Friday, March 31, 2017

Hes sweet

Congratulations king roscoe, you are a kind soul!

Two times in one month

This is the second time in one month where my psychic thing read me to Google particular person that I haven't thought about sometimes in decades just to find out they just died!

I thought about a game we played at kurts house once in 71 or 72, googled and he just died too!

R.I.p. Kurt Kesselman

Soo many things

Its a living hell. My skull is being crushed. My mouth teeth eyes are killing me. Someone is slamming the back of my skull with a sledge hammer....

Medications aren't helping , I have no neurologist. I've been living with this since my early twenties.

I surmise the lyme disease isn't helping. This is just a fraction of the suffering.

Favorite lines

The landlord said this to the tenant after the tenants boyfriend murdered her 2 preschool children:

" you are young and you have far too much life force in you to give up !

get out of bed and go help other mothers who have lost their children otherwise you're going to be living to die!"


Thursday, March 30, 2017

Quote of the day

I live in Harlem, my universe is 6 blocks"

(This movie is/was my 14 years in Baltimore city)

Extraordinary cast! Whoopi, phylicia rashad, janet jackson and lots more.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Just found online

I just found a picture of my biological paternal great-grandmother; Mollie, online so I'm really pleased and excited!

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Quote of the night

"I feel incomplete because I've never met my dad"

"Hopes and dreams, they let you down."

broken broken broken

So it's been about a four to six months weight with broken glasses and absolutely everything that can go wrong did go wrong I had to choose between three different frame types because my insurance would only cover the absolute cheapest of frames I trusted the retailer when she told me that I looked particularly good in this one type of frames but:

the glasses arrived to the retailer at the mall being manufactured with the wrong prescription I am furious!

(tried them on, frame type looks awful)

Another 2 to 4 week wait AND retailer told me not to order my glasses from Zenni or any other online manufacturer because they will just get the prescription wrong! well isn't this ironic.

I can try lions club again ( either for flattering frames or for a pair of glasses that I can read with but even this will be another maybe 5 week wait!)

Quote of the day

"She's between husbands right now!"

Sunday, March 26, 2017

Quote of the night

" so tell me what will you write in your Journal tonight?"

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Virginia Book Festival

"Journals should b private" tom

Response "until you die!" Panel member

Friday, March 24, 2017

Handsome and deadly

Takeaway from these crime show; lookout! There are thousands of handsome, charismatic and well dressed men out there who will kill you and love it!

All 3 suspects in Heathers case fit the above description.

NEVER have initial dates in your home or the mans home.

Public place! (I choose daylight hours as an added precaution)

Thursday, March 23, 2017


Sadly confirmed.  Adam abba tessman committed suicide.

As did his mother.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017


This is similar to the volunteer job I created for myself in about 2005

I donate food


Give rides

About this video, I love how the kids draw beautiful artwork on lunch bags)

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Light posts, filler posts

Any period between 2007 and 2014 where I either didn't post at all, or posted music videos and the like was for a very sad reason

Ive been stalked since 2005. Between 05 and 13 (in particular) I feared for my life around the clock.

I was shot at, poisoned, followed, daily break ins, looting.

To my knowledge the perpetrators were never charged.

While Im still being targeted and dealing with repeat auto vandalism; as of 2015 I feel very safe mostly.

Through the years the violence escalated and cops had no particular interest in helping.

I knew Id b murdered, made a few attempts on my life with the knowledge that it's much better to take your own life then to be murdered.

Nowadays a post on pop culture doesn't mean im afraid to write the truth; conversely , I can honestly say that the details of this living hell I probably will not release in their entirety until after my passing

I've been looking for collaborators for quite a long time this is not something I can do on my own which is why my autobiography never got published.

Have you ever tried to write a book while you were on the run or in immense Danger ?I can only think of a couple of authors who have.

Monday, March 20, 2017

Quote of the night

" a woman's heart is an ocean of secrets" Rose

Highest jump ever

This is exciting news! "Fbi investigating trump team"

Other's perceptions

Got 3 friend requests from girls I knew in elementary and junior high.

They said some variation of:

You were so much fun

You were so happy

You were always smiling

(This is stunning, shocking, but Ill take it.!)

Long lost family

Last nights episode took place in flagstaff. Cried from beginning to end.

