, mind you!"

We all exchange info. which takes quite a while. I told the officer that I need him to call the rental company for me and tell them I've been in an accident, as we have no working cell phones here.

Officer-"That's your responsibility, to call them!"

(what a jerk!)

E-Yes, it is my responsibility, and I can't do it because i don't have a cell phone" (you f-ing moron)

Officer-"no, you don't need to tell them right away, just tell them when you return the car."

Driver 1 tells me that "You'll have to do all of the writing of the policy #'s because I can't see"

E-"You can't see?!" "Why are you driving if you can't see?!"

Driver 1 - "I don't have my reading glasses with me!"

Driver 1 tells the officer: "Officer, i've been having brake trouble for a long time! I just lost my brakes!"

Officer-"That's o.k. maam!"


the long and the short of it is that hopefully my insurance will cover this accident. we all exchanged information, and I had one last thing for Andrea.

E-"You're going to need one more bit of information, Andrea!"

A-"What's that?"

E-"My website, I blog on day to day in urban poverty!"

A-"Great, I look forward to reading that"

Ironically, on 6/12, I was engraving her name in my mind, (after seeing the paper) and on the 13th, her license plate literally engraved itself on the front bumper of my rental car!

Well, I wasn't hurt, and I did, indeed, have a better day then Tim Russert did. Wouldn't you say?

There's no room for mis-steps

I feel that way about many areas of my life. It's certainly true for most folks in poverty. But this particular time I'm referring to why I don't like driving into Baltimore City anymore. Years ago, I got a 32 dollar ticket because I arrived 10 minutes late back to my parked car, and I had exceeded the 2 hour time limit. I didn't have the 32 dollars and now the fine has gone up to 800. That's one example.

I got a rental car yesterday, and I decided to have lunch at One World Vegetarian Restaurant today. But the parking situation in Balto. city is ridiculous. And the police are pretty fascist, so for example, even though it is perfectly safe to park in particular places, you still can't because the parking ticket person might still give you a ticket anyway. It's a visual thing that's tough for me to describe on my blogsite. For example, (and if you know the Charles Village area you might be able to visualize this) there are horseshoe like entrances to certain apt. bldgs. Adjacent to those horseshoe entrances, is parallel parking. There are prohibitive red arrow signs that are attempting to communicate that you should not block those horseshoe entrances. However, the red arrowed signs are badly placed, and appear to be also prohibiting you from parking in the parralel spots nearby. So they are perfectly good spots, not dangerous to park in, but you can't because these parking ticket people are vicious. No room for imperfection. I think really controlling type people take these kinds of jobs not because they are trying to help anyone, but because they simply enjoy telling people what to do and enjoy giving people tickets. If the above explanation wasn't clear to you, I apologize, i would have drawn a picture if it was an option.

Secondly, I had to re-park to go to hopkins university library, and although there were no prohibitive signs at all, again, it came into question if it is safe for me to park in "x" spot, since it was fairly close to an intersection , but again, safe. Also, the trunk is broken I can't put anything in it, and don't want to carry a heavy load into the library. I consider leaving sunglasses and a baseball cap on the seat (since I have no trunk) but can't since Baltimore is so bloody dangerous. People brake into cars all the time for belongings that we don't think of as valuable. One shouldn't have to think so hard all the time, trying to be "perfect"

Thursday, June 12, 2008

I'm addicted to the reality show "bachelorette"

6/2/08 episode

Isn't Deanna absolutely lovely to watch? A striking beauty with class, charm and grace. I think she's more fun to watch then the guys! (no, i'm not gay and i'm not bi! i'm straight but i'm not narrow)

Deanna says that Ellen Degeneres sees right thru people. I've been told the same thing over and over again thru the years. Anyhow, D. says that Ellen is an "excellent judge of character" So, D. surprises the guys and takes them to the Ellen studio! Ellen holds a" dance off" where she helps D. decide which guys are good catches! Not only are the guys required to dance, but Ellen judges them on how they look in "ellen" underwear!

Ellen says to the guys: "Believe me, I know how hard it is to find a good woman!"

Anyhow, Robert and Fred got a rose. Personally, I didn't think Deanna would give Twilly a rose, so that surprised me. Initially I thought, "jessie" isn't her type. And the other day she said to him "normally you aren't my type!" Deanna isn't as picky about looks as I am, more open minded then me.

Jessie, Jeremy, Brian, Graham and Shawn got a rose. I don't really remember much about Brian and Shawn. Jessie's been memorable from the start. Girls, who are some of your favorite men from this reality show? Jason is one of my favorites. Wasn't that lovely for Deanna to have a star named after Jason's son?

What I don't like about this show is that the voiceover guy gives away the show, in advance, during commercials. For example the voiceover guy might say: "Will Jason blow it when he brings up that he is a single parent?" (I think this hurts the show, doesn't help it)

So, getting a rose means that Deanna wants to get to know the guy better, and is considering him for marriage.

