"It's really brutal"

I never know where I'll wake up each day at this point.  Always around the have nots, so everybody around me is coughing up a lung, smoking and spitting constantly.  So many seriously mentally ill here that you never know what is going to happen.  It can get scary.

A smi guy 55 got on the bus yesterday and started yelling incoherent things to the driver.  he was angry.  unfortunately the driver let him on.  He sat across from me and I acted like there was nothing weird or scary about him.  Unfortunately he tried to engage me immediately.  If I igore him it will be worse.  Most of what he says is non-sensical.  He says he's lived here for 70 months.  I said 17 months?  He said, no, 70.  (i've lived here for 17 months)  He says "Sam says it's o.k. for me to call you honey.  You dn't mind, do you?  AFter all, it's been a long time for me"

"That umbrella, you belong on the beach.......You seem like your ( a nice lady?  i assume he will say)  on pcp or crack!"  (he then begins cussing)

I asked "Why do you think I'm high?"

"Hey driver your going to the psych hospital arent' you?"  (I pray he'll get off there but he doesnt) Thank goodness i'm due to disembark in less then 5 minutes.  He says "god bless"

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Later, the driver said "You sure held your own very well and I was so impressed the way you calmed him instantly"  I repled "I'm professionally trained in that area!"

I left my domicile at 8 a.m.  I went to agency a begging for help to pay for one more night where i am.  The recep. said "You dno't qualify you aren't a domestic violenc victim"  I showed up anyway.  She tried to turn me away "I said, "Oh no you don't.  I DO QUALIFY FOR HELP AND I WILL EXPLAIN IT TO THE CASEWORKER"

She said "Well, you can't see a caseworker unless you have your

birth certificate
drivers license
social security card
proof of income

(I don't have my proof of income but I tell them I will call SSA and have them fax it)  The ssa employee said he "isn't going to do that for me unless i am standing NEXT TO the fax machine.  i told him i am.  when he faxed it i said "let me walk over to the machine"  he began yelling that i essentially was fraudulent by telling him that i was next to it and how dare i.  I hung up on him. 

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I'm called to the back.  The c.m. said before even interviewing me "It doesn't look like you qualify"  I replied "but the recep said you have to be d.v. and I can prove the violence"

She said "well, that isn't the right kind of violence"  Now, if you have a medical emergency maybe i'll help you.

"I'm disabled and i can prove it"

"Oh no, that's not good enough you'd have to have a heart attack or something like that before we'll pay for one night"

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Next, I spend 2.5 hours making calls a to z in the phone book asking churches for help.  I get spotted for 3 days but it's complicated because each morning i don't know if my stuff will go to the street.  One said, well cover you AFTER we take the love offering on weds night..................................

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the frig where i am just broke so my precious food has spoiled.  they said i need to do a linen exchange.  i discover the bed has maybe 20 years worth of blackened urine stains on it.

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the motel owner wants me to befriend the man next door (even though i don't know if i'll have funding from day to day

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My many wealthy acquaintances wouldn't last even ONE MORNING in my shoes.