Journal entries of 10/14/05 and 10/15/05

Again I only slept about 1.5 hours last night, got up had oatmeal then slept another 2 hours. Feel like a prisoner here at La Pew Housing.  Absolute exhaustion. It's horrific being without a phone and penniless to boot.

Walked over to Alaskan coffee with the free coffee coupon (then couldn't find it)  So the barista gave me the coffee.  I haven't had anything to eat. The comfy chairs are arranged in a circle of 6, but no one speaks or makes eye contact.

With no money for gas, bus, or food I start the 2.8 mile trek/walk to the free phone at X bank in Towson. I hope to make job search, business AND social calls.

I finished 2 calls when the manager came over and told me I'd have to leave. I then proceeded to walk the 4 blocks to Trader Joes grocery because it's a good place to "hitchike" from. I need to hitchhike the 2 miles north to the free phone at x bank in Timonium.

On my FIRST CALL the manager asks me who I'm calling!  I thought to myself "I don't have to tell her that" (p.s. I am an x bank account holder!) She asked me to leave.

I started the 2 mile very dangerous trek south on York road. I've got 2 choices. I can give up the job hunt all together, or go back to the x bank closest to my apt. and make the calls.  However that manager discourages phone use as well.  But with no phone usage I'll be nearly 100% cut off from society, until my next disability check arrives in November! 

8 p.m. Ran into D.C. from my old theatre group "Gimme Shelter Productions" We talked in trader joes for about 25 minutes. He says he can't believe all of the horrible things I've lived thru. He says that because of my education and "spirit" it's very hard for him to understand why it won't get better for me. He then turned to the cashier and said "She's got an angelic singing voice!"

I tried to go to the library to do some creative writing but the library is closed.

10/15/05

I arrived here at the welfare office at 8:10 a.m., one hour before my appt. time. I had just enough gas to get there and home. There were only 10 people in front of me in line, unlike on Tuesday, where there were roughly 150 people in the waiting room. There is a lovely woman sitting next to me named Wanda who is here helping her brother get food stamps. She said good morning to me the instant I sat down. I was "running" on about an hour sleep so I was yawning violently. I really enjoyed her company until she tried to convert me!

The caseworker called me but they lost my application!

I thought it's too bad we aren't allowed to photocopy our applications since welfare (dss) is such a disorganized mess. I asked the clerk if she wants me to help her find it. She said no. I diplomatically asked her why they don't alphabetize the applications? "The supervisor won't let us!" she replied. She stapled my appt. slip to my form, and then asked me to sit and wait for my name to be called again.

I went back to my seat for about another 20 minutes. Remarkably and a-typically, the caseworker I was assigned to was kind and professional. She said that I'd have to wait about 6 weeks before I'd receive any food stamps! I asked her/told her I needed a referral slip for the food pantries.

She gave me only 1 slip, for only 1 food pantry where I was given mostly food that I can't eat or am allergic to.   2 days worth of food that I need to make last for 6 weeks!

Should I let my life waste away in abject poverty and an inability to find work? Or should I just bite the bullet and start applying for grants to get the Masters in Counseling?

When I left d.s.s. I went to get $3 worth of gas. That was enough gas to take my car and myself to trader Joes for 4 ounces of free coffee from the demo bar. Jerry the chiropracter happened to be at the bar too. He told me that he was at T.Joe's to do some much needed grocery shopping. I was silent. What could I say? "Oh, not me, I don't have any money to buy food?!"