Congratulations to you and your new family, Mark!  "Brendan Lee Hill"

Sunday, March 19, 2017


I just think this is so exciting I had to put it in here before I'm even done watching the show Jennifer Gray's grandfather came over on the same ship that my great-grandfather came over on however her grandfather came over three years earlier than my great-grandfather did and they both arrived in New York!



some things have happened in the last couple of days that have reminded me that I am still capable of very deep joy.

The upcoming days will tell me whether or not I can hang on to feeling so encouraged.

I have nearly everything going against me.

I will say Trump doesn't scare me as much anymore.  The millions of left wing (and rt. wing!) Trump protesters make me feel empowered.

Im still an activist, I sign many petitions each month, sent to me by:

(Some of the links might be dot com)

Twice removed

After reading the list of notable living Baltimoreans, looks like one of the names is very close relative.

That close relative had a very close relationship with Anne Franks family.

That being said, Ive wondered if any of my ancestors died in Holocaust...

History class bored me to death in school. But now that I know so much about my ancestors, I feel fascinated, truly connected to America n and European history.

Saturday, March 18, 2017


I regularly get messages from Gmail or Yahoo telling me that people are trying to hack into my accounts it's very scary and this time it's particularly freaky because the person who tried to break into my account is in the country of Iran!

I don't use that account anymore so I cant change passcode, dont remember.

Tell me about your experiences being hacked, stalked andor cyberstalked?

Huge reasons I can't move

Ive wanted (needed?) To live in san Diego since 94.

But where can I go with a 750 month check.?

4/5 of subsidized programs that I was living in I experienced nearly daily felonies, violent crime.

I mean just to give you an example of what's going on in this country all I had to do yesterday was Google San Diego subsidized and Section 8 housing violent crime and a whole bunch of Articles popped up

I feel desperate to live in a mild climate year-round that would also allow me to control my weight because I'd be able to walk year round outside.

The logical thing to do would be to go to San Diego for vacation to explore it first but obviously there's no money to take trips or vacations to preview places to live period

So while I'm grateful in many ways it doesn't feel like a home where I'm at because I had to live in the apartment and the address was selected for me there is a slim chance that I could become a homeowner through various programs for low-income people but given hell absolutely grueling everything is and he'll absolutely grueling poverty is it's probably not even worth it to try to become a homeowner comma along move to an apartment in a warmer climate

To get into subsidized housing was a 11 and a half your weight. Yes I am redundant in my post but many of my current readers most of my current readers have not ever seen my older posts, so I don't feel bad about being redundant!

What has your experience been in regards to waiting for or living in subsidized housing in the United States or in other countries for that matter?

Soo rare

Its so rare to receive exemplary customer service in any industry...

So, when I do receive it I make sure to praise them.  Often ill compliment them on their businesses fb page.

And, if its restaurant, taxi etc. I also give a generous tip WITH big compliment.

Heres an amazing story that happened to me around Christmas;

I called the Medicaid number to give them my new mailing address. The man replied: "I see here you have $60 in unused benefits. I'll tell you what items are in the catalog so you can place an order!

(Things like heating pads, or otc medications!)

I told him thats an amazing surprise Christmas present!

If you also love Prince

If you love Prince as much as I do you have absolutely got to see this true verdicts on what really happened regarding his death.

"I want my music to speak loudest for me."

Friday, March 17, 2017


"Me and her? Were the fuckin heat!"

Hilarious movie. Great for female empowerment! Music very cool, danceable.


Never seen Petula Clark in film. This is a precious, beautiful, whimsical film. The singing and dancing are amazing. You wont b able to stop smiling!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Thursday, March 16, 2017


Terrifying to think of failing, but after just two required medical appointments I passed my review, shwew!


Awesome the way "Lem" practices peace in every situation.

Extreme stress of poverty

I made 5 or so trips to optical store for minor fixes, but 10 weeks ago earpiece broke off, then they bent.

8 weeks ago applied at lions club, never heard back.

Despite my having heard from insurance agent which places my insurance is contracted with (for eyeglass purchase) when I drove there yesterday she said, the agent was wrong.

She was kind enough to advocate for me to get another appointment at Lions Club

I made my roughly trip 7 to Nationwide Vision insurance and glasses place yesterday( by accident) I thought I had been told I could go there to get glasses but when I arrive the optician said no your access/medicaid does not cover glasses, only covers children.

