"Snyder's Auction-Have Gavel will Travel"

You think I'm making this stuff up don't you?! His real name is Homer W. Snyder. I was told that if I want to get a feel of real down home country culture, I'd have to go to the Snyder Auction! Outside, I asked a couple of guys where I should park. Seeing that I was alone, they began to playfully tease me.
Once indoors, one of the men asked, "Did you find a place to park?"

E-"Yes, but I broke the rules!" (I didn't really break the rules, just some playful ribbing on my part)

"Oh?" "And why did you do that? (he teased back) "Because you're a woman?!"

E-"No, because I'm a Snyder and I see your cousin got a real good seat" (I'm referring to a stuffed straw old man sitting in a rocking chair up in the rafters that looks like it was made 100 years ago!)

"That ain't my cousin. That's my brother!" "You see, I like to associate with folks in "high places!"

E-(Singing) "I got friends in low places, where the whiskey's dry and the oasis!"

The auction is  ready to begin. I pop into the bathroom. It's flooded and I'm afraid to touch anything. This bldg. is sort of like a barn with aluminum siding, no air conditioning and sits amongst acres and acres of corn that is "as high as an elephant's eye!"

I try to flush the toilet with no success. A woman walks in and I say:  I can't get the toilet flushed! She smiles and says "we been waitin' on the city for months to get that fixed!'

And a one budda one budda one budda one and do i have a 2. there's a 2 budda 2 budda 2 budda, there's 2.50!

The hall smells like a combo of body odor, mold mildew and dust from the quite amazing collection of everything from dolls to stamps to furniture to blankets. The auction assistant chirps that "these blankets and towel are very clean!"

Later she announces,  "this, this item smells like your grandma's house! You know, mothballs!

I'm reminded of every closet in my parents home. Although they weren't grandparents, our house did smell like mothballs and I always liked the smell.

The auctioneer assistant, held a 6 month old baby up in the air and said:

'THIS IS THE NEWEST MEMBER OF THE SNYDER FAMILY!"

The baby cried "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" and the audience laughed out loud.

I didn't have any money to spend but remarkably one of my dream objects was up for auction. The entire set of bestselling "Queen" rock band music.

Hmmm. Think I'll come back for a visit soon. "Yall come back now. You hear?!"