THE LAST FEW DAYS

I wanted to rent a car because I wanted to see "Linda" in Owings Mills, her 2 year old, and twin newborn boys.

I call Lemon's rent a car (yes, the same one you read about in an earlier blog) 24 hours in advance to attempt to make a reservation. Unfortunately, I think that same woman answered that I told you about a few months ago.

HER-"Hello, Lemon's rent a car"

ME-"I need to rent a car tomorrow, the smallest that you have."

HER-"You'll need a driver's license, proof of insurance, and a major credit card."

ME-"I don't have insurance, because I don't have a car."

HER-"You'll have to purchase our insurance"

ME-"Yes, I know" "Please have someone pick me up at 10 after noon"

HER-"What you mean 10 after noon?"

ME-"I need to be picked up at 10 after noon?"

HER-"At night? 10 at night?"

ME-"12:10" pick me up at 12:10"

HER-"I don't know what chu talkin' bout."

ME-"I NEED TO BE PICKED UP AT 10 MINUTES AFTER 12!!!!"

HER-"O.K., we'll call you before he leaves"

ME-"Don't bother, I don't have a cell, I'll just be downstairs."

HER-"What?"

ME-I don't have a cell phone so there is no point in you calling me!"

HER-I'M SUGGESTIN' THAT YOU DON'T GO DOWNSTAIRS UNTIL WE CALL."

ME-(I'll just have to agree with her to get this call over with) I agree to her demands.

I spend the next 24 hours worrying that no-one will show to pick me up since this incompetent moron doesn't speak or understand English despite being American.

12:10  rolls around and I have to call back to make sure they are really going to pick me up. They did, and on time. The man who picked me up, Malcolm, was nice, professional and a safe driver remarkably enough. For 24 hours my life normalizes and I dream of what it would be like to own a safe car. I think about how much would change. For example, it's 100 degrees and I'm in an air conditioned car as opposed to having to stay at home since I can't handle the mid-day heat. The trip to Linda's would have been 2-3 hours one way by public transit. So much changes with a car. I visit Linda in her gorgeous home, with her wonderful husband, hold one of her newborns, and dream of a normal life. She's so deeply connected that either friends or family visit her every day! I can't even imagine that kind of support. In the 6 hours I'm there, there is ZERO noise pollution. It's like a mini- vacation! Boy,24 hours sure does go by fast.

My other friend, Lucy ,was kind enough to pay off my MVA "uninsured fines" that I accrued mostly while I was homeless in '03. $1,345.00. And that's just the uninsured fines. There are also fines from the city and impound fines. I call it the "POVERTY PENALTY" Barbara Ehrenreich talks about it in her book: "Nickel and Dimed." but I coined the phrase!

I recently learned of a program called "FLEX CAR" where you can rent by the hour. To get to the car though, I'd still have to take a bus, then walk to Hopkins and then the same thing on the return trip. Lucy is trying to get me one step closer to being able to purchase a car.

The busybodies in my bldg. are so nosy and judgemental that I go to great lengths to not give them any clues about my life at all. I can see it now. "You bought a car?!" "Where you buy it?" "How much it cost?" "How can you afford that?" "You workin'?" "Where you workin'at?" (If these were my friends I'd gladly answer the questions!)

So I decide to not use my personal parking space for the rental car. The other reasons I decide not to use the space are:

a. someone might tow it. (yup, even though it's assigned to me)
b. my space is next to the woods, and I don't feel safe especially after dark. I told management that and requested a new space. They wouldn't reassign.
c. whose to say the maintenance men or residents won't vandalize this car, they don't hesitate to steal from my apt.

So, I park it in Cedarcroft overnight. (Cedarcroft has virtually no crime and is across the street!)

I had to set the alarm clock to get the rental car back in time. I didn't get a chance to run any errands at all. Today, (and this is typical) anxiety set in almost the moment I left my building. Right outside my building (and this isn't the stressful thing) a woman of about 55 is hunched over on the "La Pew" bench, with headphones on, and curlers in, listening and singing gospel music badly. She doesn't see me.

Here's where the stress starts. Four steps away from my building the neighborhood beggar starts yelling at me from York Road. "Miss lady, how you doon?" I can't avoid him because he is at the top of the staircase where I need to be. "MISS LADY HOW YOU DOON?, he yells again. I think, "What other route is there for me to take?" None. I am forced to pass him.

When I get to the top of the staircase onto York Road, I see that he is completely blocking the sidewalk. There is too much traffic for me to walk in York Road. "YOU GOT 25 CENTS?" he asks. I ignore him. There is only a tiny grassy area for me to pass him. He regularly harasses me. "Well, god bless" he says after I've ignored him.

He knows damn well that the people in my building are as poor as he is. I'm 99% certain that he collects social security disability.  "YOU LUCKY YOU ON DISABILITY!" (and so are you!)

So, I've barely left the house and I'm filled with anxiety. I try to cross York Road. Even though the light is red, I wait for the speeding cars to come to a complete stop. That has made the driver mad, and many times makes the drivers mad, but I've seen enough cars run red lights that I'm not going to just "trust" that they will eventually stop.

I replace the gas, buy a coffee and drop my car off at Lemon's. I was really hoping I'd get Malcolm to drop me off at my place, but he was busy. So, DeShawn was assigned to take me home.

He takes a c.d. out of the c.d. player and puts it under the visor. We drive a 1/2 block and something falls on his head. I jumped. "What's that?" I exclaimed frightened. "That's the c.d. I guess I didn't put it in a safe place." I was mad because he is supposed to be a professional driver and he should know the importance of securing stuff so it doesn't go flying.

  He is speeding and tailgating a fuel truck!. Thank goodness my place is close.

  He starts questioning me. " What do you do?"

 " I'm an unemployed social worker"

  You married?

  kids?

  where did you grow up?

  I found this very stressful because I don't want to build a relationship with a man driving me one mile. He tells me where he grew up and what his degree is in. English he said. I asked him if he has ever used it. Yes, in the city schools. Of course he immediately talked of violence in the schools, of 10 teen boys who attacked him in the classroom. I said, "And if it's scary for you, a big black guy, you know it'd be terrifying for a white chick!" He was speechless! He dropped me off at my house and we bid farewell.