And she took my card and said oh you have Access Health Choice! She said go ahead and start choosing which glasses you like so I did that and she said well your insurance notgoing to pay for any of those and your prescription is high that means that you're going to have to buy very very cheap frames. I picked up two pairs of cheap frames and she tried to put the order in the computer and it was rejected due to the fact that the cheap frames will not hold the heavy material necessary for my prescription.!

She charged me and this really surprise me she charged me $27 basically she is required to have me pay the co-pay immediately and then she sent an order hoping and praying that it will work but she doesn't know if it will or not and said she might end up having to refund my $27!! Stress!

Lot of run around and a lot of  being told falsehoods.  As I've been telling you for years everything is broken and nothing gets done right especially for the poor!

I have lots of panic attacks, dont sleep more then an hour a night.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017


This is what my childhood was like, but worse, much worse.


I loved every child I ever cared for as if they were my own flesh and blood!


Precious. Hilarious!

In my dna

No question in my mind! Had I not been "given up" for adoption, I would have ended up in the performing arts.  Most likely singing and or dancing.

When Laurie met me in 84, she said: "YOU BELONG ON BROADWAY!"

Monday, March 13, 2017

Quote of the night

Mother to child: "You got a family for Christmas!"

Neighbors of south side Chicago adopt boy

Autobiographical film

"Lack of work destroys people"

"Ive been lucky, I know an awful lot about love!"

Sunday, March 12, 2017


Congratulations to Tinneke and Tammy!

Book recommend

"We need a path to become legal, there are 11 million undocumented persons who are already here in the states!"


Ive always known

I've always known that Hollywood will want my story because it is so absolutely outrageous and rare period I told you an awful lot but there's also an awful lot I haven't told you , in regards to the details.

Hollywood taking my story seems even more realistic, in that one of my relatives has already had a movie made about his life, and one of my biological relatives is a Hollywood director.

(But has never met me)


I have confirmed that the movie Diner was a recreation the life of at least one of my biological uncles who I never got to meet

My recommendation

I recommend the book by Peter Hayes

"Why? Explaining the Holocaust

Please check out the interview with Hayes at Tucson festival of books (today)

Quote of the day

"Every blogger is a journalist"

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Can't stop laughing

Watching Carlin do his skit on the words you can't say on television! Hilarious, never gets old!

Quote of the night

"You can only go so long in survival mode before everything breaks down"

Employee of Massage Heights

Memory foam

Memory foam  cut my pain by more then 60 percent last night.

One night sleeping on it, took me from being unable to move my rt. Arm (due to excruciating pain and bursitis) to being completely pain free today!!!


Check out what Wikipedia has to say about the connection between Flagstaff and the organization called food not bombs!

When nannying 2002

One of the many fun days I had with will and james, 4 and 3 was teaching them about peace, diversity and how to make a peace sign with your fingers!

We drove the "parade" route on Charles st. on 9/11/02. "Remember the victims"

Thursday, March 9, 2017

First image of paternal great grandfather

Holy Bleep! Thank you, NPR!?

Was seeking images of my biological great grandfather, just to find out the story NPR did on Jews and beer has a photo of my ggf with his family!

I cant tell whose who, but Im sure the Jewish museum of Maryland would know.


Just a dream

Oh what I wouldn't give to have rhe show pay for me to go on a European journey to make my ancestral quest come alive!

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Kiss me im Irish!

With every passing week Im learning more about my roots, who I am.

Thanks, in part to the girls in my genealogy group!

I just found out my 4x ggf (or gggf) was born in Ireland in the 1800s and immigrated to Baltimore in the 1800s. as well!

This March 17, I'll don a "kiss me" shirt (green!) and it will have a much deeper meaning!

Monday, March 6, 2017


I had no idea that John Wilkes Booth was born in Maryland his brother Edwin sure did go through a lot First losing his father then his wife then finding out that his brother committed murder and then his brother dying, all within a few years wow.


Saturday, March 4, 2017


my birth mother must be a compulsive liar it turns out that she did not spend the first few years of her life in New Mexico as she claimed in fact she was born in Owings Mills Maryland basically right up the road from where I was raised by My adoptive parents as a baby she lives on Reisterstown Road also just three to five miles away from where I was raised Newman

My adoptive mother was also a liar claiming that my birth parents lived in Virginia

I now have names of my maternal great-grandparents their names were Sylvester King and Minerva Nelson

Start to finish

This is the first time I ever got to see the 2008 film from start to finish if I had known that they were making a dance movie just one mile from my apartment I would have gone and watched it being filmed.