One of the questions D. asks the guys is:

"what's the most romantic thing you've ever planned for a girlfriend"

(personally, i haven't been on many dates, but what's the most romantic date you, my reader have ever been on? Come on, don't be shy)

Do you like these "Bachelor" type reality shows?

possible new "series" for my site/"things that move me to tears"

Whether they are tears of laughter, or tears of joy, I'm considering adding a new segment to my website entitled "things that move me to tears" (p.s. I am very mushy, sensitive and emotional)

One thing that moved me tears this week, was this particular Oprah show (a rerun that I've seen before) this time I only watched the first 10 minutes of it, but I had to see this one girl again. She reminds me sooooooooo much of me. It's the episode where Oprah features young people who've been told that "you only have 5 years to live" and things of the sort.

(have you seen it? the one guy has become famous for what is called "the last lecture")

Anyhow, the girl that reminds me of me in many ways: she is mid 20's with a rare form of cancer. Gorgeous, FULL of life. She videotapes segments of her day to day life and cries on camera or talks about whatever she is feeling. She says "this" is my pharmacy! She shows you the produce section of whole foods market and lets you watch as she picks out medicine and tells you why she is choosing that food.

As part of her therapy, she's decided to do something that I was doing for months but haven't done in a long time.


Dances to one song per day!

Dances around her apt. etc. etc.

Anyhow, the cancer hasn't worsened, although it's there, she does not feel sick and is living a full life where she has decided that she does not "equal" her cancer.

Bravo dear lady, kudos to you......................................................

"The Tardive Dyskinesia update"

The symptoms continued for over a week. They were just about 24/7. Then the number of hours each day that i was symptomatic, lessened. So the symptoms were almost completely gone by 3 days ago.

I've only been sleeping a few minutes each night. The only thing that helps me get caught up when I get into severe sleep deficit mode is Amitryptaline. Talk about a double edged sword. I took 60 milligrams 3 nights ago, and slept for 12 hours straight thru. I probably haven't done that more than a handful of times in my whole life; slept thru like that. Needless tosay the symptoms have worsened again (the t. dyskinesia symptoms) solely because i took it the one night.

My friend Dan said that there is a significant difference between brand name and generic in terms of what they do to the body. He suggested I talk to my doc. about trying the brand name "elavil" as opposed to the generic "amitryptaline" He suspects I won't have those wicked side effects with the elavil.

I'll keep you informed on that.

(p.s. I'd be blogging daily if i owned a computer, but you already know that don't you?)

Lunch with Allison

Yesterday, I had lunch with "Allison." She said that if she were in my situation she would probably commit suicide. I know what you're thinking. "that's terrible" "she should have never said that" "what a horrible thing to say"

but truth is, i believe most educated women in my situation , probably WOULD commit suicide.

I know it can be a pain in the butt

and I apologize for that. That is, when I label my posts: part 1, part 2, etc. The reason why i do that is because these university computers keep freezing up and not allowing me to publish. So, because I'm not too tech savvy, I just keep hitting publish post very frequently and that prevents my pieces from getting lost. Once i hit that "publish" button , however, i need to start in a brand new frame. again, i know it's a bit of a pain and i apologize for that.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

part 3 la pew update and studley

So, most white people would call it sexual harrassment. unwanted touch, unwanted comments on your body, your appearance, your walk, etc.

But there has been a very positive update in this dept. About 6 months ago, I told studley, "you are going to learn my real name!" I drilled it into him, until he began to address me as "elana" Although, he also addresses me as "girlfriend" or "pretty girl" i know that it is harmless affection. We now rib each other, you know, good natured teasing. Now that I realize that he is not a pimp (i was certain that he was because of how he dresses) I'm alot more comfortable. He has heard me sing, and goes on and on about how he wants to go do karaoke with me...........

He sits in the lobby and drinks openly infront of me because he knows I'm not going to judge him. He asked me (in front of a resident i'm not comfortable with) what i think of inter racial dating.........i didn't answer that time, but the next time i see him, i'll answer honestly.

It's freeing to know that there is finally someone I can be myself with, be honest about race issues, and not feel like I'm walking on eggshells!

The new custodian had also been sexuallly harrassing me as well, but he's just been fired because he doesn't really clean much of anything.

part 2 health update

So, the first time I experienced a symptom like this was in '03. It was during the blizzard of 03, the worst blizzard baltimore has ever had. I called an ambulance but it never showed. So I tried again to call an ambo. the next day. It got stuck in the ice. The long and the short of it is that the Dr. thought I was faking it, so she dismissed me from the hospital.

This time, largely because I don't have transportation/car, I'm just going to see what happens over the next few days. If it doesn't go away, I'll go into the dr. and find out if this is permanent or not.


La Pew Apts. Update

We are in week 6 of bldg. rehab. A cacophony of drills and hammers for about 6-10 hours of each day. I can't even think or function, so here I am at the library.

Social update at la pew

Remember, "Studley" from my older posting entitled "you go da baddest walk in baltimore" He sexually harrassed me for 2.5 years.

health update/la pew apts. update

just typed a really long update for you, hit publish post, and it didn't work. so here we go, starting all over again.

health update

You already know that due to the noise pollution in my bldg. and in my environs, that I can't sleep much. I took elavil to catch up on my sleep last sunday , 10 days ago. I took it 3 nights in a row, but it's not something i use on a regular basis. The first 2 days after I took it, i had severe hand and head tremors.

Days 3 thru 6, I'm having round the clock, what i believe to be is tardive dyskinesia. uncontrolled movements of the lips, tongue, mouth (extreme in the way that would be very socially disruptive, if one had a social life) and pray that it doesn't become permanent.