Life in "Twisted Pines"

That's about how much I've written since mostly being trapped inside. I've lived in apts. and rentals for most of my life. And every time I am appalled at the way management operates.

This has been probably the most traumatic winter of my life. How ironic that I started worrying about winter in June. At that time I had no idea that there was this kind of a winter predicted. I knew Carroll County winters were rough but I could not have imagined anything this traumatic.

 I'm apalled and disgusted at what happened in my community. Since I have no t.v., internet, or telephone-I felt completely helpless. I refuse to accept this ever again from any landlord, and certainly not this one.

10 a.m. can't get out of house

10:05 a.m. called 911

so, I'm gonna show you the parts of my journal that are o.k. to put on a blog and I hope you "enjoy" You most certainly won't be bored.

With fibromyalgia (and it's 100's of symptoms) there is a crushing crushing fatigue that can leave people largely bedridden and very weak. I was always too proud to look into having a home health care aide cuz I'm so young. There were other reasons too. But after years of long periods where i can't get to the grocery store, or out of the house ,or have the strength to walk the aisles, or do dishes, or make a cup of coffee, I think it's o.k. to admit I need help. And my insurance allows that for free if i need it.

Doc put me on Gabapentin. It was a while before I knew it was Neurontin. It's for my migraines. But insurance didn't cover the second med, the one that melts on your tongue. so, I was walking like a drunk, and most of the time my eyes were so heavy I was afraid to drive. Asked my n.p. (nurse practitioner) told her I'm even more weak then usual despite how much sleep I get. she lowered the headache med. Still feel very weak.

Felt a tidbit better today,  but could barely get out to the wal mart the other day, and the clerk commented on how weak I looked. That was the day I started crying as soon as I saw snow (after the 2 blizzards were over) and I cried all the way to the docs. The patients and the secretary tried to comfort me. I described the barricade for 4 days and told them I was terrified.........................

In the last month I'm noticing gray hair galore.  I'm beginning to hear other "first time gray hair" accounts from others my age. No sweat. I'd never dye it. I earned those grays ya know? I'm 46.7 years old.

2/5/2010

Only got out of the house for 1 hour today. First day on new med schedule. Was supposed to call and order working food stamp card but not enough minutes on cell phone. Rent went down to $93. Looks like "you get what u pay for" had to cancel a doctor's appt. today due to migraine and severe stomach pain.

They're calling for up to 48 inches (i just saw that in the  newspaper) and they are saying we might lose our power. They're telling us to stock up on food and make an emergency kit. Isn't it a little bit late for that? Stay off the roads!   Stock up on food that doesn't require any cooking. Have enough drinking water for 3 days. (I didn't know you lose your water too?) so, I've got PLENTY to be scared about with living alone. They are saying we should expect to be trapped for up to 72 hours. When all was said and done it was 72.5 for me.

2/6/2010

I'm stranded inside. It's 1 p.m. and it's looking like about 4 feet of snow. I can't get out of my apt. without hip high boots. It's 3:30  p.m. snow is up to my breastbone. WHEN IS SNOW REMOVAL COMING?!   I push my screen door out about 6 inches or so but can't go any more then that. This move will end up "saving my ass" and I won't even know it.

stomach pain severe. just started on Restoril for sleep.

Can't get to mailbox there is at least 3 feet of snow. After opening my door I gave a quick smile at the irony, and the beauty, and the omg factor of it all. But I'm scared and depressed.

Why did I sleep so well? Is it because traffics been largely crippled on the main road? That does cut down on nose of course. I always sleep best when there's nothing to look forward to on that day. Been reading and reading and reading old journals. I can't let those journals die. Wish I had some spiked eggnog. Reading "Another Bullshit NIght in Suck City" by Nick Flynn. I have a great deal in common with him..............................

www.urbanitebaltimore.com Just found out that 2/9 is the deadline for the article "fired" I know so much about that topic that I am handwriting a piece in my notebook. But I quickly realize that the mailbox is blocked off and I won't even get a handwritten piece in in time. I've still got a "fired" masterpiece to send them. Will send it in late.

more later my fingers hurt!

2/6/2010

Land line is disconnected. Had 7 minutes left on my trac phone. Got to use my voice for 7 minutes today. I'm surprised "Twisted Pines" management hasn't sent anyone to clean our sidewalks.