Extremely cool!

Severe insomnia

While I'm certain I could benefit from a sleep study when I heard how horrible it is to be hooked up from head to toe

I know that I would never fall asleep at a study.

Unfortunately, I'm awake nearly all night every night with what I just googled gain,sleep paralysis forums.

sleep hallucinations hypnagogic and I can't remember the other one.

Im also sure I have ptsd nightmares.

Im a lucid vivid dreamer, likely as result of microsleeps.

Its a real sad situation. It would be too awkward to describe the details of the nightmares/hypnogogia but I can tell you, im always the victim of violent crimes.

No wonder I cant stay awake during the day.  Additionally, my friend with lyme is sure my adrenal glands are shot.


Friday, March 3, 2017

Happy birthday

Well I just reached my 10-year anniversary blogging.

Happy birthday to my blog happy birthday to my blog happy birthday to my blog happy birthday to my blog

Quote of the night

" nobody had ever asked me in my life what it felt like to be me but once I have an opportunity to share that I felt true peace my son said that one day there would be a writer in the family and that it would be me!" (Paraphrase)

(Unfortunately I only got to see the last 1/2 of this poignant movie tonight on tbs with commercials. I could strongly relate to the servants life experiences on many manyy levels. Because, I haven't exactly had the typical experiences of an average white woman, as you know)

On the health front

I know that the doctors don't even remotely grasp what life is like for me .

I mean my right arm is essentially useless because of shoulder bursitis.

  my right foot near the toes the pain is so severe that I never know when I'll be able to walk. Even an up down motion of foot is unbearable.

There are also serious female issues, some too embarrassing to mention. Glad to be in menopause. Would bleed 2 weeks plus.

Even leaning over to brush teeth excruciating on spine.

If I sit for more then 10 minutes both limbs and feet fall asleep.

Big time vision disturbances with floaters. Slowly losing hearing.

Too embarrassed to go into depth about I.b.s. but some symptoms serious.

Frequent migraines and frequent nausea.

The pain is bodywide. I can't truly sleep. and arthritis and all of the joints has become quite severe anywhere from the neck all the way down to the tailbone

I never did come up with $75 to renew the medical marijuana card unfortunately and oxycontin really doesn't do anything at all to make life better

There's no question that I have Crohn's or colitis or something like that but calling it IBS is a big problem and I would truly say that the pain is excruciating and unbearable that's why the best part of my life is when I'm sleeping I'm just speaking in the my recorder with the situation so please bear with me. More than week I was limping I had to go to urgent care and they told me that because I had to go off gabapentin is why I can't walk without limping.

I thought I might have cancer because of lump on spine but it turned out to b just a cyst.

Couple this with abject poverty and its nothing short of living hell.

Most of the girls in my lyme group are lyme literate and can pinpoint exactly which aspects of lyme disease are causing my problems.

Again since I cant type easily on a smartphone, this piece will have some repetition and hasn't been corrected.

Thursday, March 2, 2017


Funny, sweet, stellar, precious!

When bio. parents out of picture

It only took me 28 years to confirm!

My biological maternal grandmother who I only met once, was named

Jessie Minerva King Duchane!

Thanx ABC

This is amazing. Crying alternating tears of joy and sadness. Haven't missed a night.

In my opinion

Extraordinary programming. One of the best things on cable television!

First time in history

This is the first time ever I've seen Primetime Justice with Ashleigh Banfield and I can pretty much bet my bottom dollar that you will never again in history seen a Baltimore story and a Flagstaff story in one news program ever again!

To Flagstaff cop that punched a female citizen did indeed quit the team. While I can't say how effective Flagstaff cops are I can say that they are the kindest and most polite I have ever met.

A flag bus was hijacked last night, no citizens harmed physically, but likely traumatized for life.


7 Baltimore cops were accused of robbing citizens.

It is surprising, conversely, Baltimore and Carroll County Maryland cops are the worst I've experienced in my lifetime!

Quote of the day

What is your trade?

"My trade, is to fight against fascism"