"Street Survival" 4/15/96

Remember when I used to italicize and put things in different colors? I don't know where those options have dissapeared to. ;(

Anyhow here is my Author's Note written today. I've been journaling since 1981. I never journal with an audience in mind. I write what is happening in my life and from the heart.  Original journal entries may not include every detail that happened that day but they will give you a very good idea of life in urban poverty. I hope to illustrate in this entry how much time, how much physical and psychological energy and how dangerous it is to have so few choices in life. It's hard work to survive and very time consuming. Is there any time left over to get ahead and better your life? You decide.

4/11/96 Written from "Bawlmer Cafe" near Johns Hopkins Hospital

I figured I better be conscientious and attend the mandatory workshop required of everyone on food stamps. I went out to the bus stop (I live in Hampden) at 7:40 a.m. The #27 bus arrived at 8:10 a.m. The driver isn't sure but she thinks I should transfer to the #5 to get to my destination. Then she goes on, you should probably transfer to the #62. "How often do those buses run?" "I have no idea" she replied.

I decide instead of waiting for the #62, that I better walk the last 12 blocks to the Career Center. (could a disabled person do all that is required to make this round trip?) I'm scared because my acquaintance Charles told me to stay out of East and West Baltimore.

I arrive at the center 45 minutes late. They don't want to let me in. I talk them into it. I'm one of 3 whites in the workshop. Lucy* the teacher walks us through: "How to fill out a job application!" Tragic! The women sitting near me are looking at my application because they don't know how to fill one out.

  One man turns to me and asks:" how do you spell "JANITOR?!"

Lucy speaks rapidly in Ebonics. Workshop attendees are fighting about urban issues such as child rearing practices. I don't agree with any of the harsh philosophies. When this "job application" segment is done, we hadn't even had an opportunity to fill out the entire application.

Next I was led to a computer room to work with a system called Alex. I never got to finish what I was doing with that either then I was led somewhere else. We were just shuffled from place to place and for what?

I leave the Career Center to head for the #22 bus. Theoretically it runs every 20 minutes. I'm freezing cold in unfamiliar territory. I decide to just go ahead and walk the 15 blocks that are required to get to the subway station at Johns Hopkins Hospital. I am in the "Hood of hoods."

I'm weaving back and forth from one side of the street to the other for the entire 15 blocks in the hopes of avoiding getting mugged or killed. At one point 3 men are walking behind me. I walk fast hoping to pass them, when one called out to me:

  "Hey sugar! How you doin?"

I don't know whether I should ignore him or answer him. One began chanting: "SWEET PUSSY, BEAT PUSSY, DO ANYTHING YOU WANT TO PUSSY!"

I am TERRIFIED!  I will NOT go back to this neighborhood again. I'll just have to take any kind of work at all so I won't need the food stamps. I pray that something comes through quickly.........................