Friday, November 30, 2012

Dark Side of Serbian Mental Institutions

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest Meet the Patients clip0

Yes, there is alot of screaming and use of the f word by patients in the hospital i was at. One patient did say that the primary reason she wanted to go home was for her cigarettes. The patients were provided with nicotine gum but non smokers where not allowed to chew gum of any sort.

Patients became borderline violent when their meds wore off and demanded them from staff often saying things like "you fucking cunt bitch nurse give me my goddamn medicine NOW!"

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest Part II

This movie was made in the 70's before deinstitutionalization. Psych hospitals don't look quite like this anymore. There was one aspect of this clip that i did see when i was in the hospital. In addition to the patients that "make you crazy" there are also a handful that i always develop a strong bond with and wish to keep in touch with in the outside world!

I'll be HOMELESS for the holidays

I chose this title for my blog piece today because it is a play on the song: "I'll be home for the holidays"

On 11/14/2012 after expending my disability check on motels, I was forced to show up yet again at the psychiatric hospital solely so that I would not freeze to death.  This is a "trick" I did not know about prior to 5/2011.

Much to my surprise, the intake worker told me that many many homeless show up at the psych. hospital solely so that they will not die on the street.

So, this is where I was during Thanksgiving.  All total since I lost my last apt. in August I was forced to spend a month in the hospital.  My this sure provides plenty of fodder for my non fiction writings!

As of yesterday I am in an apt. again, which feels like a miracle.  However, due to the violence I have been living with in the last 8 years, I think it would take me at least a year of no violent crimes, to feel safe again.

More musings on the events in the hospital are coming soon.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

"Tomorrow after 5"

It's getting down into the teens at night.  At this point, it does not appear that I will have indoor shelter as of tomorrow night.

Monday, November 12, 2012

Breaking Amish/I feel connected

Wow, i tuned in for what i expected to be a 2 hour finale, but i tuned in at 7 and it still wasn't over at 11:20!

I'm proud of the 5 of them for taking the risk that they took.

So wonderful that Kate is finding success as a model and a fine one she is.

Boy this show is a tearjerker.

I cried during Abe's proposal and cried during the wedding.  Abe and Rebecca are PERFECT for each other.  But holding back that she was married before and has a daughter is alot to hold back!

Wow, Sabrina met her bio father, at the same age that I met my biological parents. I thnk my adoptive parents told me my birthmother was in VA, but acutally she was in Baltimore.  I know my adoptive parents were not planning to disclose that I was adopted but ended up disclosing it.  Not surprised that S. adoptive parents lied to her.  My adoptive parents kept numerous secrets from me.

I could not tell my adoptive mother about the reunion because she refused to hear about it.

I was surprised at S. biofather appearance.  Deep dark circles looks very unhealthy.

When B. Amish started as a series it is assumed all thse kids are virgins but far fom it!

I was shocked when the kids said they hail from Punxy!  I thought, did they just say Punxy?!  that is where my relatives are on my adoptive mother's side, and that is where i celebrated my last family like holiday in 1988.

I really hurt for these kids when they had to choose between their original families and the English life.  How painful to be shunned.  who knew the Amish religion has so much cruelty!


Friday, November 9, 2012

"Fibromyalgia/Public Transportation"

The fatigue is so absolutely crushing.  It feels like i have the flu all the time.  It's gigantic just to put one foot in front of the other.

I am often required to walk about 5 miles a day because of the inadequacies of public transportation.  If you have fibromyalgia or lyme you know what I'm talking about.  Just getting out of bed is a huge accomplishment.

I average 5 hours a day commuting, just like 94 when I lived in Melbourne Australia as you can read about on my blog where I posted chapter 1.

I still do not have safe permanent affordable housing within walking distance to a bus stop.

Barack Obama 2012 Victory Song


Obama's Complete Victory Speech: Obama Wins the 2012 Election

I watched the coverage on msnbc. initially when the screen showed "Barack Obama elected as 44th president" i cried tears of joy and relief.

When Romney wouldn't concede i was scared and wondered if O. really won. He really won! I can't think of anything in the last few months that has made me happier! If you voted:


Tuesday, November 6, 2012

"Unable to share/Al Gore"

The timing is so perfect.  I have attempted to upload the full documentary to my blog site with no luck.

Please go to you tube and type in

"An Inconvenient Truth" where Al Gore will back up the science behind global warming so pertinent to Katrina Irene and Sandy.

"Hurricane Sandy victims you are heavy on my heart"

I have been following the warnings and all the coverage of "Hurricane" Sandy.  I watched a 2 hour special on the weather channel showing the video of the damage and the people hurt.

I watched the benefit telethon on msnbc.

My heart is so heavy for the victims.  No one knows better then me what it is like to lose everything and to never be able to rebuild....................................

"Just another day in Paradise/retail hell"

So, it's another typical day.  I went to the bathroom and 830.  Flushed the toilet, and my motel room rapidly floods.  I have to get dressed, get all items off floor (there is no desk or flat surface to put anything) and figure out whether all items need to be moved outside or to a higher level, the bed.

I called 911 but they told me that floods aren't their issue.  I tried to call the desk, but my cell has been deactivated.  Unusually, the landline in the room, i discover actually works.  I call desk and there is no answer.

I am afraid to abandon my items to walk to the office.  I call 911 back, then i see a delivery man I ask him to tell the clerk i need maintenance.  She knows very little english and has proved unreliable and unprofessional thus far.

She comes to my room, assesses the bathroom and tells me in unintelligible english that it is my fault, and if i had not blah blah blah it would have never happened.

I tell her i want a different room, she said not now.

I wait 20 min. and still no maint man has come.  I go to the front to tell her that i'm switching to a different motel if she doesn't get me another room.

She switches my room but wags her finger and says "You are not switching rooms again!"

There is a tub but no stopper,  i ask the housekeeper for astopper she says she'll be right back but never comes back.

I got to the grocery store to buy a paper.  The debit card reader won't read my card.  The clerk tells me "just press enter just press enter"  I said, "I did, 3x."  I said why don't you just enter it manually.  He doesn't like that idea, so he takes my card to the other end of the store, then comes back and says "Here now swipe it covered with this plastic bag"

I said "Forget it i don't want the paper"

I forgot to mention that he also said:


I replied, as i have to every other cashier who has asked over the weeks and months,

"I AM the needy!"

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Blue Magic - Sideshow

I had this on 45.

Friday, November 2, 2012

"Strong sense of community.........but"

I have a strong sense of community in Mountain Town and I feel well liked.  However, my quality of life is unacceptable, and my specific life conditions are deplorable.