Saturday, February 27, 2016

Symptoms are worsening

The two hallmarks of the encyclopedia of diseases that I have are:

 /excruciating pain and severe weakness.

The weakness is getting worse.
Even the simplest of tasks like making a cup of coffee,  pouring a bowl of cereal, going from sit to stand, walking are nearly impossible.  My arms are so weak and these diseases mean that touching an object (hurts your skin and the pads of your fingers) and grasping the handle of a small pot is very painful.  Reaching into my purse or backpack , for my arms and hands is like doing 10 push ups in terms of the pain and weakness.

High cholesterol, pre diabetic so they have me back on thyroid medicine.

I told my  n.p. (who I met onced and do not like) that my chest pain is now severe but she didn't even pull out so much as a stethoscope to check me!  A big strike.
Janice  says that I have lower vitamin D levels than she has ever seen in her practice.

 She wants me to take fish oil supplements, I'm not sure what test would have shown up abnormal for her to order that?
quality of life seems worse because of the fact that everything in my life has remained the sameand even here in Az.nearly/all systems are still broken, just like in Indiana and Md.  (definitely a national thing)

 When I was required to call the Food Stamp office and everything went wrong with the phone call I felt like I was completely losing my mind. When you deal with the same sort of dysfunction year in and year out (definitely more of an issue for the poor then the rich I would imagine)

 Poor health and extreme poverty.

 ( I've let go of all of my dreams.  There is no more hope.  Nearly every morning for 22 years I wake up with this deep deep dread and disappointment that I am still alive.

 For example I've always wanted to live in a house own a house.

I mean the only thing that has changed in the last 2 years is that I actually have a safe environment for the first time since 1993! Simply feeling safe ,as important as it is, it is not enough for me to deem this an adequate quality of life!

I don't know a single human being who could last one week with all of my circumstances in fact most of the people that I know wouldn't even last 24 hours in a situation like mine.  (nearly every day I hear someone on reality t.v. or on the true crime channel say that :

"If it weren't for the love and support of my family I'd have no desire to live"

1 comment:

Margie said...

Hi there! It's been a long time since I've been on your blog, but I found it again today. I once got exactly the same news about my vitamin D level. I was at 5! (Profoundly low. That was in 2009) It's ridiculous, but after a while, once I got back into low-normal range, I stopped, and I keep forgetting to supplement. (Which is not the brightest thing I've ever 'not' done.) I promise you I will supplement. Starting tonight. May I send a weekly box of veggies?